Taming The Troublesome
Rating: T
Chapter One: Alleged Pervert
I'm sincerely sorry if any of you are disappointed with this chapter, since it's not as funny as the first. MORE FUNNINESS WILL COME, TRUST ME!!! –hugs Kano-
ALSO- I hate to ask this, but is anyone interested in being my editor? I feel that I really need one, due to my fast-moving plot skills xD
Edit: Hey, sorry about the misspelling of Jiraya, my word processor changed the spelling of all my names. I just forgot to go back and edit his! Sorry!!
XxxxX
Chouji went home with a rather large bump on the top of his head that day.
A still bitter Shikamaru went off in pursuit of Ino. Maybe she'd make him feel better. It wasn't until Shikamaru reached the door of the Yamanaka Flower Shop that he wondered why the hell he had thought that. Ino would just make things worse.
It was starting to get dark, and the frigid November air was making his various bruises hurt. It was as if the evil fate dog was coming back to hump his leg. But he couldn't go home and dread the next day for the entire night.
He needed to be consoled before he went to bed. He slumped on to an empty metal park bench and instantly felt his butt go numb from the chill. His breath came out in wet little puffs of steam, glistening in the light of the closing shops. This was stupid. All of it. All the way down to Tsunade's amused smirk. He placed his chin in his hands and scowled.
"Good thing the smartest man in Konoha isn't feeling hormonal."
Shikamaru's head snapped upwards, and he took in a quick breath and moaned. "ow-ow-ow-ow…" Damn those neck cricks!
"Did I scare you?" The man smiled warmly, a feat that seemed almost impossible in the bone-chilling night air.
"Go to hell."
"Now, now, is that any way to treat your Sensei?" The man, Asuma, sat next to his student, and stretched back on the bench, his arms arched behind his head.
"So, what's got you down, Shikamaru? It's unlike you to be a slave to your emotions. Are you sure you're not over-reacting? I mean, this is a girl we're talking about."
Shikamaru's glared at him. People needed to stop messing with him. It was awfully troublesome to have to untangle people's motives.
"If you knew what I was thinking about, why the hell did you ask? And who told you anyways?"
Asuma decided not to answer the first question. "The Hokage."
Shikamaru made a fist. "That woman is sick! As soon as the peace contract is done, so help me, I'll-"
Asuma laughed to himself. This woman sure had Shikamaru in a tizzy.
"Tsunade's not the one you should be mad at." The calm voice of Asuma interrupted. He looked away. "If you're going to be pissed off at anyone, be pissed off at me. I'm the one who reccomended you for the job."
"WHAT?!?" The boy's eyes were open wide, his mouth open slightly in shock. "Why the hell did you do that?!? You know Temari and I don't get along!!" 'Understatement of the year' He thought.
Asuma smiled and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. There was a silence.
"Shikamaru, you've got an incredible mind. See if you can figure it out on your own. Just for a moment, think about why I might have done this."
The steamed breath hung in the air for a moment before disappearing. The cold night swallowed all noise, in an ear-ringing silence.
"Because…. You're mentally unstable?"
Asuma laughed, a raw laugh that sounded more like an amused bark.
"You really aren't all that smart are you?"
Shikamaru felt foolish and embarrassed. His sensei rarely insulted him, and when he did, it was harsh. He blushed in the darkness, a reaction that didn't normally occur.
When Asuma recovered, he looked like he had been holding back that laugh for a long time. What was with everyone finding his situation funny!?!
"Shikamaru, your mind can comprehend the most complex of math studies, thousands of possible battle moves, there isn't one game you can't master within a week. But when it comes to other people, namely women, you're clueless! Your social skills drop every moment you go cloud watching rather than eat lunch with your friends, every time you go to sleep rather than write letters to your family. Ever since you left the Nara household, I've been worried about you. More than a jounin's sensei status requires."
He paused. "Genius can only get you so far," he continued, "After that, you actually have to deal with people. Like talk to them, relate to them, befriend them." He smiled, "Which I know is a relationship you've already established with Chouji. What if you were sent on a mission as a spy? To join in a culture and be accepted? If you didn't talk, and kept to yourself, people would suspect you right away. And you'd fail a mission. FAIL. Maybe even be killed. Think of this… as a mission. From me to you. Your mission is to deal with the person you dislike the most for an entire week – enough to render positive results. And there's much more at stake than some fickle personal grudge. The peace between Suna and Konoha is at stake. There aren't any 'moves' to consider. You don't have options of any kind. You're going to be nice to Temari even if it kills you, you got that?" Asuma ended on a threatening note.
Shikamaru was surprised. Both at the severity this situation had suddenly given him, and at Asuma's blatant dislike of Shikamaru's social attitude. He felt at first, a bit insecure. Had someone been watching him closely?
Asuma's face softened. "So hear me out. This is your mission: Become a better person."
Shikamaru grinned throughout the entire silence that followed his last comment. Grinning was rare, but it was all right to do it now. Someone cared about him. Someone that didn't have to, and didn't find it a troublesome task.
"That was really mushy, you know."
"Shut up, lazy-ass." A cigarette butt was thrown at a certain 16-year-old.
XxxxX
When Shikamaru got inside his apartment, he realized that he hadn't been consoled at all, only felt more crappy now that he knew he had to deal with Temari or the whole village would watch as he was hung from the rafter's outside the Hokage's building.
He looked at the instruction sheet Tsunade had given him. It was formatted like an itinerary. It was typed, but it often had Tsunade's harsh letters in red pen.
Suna Liasion Check Up Schedule.
Day One:
9:30 Pickup from Hokage's Guest Building
(That means don't be late, Shikamaru, or I'll kick your ass, and I'm sure she will too. You don't want your ass kicked twice, Nara,)
10:00 Arrive at Konoha's Farmer's Market
(Show her all the items being sold, and explain about the agriculture of the area, the financial benefits of our organic crops. Stay away from Kano's Gay Vegetable stand PLEASE)
Day Two:
1:00 Pickup
(Need I reinforce this?)
2:00 Arrive at Konoha Academy
(Explain to her about the waterfall students if she asks, and assure her we have their full loyalty. If she still doesn't believe you, introduce her to Iruka and have HIM assure her)
Shikamaru stopped. He didn't think he could handle reading the rest. Each day sounded like more and more torture. Day one was enough to kill Shikamaru all on its own. Kano, Hidden Waterfall's own Gay Ninja had an immense crush on the lazy genius, and once almost raped him… it was…not a nice story. However, Shikamaru was pretty sure Kano was out on a mission with the rest of his team now, so, he didn't really have anything to worry about.
BUT, not only was he required to talk to Temari, he also had to talk to other, most likely friendly, members of Konoha.
'MY social skills are fine!' he thought indignantly
He never hated his captain as much as he did right then.
XxxxX
The next morning actually came rather quickly for the hapless genius. HE had managed to fall asleep around one in the morning, which wasn't late at all. He took a shower, and changed into his normal baggy black clothing and vest. He was almost tempted to wear his old uniform, but he figured it would get cold after dark.
"Psssh, what do I plan on doing after dark anyways…" he mumbled to himself as he sat in a pastry shop, about to order breakfast.
"Ooo, what's going down after dark?"
It was the stupidly deep voice of everyone's favorite perverted senin. Shikamaru whirled in the direction the voice was coming from. He was so enveloped in self-pity he didn't even realize Jiraiya-sama sit down next to him.
"What'll it be boys?"asked a pretty lady from behind the counter.
Shikamaru groaned. This was just not his day. First he thought an unintentionally dirty thought, it escaped his mouth and JIRAIYA heard it?
All trace of appetite that had once existed within him disappeared off the face of the earth as soon as he hear Jiraiya-sama order two beanpaste- pastries and an extra helping of her breasts.
Is this what he did all day?!? Go around and harass young women? Shikamaru had never really respected the man, but honestly. What had he turned Naruto in to?
He just needed to marry Tsunade and leave all of them alone. He left the shop and checked a clock through the window of a bookstore. Damn. He needed to meet "her" at the gate in half an hour. He took his time, and so to say, moseyed on over to Konoha Gate.
The gate itself was pretty pointless. Any normal shinobi could get over that gate in a heartbeat, and there were trees surrounding it at all angles. One could easily climb a tree and jump over.
However, it was a symbol of security (no matter how weak) for the village.
Temari was late, that much was clear
What if she forgot to come? Or perhaps she was killed on her way? With a renewed confidence, he picked soggy autumn leaves off the wall of the gate and hopped on to it , climbing into the tree above it. He groaned loudly as dew sprinkled into his hair and soaked his hands and feet. He pulled himself to the top of the (now identified) oak, and hid amongst the pathetic remainder of yellow leaves that hadn't been torn violently from the branches yet. A few flittered to the ground, and Shikamaru once more felt lazy and tired.
Maybe he could catch a little nap…
It wasn't long before he heard the crunching of leaves approaching. He quickly awoke and peeked down from the tree, feeling groggy. She wasn't aware of his presence, perhaps the dampness on his clothes made him harder to detect.
About 258 different greeting tactics zoomed into the vicinity of his thought. About a third of them were amusing as well as entertaining. He began to debate over which to use when the crunching stopped, and she spoke out loud to herself.
"Where the hell is my guide?"
She pulled her fan off her back and dropped it at the bottom of the wall. Shikamaru couldn't see very clearly, but he could have sworn she just… hopped up on to the wall? Was she seriously sitting, prone on the wall, about 10 feet in the air waiting for her guide? Maybe she was more patient than he had remembered. Pushaw.
He laughed to himself. Temari? Patient? The same girl who after being 10-20 minutes late complained immediately that someone else was late? She was probably crouched, waiting for her guide…him…so she could attack him like some kind of fan-wielding PMS-ing bitch.
A thought popped into his head. If it were a light bulb, it would be a very bright one, unlike the normal dimly sputtering one. It was… a real thought-driven idea.
Shikamaru smiled viciously. Asuma wanted him to treat this like a mission? Then this was his first battle.
XxxxX
Temari was bored, pissed off, and ready to kick the ass of the next person to walk through the Konoha gate, whether it be her guide or otherwise. She crouched on the wall, examining her nails, when she heard a rustling behind her. It definitely wasn't a shinobi.
They didn't hide in trees and let their victims know it, by making ridiculously obvious rustling noises. Reaching up under her kimono, Temari pulled a second, smaller fan from the holster on her leg. This pervert was going down.
Shikamaru was getting sick of his initial ideas to scare the shit out of her. Besides, she'd probably just hurt him anyways. Making up his mind, he rustled out of the tree and landed quickly and softly beside her.
THUNK.
"DIE PERVERT!!!" Came a high-pitched squeal as Shikamaru was hurled over the side of the wall by a fan as long as his forearm.
He shouted out as he tumbled ten feet towards the leaf-bedded ground.
CRACK
Shikamaru couldn't tell if those were his bones, or the various twigs that had been crushed under his bitch-fan propelled body. He moaned, as Temari's feet slammed to the ground next to him. He could see the heels of her shoes, and the purple painted toenails clearly.
"What the hell?!?" he groaned feebly.
"What the…Pineapple-head?!?!"
XxxxX END OF CHAPTER XxxxX
Author's Noteh:
Yeah, that whole Jiraiya scene was pretty pointless, but I just wanted to add him. That scene will have signifigance later. Thank you so much to my first reviewers, agent-doo, Kane-the-Warrior, Kajiin, and Squigalishis. I was so excited to get reviews, it wasn't even funny xD. I've never gotten my stories reviewed before . Like I said before, I'm soooo sorry if there's any ooc. I felt that Shikamaru's character changed a bit after his talk with Asuma. Maybe he was… a bit less lazy. I'll make him more lazy in the next chapter. Also, as much as I love Shikamaru, his head DOES look like a Pineapple, with the hair and all, so it's very likely that Temari would pick up on that xDDD This chapter was sort of rushed to be finished, I had it half done before I posted Chapter One, so I'm sorry. If I see any mistakes I'll fix them. Stab the long author's notes! Troublesome Natto