YOUR ORDERS
Chapter 5: Losses and Gains

PV: NARU

Yes, Keitaro changed once and for all. And I don't know if I like this changing. Now, I see him going out with Mutsumi and Kanako. They seem very happy, but this is not the feeling that echoes inside the boarding house; there is no noise coming around the building. The girls seem to be very tired, after so many discussions. And the worst is, now Keitaro decided to leave us; he proclaimed a self exile to the Hinata Tea House. Leaving Kanako as ambassador is the end of the line; she even isn't a bad person, but she does the most freaky stuffs when she wants to please her brother.

But the most annoying circumstance is that Keitaro seems, more and more, to get away from me. I just wanted him to have some self love, some determination. I didn't expect Keitaro to act so extremely. Now I feel I lost him; Keitaro appears to be disappointed with the life he was living previously. I had a feeling that he needs to abdicate from everything he lived to recover the lost time. Unbuilding an entire life for trying to build a new personality. I don't believe this kind of achievement could be possible, no-one rids themselves so easily from habits, twitches and psychisms. The essence of every person will always be the same, maybe the manner how we interact with each other, our "interface" could be modified.

But I've already known something he overcame: his love for me. Damn, he could lose any other thing, but this feeling that's so dear to me. That dummy, I love him. Yes, I love him! Now I'm sure of this, despite the fact I've always tried to drown what my heart felt into the deep of my soul. Now, I'll have to fight to reconquerer him. I can't let the turtle girl or any other girl get him. But, how? He must be very disappointed with me. While all the other girls gave affected exhibitions of the wish he stayed among us, I treated with a certain despising. Over again, it's my fear of loving and it not being requited.

Shit, there is no good idea coming right now! I also am so tired, what a saddening Saturday! I think it's better going to sleep, there is nothing I can do now. Before going to sleep, I got down to the kitchen to drink some water. I opened the refrigerator, I noticed they forgot to put the water vase to get chill. Damn, I had to drink hot water yet. Today, everything is going wrong. Keitaro's karma passed to me, of course...

While I drank, I noticed someone get close. It's the old fox. She was smiling at me, leaned to the door. I stopped drinking and looked to her, somewhat suspicious.

"So, you came to eat something?", I asked smiling, trying to be as natural as possible. She had no answer, she just got close and hugged me.

"So, are you happy he came back?", Kitsune asked sweetly. Damn, how can she realize the other's problems so easily? I didn't stand and began to cry.

"I've lost him, Kitsune... I've lost him, I'm sure of that...", I unburdened while I was crying. While I tried to stop crying, I spoke: "I never thought I could admit that fact, but I love that dummy once and for all... And now I've lost him...". Kitsune started to caress my hair.

"I knew there was something morbid in the Hinata-sou climate... Naru, you're as foreseeable as Keitaro is...", Kitsune consoled me. It seems she knew all the facts happened today could shake me. Kitsune is my friend since the highschool, and since then she showed to know me better than I do.

"Please, don't leave me alone tonight...", I begged her, while I was departing from her a little. I've already cried a lot, I had to reset myself a little.

"It's okay, my friend. I'm gonna get my futon and gonna sleep with you. Do you mind?", Kitsune asked me, in a very sweet manner. I like when someone cares for me.

"Of course, I just don't wanna stay alone tonight...", I answered smiling. In spite of still flowing some tears, Kitsune's presence didn't leave me lonesome any longer. I need from all help to recover myself and challenge the incoming days. I was missing a comfortable lap, a lap that just mothers give to their kids, when these need some consolation. My mummy was so far away from me, I needed to count with my friends now. I thank Kami-sama for Kitsune didn't go out tonight.

PV: KEITARO

What happened to me? I feel something was over, there was something that ceased to exist, and it's an internal factor. A very intimate stuff is no longer, but I still can't identify what it's it. After all the happenings from today, it's difficult to identify clearly this sense of wastage. But I didn't want to discuss about this stuff on that moment, I've needed to relax a little after so much emotional stress. I accepted Mutsumi's invitation to go out for a walk, and I decided to invite Kanako – I thought the best choice was don't go out with just one girl, I didn't want more problems among the girls. If I went out just with one of the girls, soon they'd say I had second intents, that I was the same kinky guy from ever. It's enough, today at least.

I looked at the wristwatch, it's 21h40min and I was into a train, next to two extraordinary girls, going out to enjoy the Tokyo night. In spite of studying at Toudai, I never had motivated myself to go out at night, I thought it's unnecessary – I was so naive, I thought that having Naru next to me was enough. I've believed that, not going out at night, I'd have a serious guy image. Of course it was another blow of mine; my lifeline had already convicted me so long ago. Maybe this is one of the losses from today: I'm no longer so stupid, devoting efforts to prove my fineness, even if my acts had evinced the opposite. If I'm in the sea, I think that navigating is the better choice. If I'm gonna be clumsy and mistreated, so I destine to myself the right to enjoy my life away from Hinata-sou.

But I still don't know so many people from outside the boarding house, just Shirai and Haitani – and, sincerely, I think that keeping distance from them would be a measure that will provide me a rather healthy future. I'm so confused, and they still can sink me yet in the mud. I need to have other friends, leaving girls aside from me a little. I feel that, how they're the unique source of friendship I have, they use the opportunity to exploit me. Perhaps getting friendship from outside make them seeing that they aren't fundamental marks into my existence. As all this stuff is so recent, I had to choose two people that seem the less threatening ones to me for going out. I thought I've made a good choice. And now I discovered another loss occurred today: the loss of inhibition; I want the world now. I've got in at Toudai, what else must I prove? I lately discovered I'm not forced to prove anything else for other people. If my parents, if the girls aren't satisfied, go to hell. I don't need them thus like this.

Soon we arrived in Tokyo. I let Kanako and Mutsumi walk ahead of me, in sight, because it's safest. After all, it's more complicated to pay attention to the environment at night, and we need some caution nowadays. I left them the incumbency to choose the place, I think they already know much better than me good places to have fun in the Capital. Kanako suggested a very "intellectual" bar, she described the place as a kind of retro environment, in the best beatnik style – a very intimate place. Me and Mutsumi liked the idea, and Kanako managed to take us over there.

"Brother, you're changed...", Kanako said, trying to begin a chat during the walk.

"It's true, Kei-kun. It seems that the last happenings changed you a lot. What do you think?", Mutsumi said, always smiling. Moreover, the smile of turtle girl is very contagious, and now I realize how she is beautiful. I never looked Mutsumi over that point of view, and I asked myself why I never tried to get close to her... Oh, of course, that crap of little girl promise. I lost my life even now trying to find a woman that I never will meet, or that won't match me.

"Well, I'm not sure of that... You two think that my changing was for better or worst?", I asked, trying to deviate from Mutsumi's question.

"I don't know yet, but I think that's something productive", Kanako commented, giving me a pretty smile. I was asking myself why the hell Kanako isn't as sociable with other people as she is to me. She is beautiful, but perhaps she wasn't aware of that. Perhaps it's some unconscious trauma due to her birth parents's death.

"I like it so much! I always thought that, some day, you'd set yourself rather free...", Mutsumi commented, with lots of cheer in the her voice. The comment from Okinawan girl left me so happy, and I couldn't avoid my smile, thanking to the presence from both of them. And both of them got ruddy... Gosh, did I say something wrong? Man, and I thought I was the most unsociable person from Hinata-sou... Why did I have the sense that they were hiding something, but I didn't realize exactly what it is?

Well, I decided not spending my energy useless, and I stayed between them, talking about banalities. We had fun as teenagers we are, chatting about much random subjects –from the problematic question of human existence, to what it's the best color combination to wear when you want to go to a graduation party. We forgot about the heavy weather from hours ago, walking with that cadence until we get in the referred bar.

I must agree, the bar was very unusual. It's full of posters from old blues and jazz interpreters, the ambient lights weren't too strong. The tables seemed like the American snack bars, with quilted armchairs next to a large window and surrounding almost the entire table – showing the "U" shape. I sat down against the window, leaving each side for one of the girls. The menus were fixed at the table, underneath a glass, and the graphic art was very stylized. The entire environment leaned to very dark colors. The place was somewhat loaded, but I still got to abstract myself and feeling myself quiescent enough.

After the waiter have written our order and left, we continued to talk a little more. We kept a very casual chat, very diversified. But Kanako never had much patience about lateness, and she didn't get shy to comment with us: "I've already been here before, but today is impossible! I'm so sorry, people, it never delayed like that... What an incompetence!"

"Relax, Kanako, we got here for having fun, don't make a detail spoil the night...", I tried to calm down. I don't wanna have one more grievance to ruin that day.

"Listen to Kei-kun, he's right... The chat is so cool, let's go on like that... When the moment is the least expected, the order comes!", Mutsumi spoke, with the traditional optimism at the intonation.

"Okay, but it's never happened something like this before... It's more than a half hour we did the order, people! Even those retards from the boarding house would attend better than this...", Kanako unburdened, showing all the dissatisfaction with that fact. While I tried to calm her down, I noticed Mutsumi was very reflective, with the traditional gesture where the index finger is touching the lower lip up to the far and blank look.

"Something's wrong, Mutsumi-san?", I asked worried.

"Nothing at all, Kei-kun... I was just thinking something... Kanako, you're in charge of finances from the boarding house, aren't you?", Mutsumi spoke.

"Of course, my brother gave to me that responsibility, which I'll run with no tottering. I should honor my brother's command and the name of Urashima family", Kanako answered, with a very august posing.

"Not so much, Kanako-san... It was just an incumbency, nothing more...", I commented, waving my right hand as someone wants to state for not exaggerating.

"So, Kanako-chan, I believe we must talk as soon as we returned to the Hinata-sou. Me, you and Haruka-san. Is that possible?", Mutsumi inquired, with a serene expression.

"Well... It's possible, but what would the subject be?", Kanako asked, obviously very curious about the subject that'll be deliberated.

"That's true, and what would Haruka-san have to be involved on that?", I completed the question.

"Tomorrow everything will be unveiled. Let's enjoy the night now and not getting worried about business chats and delayed waiters", Mutsumi answered, very enigmatic and always charismatic. She has this gift of answering the questions in a very evasive mode. I could notice Kanako had a doubt in the look, but I slammed my leg against her and smiled. As it was expected, my sister gave me back the smile. Well, if she just smile to me, I thought it's better to provoke Ka-chan smile and forget so important subjects. I prefered to continue a very relaxed chat.

The orders finally arrived, and Kanako complained a little to the waiter about the delaying. It's logic, the peon begged a thousand of pardons and, after complaining about the delaying with the manager, she won a portion of French fries as courtesy from the place. We stayed over there a little more, and Mutsumi invited us for walking a little among the most upbeat streets in the night. Me and Kanako agreed and left for walking a little more, and we verified how many bars exist around the Toudai. The same bars where the girls would make party today. By the way, just Mutsumi and Kanako had mood to stand the venture, for I didn't find any sign from the other girls around the bars we are passing by.

The night life, for me, still is a mystery. Everyone drinking, talking about nothing, having some dating. Utmost, I had visited traditional festivals. It was another rhythm now, something I can't accustom myself properly. I don't like the noise from modified cars and from sound systems at full loudness, I don't either like that intermittent lights. But I tried not to mess the two girls's night, escorting them all the time. They ended up pulling me inside a karaoke bar, and Mutsumi gave the idea of making us a triplet – we ended up singing a song called "Sakura Saku". We even were so very good, we got 94 as a triplet. And Kanako took advantage of situation to make us drink beer a little more...

It was an authentic tour of the Tokyo night, from bar to bar. When I noticed, I looked to the wristwatch and I saw it's almost four o'clock in the morning. I found out it's better going away, but I thought that there was a train to Hinata just by 6 o'clock. We had to kill some time a little more, but we were somewhat drunken. Mutsumi said she had some credit and she would pay a little hotel to stay the rest of the night and, after waking up, we could still enjoy something at Sunday in Tokyo. She insisted so much, until me and Kanako agreed with her. Man, the "little hotel" that Mutsumi talked to us was the Sheraton Grande Tokyo Bay Hotel! And she seemed to be well known at the place. Kami, I felt like chicken shit...

"Mutsumi-sama, it was so much time ago! How is your family?", the hotel manager greeted, in a very pompous style.

"They are very well, Hideyuki-san. Is it possible to get a room for three people? We're tired, and we don't have a specific time to wake up", Mutsumi explained, very naturally.

"To a member from Otohime family, it'll always be possible any room in our settlement, beyond giving some elongation in the daily income time... Are these people your escortings, Mutsumi-sama?', the manager asked.

"Yes, they're great friends of mine. I'd like they stay well accommodated. And they know about the subject, after all they're managers from a boarding house, and they can find out any defect at the lodging", Mutsumi explained. Gee, I felt myself as a cavern's owner. And Kanako gave me a look in a very constraining way, as she also was frightened with the showiness at the place.

"If there is any defect in the lodging over here, so the Hinata-sou isn't more than a fifth class hotel, brother...", Kanako whispered to me. I just could agree nodding.

"No problems, attending properly and with quality is always our challenge", the place's manager answered with pride. Man, I really felt myself so skunked. How could Mutsumi compare a familiar business with one of the most lavish groups of hotels in the world? And I didn't have any idea that her family was so... powerful. She never gave a sign of having so many goods. How I'm so numb, her family owns a entire beach at Okinawa; I shouldn't be surprised.

But the most important concerning on that moment wasn't Mutsumi's extravagance, but it was her health. After drinking more than usual, she seemed to be very tired. Knowing about her health problems she had, I was fearing she had a collapse any time. However, she stood it very well until now. It was so much time since she had some collapses, and I thanked Kami about the fact. While we were getting closer to the balcony, I nudged Mutsumi and asked her with a very low voice: "Mutsumi-san, are you sure that you can pay this hotel? You don't have to spend so much with us..."

"Don't worry about that, my sweet Kei-kun... It's not the first time I come here. My family likes to lodge when it's on travel, either business or fun. I can't deny some luxury to my good friends sometimes!", Mutsumi said, with the usual enthusiasm.

Gee, she paid the hotel with a credit card just for VIPs clients! Shit, it's difficult to be a poor person. I never could imagine I'd get lodged in a hotel from that level. And I tried to guess why a girl as Mutsumi, full of stewardship, resigned herself at getting into a simple boarding house and also getting an extra job at the Haruka-san's Tea House. Just the most frank friendship can explain something like that, there is no other explanation for Mutsumi abdicate from all the luxury she can enjoy and stay among us, in a little boarding house far away from Tokyo.

After we arrived at the room – that one was extremely lavish, at the third floor –, we got some bed linen and each person groomed their own futon. The manager got a room in the best Japanese traditional style, and he had affirmed that the traditional room would be the only option that would give a good comfort for three people, with much magnificence (according to the Mutsumi's request). I kept with the futon placed at the middle, and soon I was into a deep sleep.

It didn't take long to wake up myself, for something was nudging me, as if I wouldn't get any movement. When I woke up, I noticed the girls pushed their futons and got closer to mine, each futon placed by each side. And both girls slept clinging to my arms, each girl was in one of my arms, and both girls were showing happiness at their faces. I looked to the ceiling and was abashed, but soon I felt myself normal, as if nothing happened before.

It was on that moment I realize another loss: the love I bore for Naru. Strange, is it possible the love I felt for another woman to finish like that, suddenly? Did I overreach all the time when I believed in such intense love? That stupid promise is the only cause to be blamed.

I was interrupted when I felt that both girls got closer a little more to my chest, sliding up to my arms. Each girl put a hand over my chest, as if they were hugging me. They are wonderful women, and they were around me; I can't waste everything due to perversions and confusions. I decided to sleep again.

By the way, I lost the love I felt for Naru, it was the obvious conclusion. It was just like that, suddenly, I can't even believe it was such a big deliberation. I lost my love, but I felt I had a great gain: the freedom. I never felt myself so free at my entire life, I can finally choose the best for my heart.

Now I finally believe our lives move in a see-saw: we lose much more than we gain, but the few gains are very cozy. The love finished, the freedom began.

Chapter written between Nov-20-2004 and Nov-23-2004, and translated between Jan-10-2005 and Jan-19-2005. I hope all of you don't get tired of my saga... I'm now doing a volunteer stage at a hospital here in Brazil, so my writings won't be so frequent.

Oh, despite the fact I made Keitaro change some inner aspects, I left him with a innocent side, just to keep something from the old Keitaro. Every review from all of you serves as stimulus to advance in my saga, so please read & submit your review! Min'na arigato gosai masu!

P.S.: for who doesn't know yet, "Sakura Saku" is included in the Love Hina anime soundtrack – even if I use most elements from mangá, I like to fuse some elements from anime to improve the tales.

P.S. again: thank you, Martin, for being my beta reader.