Daydreamer: This chapter became longer than expected. It might even be the longest. This one pretty much includes everyone.

Chapter Six

As scheduled, Oversoul returned to the hospital to visit Horohoro. They went into the room, greeted by the same flowers and boxes of fan letters. And the same Horohoro from when they last saw him, still in his coma state. The four sat around him, silence being the only thing they can bring out. It made the air stuffier than it already was, but no one really knew what to say. There obviously couldn't be any subject to lighten up anything. What chewed them up the most was that they literally couldn't do anything but sit and wait. Not even Tao Ren had any power in this, and it was bitter to the marrow of his bones. Not even Yoh could say it will be ok. Silence, the only thing floating about and it got heavier by the minute, laying a burden upon one another. It got harder to breathe and speak, and surprisingly, Ren was first to be affected and stand.

"I'm going outside." He simply stated and closed the door behind him.

The fresh air was savior on Ren's lungs as he sucked it in. He plopped down on the bench in the hospital's yard with a small carton of milk in one hand. While fiddling with the straw, he stared blankly at the ground. Some of the weight from inside has lifted, but not completely, especially with his memory-dream still fresh. Looking back on that day, he began to remember how the first couple of months were without the Ainu. He never said it, but indeed it was strange.

For one, there seemed to be an empty space within the group now since it was only three and not four. And during performance or practice, he'd steal glances at the drummer just like he always used to, though Horohoro never knew. However, it wouldn't be the one he always knew, but some guy they hired with a name he didn't even remember. And of course, there was the great decrease of arguements, making everything quiet. Something the vocalist frequently demanded from Horohoro, but never thought it'd feel so alien and difficult to get used to.

Ren took another sip of his milk and let out a sigh. During those couple of months, there were times when he'd forget that the drummer was gone and would expect his voice to break the peaceful moments, or when he said something to start another quarrel. Sometimes he'd walk into a room and think he'd be there. But he wasn't there and it took time for the vocalist to remind himself of that. But once he did, he didn't make those expectations anymore. However, there were times when he'd get bored and his mind would somehow drift to Horohoro. He'd wonder many things; how he's doing, what he might be doing right about now, if he's bored as he was, if he's better off... but that didn't last long either. There was once a time when Yoh caught him thinking about Horohoro.

You miss him, don't you?

The guitarist asked in sincere sympathy, suspecting that his fear of Ren becoming lonely has come true. But that only made Ren the defensive self that he is. With his eyes narrowed to gold slits, he said he was fine without the baka. And from that one incident, Ren built a great wall between himself and any memory, thought, and care of the Ainu. And since then, if any such quesion or similar one was asked, the answer was always the same.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Hearing Yoh's voice, Ren looked up and the bruenette sat next next to him.

"What does it look like? Got myself something to drink. And what about you, why'd you come out?"

"For some fresh air. Smelled too much like medicine in there."

"What about Faust and Manta?"
"Faust said he's gonna talk to Horohoro's doctor to hear the details on how he's doing. I asked Manta if he'd like to come along but he insisted to stay by Horohoro's side." Yoh smiled, but Ren could tell it was forced. Silence fell between them for some time, both seeming to be in their own thoughts. But both knew that they were probably thinking about the same thing, just wasn't so open to sharing, especially Ren. A breeze ran through their hair, and Yoh let out a sigh as if to give something for the breeze to carry with it. He seemed to be relaxing more and closed his eyes. Once the breeze was gone, his chocolate eys reopened again.

"Seeing Horohoro again...even if it's like this, brings back memories."

"...Yeah?"

"Mhm. It's true that he was the noisiest out of all of us, but you gotta admit he made us feel alive the most. Sure, he's not the brightest guy but he had the good heart and character to make up for it. It was great having him around." Ren didn't say anything as he listened to Yoh.

"...I missed him a lot when he left. Things just didn't seem right, you know? Like something was missing." Yoh's eyes dropped to the ground as his lips were forming a frown. An empty feeling was engulfing the bruenette from the inside. He looked at Ren who stared at no particular point, his eyes just still. He didn't seem to be listening so much anymore, half of him stewing in his own unsaid words. But usually when someone else was around, Ren would hide this side of himself with a firm and certain facade, rarely showing that his mind was wandering. But Yoh recognized this look, he's seen it before some time after Horohoro left. And that time Yoh asked Ren a question, which turned out to be his mistake.

"Did you ever miss him?"

"What?" Ren snapped his head to Yoh, no longer absorbed in his thoughts. But he didn't ask because he didn't hear the question, but from hearing the question itself. Yoh just made his harmless smile.

"You always seemed ok after he left, like you was really fine with it. I know you guys didn't really get along, and I know you was really angry at him that time. But was that how you really felt? You never thought that it got too quiet? Things didn't get emptier without him? You really didn't... miss him?"

"..."

"You really didn't...feel lonely?" There was a slight twitch on Ren's face at the last word. His eyes then turned to pools of golden venom, letting Yoh realize he's triggered him. The Chinese shot his hard glare at him, ever so still like a tiger targeting whoever upset him. There was a small pause, Ren's eyes first getting warning to sink into Yoh through the short silence. And then he speaks, each word intoxicated by the poison tongue they rolled off from.

"I'll admit that it was different without him. But I did just fine." Ren narrowed his eyes once more so as to get the last drips of his point down to Yoh. The bruenette merely sighed and looked away. With a displeased frown, Ren went back inside the hospital. Yoh watched his back, finding no trace of another word to come out from either of them.

All he ever wanted was for everyone to be happy and content. That of course included Ren, and Ren being the way he was, had too many walls. Yoh only saw this the most out of the rest because he's known him the longest, he knows what Ren's been through in his life to make him like that. He can tell anyone the story, but sometimes you had to be there to really know it all.

He's sometimes thought about backing off so Horohoro could break those walls, which the bruenette knew he could, it would've just taken time. But he's been confused by his own feelings and dragged on like the Ainu. But it was too long for his friend. After the bluenette left, his fear for Ren grew. But he himself got farther from the Chinese and closer to Manta. He couldn't help that though, he had no control over his feelings or how they changed. His fear for Ren alone in his loneliness however, changed by getting worse. But the Chinese was so convincing, he lied so well that Yoh knew that he lied even more. It's only thanks to knowing him this long that he can see that he made another layer of skin. But he lied so much, he lied so well... that Ren convinced himself in believing.

XxXxXxXxX

Ren treaded down the hall in a brisk pace, his fists stuffed into his pockets. First Faust and then Yoh. Who's next, Manta? Yes, Horohoro was a member of Oversoul. Yes, he was a friend. And yes, Ren can admit things were different and strange without him, possibly like he missed him. He did need him in Oversoul and as a friend. But they were talking about it in a more personal level. Ren knew he never needed anyone like that, and though he slept with Horohoro, he never needed him either, not like that. Same for Yoh. They didn't have any reason, at least not any deep one. They were sex friends, occasional bed mates. It was all just to fulfill their lustful needs. Ren knew they didn't need it for anything else. He knows lust when he sees it, that's how almost everyone in his life has looked at him, even people who were just passing by. He's seen it many times in the eyes of Yoh and Horohoro, they may have tried to hide it but the glint could be seen with Ren's keen eyes. So Ren gave it to them.

But Ren could admit, that the way they looked at him was somewhat different from all the eyes he's seen before in his life. They were the same at first, ever since the first time there was only lust, it couldn't be denied. But later after about a year, it changed. There was the glow of longing and other elements of lust in them. But it was mixed with a different kind of gleam deep within that he couldn't quite grasp. Something he just couldn't reach, he just couldn't figure out. Maybe that's why he continued to sleep with them, to figure it out. But then again maybe he imagined it in hopes that it was different. Sex never meant anything to the Chinese but that didn't mean he'd give it to just anyone. He gave Horohoro and Yoh their desires because they were his friends. He gave his friends the pleasure because he knew they wanted it.

Maybe this time he just imagined that special something from hope that it'd be different with them from the rest. Yes, that's probably it, he imagined it. Afterall, he was cold product now. Look at Yoh, he's not even interested anymore. And Horohoro always fought with him and he even left. Ren knew sex never connected to intimacy, and he knew that they didn't feel such things for him. And he knew he doesn't feel such things for anyone else either.

But Ren just never knew love. He never knew how to find it.

"I see...so he's not getting better." Ren stopped dead in his tracks. That was Faust's voice from the room he was standing next to. He must still be discussing Horohoro with the doctor. Ren attempted to go in when the doctor answered.

"No, I'm afraid not. To be truthful...it's quite the opposite." Ren froze at the mouth of the door. He suddenly didn't want to go in, like some sixth sense was working. But he wanted to know exactly what they're talking about. He stood as close as he can to the doorway, careful not to be noticed. The doctor continued.

"The process is incredibly slow, but he is getting worse. If he doesn't wake up or show some progress at this rate...he won't make it." Ren fell back on the wall, feeling as if something invisible was shot at him. He covered his mouth with a hand, feeling like he could vomit whatever was rising from the pit of his stomach. He swallowed hard, and breathed deeply as he accused his ears of deception. Suddenly all his strength was discipitating and he had hard time standing. He let go of his mouth and clutched on his shirt where his heart was, as if it could stop any second.

He won't make it.

The doctor's words rang in his ears, defeaning him from the rest of the sounds around him. He knew the doctor and Faust were continuing their conversation, but not even their voice could reach him. He shook his head and steadied himself to stand up straight. He trudged to the elevator, unaware that he was shaking tremendously.

XxXxXxXxX

When Ren went into the room, he was surprised at what he saw. Sitting in a chair next to Horohoro's bed was Manta, sniffing while tears ran continuosly down his face. Ren knew the manager couldn't have heard the news already.

"What're you crying about?"

"I know I worry a lot, sometimes too much, and honestly I hate that side of myself sometimes. When Horohoro left, I worried that something might happen to him, that he might've gotten hurt. I tried not to think about it...but you know, what's worse than all that worry and fear is... when it really happens. I know we haven't kept in touch but he's still a friend. I don't want to lose him."

"If you're so scared, don't think about it." Ren spat out angrily, frustrated at how oblivious Manta was while he knew what's really going on. He knew he shouldn't take it out on Manta, but it was hard enough to maintain his own stoic composure. But the managere didn't seem to notice Ren's frustration. He cleared his throat and wiped some of the tears, though that didn't stop them. He looked at Ren with his bloodshot eyes while trying to calm himself down as he spoke again.

"You're not scared, Ren?"

"What?"

"Sure, he's not part of Oversoul anymore. You guys didn't get along even when he was. But he's still your friend isn't he? You're not scared?" Manta furrowed his brows, looking as though he's pleaing for an answer. Ren couldn't give any, his own eyes as unblinking as Manta's. He continued the suffocating silence as Manta continued to wait, just unable to answer the manager's question. But the door opened and Yoh came in. He saw Manta's tear streaken face and puffy red eyes, and immediately came to him.

"Manta, what happened?" The manager looked up at the guitarist and his eyes welled up all over again. His shoulders shook at every snivle he made to hold back tears, but failed as one tear followed the other. Until Yoh knelt down and held him to his chest, not caring that the tears dampened his shirt. The shorter seemed to have forgotten his question as he continued to cry, and Yoh turned his head to Ren for an explaination.

"He got scared." Ren said and Yoh nodded. He stroked Manta's back as he hushed him down. The door opened again and Faust came in, also shocked by Manta. Yoh made a sad and strained smile at him.

"You know what a worry wort he can be. He got scared about Horohoro. So what'd you hear from the doctor?" Ren looked at Faust, wondering how he was going to break it to them. Faust stared at them for a bit, his expression showing no light. Yoh and Manta patiently waited, though they began to show fear in their eyes. That was just too much for Faust

"He...hasn't improved." The bassist said, his voice grave. Manta's face darkened and Yoh made his comforting smile.

"Hey, that doesn't mean anything bad yet. Everything will turn out ok." Manta smiled at Yoh's trademark statement, though his eyes said otherwise. Yoh, his smile still there but smaller, looked at Ren and Faust.

"I think we better leave." The two nodded in agreement and walked out the room, Yoh still speaking to Manta in his soothing manner. Ren gave one last glance at Horohoro before closing the door. That's not the whole story, damnit He thought bitterly. Though he himself couldn't say anything either.

Worse than the fear is the lie you told a thousand times before
Worse than a fear is the knife...
And it's hard to say how I feel today, for years gone by
And I cried

TSUZUKU

Daydreamer: What's to become of Horohoro? That will be revealed in the next chapter. Sorry if Manta seemed a bit ooc, it just had to happen for the story to work out and to match the lyrics.