The Journey
Part: 29
Rating: Strong R
Pairing: Haldir/OFC
Characters: Just about every other elf that Tolkien created that's in the LoTR books and movies.
Warning: descriptions of wounds and sexual situations
Disclaimer: All known characters are owned by the great Tolkien, all others are of my own creation.
Beta(s): Marta, Novedhelion, and Vi
Timeline: 80 years before LoTR and extends to post RoTK events

Notes: I want to thank Marta, Zee, Mal, Kay, Suse, Phyllis, Vi, Novedhelion, Kika, Becky, Dorothy, and Rashida for their expertise. Without their input this story would not be what it is today.

Sindarian speach is shown with " "
Westron speach is show with ' '

This story follows the movieverse.

Summary: With no memory of a possible alliance with Mirkwood, an elleth, lone survivor of a devastating attack, is brought to Rivendell.

Chapter 29

He did not want to do this. Rúmil was halfway up the tree when he stopped and looked at the cloak again. Deep inside he knew he had to be the one, seeing that he was now her only family left alive in Arda. It would not do if she found out from someone else. Casting his gaze up he looked at the dappled sunlight glinting around him. The city was still magical, but now had a melancholy feel to it. Lórien had fought her own battles and won, but in the end lost because of time. It was finished, and he knew it. Grasping the gray material tighter, Rúmil took a step, and then another. He did not want to do this. Throughout the entire time he had kept his thoughts and mind to himself. He had no idea how Sydia would react, finding that her only brother would not be returning to Caras Galadhon.

Rúmil kept his mind clear until he reached the threshold of their talan. Just from his hearing alone, he could tell Maris was up and running around. Reaching for the latch he hesitated for a moment. In that moment Sydia opened the door and looked on him with a large smile on her face. Without reservation she threw her arms around his neck and nestled against him.

"Ada? What is wrong?"

Rúmil looked past Sydia to the one that asked. It was the elder of his two children, Thróthien. Even though he was on his own now, the ellon would return often enough to spend time with them. Rúmil sighed and shook his head.

"Rúmil?" Sydia's voice hitched.

He shook his head again then took Sydia into their bed chamber.

"What is it? What happened?"

Rúmil closed his eyes as he looked down. "Elaldur is not coming back."

For a moment it looked as if her legs would give way. To stop it, Rúmil quickly slipped his arm around her to support her and guided her to their bed. When they were settled down he kept his arm around her and she nestled against him, burying her head in his neck.

"And Haldir?" Her voice was a broken whisper.

"He is alive."

Sydia pulled back and looked up at him. Tears were in her eyes. "I fear for him. Arianel is not doing well. The Lord and Lady have not said much, but I fear we have lost her."

Rúmil sat for a moment letting her words sink in. He knew he had to get his brother up to the High Talan as soon as possible. Standing quickly he went to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Haldir is down below. I have to get him to her."

Sydia nodded and looked out the window to watch his quick progress down the stairs.

"Where is Ada going?" Maris asked timidly when Sydia came back to the common room.

"He has gone to get his brother, Haldir."

"Where is Elaldur?" Thróthien asked quietly.

"Mandos, ion nin," she answered with tears in her eyes.

Nodding, Thróthien picked Maris up and moved to the door. They all knew where they were going.

oOo

"Orophin," Rúmil's voice came quietly from just outside the tent.

Stepping outside the elder's eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at his brother.

"We have got to get Haldir up to the High Talan, now."

Orophin nodded as they went into the tent. Within minutes the three of them had left the tent and moved to the base of the stairs that lead up to the High Talan.

The climb took forever. It seemed like every five to ten minutes Haldir had to stop and rest to gather his strength again. Both Orophin and Rúmil were almost carrying Haldir when they finally arrived at the front of the high flet. Strangely enough it was Celeborn who stood at the bottom of the final flight of stairs, waiting for the brothers.

Seeing Haldir's weakened condition the ancient Sindar lord moved to Orophin's side and took over for the tired younger elf. He put the Haldir's arm around his shoulders for support. "Things are not going very well, ion nin." Turning to Rúmil and then Orophin, Celeborn continued, "You do not have to stay. Your nanneth and I can take care of everything."

Rúmil looked over Haldir's bowed head and shook his own. "No, Adar. Haldir has looked after us for so long that we want to do something for him in return."

Celeborn looked into Rúmil's eyes and discerned the younger brothers thoughts, he turned to Orophin and saw the same thing. "I understand, but let us deal with whatever happens."

Rúmil felt an odd sense of foreboding. I am home, why should I feel this? he asked himself as he now helped Celeborn in getting Haldir up the stairs and into the living area of the talan with Orophin following behind.

"Rúmil," Galadriel's voice and then herself, came from Haldir's old room.

I wish for you not to be here, her voice echoed in Rúmil's head.

Rúmil nodded slowly then switched places with her. Backing away he watched the two elves that raised him help his brothers into Haldir's old room.

"Arianel?" Haldir asked softly at the still form on the bed.

"I am sorry." Sadness and grief were written in her eyes.

Haldir shook his head. "It cannot be." He roughly pushed Celeborn and Galadriel's supporting arms away from him and stumbled to the bed. Cradling Arianel's limp body close he whispered urgently over and over. "Lasto beth nin. Tolo dan na galad."1

"It is too late."

"I do not believe you," Haldir whispered furiously as he held her closer. "No," he whispered over and over as he felt her begin to fade. He held her closer, but in the end it was to no avail. All that was left was the gown she was wearing and her scent.

"Haldir. . ."

"Leave me," he ground out as he buried his face in the material and curled up in his grief on the bed.

Celeborn and Galadriel looked at Haldir with worry. When they did finally leave the room they found the rest of their children with their families in the study. They all could feel what happened. "It is right to grieve," Galadriel spoke softly. Her eyes lingered on Sydia for a short time.

Sydia nodded while brushing away her own tears for the added lost of her brother.

"Will he fade?" Maris asked timidly while now being held by Rúmil.

"The Valar have chosen him for a purpose before it is his time to travel West," Galadriel intoned. Suddenly she shook her head and blinked her eyes as if being aroused from a deep sleep.

They all nodded, hopeful that Haldir would be able to hold on.

"And he will be cared for until he fulfills his purpose."

"Which is?" Orophin asked, now clearly curious.

"Unknown at the current time." Celeborn shook his head. "There is nothing more you can do here for now. Go back to your own talans." Celeborn gave them a somewhat sad smile.

Galadriel turned to Celeborn when they were alone again, "I wish for Elrond to be here. Of all of us he would know and understand."

Celeborn nodded and moved away a few steps so she could reach the Peredhel.

oOoOo

It was some time later, after Maris was asleep, when Rúmil with halting words, was finally able to voice some of the things he had gone through at Helm's Deep. "Adar was right, the Outer Fences are nothing compared to what happened." He shook his head then turned to look out the window.

"I am sorry," Sydia mumbled with her head bowed. She was sitting beside him.

"It was not a pretty sight, and we were almost completely overrun." Rúmil shook his head while pulling her close. "At least we will see Elaldur again."

"And Arianel, but not until Valinor." She hesitated then looked at him closely. She could see that deep inside him there had been a fundamental change to him. "What is wrong?"

Rúmil shook his head, unable to voice the issues he had started to deal with. I cannot tell her, I cannot even tell myself what it is, he thought to himself. His gaze fell on the wardrobe that housed his warden tunics.

They were quiet the rest of the eventide while they prepared for sleep.

Deep in the night, Rúmil snapped back to conscious awareness suddenly, covered in sweat and breathing hard. He had never had dark dreams, the Lady always protected them, even from their dreams. This time, that didn't happen. Sitting up, he tried to piece together the jumbled images he saw through his mind's eye. It was the same as before. On the way back he had started having dreams of the battle, but this time all had not gone well, and everyone was killed.

Rúmil slid silently out of bed and pulled on a robe as he moved into the talan's common room. At the table he sat down and looked at his hands for some time. Rousing as if from a deep sleep he went over and lit one candle then placed it on the table before him. The flicker of the soft orange glow cast odd shadows across the room and his face. The movement of air from his breathing was causing most of the flickering light. Rúmil stayed there, thinking about everything and nothing.

"Herven?"

Rúmil looked up. Sydia was standing just inside the room, clad in only her gown. "Are you all right?"

"I do not know."

Sydia came up and sat down beside him. "I do not remember you ever getting up like this."

Rúmil closed his eyes while bowing his head. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, "I do not know if I can go back out to the Fences. The fighting there is nothing compared to being so completely overwhelmed that all you could think about is your own survival."

Sydia placed a hand first on, and then around his shoulders. "Have you talked to Lord Celeborn?"

Rúmil shook his head miserably. "After all my years of training, I find I cannot go back out there. I feel as if it is my first time back from the Fences after a small orc raiding party." He paused shaking his head. "Look at me, here I am selfishly talking about the battle we just went through, while Haldir is, hopefully, trying to keep from fading."

"Rúmil, there is nothing selfish about this. You and the other wardens, including my dear brother, fought against a large force, not some 'small' orc raiding party. All of you did what they could to aid the Edain." She looked him over for a moment. "If you and your brothers have come back alive, that means that there was some type of victory."

"At a bitter price." Rúmil shook his head slowly. "Most of the defenders were killed, the only survivors were the wounded and the women and children that made it into the caves."

"Then how?" Sydia looked at him with confusion.

"The Rohan horse riders came over the ridge the next morning, completely overrunning the orcs that were on foot. Legolas said it was a wondrous site to behold."

Squeezing his shoulders Sydia seemed to come to a decision, "Come back to bed."

Rúmil shook his head before answering, "I do not know."

Sydia nodded in understanding while standing up. "At least try to get some rest." She grasped his hand and gave it a squeeze before moving back into their bed chamber.

The next morning Sydia found that he had not returned to their bed. Emerging from their chamber she noticed his writing things on the table and several pieces of parchment crumpled up on the floor. Picking up one of them she smoothed it out to see what he had tried to put down. Rúmil had been trying to express himself, but it was not working.

"It is not working." Rúmil shook his head miserably.

She sat down beside him, "Are you going to talk to Lord Celeborn today?"

"I have to." Rúmil closed his eyes. Standing up, he moved towards their room. A short time later he emerged, fully clothed. Looking around, he noticed Maris was already up and eating her breakfast. Giving her a quick kiss on the forehead, he moved towards the door. During his short trip Rúmil tried to think of what he was going to say. For someone who had such a way with words, he found he could not think of the right ones to express himself. He was having just as much trouble now, as he was throughout the night.

With their decision to have their children rather early, they did not come to the High Talan as much as before, though he knew the schedule. He quietly slipped into Celeborn's study, only to find the elf-lord already there. The ancient Sindar seemed weary from the weight of not only governing the elven realm, but also the burden of parenthood.

"Something is plaguing your thoughts, ion nin," Celeborn said quietly while turning his attention to the younger elf standing before him.

For the moment Rúmil held off on answering the comment. Sitting down, he bowed his head and grasped his hands together. He stayed that way for some time before his thoughts and feelings almost overwhelmed him again. "Saes, do not send me out to the Fences. I cannot fulfill my duties of being a warden." Once he started talking, Rúmil couldn't seem to get the words out fast enough.

Celeborn looked to the much younger ellon with compassion and understanding. Standing up, he moved slowly around the table to the warden and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Rúmil, I know what it is you are dealing with."

"How?" the warden asked rather harshly.

"I was there when Doriath fell. I know what it is like to loose family and friends in time of war."

Even though he was shaking his head, Rúmil leaned into the gentle touch. Soon, though, the touch turned into an embrace. Feeling secure in the ancient elf's arms he finally let his feelings and emotions out, and for some time he wept.

"You are not the only one to feel this way, Rúmil. I do not see you any less than I did when you left for Helm's Deep. Death is a difficult thing to comprehend and deal with, doubly so when it is in war time."

"I do not feel that I should remain a warden." Rúmil's voice hitched when he offered to give up his weapons.

"For now I will not accept what you are offering me. You are still one of my wardens, but I will be taking you off the rotation until further notice. I want you, I need you, healed. Right now you are more of a danger to yourself and the elves around you than before you were trained."

Rúmil nodded, once again grateful for the reprieve that Celeborn so graciously offered.

"And do not think any less of yourself. It takes more courage to admit a perceived weakness than to deny it being there."

For a time Rúmil did not move. "Ada?" Rúmil looked up to the ellon he considered his father. "Is Haldir. . ."

"Your brother is still with us. We will care for him. I want you to take time for yourself and your hervess. Remember Sydia has lost both brother and friend."

TBC...

1Hear my voice. Come back to the light.