Sorry it's such a short chapter. I'm trying to get back to posting more regularly, so we'll see how it goes. Thanks for your patience and support.
The viper hatch opened but the pilot did not move. He couldn't. She was gone. Lee could hear the bustle of crew outside the cockpit going about their jobs though with far less chatter than usual. He wished they would talk and joke as they went about their tasks. Maybe it would take his mind off the emptiness in his soul. He couldn't even remember the last conversation he'd had with her, though he could bet it was an argument. They did that a lot lately. In his defense, Starbuck argued with everybody lately, ever since New Caprica. After a while, Lee felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"You can get out now, Apollo," the chief said softly. Lee met the other man's eyes but quickly diverted his gaze as he saw his sorrow reflected back at him. He stood slowly and saw the deck hands all looking at him as he did. They had the same looks of despair and pity that Tyrol had given him. He had to get out of here. Couldn't stand to see them mourn and hear them say she was dead. Lee hurried for the exit before anyone else could speak to him, but he was unsuccessful.
"Where is she?" Lee did not see Sam enter the hangar until he was right in his face. Lee looked Sam in the eye, and despite the fury in his eyes, was grateful to see they were not as mournful as his crewmates'. Lee's gaze only seemed to enrage Sam who pushed him roughly up against the wall adjacent to the doorway.
"She's gone, Sam," he said breathily. Sam slammed Lee's shoulders back against the wall causing his head to bang loudly on the metal.
"Hey, get off him!" Hotdog yelled as he came to Lee's aid.
"It's fine," Lee said, waving him off as spots danced before his eyes, "leave him." Hotdog and the other pilots who'd moved forward to Lee and Sam backed off and watched warily from across the deck.
"She's gone," Lee repeated.
"Stop saying that," Sam threatened through his tears as he pressed harder.
"It's the truth, Sam. She's gone. She's never coming back," Lee said as he pressed back and removed himself from the wall. Sam screamed in rage as he tried to fight Lee, but they held each other in a deadlock just in front of the doorway.
"You don't know that," Sam spat, "there's no body. You can't be sure of anything."
"I know what I saw," Lee spat back at him, grabbing the collar of his coat with the same fervor Sam held his shoulders with. Sam shook his head as he threw Lee off of him and untangled their limbs.
"You want me to believe she's dead?" he asked, heated.
"No," Lee said, stepping toward him. Sam began pacing away from Lee. "I want her to be alive more than anything in this world. You know that." Sam scoffed at Lee as he continued to pace.
"More than anything?" he asked, glaring daggers at the man who had become an unlikely friend in the last month. Lee cast his gaze down, unable to give Sam a true answer. At this Sam stepped up to him with a finger in his chest. "I was there for you when Kestra left," he spat soft enough that no one else in the hangar could hear it, "everyone else said she was dead, but I held out hope." His voice broke on the last word, but the strength of his rage allowed him to push on. "You needed to believe she could be alive and I gave you that. Well I need Kara to be alive." Lee looked into Sam's eyes, both men unable to hold back their tears.
"I know," Lee said, his voice shaky, "but telling you she's alive won't do you any favors." He had to pause to swallow the tightness in his throat. "She's dead. I saw the viper explode myself, and no amount of wishful thinking is gonna bring her back." Through the tears in his eyes, Lee could not see the fist swinging toward his face until it had already made contact. He was on the floor and Sam was out the door before he could regain his wits about him. The bystanders had jumped into action at the sudden violent outburst. Chief Tyrol knelt to help Lee up while Hotdog and Seelix ran past him to catch Sam.
"Leave him alone!" Lee shouted, bringing them all to a halt. "Let him go. He's…" His voice trailed off as he stared at the empty doorway. Being punched in the face was the first thing that had felt right since he'd landed. He let Galen help him up, but soon became acutely aware of the returning pity from his crewmates. Lee shook Galen off and followed Sam out into the corridor. The looks followed him. A kind word or a worried glance met him around every corner. There was no escape from the reality that crashed down around him. Everywhere he looked on the ship he saw her face. She was inseparable from his memories aboard Galactica. Kara was his oldest friend, and one of the only other people on the ship who had known Zak. A lifetime of memories died with her, some of the last he had of his brother. They were both dead, he was alone. Lee thought he'd been heading to his quarters but found himself in Joe's Bar. It was as good a place as any to drink away the memories of her. Lee sequestered himself into a corner to avoid anyone looking out for his best interests and stopping him. With each drink his memories of her seemed to blur yet the sorrow only increased. Eventually, all his memories would be like this. Vague recollection that he could barely place in his head. He would forget her face and what she sounded like. He was trapped between holding on to what was left of her and wishing it away. He couldn't bear to be on Galactica after all he'd lost. He couldn't rest in his quarters knowing that Kestra wouldn't be there. Now he couldn't go to the hangar deck or get in a viper without knowing that Kara would never be his wingman again. He was alone now, not belonging to the only home he'd known for the last two years. He didn't belong anywhere now.