Super Sped Bros.
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros. or any of the related games.
Chapter Three
Donkey Kong's Story
The Tables Have Turned!
Master Hand - Donkey Kong was spawned from a mistranslation of 'Monkey Kong'. This game also spawned Mario. Through the majority of the game, Mario, at times, could use a hammer. So, why not let DK try it out?
(DK walks into the living room and finds a hammer. He picks it up and immediately begins swinging it wildly up and down.)
Samus - What is all the… -sees DK- He's got a hammer!
(Samus runs back upstairs as DK 'dances' out the front door. The Hammer music gradually fades.)
Samus - Bizarre.
Mario - Hello, everybody!
Samus - Even more bizarre.
Ness - Jigglypuff is standing up in the bathroom. If you catch my drift.
Samus - That has to be the most bizarre thing I've heard today.
Falcon - I found the golden spork of Antioch! -holds up a golden spork-
Samus - I stand corrected…
(Crashing is heard downstairs.)
Fox - What's that?
(Fox points to a hammer that is laying on the floor.)
Mario - A hammer. Wait…
(DK walks in and picks it up.)
Mario - Agh!
(Mario jumps out of the window while DK hammers his way through the wall.)
Jigglypuff - -walks in- Jiggy jiggypuff? Jiggly Jiggly Jiggypuff! (What's all the commotion? Can't I piss without being interrupted!)
Luigi - We've seriously got to find out what she's saying.
Master Hand - Meanwhile, in the city…
(Cars are crashing into each other as Donkey Kong chases after Mario with the hammer.)
Mario - This isn't-a right!
Master Hand - Back at the house…
Link - My head hurts…
(Link is lying on the couch with an icepack on his face. Everyone is surrounding it while Falcon sits in a nearby chair with a pencil, notebook, and a fedora on for some reason.)
Falcon - So, tell me about my childhood.
Link - Don't you mean mine?
Falcon - Sir, I'd appreciate it if you cooperated with me.
Link - But I don't know anything about you aside from the fact that you don't mix with caffeine.
Falcon - Screw this crap!
(Falcon takes out a nailgun and nails Jigglypuff to the wall with it.)
Falcon - I need to staple something.
(As Falcon walks off, all eyes turn to Jigglypuff.)
Link - Should we help her?
(Jigglypuff has a 'I'm dead' expression on her face.)
Samus - I think it's a bit late for that. Pork sausage!
Luigi - Agh!
(Luigi walks out into the living room with a capsule stapled to his foot.)
Fox - Uh…
(Luigi accidentally bumps his foot and the capsule explodes, sending him flying.)
Falcon - Where are you going? The toilet's still clogged!
(Falcon throws his fist into the air and flies off.)
Fox - I didn't realize that he could fly.
(A loud crash is heard.)
Ness - He can't. His wires only go so far.
Falcon - I done snapped!
Master Hand - Meanwhile, in China…
(Chinese children are playing when Mario shows up, DK at his heels.)
Chinese Child - It's Mario! Let's skip towards him and try to kill him!
Mario - Great!
Master Hand - In space…
(Pikachu is floating in space.)
Pikachu - Pika… Pika pikachu… (Well… This really sucks…)
Master Hand - In some random person's closet…
Random Person - Bubba? What are you doing in here? Why d'ya got so much toothpaste?
Master Hand - Back at the house…
Samus - -yawns- I'm tired. I'm going to cash in.
(Falcon's head rips through the floor at Samus' feet.)
Samus - Agh!
Falcon - I heard someone mention cash!
Ness - The toilet's still clogged!
Luigi - What do you want me to do?
Ness - Fix it!
Luigi - Why should I?
Ness - You drew 'I'll do everything' from the job jar!
Luigi - Freakin' job jar.
(Luigi grabs a plunger and grumbles as he climbs the stairs.)
Falcon - We need an elevator put in. Stairs hurt my feet.
Fox - That's 'cause you jump everywhere!
(Falcon jumps out of the floor and smashes his feet onto the table.)
Falcon - I do not!
Master Hand - Let's check up on Mario again…
Mario - Where do these hammers keep coming from?!
(Mario is now being pursued by DK, Chinese children, Goombas, Koopas, and Wario, all who have hammers.)
Master Hand - It's amazing how much amusement can come out of expertly-placed hammers.
Mario - Stand down, small Orientals!
Master Hand - Back at the house…
News Reporter - …and little Timmy never did get out of the well. And, in related news, Mario is trying to break the world record for being the first person to lap the planet while being chased by a mob of people… with oversized hammers. This is apparently a message from God, but no one can translate it.
Fox - Right…
Falcon - Left!
Fox - What?
Falcon - Where!
Fox - How…
Falcon - When!
Fox - Uh…
Falcon - Utah!
Fox - Samus, some help please.
(A ball bounces down the stairs and Samus uncurls herself.)
Samus - -begins shooting Falcon- Take this, space pirate scum!!
Fox - We're not in space.
Link - Yeah. That's Pikachu.
Master Hand - In space…
(Pikachu floats by an space shuttle.)
Astronaut - Houston, we have visual of Pikachu. Repeat, we see Pikachu.
Houston - Are you feeling all right?
Master Hand - Back at the house…
Ness - Do you hear go-carts?
(Everyone exits the house and watches as Mario drives by in a go-cart.)
Samus - Well, that's one lap.
Falcon - A race it is then!
(Falcon hops into a shopping cart, activates nitro, and takes of like a bullet.)
Samus - Uh…
(Suddenly, Goombas, Koopas, the Chinese Children, Wario, and Donkey Kong drive by with hammers attached to the front of the car, continuously pounding the ground.)
Link - So, what do you guys want to do?
Samus - Dunno.
Link - Fox?
Fox - Whatever the others are good with.
Ness - Pick me!
Link - Anyone else?
Ness - Me!
Link - Anyone who's not a midget.
Ness - Hey! You were short once too!
Link - Keyword there buddy: Once.
Ness - I cast a PK spell on you! You will be small in the next game.
Link - Who says there's going to be another game?
Mario - MEEEEEEE… -lands on face in front of group- …ah…
Samus - Let me guess. They caught you?
(Mario doesn't nod, but he gives the thumbs-up.)
Fox - Nothing we can do about it.
Master Hand - I know… Next time, Falcon attempts to kill off one of the cast members.