Super Sped Bros.
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros. or any of the related games.
Chapter Nine
Ness' Story
Bound For Earth
Master Hand - Oh, yeah! That's original! Man, screw the intro! Just watch…
(Ness is snoring until the phone rings.)
Ness - Mr. Saturn! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You do realize I can't understand anything you're saying, right? Was that a yes or a no? Why am I still talking to you? -hangs up- Honestly.
(The phone rings again.)
Ness - Hello? Commissioner Gordon! No, I can't tell you where Batman is. I don't know where he is. Why do you want Robin? Never mind. -hangs up- Honestly!
(The phone rings yet again.)
Ness - Hello? No, I don't want any Chickida China, the Chinese Chicken. -hangs up- This is giving me a headache.
(The phone rings once more.)
Ness - Hello. Good… An alien invasion! I'm on it! -hangs up-
Samus - -walks in- I heard you mention alien invasion.
Ness - They're heading for Earth.
Samus - -spits milk onto her visor- What?! Are they small, green, and annoying as hell?
Ness - I don't know. I hung up before I got the details.
Samus - Are you some kind of retard?
Ness - I'd rather not answer that.
Samus - Retard-say-what?
Ness - What?
Samus - Works for me.
Master Hand - A little while later…
Ness - Away! -flies off on a little space ship- Okay, I'm approaching the aliens. Wow, there sure are a lot! I hope I can…
(Ness turns when something dings behind him. At that moment, a Yoshi hits the windshield.)
Ness - Weird.
Samus - Hey, I came too. Me being an intergalactic bounty hunter and whatnot.
Ness - Whatever.
(Falcon smashes into the windshield and is foaming at the mouth.)
Falcon - I'm rabid! Blarh! -begins rapidly squirming-
Ness - Should I?
Samus - But I wanted too. Oh, fine…
(Ness turns on the windshield wipers and every time Falcon is hit, he goes 'Ouch.')
Samus - It's not working. Spray him.
(Ness sprays the cleaner on the window and Falcon begins rapidly scrubbing his body, soon becoming one large, soapy mass.)
Falcon - I'm a bubble man!
(Bubbleman from Megaman 2 flies past him.)
Bubbleman - Like hell you are!!
Ness - Weird. Anyways, last resort.
(Ness pushes a button and the windshield is blasted off into the distance.)
Falcon - This can't end well!
Samus - Well, now that he's gone. Let's find the… Ohmygod!!
(Both Ness and Samus share the same flabbergasted look when they see hundreds of Yoshis floating through space.)
Ness - Now, when you said small, green, and annoying as hell…
Samus - Not what I was talking about.
Ness - Figured. Hey, look!
(Mario, Luigi, Link, Pikachu, DK, and Fox float slowly past the ship holding a ship that says 'Get Us Down!'. Falcon flies by going the other way holding a sign that says 'Gopher Paste!'.)
Samus - Well, Ness. The million dollar question. Who do you rescue?
Ness - The ones that aren't crazy.
Samus - Excellent choice.
(Mario, Luigi, Link, Pikachu, DK, and Fox are allowed onboard, but Samus throws a board over Falcon. It slowly drifts below him.)
Falcon - Man over board!
Samus - You're a laugh riot. -closes door-
Master Hand - Half an hour later…
(The group is partying in the back of the house.)
Fox - It's great to be home!
Mario - That's right!
Luigi - I agree!
Jigglypuff - Jigglypuff! (Shut up, faggots!)
Pikachu - Pika pika, Pika pikachu! (Screw off, you scrawny bitch!)
Yoshi - Yoshi! (To be truly honest, I don't know what Yoshi just said.)
Samus - Here's to never having to see Falcon again!
Everyone - Here…
Falcon - Here?!
(Everyone looks up and sees Falcon using the windshield as a surfboard. It burns into nothing and Falcon stops in front of Samus' face with a creepy smile on. He continues to defy physics by floating in air.)
Falcon - Hi.
Everyone - Aw…
Samus - You disgust me.
Falcon - I try.
(Samus raises her buster ad begins to charge as Falcon frowns. He turns to the camera and waves before being blasted into the distance.)
Samus - And then some!
Master Hand - Lovely. Everyone's back. Exactly what I wanted. Not! Anyways, next time, Pikachu discovers the true meaning behind 'Gotta Catch 'Em All'…