Author's Note: Welcome to chapter 12 and thank you all so much for being so patient with me!
"And one day, once Mammy has enough pennies saved up, we are going to go someplace miles from here and him," Margaret palmed light circles onto her belly through her nightgown as she laid in bed, her voice soft as she spoke to her baby. "It might take a while and I haven't worked out how I'm going to manage it as of yet, but I promise you that I am going to make it happen, my darling. I am so sick of your…of that man…thinking he can do as he pleases to me – to both of us – and there won't be any consequences. He will never hurt you the way he hurt me though, he won't have the chance, and the moment I have the money we are out of here."
She felt the wee one inside her stretch and push back against her palm and she smiled, tucking her free hand under her pillow and sighing to herself. She was getting used to this now. Waking up each morning and going to bed each night alone. Ciarán had been gone for almost two weeks now, having not come home to her since their argument other than to fetch some clean clothes and storm out again without a word, and it was actually doing her the world of good. He thought she would crumble without him, that she wouldn't manage – so did she for a time, she had to admit – but she was proving him wrong. Honestly, she was flourishing without him.
For as long as she could remember, her days had been full of arguments and threats and beatings and this was the longest she'd gone without having to deal with a single one of those things. It felt incredible, it really did. She no longer had to wake before dawn to go down and get everything ready for him before he rose. No, she could stay in bed as long as she chose in the mornings and that meant that when she did eventually choose to get up she was so well rested. Her days were now full of sewing and knitting and getting things sorted for her little one and she was loving every moment. She didn't need Ciarán. Not in the slightest. She could see it now.
Realising it was probably time for her to get up and face the day ahead, she sat herself up and pushed a hand through her tousled curls. It was going to be a long one. She needed to clean round this morning and then she needed to head into town for a couple things, but before she could come home she had an appointment to see her doctor. It was only a routine check, one to make sure the baby was still growing as it ought to be and had a strong heartbeat, so she wasn't anxious about it. Her last one went well and, honestly, she couldn't have been prouder of her wee one for how well it was doing despite all the stress her husband had been putting on them.
He or she could be forgiven for being a bit behind on weight gain or growth due to all that, but it was exactly where it needed to be thus far and it gave her one less thing to worry about. Smoothing a hand over her belly, she pulled back the quilt and got up before leaving the bedroom to go down to the kitchen and make herself a decent breakfast. She'd been feeling rather tired lately and so stirabout had been her breakfast with it being so quick and simple, but she felt like something more today. She still had some eggs, some sausages and a couple slices of bread left and so she decided to have egg and sausage with a side of toast. That would keep her going.
It took her little time to make and since it was such a nice day out, she decided to make her way into the back garden and sit out there while she ate. She looked around the small space while seated at the table and smiled at knowing her child would one day be toddling around and exploring it. She would have to make sure it was in better condition before all that though. It needed weeding and the fence panels needed to be mended, but it would be simple enough to achieve and then she could let her little one go and explore to its heart's content. Her child was going to have the most amazing childhood. One that was fun and carefree and, most of all, safe.
She was going to see to that if it was the last thing she did.
It was around noon when she wandered into the waiting room at the surgery, ten minutes or so until she was to go in for her appointment, and as she found a chair she smiled at seeing a little girl crawling around on the carpet. She must have only been about one, perhaps a month or two younger, and she was absolutely beautiful. Soft blonde curls covered her head and they bounced wildly as she turned this way and that, trying to take in her environment, and her blue eyes sparkled each time she looked over at the young woman she deemed to be her mother. She was making sure she was still where she left her and screeched whenever she gave her a wave.
Her glee was infectious and it only made her all the more impatient for her own little one to come along. She had no inkling as to what she was going to end up with, a boy or a girl, but that mattered not to her. She was going to love it regardless and they would both be so much fun in their own way. If she had a girl, she could put her in the prettiest little dresses and spend her days playing dolls or having tea parties in the sitting room. If she had a boy, she could make him look so handsome and spend hours playing trains or cars with him. She couldn't care less what she had, genuinely, because all she wanted was a child and she was getting exactly that.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the little girl she'd been watching crawled straight into her legs, not quite paying attention as to where she was, and she chuckled as she watched her fall back onto her bottom and give her an inquisitive look. "Maebh Doyle," She turned her head when she heard the young girl's mother grumble, watching her stand from the chair she was sitting in and make her way over with a hand on her swollen belly. Reaching them, the woman crouched down and picked up her daughter before seating her carefully upon her bump. "I am so sorry about that, I really am. She forgets to look where she's crawling half the time, silly love."
"Please don't worry about it, there's no harm done," Margaret soothed. "She's beautiful."
"Thank you," The woman replied, smoothing a hand over her daughter's curls and kissing her on the forehead. She turned back to her then and, after hesitating for a moment, sat down in the chair next to her and gave her a smile. "I don't believe you and I have met before, have we? My name's Rhionnan. Are you new to the town?"
"Relatively," Margaret nodded. "I moved here nearly two months ago, but I don't get out much. I'm Margaret."
"Lovely to meet you," Rhionnan sat Maebh up a little further in her lap. "First time?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"I saw the way you were looking at her and had a feeling."
Margaret chuckled, rubbing her bump tenderly. "A little unexpected, but I feel very lucky."
"You both must be so excited." Rhionnan smiled.
"My…my husband's not in the picture," Margaret explained as she looked her way again, moving a curl out of her face. "He decided the baby was the last thing he wanted and he left, but it turned out to be the best thing he could have done for me. It seems like it's just going to be me and this little one and I'm all right with that. What about you though? You seem slightly further along than me. Are you and your husband getting excited?"
Rhionnan sighed under her breath. "I'm afraid you and I are in the same boat, though the circumstances differ. My husband was killed at the beginning of the year when he was struck by a wagon while on his way to work. He only left the house about ten minutes prior, that's how quickly it all happened. He died on impact though and knowing he wasn't in any pain helps me. I found out I was pregnant three days later and I told him about the baby when I was alone at his grave after the funeral. I'm hoping I have a boy so I can give him his name."
"What was his name? If you don't mind me asking."
"Patrick. We actually grew up together. He was a year or two older than me and friends with one of my older cousins. I always wanted to tag along when they went somewhere together and I was probably a giant pain in the backside because I couldn't really keep up, but he was always so kind to me even when my cousin was the complete opposite. I believe I was about sixteen when we started courting and nineteen when we got married."
Margaret smiled at that. "So romantic. I'm so sorry about what happened."
"I appreciate that," Rhionnan told her. "I'm sorry for you too."
"You know, if you…" Margaret paused for a second. "If you ever wanted to meet for some tea or something…"
"I would love that!" Rhionnan beamed, tightening her hold of her little girl. "I'll have to bring Maebh."
Margaret nodded, reaching out to stroke the girl's cheek. "Of course! I'm certain she'll be no trouble at all."
"When were you thinking?" Rhionnan asked.
"Saturday afternoon at about two? We could meet at that little place on Harcourt Street." Margaret told her.
"I know the one. My sister and I used to go before she moved away. It's lovely."
"Wonderful! That's settled then."
It was seconds later when Doctor Walsh came to the top of the stairs and called her name and she turned to Rhionnan, resting a hand on her arm and giving her a smile. She got to her feet then and made her way over to the stairs so that she could follow the doctor into his room, warmth pooling in her chest as she ran a hand over her stomach. She could hardly believe how much was changing now she no longer had Ciarán's lingering shadow around her. She was free, within reason, to do as she pleased. She could make friends. She could wear what she wanted and go out when she liked. His influence was gradually fading and she couldn't be more glad.
She just prayed things continued as they were.
Curling up on the sofa in the sitting room once her dinner was in the oven and she'd done all she needed to, she reached for the knitting she had been working on that morning and brought it into her lap. For once, this actually wasn't something she was making for the baby. It had mounds of clothes at this point that, depending on how big it was when it arrived, would see it through to at least its third month and so she had no need to make any more yet. No, the cardigan she was currently working on was to go with the rest of the pile she was planning on selling to the little shop that she came across not too long ago. It was honestly like a hand of fate.
She was left penniless when her husband walked out since he controlled all their money along with everything else. It was one of the things she worried the most about seeing as though she only had a small amount left to live on. She budgeted and only bought the things she truly needed at the cheapest cost, but she still began to run out before long. It was then that she found the shop and had an idea. She went in and had a quick word with the shopkeeper, a lovely man who showed her such kindness, and inquired as to whether he would allow her to knit and crochet a couple things and then sell them to him so he could then sell them at a higher price.
It was clear he didn't get many people coming along and asking such things, but he must have seen she was in the family way and that she was in dire need of the money. He agreed on the spot and so she'd been hard at work for the past couple days, making countless little cardigans and hats and blankets and booties to give him. She would get little for them, she knew that, much less than he was going to be selling them on to people for, but as long as she had enough to feed herself and purchase some things for the baby then she didn't care. Her main concern were all the bills she needed to pay, but luckily that wasn't too much of an issue at the moment.
If she required more money in order to pay them then she would take on more work, probably go back to her mending business, to bring in more funds. It was going to wear her out the closer she got to giving birth, she was well aware of that, but this was the position her sorry excuse for a husband left her in and so she had very little choice. She could either wear herself out and live a relatively comfortable life or give up and likely end up spending the rest of her life stuck in a workhouse somewhere. She knew full well which one she was going to choose. She wasn't going to allow that terrible man to steal way any more of her happiness if she could help it.
As she got to work on continuing the cardigan, she began thinking about all that was said at her appointment. All was as it should be with the baby, thank goodness, the doctor had absolutely no concerns with its progress, but he did say that her blood pressure was a little too high for his liking. He felt that she was doing too much for a woman in her condition – which, of course, she was – and he wanted her to try and take things slightly slower and give herself more time to rest over the coming weeks. She said that she would do her best to do so, but she already knew that he was going to be displeased with her when she went back with it exactly the same.
He didn't understand though.
He, like everyone else around her, had no idea of the amount of pressure she was under.
She was glad that Ciarán was no longer in the picture, of course, she would never think of him being gone as anything but a relief, but it was true that things were a little harder. She had to take care of everything on her own. He never helped her around the house when he was home and he tried to make her life a nightmare, but he went to work and he brought home enough money for them to live on so she didn't have to. Now, she was the one who had to do that on top of the hundreds of other things she had to do and it was terribly stressful. She wanted to inform the doctor. She wanted to explain her circumstances to him, but how could she do that?
If she told him that, she would have to tell him about all the abuse and then the police would undoubtedly be informed. One might think of that as good, but she was well aware that it would be anything but. Her bruises had faded and he was careful to never do anything that would leave a scar because it could be used as evidence against him. It would be her word against his and there was nothing to say she wouldn't be accused of merely trying to get back at him for an argument. She hadn't forgotten that most of those in town thought her insane.
He was a monster, but he was clever and she hated him for it.
She was probably known to those on the police force as the local lunatic by now.
No, she couldn't speak to the doctor about what she was going through and how she found herself in such a position. She was just going to have to do what she'd always done and put on a brave face and deal with it all.
It was something that, unfortunately, she was very, very good at…
"You wee terror…" She chuckled, shaking her head as she got comfortable in bed after killing the flame in the oil lamp and brought a hand to her belly. Her baby had once again decided it was time to get its boots on and start kicking up a storm. In all honesty, it had been quite full of it for most of the night and nothing she tried worked to settle it, but it was certainly more energetic now she had come to bed. "You spend your whole day sound asleep and then when Mammy wants to get a little sleep, you suddenly decide you want to have a play."
Her baby simply delivered another swift kick to the palm of her hand, completely unbothered by that.
It was true that she was worn out and wanted nothing more than to just close her eyes and sleep through the night, but she couldn't complain. Her baby moving and kicking away in there was the most magical sensation and one she hoped she would remember for years to come. It was likely that it would be her only child and so this would be her only chance to experience these beautiful moments. Knowing that made her want to commit every little thing her baby did to memory, much like she was going to once it was born and in her arms. She was nervous, of course, because she had no idea how things were going to go, but she was also terribly excited.
She was going to be loved, wanted and needed beyond measure by this little being.
Her husband never succeeded in making her feel any of those things, but she knew her child would achieve it as they navigated their way through this together and that was one of the things she was so looking forward to. She was going to feel as though her life had a purpose again. She was going to feel useful and so cherished by her little one and she hoped that she would succeed in making it feel just as loved as it was going to make her.
It was her duty and her sole goal in life and she was going to achieve that.
She was going to prove to her husband and to everyone else, in no uncertain terms, that she could do this.
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for taking the time to read! I am so pleased that Margaret is finally taking control of her own happiness. She deserves some time away from Ciaran and that is what I am going to be giving her for the next couple chapters. I would love for you to let me know what you thought of this chapter if you have the time to leave a little review. Thank you for the continued support and see you soon!