Elain and I spent most of the day wandering the library, drinking tea, and talking about all sorts of things. We talked about our hobbies and interests, as well as men. Elain being a mate to Lucien, the emissary to Spring, and now having dealings with the night court was interesting. However, she was more interested in the shadowsinger. It made sense considering the time they spent together and the kindness he should her. There was room for Lucien to sneak in if only he did not come on so strong. I wished I had anyone to tell her about with the same passion just to talk with her, but I didn't.
She went on and on about gardening. From flowers to foliage to shrubs, to succulents, she was an expert. Teasingly, I picked up a book on gardening and tossed it at her, "Don't need a book on gardening when you have Elain," making her laugh and I did too. It was nice to be around another female like this. Like friends. Elain watched as I looked for books on the dusk court. She was seated cross-legged, comfortably on a chair, "Your father sounds nice."
Not turning from the books, "Yes, he did what he could to keep me safe but I just never was enough. I do not blame him though. Uncle Keir, Mor's father is a hard man to please." It took me a moment to realize she was sobbing a bit.
"Our father died during the war. He finally became what we wanted. What we needed, was then taken away. But he tried and I don't blame him when he didn't." She seemed calm now, but still sad, "What do you regret most?"
Turning from the shelves to look at her I needed a moment to think, "Well...that's a loaded question. If there is something you want to ask me, go ahead. Is there something you regret?"
Elain shifted to hang one leg off the chair. She stared off into the distance, "I thought my sisters need someone to take care of them. That they found comfort in my bliss. Even now, they don't need to care for me but think they need to for my sake. I regret not speaking out more, for my sisters, and for myself. You speak out a lot, despite the danger and people telling you not to. Do you regret it?"
This was something important to her and I may be the only one who would not brush her off or baby her about it. If she wanted me to be her friend, her confidant, I will. I liked Elain and saw the fire she had reduced to embers for the sake of her sisters. Hopefully, she will find many others to help her fan those embers to flames. "When you are taking a beating and the pain won't go away...I would think 'Why did I say that' and 'Why would I do that.' After, though, I would realize the reason I was punished was that I challenged that I was as much a Fae as those males. They needed to put me in my place and the only reason I had regrets was that they made me feel I should be scared or shamed into obedience. Into going against how I was and being what they wanted me to be. Elain, you may not get beaten but speaking out may make people want to put you in a place they want you. Especially if you challenge what they want you to be. But never regret being your true self." Heaving a sigh I walked over to her but could not look her or anyone in the eye as I admitted, "even now, I still restrain myself more than I would like. I am angry and hateful and learning whether or not the things and people who fill me with stone-cold anger deserve it. But I will not apologize for having thoughts and...feelings."
She stared at me as a large smile formed on her face. Jumping up from her seat she hugged me. To my surprise, she told me, "So basically...fuck them..." The slay look on her face was like a child getting away with something they should do. But this was a female, who like me, probably rarely got to swear.
"Is that your first time saying that?"
"Hmmm no..." she burst into laughter and so did I.
Doing my best impression of her "So basically, fuck them."
We laughed and joked for the remainder of our time. We went down so many levels with no luck finding the books on Dusk court. Not even the few priestesses we ask knew where to find them. "Better luck next time. Supper will be soon and Feyre may be wondering where I am."
Yeah, I am hungry and getting frustrated from our lack of progress. Feyre knows you took me to the library. Why would she wonder where you are?'
"Well...I don't think she would expect me to stay this long. Anyways, let's go."
"I dare you to swear at dinner," I teased.
Looking me dead in the eyes, "Watch me, bitch!" We laughed so hard it hurt as we walked up to the house. Glad to have a new friend.