Chapter 5: Broken

Drip, drop goes the sprinkling rain.

Splish, splash went the pouring rain.

If only the rain could wash away this sorrow,

If only the rain could erase this pain,

I would bathe underneath it forever.

But the rain only blends with my unshed tears,

Rising, growing, overflowing,

Finally seeping out from within my withering heart.

If the rain could not ease my pain,

I would lay broken underneath it.

Kurama's POV

I walked into the park near my house with an umbrella in my hands. The sound of rain thumping on the umbrella did not stop my thoughts from wondering about my meeting with the blue haired deity two days ago. She was so calm, almost depressing while giving her speech about the sun. From the corner of my eyes, I caught sight of something blue underneath the Sakura tree. I turned around only to find Botan, standing underneath the tree with her arms on either side of her body. Her face was held toward the sky, absorbing all the raindrops that are falling her way. 'She…she looks so sad.' I felt a pin prick at my heart. I truly wanted to hold her and comfort her, but I can't. I walked up to her form, and lifted my umbrella above her head, shielding her from the rain. Her eyes fluttered open from the lack of contact from the pouring rain, and widened when she saw my face. I could tell that she was surprised. "Oh…um…Kurama, is school out already?"

Her efforts to hide her cracked voice were in vain for I knew she was trying to hide her emotional turmoil from me. My eyes were focused on her, desperately trying to contain my worries.

"Yes, and may I ask why you are out in the pouring rain, Botan?"

She smiled sadly, appearing in a dazed state, and answered, "I guess the rain could not wash away sadness after all." A small frown had found its way on my lips when I heard her reply. 'What is causing all these emotions, Botan?'

"Botan, would you like to dry off at my house?" Botan nodded weakly, and we walked toward my house. I could not help but wonder why had her mood changed ever since the start of her vacation. Even when she acted cheerful and requested a party, she wasn't as energetic as usual. 'Botan is acting strange, and I will find out why.'

"Please come in Botan." I expected mother to be home, but the sight of a yellow slip of paper on the refrigerator explained her absence. I read the sheet, which said that mother had forgotten some ingredients and should be home by dinnertime. I'm glad mother would not have to worry, and Botan would not be placed in an awkward situation.

"Botan, please make yourself comfortable and I shall get you a towel." She only nodded in understanding. I had gotten a towel and returned back into my room in order to hand it to Botan. She accepted it, and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Thank you, Kurama." She had whispered.

"Botan, would you like to change into some dry clothes?"

She had shut her eyes and slowly shook her head. "Please don't bother, Kurama. I'm fine." Her limited response only adds on to my worries. 'I need to get her comfortable enough to talk.'

"Would you like some tea, Botan?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me, Kurama."

She did not seem as if she wanted to talk, but that only increased my concern for her. My eyebrows had wrinkled and my lips were formed into a frown. "Botan, why wouldn't I worry about you? You have not been acting yourself lately."

"Myself? Well, what was I usually like then, Kurama?"

"You are carefree, optimistic, and cheerful. People always smile and laugh when they are in your company. You have the ability to bring joy into other's lives with your lighthearted personality."

Botan left eyebrow rose as she asked, "Oh, is that also what you truly think of me, Kurama?" I slightly narrowed my eyes suspiciously toward Botan, but her expression was unreadable. Truthfully, I am unsure of her intention for asking such a question, so I hesitantly nodded.

Her eyelids lowered a bit, appearing sad, and she held a small smile, but her eyes were empty and dull. "So I am able to fool even the Great Youko Kurama?"

My chest tightened, and felt as if a block of lead was weighing it down. 'Fool?' I was uncertain of her meaning, but her every word was filled with agony, yet I could not help her. I wanted to chase away her pain. I wanted to erase her sorrow. I wanted to embrace, and protect her. However, she did not allow me to reach her. 'Why would you not release your pain, Botan? I am here for you. Why can't you see that I am sharing your every pain?"

I had calmed myself, and asked,"What, pray tell, do you mean, Botan?"

"Remember the sun, Kurama? Well, have you ever thought that I am wearing a mask…a mask to hide my true emotions? You should know very well that people are not always as they seem. You yourself hide your emotions from the world."

"Why?" I had nearly choked out. Her depression is suffocating. Every breath I take seems to burn my lungs. Botan had shut her eyes, and turned her head away from me. She had bit her lower lip, nearly drawing blood. Her hands had fallen from the towel, and had tightly grasped the fabric of her soaked, blue jeans. I reached out my hand toward her shoulder, attempting to comfort her, but she shook her head. "Pl-lease d-don't t-t-touch m-me, Ku-Kurama." Botan had squeaked out in her trembling voice. I reached further, disregarding her plea, and whispered, "Botan?"

"N-no Ku-ra-ma, yo-ur tou-ch wi-will bre-ak m-me." Botan had managed to wheeze out. Her bottom lip is now bruised with a bloody teeth mark imprinted on it. My heart felt like a lengthy nail was being hammered slowly through it. Every time the hammer struck the nail, a shock of pain would stab at my heart. I saw her lips tremble, blood trickling down from the teeth mark. Her eyes were shut tight, but I noticed one single tear slowly gliding down her face. Suddenly, her eyes shot up, and she flew straight for the window, breaking the glass. My eyes widen with shock. I was too stunned to chase after her. 'Maybe I had pushed her too hard. Kurama no baka. I'm sorry, Botan.'

Botan's POV

I was out in the rain, hoping…wishing that the rain could wash away all these horrible memories, and ease this constant pain. I didn't know how long I stood in the rain, but when the rain stopped slapping my face, I had opened my eyes and saw black. 'An umbrella?' I had turned and found Kurama, standing beside me with his umbrella, sheltering me from the rain. I had asked Kurama if school was over and when he had answered, I had returned into my land filled with past memories. I wasn't aware of Kurama's question, but I had nodded and followed him. My dream or rather memories were flashing before my eyes. 'A man, a woman, my necklace, the smell of eggs, smiles.'

I had followed Kurama home, and into his room, still soaking wet. He had given me a towel, and I accepted it. I didn't feel like talking, so when he asked I gave him straightforward answers. Ending any potential conversation. I knew he was worried, but I rejected his concern. 'I had gone through it alone for centuries now. No problem, I can live with it. Then, why do the feel the need to be embraced? I want him to make all my suffering disappear. No, I can handle this alone.' I had asked him to describe my usual self. I don't recognize myself anymore. Am I happy, optimistic, and lighthearted? I find it ironic how even a silly ferry girl like me could fool the Great Youko Kurama with my cheery facade. I knew Kurama was shocked and troubled by his facial expression, so I turned away. Denying his efforts to help me, to ease my emotional pain. I couldn't look into his eyes because I was afraid. I was afraid of what I would see. I was afraid that I would not be able to stay strong. I was afraid that I would…I would break. Last night's dream flashed within my mind. 'Blood, horror-struck pink eyes, a beating heart, oozing blood, a man, fresh intestines, blood seeping through my shoes, taunting lavender eyes staring straight through my soul.' I wished with all my heart that they could leave me alone, but Kami-sama just couldn't grant me this one wish.

I could sense Kurama's hand reach out to me, wanting to comfort me, but I shook my head. I knew that his contact would make my efforts wither. His touch would make me drown in my own emotions. The walls around my heart that took centuries to build would shatter. Tears would stream freely from my eyes. I will fall victim to eternal agony. I will break upon his contact. I could still feel his warm hand reaching out to me, and I knew my rejection was futile. I couldn't think. I felt warm liquid outlining my eyes. I can't hold it in any longer, but I refused to breakdown in front of Kurama. I knew I had overfilled my heart and mind with misery, and I knew I had to let it go. I felt a warm drop of liquid tumble down my cheeks, and I knew I had to escape. Suddenly, I snapped my eyes open, jumped up, crossed my arms in front of my face, and leapt with my full body weight toward the window. I heard the glass shatter, felt the sharp shards of crystal across my flesh, and smelt the coppery scent of my own blood. I couldn't think clearly. All I could think of was run…run straight forward…run and don't look back. I was finally broken.

Go me! Two chapters at a time. Well, I don't like long chapters, so I had to split it in two. I am trying to get to a certain point before my spring break ends and exams overwhelm me with studies. Oh, and the little poemish thing at the beginning just came to me, so I wrote it. Not very good, but kinda goes with the title. I hope you all enjoy these two chapters b/c it might be a while before I update again, but don't worry. I promise it won't be too long. Thanx for the reviews guys.

MiaHime