Super Sped Bros.
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros. or any of the related games.
Chapter Seven
Kirby's Story
Kicked To The Kirby
Master Hand - I'm an old friend of Kirby's and let me tell you, he knows how to suck big time! Literally! Let us watch…
(Kirby walks into the kitchen where Ness is sitting. Kirby goes to sneeze, but sucks Ness in. He spits Ness out and is now wearing his hat. Kirby gets a weird look in his eye and begins to rub his beard as he pondered of the potential of his ability.)
Ness - But Kirby doesn't have a beard.
(Kirby began to rub his chin as he pondered the potential of his ability. Plus, in the background, Ness could hear the distinct sound of the fourth wall being broken.)
Samus - I heard beard. What's going on?
(Kirby runs out of the house as Ness walks to Samus' side.)
Kirby - I've got a bad feeling about this.
(A whirlwind flies into the room and slows down to reveal Kirby, who now has on black clothes, is pale as a ghost, and is wearing a sequined glove on his left hand. He grabs his crotch.)
Kirby - -in squeaky voice- Shimone! -moonwalks out of house-
Ness - Oh dear…
Samus - This could be amusing.
Master Hand - In space…
Falcon - So, then, my great-great-great-great-great-grandmammy's uncle's third cousin's niece's nephew's dad's barber's Oldsmobile said, 'Well then, passed some those potatoes down here and I'll blast 'em!' -maniacal laughter-
Luigi - Mamma mia…
Mario - My sentiments exactly.
Master Hand - Back in the house…
(Everyone is gathered on the front couch as Kirby walks in on a red carpet with Donald Trump's toupee on. He reaches into his nonexistent pocket and throws hundreds everywhere before walking out.)
Fox - Bets on who'll be next, Ahnold or Sean Connery?
(People randomly place bets.)
Ness - Here he comes!
Fox - Betting's over!
(Kirby walks in with buff muscles. He stops and flexes them. Then, he begins speaking in a squeaky voice.)
Kirby - -in squeaky Sean Connery voice- I would appreciate it if you stayed out of my personal affairs.
Fox - Oh, that was good.
(Kirby leaves, but instantly pops back in wearing sequined clothes and he begins doing jumping jacks.)
Kirby - -in squeaky voice- Work those abs!
Ness - That one's kinda creepy.
(Kirby leaves, but returns instantaneously.)
Kirby - -in squeaky voice- I suck at acting, but people love me!
(Everyone throws there hands up in realization.)
Everyone - Tom Cruise!
(A.N. I cannot stand to look at Tom Cruise and his untalented ass. I really couldn't care if you like him. In my personal opinion he should've 1.) Stopped after the first Mission Impossible. 2.) Shoved this 'Scientology' crap up his ass. And 3.) Quit acting like he's the greatest thing God's made since A&W Root Beer.)
(Kirby leaves and comes back later completely normal.)
Ness - Is he done?
(Paris Hilton walks in.)
Paris Hilton - Is this the new movie auditions? I need to know who I've got to get my lawyer to pay.
(Kirby sucks in Paris Hilton, but instantly becomes green. He turns to the corner and spits out a large mass of green liquid. He then runs into the bathroom as Paris Hilton rises from the green liquid.)
Paris Hilton - Nothing new for me. -walks away- Where's my agent? I want money!
Samus - That was just nasty.
(From upstairs, Kirby screams. He runs downstairs and out the door, barely giving the group to look at the bumps on his face.)
Ness - Did Kirby just get herpes from her?
Samus - Wow. That's gotta suck.
Master Hand - Serves the little pecker right. Next time, Link encounters his worst fear head on.