I hope everyone is liking the story. I really like where I'm taking it. I know that the first two chapters were pretty bad, but I think that's it's good now. Anyway, this is the first chapter that will switch focus between Emma and another character.

I am SO sorry this has taken so long to update. There are one or two more chapters left, and then this should be finished. I'm currently working two jobs, so I don't exactly have much spare time, and when I do I'm quite tired. Thank you to those who have stuck around.

PLEASE review, I love feedback.

p.s...This chapter was one of the hardest to put together, and I'm still not 100 satisfied. Anyway, here you are.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.

When I woke up, my vision was fairly blurry; and, I felt extremely exhausted. I figure that I probably got about ten hours of sleep, but it wasn't good enough. I was ready to close my eyes, and go back to sleep, but then someone in the room spoke. "Em?"

I shifted in the bed, being careful not to mess up the tubes they had attached to me. Manny was sitting next to me, tissue bunched in her hand, it was obvious that she had been crying. "Manny..." I managed to croak out, my throat had never felt so parched.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, trying not to cry, but her breaking voice gave away that she wasn't far from it.

"Like death," I stated, meaning it as a joke, but it didn't work well in the situation.

She forced a small smile, "I was really scared," she said. I closed my eyes, not sure what to say. "I thought you were going to die."

I opened my eyes again, staring at her. "Well, I'm still here."

"Barely," she replied, looking upset.

"Manny..."

"No," she said, starting to get either angry or frustrated, or both. "If you don't take care of this you could die."

"I'm..."

"Fine?!" She exclaimed. "Emma, you have an eating disorder," she said, shaking her head.

"Just leave me alone," I told her, turning my body away from her.

She started to cry, "Em, you need to take care of yourself. I need you. You can't leave me alone..."

"You're not alone," I stated icily.

"Who else do I have?!" She exclaimed angrily. "Craig?" She asked, laughing harshly. "Craig will never love me. He will never care about me...not the way I need to be cared about. Em, you're the only one who gets me. You're the only one that I can talk to. I don't have anyone else."

"I'll be fine," I told her.

"No you won't!" She exclaimed. "Not until you finally admit that you have a problem!"

"Miss Santos?" A man, presumably the doctor, interrupted.

"Yeah?" She asked, standing up, and grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair.

"I need to talk to Emma alone."

She nodded, "Okay."

Once she had left the room, to doctor came to stand next to me. "How are you feeling today?"

"Horrible," I told him, truthfully.

"That's understandable," he replied. "Your body has been going through quite a bit lately..."

"Yeah, it could have nothing to do with everything you pumped into my body yesterday?" I asked him, meanly.

"Emma," he sighed. "I'm going to be completely honest with you. If you don't admit you have a problem, and start eating on your own, you won't make it." I didn't say anything. "We can feed you through tubes, but it isn't the same. It's all about you, Emma. You need to fix this."

I still didn't respond, mostly because I had no idea what to say. I mean, I knew that I wasn't eating, and I knew that you were supposed to; but, the thought of eating made me sick. I wasn't thin enough. My mind was racing.

"Well, I hope someone will be able to get through to you. There's someone waiting outside," he said, leaving.

I frowned, turning to lay straight on my back. I closed my eyes tightly, trying my best to comprehend everything that was happening. Everyone seemed so upset at what was happening to me, but I couldn't even understand what that was exactly. Part of me knew that I had to eat, or I would probably die. The other part of me thought everyone was overreacting, and that I would be fine. I was stubborn, and only let people know the second part of me. Truthfully, I was scared...I didn't want to die; but, I also didn't want to eat. Talk about a catch twenty-two.

I opened my eyes again, and noticed that Jay had entered the room. "Hi," I greeted weakly.

"Hey," he greeted back. "I brought you this," he said, handing me a white teddy bear.

I smiled, "Thanks."

"I know that places like this can get kind of impersonal sometimes, so I thought I'd bring you something to make you feel a bit more at ease."

"That was sweet," I told him. "Sit," I said, gesturing to the chair next to my bed.

We sat in silence for awhile, neither of us sure what to say. Then, he spoke, "About the thing I said..." he began.

"What thing?"

"Never mind," he said.

"Jay..."

"I'm sorry if it freaked you out. I mean, I meant it...I just didn't want it to scare you."

I smiled, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He sighed, clearly wishing that he had said nothing at all. "Thethingaboutmelovingyou," he said quickly.

How was I supposed to react to that?! "Oh."

"Yeah..."

We sat in awkward silence for about a minute, and then the doctor came back in, this time followed by my mom and dad. "Emma," my mom said, looking nervous.

"We think you should try to eat something," Snake said.

"No," I told him forcibly.

"Emma," the doctor said kindly, "you don't want to be attached to tubes for the rest of your life."

"How do you know what I want?" I spat back at him.

"The tubes are not enough. If you don't learn how to eat on your own, then you'll die."

My mom started to cry, and left the room. Snake gave me a sad, pleading look, and then left the room after her. I frowned, looking at the doctor, almost challenging him. "I'm not going to die," I told him. "You're exaggerating."

"Emma..." he began, but I interrupted him.

"No!" I exclaimed. "I won't die! I'm not even sick, I'm perfectly fine. Everyone is overreacting."

"Emma!" This time it was Jay. "Listen to him!"

I shook my head, "You think I'm crazy too..."

"This isn't about being crazy," he replied.

"It's a mental disorder..." the doctor began, trying to explain.

"Meaning I'm crazy, right? Well, you know what? Screw you!"

He didn't seem phased by my outburst, but I'm sure he saw it a lot. After all, I wasn't the only anorexic on the psych ward.

"Can we be left alone?" Jay asked, looking towards the doctor.

He nodded sadly, "Sure." Then he left.

"I can't love you," I said, turning away from Jay. I wasn't sure if I meant it or not, but I knew that I didn't want anyone to be close to me during all this.

"Okay," he said sadly.

"So, you can go," I said, hoping he would leave the room.

"I'm not leaving you," he replied. "You are not being left alone. I know that's what you want, I know that's why you're being so horrible."

"You don't know anything!" I exclaimed. "If you knew anything, you'd know that I still love Sean!"

He stood up, and nodded. "Fine."

As soon as he left I found myself questioning what I had just said. Did I still love Sean? Then, I found myself feeling extremely alone. I looked around the room, trying to find something that would distract me from everything that was going on. It didn't work. I was yet again left to my own mind, which, in most cases, meant destruction. I closed my eyes lightly, trying to calm my breathing down. How had I ended up like this? I didn't know anything. I was failing school, I was probably dying, and I didn't even know who I loved, or if I loved anyone at all.

Why did I feel so suddenly confused?

I left Emma's hospital room feeling like my heart had just dropped into the bottom of my stomach. I mean, I wasn't completely surprised at how she acted, but it still stung. I didn't blame her for not loving me. How could she? I didn't exactly have the best background; but, around her I was different. I was acceptable. Maybe acceptable just wasn't enough for Emma Nelson.

Part of me knew that she was just acting out; she was angry that we had staged the intervention, and even more so that she was now in a hospital room, hooked up to about a million different machines and tubes. She was probably upset that they were telling her she would die.

Die. She couldn't. I had lost enough people in my life. Everyone I had been close to had left, except my mom. It would have killed me, maybe literally. I mean, I actually loved her. No one had given me a chance like she had; most people just saw me as Jay, the thug. With Emma, I was just Jay.

I drove down Highway 401, smiling slightly to myself, thinking of our time together. I thought about how beautiful she looked that night on the beach, all distraught in her big, purple gown. I thought about teaching her to drive, or how we had kissed later that day. I wish I would have told her earlier how I felt about her. She was always special to me. Then, I thought about the van, about our 'picnic'. I frowned, those probably weren't my best moments in life. Had I taken advantage of her situation? She clearly wasn't mentally stable. Had I actually contributed to her breakdown? Was I a cause of her disorder. Was that why she couldn't love me?

Whatever. I was on the way to see the one person that could help her. He was the saviour, I was just another problem.

I sighed, turning on the radio station, and trying to lose myself in whatever was playing. I frowned, speeding up. Emma needed me, even if it were only to retrieve the one she really needed...and wanted.

I fell asleep, and was awoken about two hours later by the sound of someone rustling beside my bed. I opened my eyes, and found Craig standing up, about to leave. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I was just leaving."

"Can you stay?" I asked, not wanting to be left alone again.

He nodded, "Sure." He sat down in the chair. "How are you feeling?"

I smiled slightly, as if saying, 'Have you taken a look at me lately.'

He chuckled lightly, "Point taken. So," he began after clearing his throat, "Manny's pretty worried about you."

"I know," I said.

Instead of telling him they had no reason to worry, I decided to change the tables and ask him about himself. "So, you and Manny?" I questioned.

"No," he stated simply, shaking his head. Then, looking down, "We're over that I think. Well, she is."

"You sure?"

He nodded, "We just can't," he stated simply. "Too much behind us. It's probably smart to let it be. Plus, I'm not good for her...not for anyone."

I was shocked at his honestly, but related entirely. " I know what you mean."

"You and Jay?" He asked.

"Me and everyone."

Nodding, he spoke again, "Do you love him?"

I shook my head, "I have no idea, but I'm not so sure that's my biggest issue right now," I said, gazing down at the tubes attached to my arms.

"Touche."

"Do you think I'm crazy?" I asked him seriously.

"Not anymore than the rest of us," he replied. "You've just hit a rough patch, Em." He leaned forward, grabbing my hand, which I had begun to use to pick at one of the tubes.

I looked at him, staring intently, and then spoke, "Thanks for not lecturing me."

He smiled just slightly, "There's no point. Emma Nelson is the stubbornest person I know. The only way you can beat this is if you, and only you, decide to do it. You can only do it for your own reasons."

"I don't have a reason yet."

"You will," he said, patting my hand gently. "Just know that I'm here. I love you, Em."

It was starting to get dark when I pulled into the familiar, small driveway. I stepped out of the car, and up to the front door. I rapped heavily, about four times; and then, I saw the all too familiar white tank top. Sean Cameron.

"Jay," he said, obviously shocked to see me.

"Hey," I said, giving a quick little nod. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," he replied, stepping aside.

"I need your help."

"No," he said, before I got a chance to explain.

"You don't even know what I want you to do," I argued.

"Jay," he said simply. "I know you, and I know that anything you want me to isn't good."

"It's for Emma," I said.

He raised his brows, "For Emma?" I nodded. "Tracker told me that you two were seeing each other," he said, obviously upset, but instead gave a ridiculously mocking smirk.

"Not really..."

"Jay, I'm not helping you with Emma."

"She's in the hospital!" I exclaimed.

"What did you do?!" He yelled, getting into my face.

"Nothing! I exclaimed, "well...nothing much."

"Jay," he warned.

"I'm not the direct cause or anything," I supplied.

He backed off, "What's wrong?"

"She's an anorexic."

"Fuck."

So, we talked on the way back to Toronto, and I filled him in on what had been happening since he had left (leaving out the Ravine and the picnic, of course).

"So, do you...uh, love her?" Sean asked, after I had finished.

"What makes you think I do?"

"I dunno, man," he said, turning to face me. "The way you speak about her...you don't talk about anyone like that. And...well, you've been looking after her."

I frowned, "Obviously not well enough."

"Jay, man," he sighed. "You can't blame yourself. So, do you love her?"

I sighed, "Yeah."

"Then why do you need me?"

I almost didn't want to speak, because saying it myself might make it real; but, he had to know. It was for Emma. "Because she doesn't love me...not like that." He stared at me blankly, having no idea what I was getting at.

"She still loves you," I told him.

"Oh."

Craig sat with me for the rest of the night, watching reruns of Gilmore Girls with me.

"You know," he said, after the fourth episode. "This isn't half bad."

I laughed, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean...Dean's pretty annoying and all, but overall this is pretty good."

"Enjoy season one," I told him, 'it goes downhill after four."

We were about to start another episode when the head nurse came in. "Emma, your mother just called."

"Okay," I said, not sure what she wanted me to do.

"She couldn't come in tonight, your brother has a really bad fever, and they had to stay home with him."

I nodded, "Okay, thanks."

"Also, visiting hours end in five minutes." I nodded again, letting her know I got it, and then she left the room.

"So, I should get going," Craig told me, standing up, and stretching.

"Thanks for just hanging out," I said. "It helped get my mind off everything. I almost forgot where I was."

"Your completely welcome," he replied. "Like I told you earlier, I love you; your like a sister to me, Em."

I smiled, "I always wanted a big brother."

He put on his coat, and gave a concerned smile. "Take care of yourself, okay? Find your reason."

I nodded, and he left the room. I closed my eyes, and turned off the light that was above my head. Maybe he was right...how the hell was I supposed to 'get better' if I couldn't find a reason to?

"So, do you love her?"

"I don't know," he replied.

"Man, I saw your face the day we left you in Wasaga, and you sure as hell weren't crying for me or Ellie."

He frowned, "I might be to late."

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