Hello again! Thank you for the lovely reviews! They blow me away. I so appreciate them as well as the favorites and follows. Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter. Some interesting differences between Jasper and Edward from the original story line, I think. Cheers, darlings!

Chapter 4: My Soul

He wasn't at school. None of them were. And by the time lunch rolled around, neither was Bella.

With the windows down, blaring Rolling Stones on her new stereo, she roared up to the Cullen house, gravel and dust flying in her wake. Alice was waiting for her.

She let go of Edward's hand and ran to Bella. "I saw you coming. He's in his room. We haven't seen him since last night. Hopefully he'll listen to you. Maybe you can change his mind."

They climbed the stairs to Jasper's room. "We'll be here if you need anything." Alice squeezed her hand and went across the hall to her own room where Edward was waiting.

Bella sighed, turning toward the door. She ran her fingers along the smooth wood, letting his emotions flow through her. Disappointment. Loathing. Anger. Hopelessness. They filled her, and yet she ached with an emptiness she couldn't describe. When she hadn't seen him at school, she'd been concerned, then that concern grew to anger on the drive over, but it all faded as she knocked on the door. She just wanted to make sure he was okay. "Jasper? It's me."

No response, but suddenly, the only emotions she could feel were her own. His were locked away and out of her reach.

"Jasper... please."

The muffled music suddenly spilled out through the open door. Jasper was already on the other side of the room when she walked in, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he leaned against the open window. "What're you doin' here?"

"I- I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

He barked a laugh. Harsh. Forced. "Me? I damn near killed you last night, Bella, and you wanted to make sure I was alright?"

"Yeah, I did! Jasper, what happened last night... it doesn't matter."

He dug his fingers into his hair. "Bella! What part about I nearly killed you don't you understand?"

Bella stepped closer. Jasper stepped farther back. "You didn't though!" she half growled, taking another determined step toward him. "You would never hurt me!"

"Yes, I would, Bella! Don't you understand? The only reason I didn't is cause people were there to stop me. What if we would've been alone? Or at your house? I wouldn't have jus' killed you, I would've killed Charlie too. Once the hunt begins, it's damn near impossible to stop."

"Jasper, you wouldn't..."

"I am a trained killer, Bella!" he shouted, pounding his fist against his chest, the words catching in his throat. His unbeating, ice cold heart broke, and the words poured from his lips faster than he could stop them. "The woman that turned me, was buildin' an army to claim more territory in the south. She chose me 'cause of my experience as a soldier. 'Cause I had killed men before, and she knew I could do it again. It's what she made me for! I'm not like Rosalie who only killed for revenge, or Edward, who thinks he's some sort of monster for only killing people who were about to commit a crime, or any of the rest of 'em that've had the occasional slip up. I have killed more people, human and vampire, than I can count."

Bella shook her head, tears burning her eyes. "Stop. Just stop..."

She reached for him, but he moved beyond her reach. Never had an extra foot felt so far away.

"There's a darkness in me, Bella! Even when I was human, and now... I thought I could ignore it, but..." he sighed and shook his head. "I won't drag you down with me."

"So that's it?" she scoffed, choking on her tears. "One slip up and you're done?"

"You got the chance to leave an' you should take it. My other victims weren't so lucky."

And that's when she felt it. The smoldering spark of anger she was feeling, the desperate frustration, it suddenly amplified. She could hardly think straight, she was so mad. "Dammit, Jasper," she hissed. "Knock it off! I know what you're doing."

He said nothing, but continued to stare at her, his dark golden eyes never leaving hers.

It was too much. She finally snapped.

"Y'know what? Fine. Fuck you. Fuck you, and your stupid martyr bullshit," she shouted, marching up to him and stabbing him in the chest with her finger. "You are not that person anymore. And even if you don't know it, I do. I love you, you asshole! That will never go away, no matter what. Don't throw this away because of one stupid night!"

Ever so gently, Jasper took her hand, cradling it in both of his, and holding it over his heart. He was silent for a moment, the only sound was her own heartbeat echoing in her ears, until he said, almost too quietly for her to hear, "You are my soul, darlin'. I thought I'd lost it a long time ago, but you've been keepin' it safe for me all along. You are the last..." his voice broke and he shook his head again, "you are the only true hope of humanity that I have left. I ain't about to let anyone take that away, not even me. I swore I'd protect you. This is the only way to do that."

Bella had long since given up on stopping the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. She stepped back, yanking her hand from his. "No," she said through clenched teeth, trying to keep the sob from escaping her throat, "this is the easy way to do that. You wanna take the coward's way out? Fine. I won't stand in your way."

She stormed out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door. She slammed the door of the truck and flew down the streets of Forks back to her dad's house. It wasn't until she was parked in the driveway that she finally let herself break.

That was how Charlie found her, sobbing in the driver's seat. He took her into his arms and carried her into the house. He held her until she cried herself to sleep, deciding the questions could wait until the next day.

He settled into the armchair after tucking Bella in on the couch, ready to stand guard over his girl throughout what was sure to be a long evening and an even longer night.