Ch 55 – Stick Together

** So sorry it's been a long while. It's been a very interesting couple of years. This story is a joy for me and is never far from my heart even if it takes me a while to churn out. I hope you love it too :) **

October 1921

"Samuel Carson!" Elsie was furious.

After they left the chemist, Elsie and Beryl sat Samuel down on a bench for a talk. Elsie got on her knees to address him, holding her baby girl close and trying to play the part of a diplomat. But Beryl stood firm, crossing her arms and staring down her nose at the toddler like a defensive bouncer who'd stumbled onto some teens with fake IDs. It was hard for the cook, who doted on Samuel, even favored him, to imagine admonishing the boy, let alone punishing him, but like his mother, she was beyond livid.

Baby Lucy fussed, still traumatized from the attack, and sucked on her hand.

"Why'd you pull your baby sister's hair?! Hmm? She's just a tiny helpless wee babe. I don't want my littlest lad to become a bully!"

"I no know." Sam shrugged, trying to act innocent. He hiccuped, blinking.

"Samuel, that hurt the baby. She's a very wee tiny lass as it is, and much smaller than you! She barely even has hair! You can't hurt her m'lad you're supposed to help love her!"

Elsie was reeling. It was one thing for Sam to hit her, which he did, and for him to be a bit rough with his big brother and Master Benjamin, which he was … But the idea that he'd hurt the baby crossed a line with her. It scared her.

The toddler leaned forward, peering down at Lucy. "Nooo." He shook his head, still not liking the idea of her.

"Do you want me to tell your da, Sam?"

"Nooo." He paused. "Cookie?"

Elsie sighed. "No cookies for a long time Samuel."

The little boy looked up, confused.

"What do you say to Lucy?"

"Sowwy." He managed, reaching over and patting the baby's head.

….

Ben stood on his tiptoes, staring down into his baby niece's bassinet, his wide eyes sad, almost vacant. It seemed odd to him that he should have a niece. In the eyes of a heartbroken little boy, she seemed the poorest replacement for the most beloved sister. At the same time; baby Sybbie's emergence on the scene quieted a part of his soul that longed for family his own age… He just didn't realize it yet.

It'd been several weeks since he'd come home from the Carson's and life had changed immensely for him. Before now, he'd found home to be a pleasant, agreeable place save his older sister's sporadic growing pains and bursts of rebellion … But now, a great sadness had fallen over the house, almost like a spell in a fairy story. He'd known he would come home to a different reality, but he never could've anticipated how that reality would manifest. Or how it would haunt him all his days.

The light was gone from everyone's eyes. Everyone: from his mother to maids who's names Charlotte and Charlie didn't even know. Tom, once the villain of this story, had been kicked off his proverbial high horse, and been offered a truce of sorts… For the sake of the baby.

But Ben, once the center of attention, seemed an afterthought to nearly everyone especially nanny. Carson and Mrs. Hughes still paid him special mind, his relationship with them now forever strengthened, having lived under their roof. He knew Mrs. Hughes wanted to take him home with her again, and to a degree, Ben wanted to go. At the same time, the tiny Lord-to-be had been blessed with an ineffable sense of responsibility, and despite his own fears, he understood that he had to be there for his mother. Her eyes were the saddest in the whole house but he saw them spring to life only when they locked with his own.

"Benjamin." Cora called quietly, coming up behind him.

He said nothing, allowing her to hug him from behind. She smiled warmly, pressing her cheek to his, rocking him as she looked down at her brand new granddaughter. He blinked, happy to feel her presence in this way, even if it came with a weight he could barely fathom, let alone carry.

Cora sniffled. Even weeks later, Lady Grantham couldn't grapple with her feelings. Still in a state of shock, there were moments when she could barely stand to breathe but she knew above all else that she had to carry on for the baby's sake and for her Benjamin's. She sighed inside, holding him making her feel beyond content, if just for a beat.

The boy paused, his words on the edge of his tongue, waiting, ready, but bound. He knew better than to unleash them, being just wise enough to understand that his mother, who'd once seemed all-knowing had no explanation, and few reassurances of her own.

"She's a beautiful baby." Cora sniffled, holding back real tears. "Did you know she looks so much like you? Please don't hate her my darling… She needs you, and you need her."

Ben blinked, her words giving him a moment of pause. Don't hate her? He didn't hate her exactly. The little boy had contemplated this emotion soon after Sybil died. He'd never forget sitting in the Carson's kitchen early the next morning, just him and Mrs. Hughes as she fed baby Lucy her morning mush, everyone else still fast asleep.

'You can't hate her m'lad.' The housekeeper tried to reason. 'If anything, you should love her more.'

It'd been his future mother-in-law who'd eased the pain, helping him to understand that it wasn't the baby's fault. Still Ben paused, realizing that if his mother had asked him not to hate her, the thought to hate her had crossed her mind too. He contemplated this a beat, wondering how she'd chosen love instead of hate.

Cora sighed, kissing the side of his head. "She won't… She'll never replace our beloved." She spoke carefully. "…. But we can love her for your big sister. She'd want us to do that."

Ben stayed silent, wondering how she'd possibly love his own son if he weren't there. It would be the same thing, wouldn't it? He didn't know why, or how he'd thought of that, the idea big for a boy so small. Even so, the idea stung of betrayal, the enormity of it staying with him, sending chills up his spine. Ben was confused, and now, spooked beyond reason, having no idea that one day, he'd hope and pray his mother would be able to love his son in his place.

….

"Well…" Carson questioned nervously, whispering as he came up behind his wife. "Did you um…. Get it?"

Carson had mixed feelings about Elsie's seeking 'help' for them. On one hand, he thought the idea quite vulgar, and very beneath their station. The idea that she'd consort with anyone about their sex life disgusted him. At the same time, he could barely hide that he was excited, and while he didn't want to appear wanton, he couldn't wait to be alone with her again.

Elsie said nothing, peering out intently into the living room where her youngest two lounged on the floor together. Samuel sat, playing with some of his toys. Lucy watched him from a short (but insurmountable) distance, poised on her little hands, holding herself back from a crawl she wasn't yet ready for.

"Elsie?"

"Hmmm. Oh!" She turned slightly, smiling.

"Your worried about them." He observed.

"My bigger two are the best of friends … Charlie, I never imagined our Sam and Lucy wouldn't be too."

"Well. It's different for them I suppose…"

"How so?"

Carson chuckled kindly. "Well. Charlie and Charlotte have a very special bond. I suppose its different when you've been with your sibling every minute your whole life. When you've done everything together, when you've experienced all the same things at the same times, shared your mummy's tummy at the same time…Learned to share her. Of course they're the best of friends … And Samuel he doesn't know how to share mummy and daddy. He sees her as competition."

She sighed. "I suppose your right."

"They'll … Learn… And probably have the new baby to balance out their relationship."

"New baby?" She asked with surprise.

"Miss Sybbie." He reminded.

He could scarcely believe he was suggesting that his children would become friends with Tom Branson's newborn daughter, but he knew such a pairing would be inevitable and that in no time at all, she and his baby Lucy would be thick as thieves.

"Oh that's right. That shall balance it out." She considered, still staring at the children as he hugged her from behind. She blinked as he held her tight, sighing peacefully.

"Charlie." She whispered, not wanting the twins to hear if they were afoot.

"Yes my love."

"I did get it…"

…

Just as the light had left the eyes of Downton's residents, sleep did not come easy for the majority of the household these days. Lord Grantham stayed awake in his study, slowly sipping brandy as his puppy, Isis, snored at his feet. Cora had made a habit out of laying there in the dark staring, the cover of night allowing her to give others the illusion she was at peace. Tom drifted back and forth between his own quarters and the nursery, the new, posh surroundings an almost threatening reminder of the void in his heart, and more than that, the harsh realities he now faced. Nanny, who was exhausted, snored every moment the baby did, and as a result, didn't notice anything a certain little lord-to-be got up to something made more difficult by the fact that Ben had been transferred out of the nursery and to his own private quarters after Sybbie was born.

Ben wasn't sure what to make of his new accommodations. Part of him felt a little put out. After all, Downton's nursery had been his home since the day he was born. And it was strange to sleep without nanny, or his parents, or the twins … Cora had been hesitant to transition her son as this marked a new stage in his life. Moving him put an end to his baby years in a way that broke her heart, but she couldn't see a way out of it. The baby needed nanny's aid more than most babies did, and the age gap between the two children was just too much for them to share…

Two weeks on and Ben had outgrown his initial apprehension to the arrangement, the growing boy eager to seize the newfound sense of freedom his room afforded him. Despite his sisters having big rooms of their own, he'd never really considered what it would be like when it was his turn to have one too, and while the first nights had been frightening a big room to himself made him feel grown and strong enough to tackle whatever lie ahead.

As such, he used his nights wisely, seizing everyone else's sorry state to explore the castle. It was in those early days after Sybil's death that Ben first felt like a big kid, the many tremendous milestones maturing the little boy very quickly, making him feel like he understood the world in a way he hadn't before, and more than that, his newfound ability to make his way around the house unchecked broadened his horizons and made him wonder, (as Charlie Carson Jr always had) what else the world held.

Ben sighed, dragging his teddy down the hall behind him as he walked, wondering, not what the word held, but If he could possibly open the green baize door on his own and sneak a cookie or two from Mrs. Patmore's kitchen. Even though he had grown so much in this month, and was learning to do big, brave things, he still found he was afraid to go downstairs alone.

He stood on the edge of the landing in the dark, listening to the rain pour outside. His tummy grumbled, its echo even louder than the storm. He paused uneasily, looking over at the big grandfather clock.

''The big hand is on the top… as is the little one…' He considered. Ben didn't really know what that met yet, but he knew it was late. 'No one will be there, you won't get caught…' He promised himself.

"Ahhh!" He cried, thunder striking as someone gripped his shoulder. He continued a muffled scream, a hand covering his mouth with force.

"Shuuu. Its only me. My aren't you a timid little thing for someone who scurries about the house at night?"

Ben choked, pulling away, his eyes wide with surprise and an ounce of fury.

"Yes I know. You are up all night… Every night." Mary smiled, almost flirtatiously, tying her robe tight, making her way down the steps.

"Y-you know?"

"Yes." She smiled. "And don't worry I won't tell a soul. Seems like such fun."

Ben blinked, he stared at her, dumbfounded as she made her way into the kitchen. Fun? Won't tell a soul? Those were Sybil's lines… Not Mary's!

"Come now." She turned on a dime, half way to the green baize door and held out her hand, urging him to take it. "I know you want a snack… I'm a bit peckish myself."

Ben hesitated, but his stomach grumbled again, insisting he take the big brave step, and take Mary's hand.

He gasped in surprise, giving her a puzzled look when she lifted him into her arms. "I… But you don't like me. I took away Lord Mary from you." He finally understood. Kind of.

Ben found himself shaken by the notion in an instant. Mary's dislike of him had been a life-long ordeal, one he'd always been hurt and confused by… It wasn't his choice to become Lord instead of her. It wasn't his fault… So how could Sybil's death be the baby's fault?

"Hmmm. Sort of." She admitted, making her way toward the door. "But whatever the case. I've learned something these past few weeks."

"Oh?"

"Yes… You're still my brother. And we must stick together."