A/N: I always thought that Kakashi had just enough insanity to keep him interesting to follow. This chapter really gave me the opportunity to show that and boy did I ever laugh. Enjoy, guys.
Work Hazard: Chapter 6
"So you want to date my little brother, do you?" Kakashi can see Itachi's stern face, his sharp, deadly gaze fixed on him. For some reason, Kakashi finds that he's naked for this interrogation. He's naked and sitting on the bench of the accused in court.
"How do you plead to the accusation, Hatake Kakashi?" The judge's voice is Orochimaru's and Kakashi thinks that this is probably one of the weirdest dreams he's ever had.
It gets even weirder when he hears himself answer, "Guilty, your honor."
Itachi moves closer and those fucking dead eyes stare into Kakashi's. Now Kakashi isn't one to get intimidated, especially not by younger men, but Uchiha Itachi has never been quite normal to begin with so maybe Kakashi is a little intimidated. Itachi is definitely not as pretty as his brother though.
"Let's see about the alleviating circumstances, then. Are you aware that my little brother is presently sixteen years of age?"
The jury (which Kakashi hadn't noticed until now) is made full of Obitos. The twelve identical faces lean towards Kakashi, whispering, "Chicken, chivalrous chicken, did you know?"
Kakashi can hear himself respond a firm, "Yes, Sir."
The Obitos give an awed murmur. "Chicken knew, chicken knew."
Orochimaru leans in to whisper in Kakashi's ear, "The boy is mine." And Kakashi distinctively hears the bullet go through the skull's bone structure with a sickening crack, immediately followed by the telltale 'squish' of Orochimaru's brain splattering all over his shiny judge's desk.
Itachi's holding the smoking gun, but then Kakashi finds an identical one in his own hand.
"Will the accused rise, please."
Kakashi stands, and suddenly Sasuke is before him, eyes full of tears and pleading hands extended towards him. "Kakashi! Will you be my daddy?"
Kakashi watches with growing horror as the boy stumbles on absolutely nothing and begins to fall towards Kakashi, his full lips forming a surprised 'O' and the boy's mouth just happens to land on Kakashi's fully erect cock. He was, after all, completely naked.
Kakashi wakes up in a sweat, sitting up abruptly. He rubs at his eyes to rid himself of the images from his dream and curses, "Christ. I need to get laid."
He stands and grabs the gun from under his pillow to make his way to the bathroom. Once there, he turns on the water and leaves the loaded gun by the sink (at arms reach).
Kakashi can't even begin to express how thoroughly fucked he feels (and not in the good way either). His mind keeps replaying the ridiculously hot moments he spent with the kid and Kakashi has never in his life felt more like the proverbial bug that crawled out from under someone's shoe.
All of his beautifully well-established (if a little screwed-up) morals are being steadily beaten down and stepped on by a gorgeous, smart, gutsy and arrogant child. Kakashi can picture Sasuke's feet stomping down on an old lady who keeps saying 'You don't kiss children.' Stomp. 'You don't fuck children.' Stomp. 'You don't fall in love with children' Stomp, stomp, stomp.
Leaning his head against the tile, Kakashi chuckles to himself, thoroughly amused. "Maybe I do need a shrink." He kills people without a second thought but kissing a child has him dreaming guilt.
Groaning, Kakashi pours some of his (manly) body-wash in his hands and begins to rub, cleaning himself. This is ridiculous.
And it is, indeed, quite ridiculous. Kakashi has never been more easily turned on in his life than when that kid comes into the picture.
Maybe it's just for him, haven't you thought of that?
Well as a matter of fact, he had thought about that. Picturing any of Sasuke's classmates naked or in bed has done nothing so far for little Kakashi. Not even that pretty blond that follows the teen around. Or the other angsty dark-haired boy. Nope. Little Kakashi wasn't happy at all to have them forced into the picture.
It's only the wide, almond-shaped black eyes, so sultry and so arrogant... the soft (so soft) lips that quirk into that beautiful smirk, the full head of silky, black-as-night hair falling haphazardly over a small uplifted nose. Oh and that pale skin... white as snow. Yeah. That definitely does it for little Kakashi.
It's doing something for him right now. Kakashi groans at finding his cock fully erect under the spray of warm water.
Kakashi wraps his fingers firmly around his cock and gives a little twist to the head as he begins pumping. His forehead rests on the tile and Kakashi's eyes are firmly shut.
Enter Kakashi's fantasy land.
Sasuke is tied to the bed and struggling a little against the bonds. Kakashi doesn't mind him. He can see the delectable expanse of flesh like a tempting offer for a free buffet. Kakashi's lips close on a nipple, his hands tracing up and down the boy's thigh, hip, waist, back down... He bites at the nub between his lips lightly, delighting in the little moan that escapes Sasuke's lips.
His mouth trails from Sasuke's nipples down his firm stomach. Kakashi's tongue dips into the bellybutton, twirling deviously into the small crevice. At the same time, his fingers draw under the boy's body, lifting Sasuke's hips just enough for an index to slide over the tight hole of the boy's ass.
The jerk he gets for that move has Kakashi bite into the Sasuke's hip to hide his own moan. He lifts the boy's hips enough to slide under him, resting Sasuke's ass against his thighs. From there he has much easier access to the boy's cock, which is a most promising size, and as everything on the boy, shaped to perfection, like someone took so much care molding his body that the very existence of such perfection justifies the amount of ugliness in the world, so absorbed was the creator in this specific creature.
Kakashi's cock rests just under the boy's ass and it would be so easy to just bend him over and fuck him. But Kakashi can't help wanting to worship this much beauty. He has to give tribute before partaking in its lush generosity.
Bending over the boy, Kakashi wraps his lips around the tip of Sasuke's cock, drawing from him the sexiest sound he's ever heard, it's halfway between a mewl and a deep groan. Just as he's about to force the boy to produce more of those sounds, he hears another, much more unwelcome sound.
"Chicken knew, chicken knew."
"Aw fuck you, Obito." That sentence, coupled with the fact that the water's turning cold have Kakashi's hard-on all but disappearing. He mutters for the ears of his dead friend, "Would it kill you to let me have some? You're already dead."
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At the same time of the night, which equals a far too bright and early four AM, Neji is brought out of sleep by suspicious noises coming from his guest room. Instantly alert, the boy's too-pale eyes snap to attention, scanning the room for anything astray. Seeing that all seems in order, and Neji is still hearing that small, subdued noise, the boy tip-toes to the room next to his. He carefully and noiselessly pushes the door open, eyes taking quick stock of the sight that greets him.
Sasuke is the one making the noises. He's seemingly fighting with the covers, his eyes are shut too-tight and a frown draws a fine line on the boy's forehead. Neji hesitantly approaches him. The truth is that he doesn't really know how to deal with someone like Sasuke, who'll never straight out tell you anything. Someone with so much stubbornness, yet so much foresight. Sasuke just holds everything in, knowing it's a bad idea. It's not surprising the boy has nightmares.
Neji hovers over the sleeping boy, wondering what he should do. If he reaches out and comforts Sasuke, he's going to be rejected and bitten. But he can't just leave him to suffer in his memories. Something inside Neji objects to that with so much firmness that the boy wonders for a moment when Sasuke became so important to him.
Sasuke continues trashing around the bed, but suddenly a noise escapes him. A single sound that freezes Neji on the spot. It's a whimper, it sounds scared and alone and in pain. Fuck whatever vengeance you come up with, Uchiha, I'm not leaving you alone now.
So Neji leans over Sasuke, strokes a stray lock of hair from the boy's sweaty forehead and his hand goes on to grasp the back of Sasuke's neck. The Hyuuga sits on the edge of the bed and pulls Sasuke up, sitting him and tugging him into a half hug at once.
Neji notices the exact moment that Sasuke wakes. His breath brushes Neji's neck with a relieved sigh and his body completely relaxes for a second. Then the boy realizes he's being held. Some of the stiffness returns and Neji expects to be punched, or at least brutally pushed away.
Shock completely freezes up the Hyuuga as he feels two arms wrap around him and a still shaking body pressed close to his. First of all, he never expected Sasuke to let himself need like this. Neji feels immensely flattered and at the same time, utterly trapped. Because how do you not screw up something like this? Why is Neji the one with the responsibility to make it okay for Sasuke to seek comfort? Second of all, those are not butterflies in his stomach. They're not.
Neji slides his other arm around Sasuke's waist and awkwardly waits for the trembling to stop. It must have been a really bad one for Sasuke to be this affected.
When the shaking abates and Sasuke begins to release his hold, Neji wants nothing more than to keep him there, keep him close, but he needs to do this flawlessly. So he lets go, doesn't say a single word as he rises. The Uchiha has his pride, he can keep it.
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All day long in school, Sasuke is distracted. He can't keep the images of the night away from his thoughts. It's been years since he had this dream so vividly. The fire in the house, his mother's hair catching on fire and poof, gone within seconds, she was bald. The flames licking at her body, her screams, then his father's yells. He remembers the heat against his skin, the fear and the horror and being unable to move.
In truth, Itachi broke a window and jumped into the inferno to rescue him, but in the dream, Itachi burns too. His lips melt first, then his eyes. And Sasuke can't join them in death.
Sighing, the Uchiha glances up at his teacher. Gai is in another spiel about how brilliant and proud he is of their 'youthful efforts' for the last assignment. Frankly, Sasuke just isn't in the mood to be amused as he normally would be.
Neji's presence is oddly comforting as opposed to annoying today and Sasuke doesn't want to waste that. When the bell rings, he's hoping to make a quick escape but Gai calls, "Uchiha Sasuke! I'd like to speak to your youthful self after class!"
Sasuke stays seated as the rest of the class is dismissed and the too-tall, green clad teacher sits his large ass on Sasuke's desk, turning to face him. Sasuke is for a traumatizing second at eye-level to the man's crotch. He quickly brings his gaze back to the man's face, hoping not to be blinded by the shine of too-white teeth. His tone is gruff as usual as he asks, "You wanted to talk to me?"
"Your youthful spirit has been waning all through my class, hasn't it, Uchiha-kun?"
And how else do you want to answer that one. Sasuke raises an eyebrow and waits.
"Ah, I understand! Your pure mouth would speak no evil against a classmate. I shall take it upon myself to remove this burden of truth from you! You need only nod or shake your head. Has Neji-kun been troubling... following you?"
Sasuke blinks. Say what?
"Oh I can see the depth of your devotion to integrity goes so far as to deny yourself this one chance of speaking the truth! Uchiha-san, your nobility humbles me!" Tears start to brim at the corner of Gai's eyes and he wipes them away. "Very well, brave youth, very well. I shall say no more. Just know that I am here for you. The depths of my admiration for your courage knows no bounds!"
Sasuke blinks again. He does it once more, then stands. "Okay. Sure."
He tries not to turn his back to Gai as he makes his way out of the class. Whoa, that was weird.
Sasuke makes his way to his locker, glancing from the corner of his eye to the infirmary. He can't help but let his gaze rest on the shadow of the man behind the frosted glass door. Why hasn't he left yet? Itachi'll be there any day now. I don't want to have to talk him out of murdering Kakashi.
Neji is waiting beside his locker, leaning there and looking like he hasn't got a single care in the world. Sasuke knows better though. The Hyuuga hasn't said any more than he usually would, he hasn't said any less either. His entire behavior has been nothing but normal. But there's just something that tickles at the edges of Sasuke's instincts. Something that tells him the Hyuuga isn't at rest.
It's in the small things. The discreet tapping motion of those fingers against Neji's crossed arms. The distant look in his eyes, the way Sasuke doesn't feel stripped bare by Neji's gaze. The Hyuuga definitely has something on his mind.
Hands in his pockets, Sasuke makes his way to Neji's side. A couple of steps before reaching the boy, a redheaded girl runs solidly into him. Sasuke glares and mumbles a short, "Watch it." He rubs his shoulder where the girl made contact and winces at the pain that blossoms from the nearly forgotten wound. He's wearing a white shirt today so it's easy to notice the splotch of red staining his sleeve.
Neji frowns at the entire altercation, glaring at the careless girl's back. He grabs a hold of Sasuke's uninjured arm, "Are you alright?"
Sasuke shakes his head to clear his thoughts and turns a mild glare at Neji, "I'm fine, Hyuuga." It's times like these that really annoy Sasuke. Usually he would be able to pretend that Neji is there because he wants to be. That he's a friend like any other. But this concern is prompted by his job and the knowledge that Itachi will fire him if anything happens to him. Sasuke can't help but grow colder to the Hyuuga prodigy.
"You're bleeding again." Neji points out the obvious in that stern tone that says 'you're obviously lying'. Sasuke hates that tone.
"It's nothing, Hyuuga. Where's the moron?"
Sasuke rubs at his eyes, frowning as his vision narrows and returns to normal within a few seconds. He feels a little dizzy but dismisses that readily enough.
The Hyuuga looks like he's going to press the issue but thankfully enough, Naruto saves him from having to defend himself with his quick arrival, "Hey guys. Sasuke, why're you bleeding?"
Or not. Fucking moron.
"It's ketchup. Some girl spilled it on me." Sasuke glares at Neji, daring him to contradict.
Fortunately enough, Hyuuga Neji knows that persevering at this point will only draw Sasuke into more of a corner and he'll eventually lash out.
Naruto raises a dubious eyebrow at Sasuke, completely forgetting for a moment that he's not supposed to know about the wound and Sasuke is not supposed to know of the whole bodyguard deal. He's on the verge of accusing Sasuke when Neji brutally steps on his foot.
"Ow damnit! What was that for?"
"You looked lost. Are you feeling alright?" Neji looks like innocence made Hyuuga.
"Of course I'm not alright. That fucking hurt!"
Sasuke raises a brow at Naruto, his instincts screaming that there's something he has to acknowledge here. But Sasuke dismisses the thought and turns on his heel, walking away from the pair. It's strange how he suddenly feels wobbly on his feet, like he's just been through such a strenuous training session that he can't stand without shaking. It's exactly how he feels right now. He feels shaky, weak as a kitten.
That's not right. What the hell is wrong with me?
Neji and Naruto fall into step behind him but Sasuke is beyond caring. Somehow the only thing that seems important right now is putting one foot ahead of the other.
"Sasuke? Are you okay?" Naruto's voice sounds concerned and Sasuke feels himself come to a stop with the boy's grip on his arm. He doesn't quite see Naruto's face when he's turns around, just a blur of blue and yellow.
"Leave me alone." It's barely a mumble before Sasuke wrenches his arm away from Naruto's grasp. Even that movement feels ridiculously uncoordinated and clumsy. Uchiha Sasuke is not clumsy.
Sasuke stumbles a few more steps, then stops on his own, looking completely disorientated. He blinks in confusion at his surroundings, then finishes losing his balance, toppling to the ground. Neji reaches out to catch him, but before that becomes necessary, Sasuke makes contact with a firm chest.
Two arms wrap around the boy and Sasuke looks up at the face of the man holding him steady.
Wow, Itachi sure looks pissed. Wonder what happened.
That's Sasuke's last conscious thought before he closes his eyes and settles against his brother's chest.
Itachi's cold eyes settle on first Neji, then Naruto. "Who drugged him?" His voice is perfectly toneless and even the calm Hyuuga feels intimidated enough to stay silent.
The man picks up Sasuke like he weights nothing. His eyes soften as they land on the boy's face, but they return to hard, piercing cold within a second. "Who did this, Hyuuga?"
tbc...
I love Gai.
I also love Itachi!
And reviews. You guys make my day!
Some replies:
Tajiko: You wish, my command. -g- Actually this bit wrote itself so I had nothing to do with Neji's thing for Sasuke. Hopefully though, it won't be too serious. Because Sasuke belongs to Kakashi in this story and I don't want the Hyuuga hurt. -pets Neji- And no SasuNaru in this story! All my SasuNaru is focused on my other ongoing series so heh:P Hope you enjoyed yourself with this chapter too!
Nyeh: You know I adore you anyway. :P Sasuke is an occasional smoker. I think he does it just to look cool. Hehehe. Yep, Naruto's a body-guard too. I've made that clear up in this chapter! And did I mention how much I adored writing that first confrontation? It was like omg, chemestry. Muchos love, hun!
SmellzSick: I loved that Kakashi just appeared out of nowhere to catch him! Kinda sweet and I like that it didn't need any explanation or... y'know? Just fit. It's really nice when that happens. Hope you liked this one!
Kakarots-Frying-Pan: Kisame is growing old, yah... but he had a thing for Sai. Sai reminded him of Sasuke which reminded him of Itachi. I guess it might've been part of Sai's motivation to end the man's life. 'Stop calling me Itachi, you dumb fuck!' hehehe. I'm so glad you see what I mean with the underage thing. -giggles- I like Kakashi's mental debate. Especially in the form of that dream up there! Ah, and how the hell does Orochimaru get Sasuke now that Itachi is here, hmm?
Luna-Lunak: Oh don't you dare pity the Uchiha indeed! We had another prime example of what Uchihas don't do up there. Uchihas are not clumsy. -wink- You know, about the new guardians thing... I don't think there'll be time enough for that to become an issue. -g- I'm happy you noticed the emphasis on 'vulgar, lesser' version. But I'm going to try showing enough contrast between Itachi and Sasuke in this story. Endless thanks for your comments! They always make me happy.
EvilChibi: -orders more useless reviews- -offers smut in exchange-
Lisea18: YES! He's nice enough to stop when Sasuke says no. That was a key feature in that dream. -whispers- I think it's what turned on Sasuke the most. Heh. And yep, teasers... They never get any release! -laughs self silly at Kakashi's Obito problems-
toast and crackers: I love KakaSasu. It has that lovely taste of forbidden, heh? I don't think it'll be my only one. It might be my longest one, but there's definitely more where that came from. Hee! Thanks!
Jaden Isabella: Sasuke isn't done quite yet. Poor boy. I like making him suffer. He's prettier that way. (His muse self also wants to kill me. It's cute. -sticks out tongue-) Glad you enjoy yourself, heh!
sleepless: I like provocative Sasuke! I refer to him as Sassy!Sasuke. This chapter is much more with the funny though. -snerk- 'Will you be my Daddy?' Ha! Keep reading, hun!
yukiislikesnow: Goody! More where that came from!
Lapse - Raevn: I did this all wrong, I'm sorry! -whips out ring and proposes formally from kneeling position- -giggles- Yeah, you're quite right about the geniuses. I think they're different geniuses though, different in fundamental ways. Will attempt to illustrate that more vividly. Lol! I didn't mean for it! I swear. My fingers did that on their own. The autopsy won't be graphic, but it has been done. We'll see it have some importance in the near future. At least you'll get the details of how Kisame died. I gave in to NejiSasu. -hangs head- Although one-sided, so heh! Looky! We have the weasel up there. Okay. So it's just a glimpse. He's there anyway, isn't he? Hope that was worth the wait, as always! Heh!