"It's all rather different from what I thought. You'll understand when it comes to your last time." Always confident, Peter could even handle leaving his beloved Narnia. But for Susan it was different. Susan had always had so much trouble believing. There was always something there – some voice in her head that whispered, "This can't be real, Susan Pevensie. You'll wake up one day and this will all have been a silly dream." And that was the nice voice. There was a nastier one that said, "Foolish girl! You knew better than to believe in all of this. You let yourself believe even though you knew better. Soon you'll pay." Then the first would say so gently and wisely, "Best not to become too attached. That way when it's all over it won't hurt so bad."
She'd resisted those voices for years. As a queen she'd been able to silence them completely until one day when she and her brothers and sister were on a hunt… "I told you! I told you!" shouted the voices loudly. "Oh dry up!" she shouted back. And for the next year they were silent. Then she was in Narnia again! She hadn't even thought to believe it until she found a little golden knight with one ruby eye. "Can it be…?" she didn't want to hope, but hope sprang up in her nonetheless.
And then Lu saw Him. He was there, and that meant that everything was going to be real and beautiful again. It was that dream, that delightful strain of music. But she didn't see Him. He didn't appear to her, He appeared to her little sister. He and Lucy had always had a special relationship. They had a language that she had never been able to understand. Oh she wanted to, with all her soul she wanted to, but those little voices were always there warning her to guard her heart. She knew He was really there, but she couldn't admit it. She couldn't face that her own fear and unbelief kept her from Him. So she denied believing. "You were dreaming, Lu."
But he was there. At last she saw Him. He was as beautiful and frightening as always. She could have cried bitter tears of shame, but she kept them back. And oh, His eyes! He called her by name and looked deep into her. "You have listened to fears," He said. She did cry then, but when she looked into his eyes there was no reproach. "Now you are a lioness," He said. A lioness! He made her His very own. It was a special relationship between just them. Her heart soared.
"You are too old. You are no longer children, and only children can enter this land from yours." He told them. Her heart plummeted. She felt as if she were standing on the edge of a cliff and the rocks beneath her feet started to fall away. "Oh, Aslan!" she gasped, and did something she never thought she'd do. Unasked she threw her arms around his neck and wept. He said nothing as she sobbed, but as she calmed she felt something wet against her cheek – a lion's tear.
At last she stood shakily and looked into his eyes. There was such sadness there. He knew. He understood. Susan bowed her head in shame. The voices were screaming at her. She did not ever hear what Peter said to her before he walked away. Suddenly she felt warm breath on her hand. She looked up into His face. His eyes were so solemn as they looked into her own. "I'll be here when you come back," He said. "Back?" she breathed. He nodded, and a single tear ran down her cheek. They understood each other.