Super Sped Bros.
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros. or any of the related games.
Chapter Twelve
Jigglypuff's Story
Pop Sensation
Master Hand - Jigglypuff has put many people to sleep with her singing. Ashlee Simpson has done the same. Except the singing part. She apparently likes to lip-synch. Anyhow, let's see what happens when Jigglypuff learns of this…
(A barrel sits in the middle of the cellar. Mario walks into the basement and goes to open it. Falcon's head busts out of the side.)
Falcon - -slurred- Haha! I beat you to it! No booze for you, Mario…
(Falcon passes out and his head falls limp. Mario looks into the barrel and dips his cup in. He takes a sip and replaces the lid.)
Mario - I hope he didn't pee in that.
(In the living room, Samus and Ness are chatting about Nothing as Jigglypuff, Pikachu, and Fox are watching TV.)
Samus - …and the ending! Agh! The title describes what you miss if you don't watch it. Nothing!
Ness - Although, it would be cool to hate things away.
(Samus and Ness turn to Yoshi, who's sleeping in the corner. Nothing happens.)
Ness - Drat!
TV Announcer - And, in other news, Ashlee Simpson comments on her lip-synching on Saturday Night Live.
(Jigglypuff grows wide-eyed, then becomes all puffy.)
TV Interviewer - Why did you lip-synch?
Ashlee Simpson - Oh, I'm a stupid shit like that! I thought I could go on national TV and get away with lip-synching.
TV Interviewer - Do you always lip-synch?
Ashlee Simpson - Of course not!
(Ashlee's lips keep moving after she's done talking. Jigglypuff jumps off of the couch, goes into the kitchen, comes out with a large knife, and storms through the door.)
Mario - -walks in- What did I miss?
Master Hand - In the city…
(Jigglypuff knocks someone down and points the knife to their face.)
Jigglypuff - Jiggypuff puff! (Where's the bitch?!)
Random Person - -panicking- I dunno what you're saying! Please don't kill me!
(Jigglypuff kills the man and hops off of his body.)
Jigglypuff - Jiggy jiggy jiggypuff puff. (Damn that Nintendo for not giving me speech capabilities!)
Master Hand - Back at the house…
TV Announcer - And, in other news, a small, pinkish balloon is going on a mass murdering spree. And, yes! -looks down- I am apparently its' next victim. The puffball, which appears to be female, is either humping my leg or attempting to stab me to death. -falls down- Yes, sir! It stabbed my knees in and is now walking down my chest with a deranged look and a large knife.
Jigglypuff - Jiggypuff puff! (Where's Ashlee?!)
TV Announcer - It's trying to communicate! I just know it! And it's raising the knife and… Yes, sir! It is stabbing me in the face. Chances are, I won't be into work for some time. Back to you, Clyde!
Clyde - Fascinating stuff, that is.
(A long silence follows in the living room.)
Fox - Is it just me or do we need smarter news reporters?
Master Hand - At the TV station…
(Jigglypuff hopped off of the body and began storming through the TV station. She finally came to a set of TV screens where she was on most of them. Through admiring herself, she noticed one named 'Studio 51' where Ashlee was moving her lips, but no words came out. Jigglypuff sucked in her gut, admired herself one last time, then marched off.)
Master Hand - At the main desk…
(The group walks up to a bleeding clerk.)
Bleeding Clerk - May I help you?
Ness - We're looking for our crazy friend.
Bleeding Clerk - Define crazy.
Luigi - She's going to kill Ashlee Simpson.
Bleeding Clerk - That's great news!
Mario - She's going to kill everyone who gets in her way.
Bleeding Clerk - Not so great.
(Samus looks at a nearby body and uses her Scan Visor. The reading comes back as 'Deceased organic lifeform. Cause of death was multiple knife wounds, probably inflicted by a pissed-off puffball.')
Samus - It's her.
Bleeding Clerk - If you want to surprise your friend with a cake, she'll probably head to Studio 51.
Ness - Is that like Area 51?
(Silence follows.)
Mario - Miss?
Bleeding Clerk - Uh…
Luigi - Huh?
Bleeding Clerk - What?
Fox - Who?
Bleeding Clerk - Potato sandwich! -passes out from blood loss-
Ness - Bummer.
Master Hand - In Studio 51…
(Jigglypuff kicks down the door and points at Ashlee.)
Jigglypuff - Jigglypuff! (You are a disgrace to singers world-wide, what with your lip-synch and obvious lack of vocal talent! I am here to smiteth thee! Prepare to fight, bitch!)
Ashlee Simpson - I'm sorry. I'm, like, stupid as shit, man. Could you say that again?
(Jigglypuff gets all puffy and uses the blood from the knife to spell out 'Sing-off!'.)
Ashlee Simpson - Oh. Bring it on! For I am…
(Ashlee begins growing and getting greener. The group breaks down part of the wall.)
Mario - We're here to save you!
(The group looks up and sees Ashlee grow into a Godzilla-like creature.)
Luigi - You're saved. Run away!!
(The group turns around and runs off as Jigglypuff walks up. It looks down at Ashlee's foot, then kicks.)
Judge #1 - And thus begins this sing-off!
Judge #2 - Let's hope for some great singing talent.
Judge #3 - I'm only going to expect half of the that.
(Ashlee proceeds to roar a few times.)
Judge #1 - -holds up 0 card- My ears are bleeding.
Judge #2 - -holds up 0 card- My face is melting.
Judge #3 - -holds up 0 card- My nose has fallen off.
(Jigglypuff proceeds to sing and puts everyone to sleep.)
Falcon - Yay! Bravo! Whoo! Encore! -holds up 1 card- You're number one!
(Jigglypuff blushes, bows, then jumps up and stabs Ashlee Simpson in the face.)
Jigglypuff - Jigglypuff! (The deed is done!)
Master Hand - Bizarre. Next time, Fox loses his job, but gets another one.