Super Sped Bros.
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros. or any of the related games.
Chapter Six
Luigi's Story
Under New Management
Master Hand - For as long as there's been Mario, there's been someone who's been left behind in his dust. Luigi is one of the most recognizable of these poor souls. Let's see what happens when Mario takes a 'vacation'…
(Mario walks outside, yawns, stretches, and looks up.)
Mario - Who are you?
(Mario gets poke into the cosmos by Master Hand. As he flies off, Luigi exits the house and does the same thing.)
Luigi - Who are you?
Ness - I'm Ness, remember?
Luigi - So, you are. I feel good today. So good in fact…
(Luigi goes to Nintendo headquarters and walks into an office.)
Luigi - I want to replace Mario as the mascot for this company!
(The executive jaws drop as people begin looking at themselves.)
Executive - Unforgivable!! Bring me a blindfold, earmuffs, and noseplugs immediately!! I wish not to see, hear, or smell of this impudence any longer!! Bah!!
(Luigi is thrown out the window, but grabs a star on his way down. He crashes into the ground and simply crawls out of the Luigi-shaped hole. He brushes himself off and walks away.)
Luigi - Note to self. Burn all of Mario's stuff, memorabilia, and fans.
Fanboy - You suck, Luigi! Mario's better!
(Luigi grabs a Fire Flower and burns the fanboy to a crisp with it.)
Luigi - Any other takers? No? Good.
Master Hand - Back in space…
Falcon - …fried beans, cooked beans, baked beans, Mr. Bean, Has Bean, Mexican jumping bean, how you bean, and the classical garbanzo bean. Now, onto my favorite fruits!
Mario - Mamma mia…
Master Hand - Back on Earth…
Luigi - I'm going to overthrow my brother!
(Everyone freezes and Samus, who's holding a tray full of plates, drops it. All eyes turn to him.)
Fox - You want to overthrow your brother?
Luigi - Yes!
Samus - Mario?
Luigi - Yes.
Ness - You do realize that Mario is the video game God, right?
Luigi - -sigh- Yes…
(Everyone begins laughing.)
Ness - -laughing- That's priceless!!
Luigi - Screw you!
Samus - No! Screw you.
(Samus uses the Screw Attack and Luigi falls to the ground, electrified.)
Luigi - Mommy, please don't touch my gigglestick.
(Everyone gets a disgusted look on their face as Luigi looks up.)
Luigi - Gigglestick was my cat.
Master Hand - Later…
(Luigi walks out of Mario's room, which is burning.)
Luigi - The deed is done!!
Ness - What?! Who told you?! Who said that I took the car from the Dukes of Hazzard?!
Luigi - What?
Ness - Oh. Um… Nothing! -runs off-
Luigi - Yeah…
Samus - Was that Ness jumping into the General Lee?
(The Duke of Hazzard horn blares in the background.)
Luigi - I'd have to say yeah.
Samus - Oh…
(Samus beams Luigi in the head with a baseball bat.)
Samus - This was for you're own good.
(Luigi regains consciousness as the tornado in the Hyrule Temple is closing in on him.)
Fox - You can't overthrow Mario! It's not possible!!
Samus - This is for your own good.
(Luigi gets caught in the tornado and is blasted into the screen before dying.)
Samus - And that was for my own amusement.
Fox - Where'd that screen come from?
(The Dukes of Hazzard horn blares again as Ness jumps over the Hyrule Temple in the car and crashes into the screen.)
Master Hand - Next time, Kirby learns the potential of how to suck.