This post is kind of long. Probably my longest yet. I didn't get to many reviews but I had this post ready so I decided to post it anyway. Please review... I don't really want to keep writing it if there's no one reading... So everyone, review if you want me to continue... a simple 'Post soon' will do... anyway, here's the post!

Chapter 9

After about an hour of driving around Newport without finding him she decided to go over to his grandmother's house. She stopped her car in front of the house and waited for about 10 minutes until she finally got the courage to walk up the drive way and knock on the door. A little while later the doors were opened by Anna.

"Marissa!" She exclaimed, shocked by who was at the other side of the door, which made Marissa really nervous.

"Hi, Mrs. Atwood" She said tracing her foot nervously after the pavement she was standing on. "Is Ryan there?" She asked.

She saw how nervous she was and that made her slight nervous too. "I thought he went with you couple of hours ago?"

"Yeah, he did" She said. She put one hand up to the back of her neck and started rubbing it slightly. "He kind of walked out about an hour ago… he had this angry look on his face" She said, looking down.

"What do you mean by he walked out?" Anna started getting worried. "Did something happen?"

She had her head still down. "My mom… She, uh… she started asking him questions about himself… and it appeared that she knew his father and… she… she said some things and he just walked out" She said, close to tears.

"What did she say?" She had heard from Dawn that he hadn't talked about his father since the incident and was worried about what he'd do if he would.

"She asked if his father was with him in town and he said that he was dead…" She said. A few tears started falling from her eyes. "…and then she said that she remembered my father going to his funeral last year… and asked if he hadn't…hadn't... killed himself" She finished. She had difficulty finishing that sentence, 'cause of her slight crying voice.

Anna didn't believe what she just heard. How could a person be that emotionless? She just hoped he was alright and wasn't anywhere far away. She was getting mad… but at Julie not Marissa so she tried to be soft with her, she looked so weak standing there crying. "And you have no idea where he went?" She asked. Marissa just shook her head, not able to speak yet. "Have you tried looking for him?" She asked her.

Marissa nodded. She didn't know why he was in therapy but she guessed it had something to do with his father and was worried what he might have done and that made her scared. "I've been looking for an hour but didn't find him. I thought maybe he'd come here…" She cried.

Anna's heart broke by the sight in front of her. She walked closer to her and wrapped her arms around the fragile girl in front of her. She rubbed her back slightly. "Come on, we'll go look for him again" She told her.

She just nodded. It felt nice being in someone's arms. Although she hardly knew the woman, it felt comforting. She felt close to someone. She hadn't felt like that in a long time. She slowly pulled away from the hug. She started for her own car when she was cut off by the older woman's voice.

"Come one, you'll go with me" Anna told her. "You can't drive in that state"

"I'm fine" She said, drying her eyes with her hands. "It's my fault he ran off and we'll find him earlier if we go separate" She said.

"Marissa, dear, it's not your fault—" She started.

"Yes it is. I should've known my mom would say some mean things and never let her say anything to him. Call me if you find him" She said as she went into her car and drove off. Anna sighed and walked inside to get her coat and car keys and drove off too.

After driving around for another half hour with no luck she stopped her car in an empty parking lot by the beach.

"Come on now Marissa, think" She told herself. "Where haven't you looked? You've looked at every bar and clubs, the diner and every other restaurant's, the church and the school, I don't really know why I looked there… come on Marissa, you're rambling." She said as she tried thinking of some places she'd yet to go. "If you wanted to get away, where'd you go?" She asked herself as she finally got it. She hadn't looked there and if she wanted to get away she would, without a doubt, go there. She just wondered if he'd go there too? Well, it wouldn't hurt to look.

She got out of her car and locked it and started walking along the beach. She didn't see anyone there and got slightly disappointed but kept on going. She looked in every lifeguard stands and behind every rocks she saw, but nothing. When she only had one stand left she started walking up it, almost sure he wouldn't be there. She was about to sit down on the other side when something caught her eye. She looked down and saw Ryan sitting by the wall, with an empty vodka bottle in hand, staring intensively at the ocean.

"Ryan!" She practically screamed out, happy that she'd finally found him. But then she spotted the empty vodka bottle in his hand.

"Hey" He said to her, completely emotionless.

She decided to not judge him about the vodka bottle. "I've been looking for you for hours" She said. She sat down next to him.

"Sorry" He said, not taking his eyes off the ocean.

"I'm so sorry about my mom… I never knew she would say something like that…" She half-cried.

"No, it's okay… it wasn't your fault…" He said. He looked at her briefly and gave her a weak smile before turning back to the ocean. "It's not like it's not true anyway…" He added.

She stopped crying and looked up at him. He turned to her too. "So, your dad… did he, uh…" She couldn't say the words…

"Kill himself?" He finished for her. She gave him a weak nod back. "Yeah he did" He threw the bottle away. "I don't really know why I even cared she said it…"

"Have you… talked about it?" She asked. She was trying to be helpful, to be there for him but she didn't know what to say. It wasn't like she had any experience in this or something.

"Not really" He said. "Actually, today was the first time I said anything about him in over a year" He said softly.

"Why?" She asked. She looked away from him and stopped at the vodka bottle he had thrown away. He followed her gaze.

"I didn't drink it" He said, referring to the bottle. "Well I started but then realize it wouldn't help anything so I spilled it." He didn't know why he was defending himself to her. He barely even knew her. "And my dad… he, uh… he did it on my birthday. I don't know why I care on what day he did it but I do"

"Oh" Was all she could say. "Were you close?" She asked. She decided to try to talk to him about it. She thought it might help and while he was already talking about it wouldn't hurt talking some more.

"Yeah…We were really close actually" He said. "We were so alike so it was pretty easy for us to relate" He moved his gaze back to the ocean. "It had been a nice day so far…my birthday I mean… My dad had woken me up by spilling a buck of water over my bed, not that that's a good way of waking up or anything but I don't know… we just… laughed" He said, getting lost in thought. "Then he gave me this… cake, if you can call it that. He really can't cook or bake but he always baked be a cake on every birthday that tasted so bad… But somehow we always seemed to finish it" He looked back at her. "I know it probably seems really stupid but it was just how we were…" He looked away again. "Well, then I went to school and I got this news and was pretty excited about them… and I knew my dad was going to love them too, but when I got home I… I didn't hear anything but I knew he was home so I looked everywhere for him… I didn't find him but then I heard the car in the garage… I thought he'd just got home or something so I waited for him in the kitchen but he never got in…. So I… I went into the garage and saw the car…. filled with smoke." He told her. He didn't know why he was telling her this. Maybe it was the slight alcohol he drank talking but the main reason was that he was just tired of being angry with his father. He wanted some peace.

"Oh my god!" Was all she could say. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't think he'd tell her this much but she was happy he did.

"I ran over to the car and opened the door and there he was, already passed out. I panicked… didn't know what to do… but I somehow managed to move him to the house and looked for a pulse… I didn't find any so I immediately called 911 and they called him dead on the spot" He finished. You could hear the sadness in his voice. But then his voice turned from sadness to slight hatred. "And ever since then I've hated him"

She was speechless. She had no idea what she was supposed to say. Or was she supposed to say anything? She couldn't believe what he went through. Like it wasn't bad enough that he had lost his father but he was the one who found him. She didn't know what she'd do if she'd one day find her dad dead. She didn't even want to think about it.

"Then I saw this note in his pocket addressing me…" He said as he laughed slightly. "Can you believe it? A freaking note?"

"What'd it say?" She asked him. She didn't know why she'd asked it. It was probably something personal but she had to say something.

"I didn't read it" He told her. "He probably wanted me to read it and I pretty much did everything he didn't want me to do and stopped doing things he liked me doing"

"Such as?"

"Like soccer… He's a big soccer fan and loved that I played it… so I quit" He said. "And I started hanging with my brother and his friends… Don't get me wrong, Trey's a good guy but he hung out with the wrong crowd... Anyway, I started drinking hard… which led to drugs… which led to me almost killing myself a month ago… Which is the reason why I'm here" He finished. He looked back at her. "Look, I haven't told anyone that before… and I don't really know why I just told you…"

"I can keep a secret" She told him. She reached out for his hand and took it in her hands. She didn't know why she just did that but it gave her comfort. "I almost killed myself too" She told him. He looked at her. "I was in Mexico last year and my uh, ex-boyfriend… he uh… I caught him with another girl… And the night before I'd gotten a call from my dad telling me that he and my mom were divorcing… So I kind of jus felt like my world was falling apart… I ended up in some bar with pain killers and a shot. My head was killing me so I took too many pills and swallowed them down with the shot… And then I passed out in some alley near the bar" She finished. She looked over at him and saw him looking at her. She stared into his eyes and saw… comfort. "I haven't told anyone about that"

"I can keep a secret" He said.

She smiled at him. "Come on, it's getting cold… Let's go to your grandmother's" She said standing up and pulling him up with her. He just gave her a weak smile back and followed her to her car.