Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or the characters! Thanks to CrystalRaindrop007 for Beta'ing!
Before the rain . . . there's always darkness. — Me
Before The Rain — IV
Ichigo leaned his head back, letting the wind flow through him as they rode through the snowy fields. They were riding Morning Glory again, and Rukia was leading the horse as Ichigo sat behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist as they flew through the mid-morning air.
Soon, they stopped and Ichigo looked surprised.
"Huh? Why are we stopping here?"
Rukia just smiled and hopped off of Morning Glory and began walking through the snow, taking her reigns and leading Morning Glory along behind her. Ichigo didn't miss the shiver that ran through Rukia as she lost the warmth of his body.
He jumped down beside her and took off his coat again, putting it around her shoulders as they walked along.
"Hey, Rukia, something seems to be bothering you. Wanna talk about it?" Ichigo asked. Rukia shrugged her shoulders, looking down at the snowy ground beneath her feet. Ichigo didn't push it. He knew she would talk if she wanted to.
As they slowly trudged through the snow, Ichigo's curosity was slowly growing.
"Oy, Rukia. Why are you out here with me alone? Wouldn't your brother go beserk?"
Rukia shrugged. "Yeah, probably. But I know you won't do anything to me," she said, glancing back at him and sticking out her tongue, as if challenging him to actually do something. Ichigo just smirked, stuffing his cold hands into his pockets of his worn jeans as they continued walking along.
Finally, they came to a small stream and Rukia leaned down beside it, letting Morning Glory drink from the still un-frozed stream. After the horse had had her fill, Rukia climbed back on with Ichigo's help and they started off, Ichigo walking beside the trotting horse instead of riding.
"Ichigo . . . can I tell you something?"
Ichigo looked up briefly up at Rukia, then back down at the ground.
"Mm hm," he said.
"You can't tell anyone I told you, though."
Ichigo just nodded.
"Well, I'm turning sixteen in mid-Janurary and it is part of Kuchiki tradition that one has to be . . . married . . . on the eve of their sixteenth birthday."
"Congratulations," Ichigo said quietly, swallowing a lump in his throat.
Rukia sighed and jumped off her horse, beginning to walk beside Ichigo as he led the horse. He didn't meet her eyes.
"I don't want to get married, though."
He turned to her in surprise and stopped walking. She stopped beside him, too, but neither said a word.
"Why not?" Ichigo asked, looking up at the sky as they walked along. She shrugged and kicked a rock in front of her, watching as he skipped and make several holes in the snow. Sighing, she followed Ichigo's gaze up into the sky. There were clouds beginning to shine through the horizon.
"Just . . . I'm not even sixteen yet, Ichigo. When I get married, whoever my husband happens to be is going to want a family, and if I don't even know the guy . . . God, I just can't imagine it," she said, shaking her head as her gaze fell from the ever-darkening sky to the snow in front of her as her feet shuffled it aside in order for her to move.
Ichigo didn't speak; he just nodded.
They continued to walk in silence while Morning Glory followed behind them. When they reached the barn, Renji was leaning against the railing and Ichigo winced. He turned and gave Rukia a look that said why-didn't-you-tell-me-he-was-coming?
"Yo, Slave!"
Ichigo's head jerked up and he glared at Renji.
"Whatcha doing out? You're supposed to be working like a good slave," he said, smirking as he saw the anger in Ichigo rise. "Rukia, your cousin's here, and she brought her midgit boyfriend, Hitsu-whatever with her."
"Let me help put Morning Glory away first," Rukia said, turning to help Ichigo lead the horse back into the stall. Renji groaned and rolled his eyes toward the sky.
"Rukia. Look, that is what the slaves are for. Let's just go back to the house, OK?"
Renji, who was purposly trying to taunt Ichigo, failed to realize that the carrot-top was only inches away from him. His head realed backward as Ichigo's fist made contact with Renji's smirking face.
He fell backward into the snow, holding his bloody nose.
"Stop!" Rukia yelled in vain as Renji jumped to his feet and went after Ichigo. "Please, stop!"
Neither paid any attention to her; they continued brawling. Finally fed up with them, she stepped in between them as Ichigo was getting ready to kick Renji where it could affect his ever producing a family in the future.
Rukai glared at the both, more at Ichigo than anything.
"Ichigo, stop! You can't do this! They could kill you!"
"So what!" Ichigo yelled back, his face red with anger as he tried to get past the short, raven haired girl. "I don't care if I die! I'm gonna kill that red-haired bastard if it's the last thing I do!"
Rukia's eyes went wide as she turned around, now fully facing Ichigo. Her violet eyes bore deep into his as he glared over her head at Renji, who was leaning up against the railing to support himself and holding his bloody nose. His eyes ventured down to meet hers as she clenched her fists tightly at her sides.
"Why, Ichigo? Why?!"
"Because of how he treats us! What he calls us! They killed my mother! People like him killed my mother!" he yelled the anger in his eyes glowing deeply. Rukia stepped back a little; she could almsot feel than anger and hatred raidating from Ichigo.
"Your mother?" she said softly, her clenched fists relaxing slightly as her unblinking eyes stared into his.
"They killed my mother . . . they took my sisters . . . and my father is most probably dead now because they worked him nearly to death in the fields seven years ago. They took away my family, and I'm going to kill every one of them!" he roared, once again trying to push past Rukia. She pressed both her hands against his chest, trying to push him away from Renji.
"Ichigo! Please, think about what you're saying, please!"
"I've thought it through, Rukia! I've had years and years to think it through! I've made up my mind, and I'm going to avenge my mother!"
"Ichigo!"
Ichigo stopped struggling against her as she yelled his name loud, harsh and full of determination. He looked down at her and gently placed his rough hand on her arm as he saw the tears flowing down her face.
"Ichigo . . . please . . . don't do it, please, I'm begging you . . ."
He didn't speak as he looked down at her. She shifted her gaze to look up into his eyes as she spoke, the clear, crystalized tears dripping down her pale face. No one spoke for a second. Ichigo continued to stare into her eyes and Renji just leaned against the railing, his eyes wide as he watched the exchance that was going on before him.
"My mother . . . my mother was taken way from me, too . . . not in the same way your mother was taken from you . . . but believe me, I know the pain. I know the pain of losing someone you love so much," she paused, and Ichigo took the given moment to break in.
"You don't know the pain that I do! You never could feel the pain I do! You never could feel the pain . . . because I was the one that killed her!"
Rukia fell silent and Renji took in a deep breath. Ichigo continued,
"I killed her. They knew the only way they could keep me under conrtol and to work like the other boys was to threaten my family. I-I messed up . . . I messed up just once and they killed her! They killed her because I couldn't keep my mouth shut and I couldn't stop myself."
"I know that pain, Ichigo. I know how you feel, but please, don't get yourself in trouble. Please . . ." Rukia begged.
"How the hell could you know what it feels like to be the cause of someone's death!" Ichigo yelled, his own fists clenching tightly as his eyes met Renji's. "How could you know what it feels like to kill someone you love?"
"Because . . . Becasue I killed him . . . I killed Kaien . . ."
Rukia's tears which were just beginning to clear, came faster as she turned away from Ichigo. Her small body was shaking with each breath she took. Ichigo just watched her, his eyes filled with anger, hatred, and now . . . concern.
"What?" he asked quietly, so quietly he wasn't she she had heard him.
"I-I killed Kaien. And I loved him. We were to be married when we were both older, because he was in the royal family. I loved him, and I killed him," she said, her voice unshaking even though she was crying. Then, without a second glance at Ichigo, she ran off, her raven hair blowing in the wind.
"Bastard," Renji growled as he ran after Rukia.
Ichigo fell to the snow, dropping his head in his hands.
What have I done?
When Renji found Rukia, she was sitting in the deep, cold snow, her knees drawn up to her chest and her face wet with tears. Her skirt was soaked through from the snow, and he was sure he saw her shivering.
Bending down beside her, he wrapped his arms around her and she turned around, falling into his embrace as she sobbed loudly.
Neither spoke; Renji just let her cry, because he knew it was something she needed to let out. But . . . damn that stable boy! Rukia hadn't cried over Kaien or her mother in a year! She was beginning to heal and then this stupid, rude stable boy breaks in and reopens those scars.
When she finally pulled away, she looked up at him and smiled.
"Thanks, Renji. You're a good friend."
He smiled sadly and nodded.
I only wish I could be more than that . . .
"Come on. Let's bring you home, you're in no condition to be staying out here; it's cold," he said gently, taking her hand and helping her to her feet.
She nodded and allowed him to lead her back to the castle, but every once in a while, she would glance back at the private stables, of which she could just barely see. Renji noticed and said,
"Rukia, please forget about that boy. He's just hurting you," he begged, trying to restrain from calling him a slave.
"I know I should . . . but I just can't," she said, wiping tears from her eyes as she tore her gaze from the small dot in the distance that she knew was where that boy was at.
"He reminds you of Kaien, doesn't he?" Renji asked, not meeting her eyes when they came up to his face. Sighing, she answered,
"Yes. A little. He looks alike, but his personality is different. But Ichigo grew up as a slave, and Kaien as a noble, so I can understand their differences," she said softly, her hand, which was clasped in Renji's, moving to wrap around her stomach.
Silence fell over them as they walked the remainder of the way to the castle. Rukia stood on the front steps as Renji stared at her. He said,
"Rukia . . . when did we grow so far apart? I feel as though you talk to that slave more than me," he said, wincing when he realized his slip-up in calling Ichigo a slave. But this time Rukia didn't yell at him. Instead, she said quietly,
"When you started that."
Renji knew what she was reffuring to. Slaves . . . He used to treat them the same way she did; he would smile and talk to them, and together they would bring surprises for the little kids and they wouldn't call the slaves names; they would treat them kindly. But on day several years ago, a slave was responsible for injuring Renji so he could never ride, seriously, on a horse again. His leg had broken in several places and had healed wrong. You could tell if you looked real close; he limped slightly when he walked.
So he had taken his anger of not being able to ride, what he loved most, on the slaves. He had tried, for Rukia'a sake, to still treat them kindly, but soon found out that he needed somewhere to release his anger, or he would take it out on his friends.
Like he had on Rukia . . .
"I'm sorry Rukia, I really am. But that is the way I am. If I didn't do what I do . . . I would take it out on you, and I can't do that because . . . because I love you, Rukia," he said quietly, his eyes not meeting hers.
"W-what?" she asked quietly. "R-Renji . . ."
"I love you, Rukia. Please believe I do, please,"
"I-I . . . Renji . . ." Tears began to form in her eyes again. "I'm sorry, Renji . . ."
Rukia opened the door and ran inside, hiding her face as the tears flowed freely down. She could hear Renji calling after her, but she didn't stop. Not until she was inside her room and she had closed the door firmly behind her.
Sliding down to the floor, she buried her face in between her knees and let herself cry. Something she hadn't done for a long time. She had hoped, prayed, that Renji wouldn't feel anything for her. Because she knew that, at one time, she had fallen for him, hard, and hadn't been able to pick herself up for years. But she had finally pushed past that feeling, because she could never love a man for eternity that took his anger out on slaves.
But he had that, too, because he had loved her. He had done everything for her, but she couldn't love him anymore.
She had pushed past that, and she could never go back. She couldn't love him, she couldn't.
She had to move on, and so did he. They had to push on.
They couldn't love each other.
She couldnt return his feelings, and she had to let him know. But she didn't have anyone to talk to. Ichigo was mad at her now and probably hated her.
Rukia moved herself from the floor and climbed up onto her bed, fingering the picture she had just finished drawing that morning. A ghost of a smile flowed across her face as she ran her slim fingers over the face of Ichigo. Then, using the back of her hand to wipe her tears away, the carefully fingered the edge of the picture, biting her lip as she began tearing the edge of the picture out.
Glancing at the portin in her hand, she stiffled a sob as she crumpled it in her hand and threw it across the room, letting it bounce on the wall.
Like she had torn Ichigo from the picture, she had torn him from her life earlier that day as she had yelled at him. She could see the pain in his face as she yelled, but for the split second, she couldn't care.
But now . . . that pain . . . she just wanted to take it away and hold him, wiping away his pain.
But it was too deep. His pain and scars dug deeply into his life, and no matter what she did, she could never heal them.
Like her scars, once they were reopened, they took a long time to close again.
And he needed time, so she was going to give it to him.
Weeell, what do ya think?
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