Chapter Five

After dinner, Iroh took the children back to their rooms and Azula went to who knows where. Zuko offered Katara a stilted invitation for tea in his study and she'd accepted, not able to think of a good enough reason to refuse him.

Zuko's study was a lot less stuffy than Katara expected. It was still austere and very male, but there were enough signs of a life there to make her wonder yet again just who exactly he was. There was the stack of childish drawings on his desk right next to the maps and documents that came with his station. There was the empty milk bottle that he'd shoved into a drawer when he thought she wasn't looking. Then, there were also the gifts from the other nations: a rock sculpture from the Bei Fong family, a beautiful glass carving from her own brother, and in a glass case, there was some kind of toy she couldn't recognize.

This was clearly a place where he could rest and be himself, perhaps put aside the mantle of the Fire Lord for a few moments to get lost in his memories or play with his children. Katara was finding it more and more difficult to wed the image of the spoiled, obsessed Prince with this man who had walked right past his son without a second glance, but had a bottle in his study next to his swords. She found herself wanting to figure out just what kind of man he was and hated herself for it.

She sat by the fire, across from a reticent Zuko, not sure why he'd asked her to come into his study. Judging from his fidgeting, he didn't seem so sure himself.

"Look, I know we didn't get off on the right foot," he began.

"Now or then?" she interrupted before she could think better of it.

That gave him pause.

"Both."

"Fine."

She saw the muscle in his jaw clench and forced herself to unclench her fists and lower her hackles. The man was trying to make peace and she was making it difficult for him on purpose. It was just that there was a little voice in her head that was telling her he deserved everything she could throw at him because of all that he'd done to her and her friends over the years. He may have changed and he may be some sort of noble leader now, but that doesn't mean he'd atoned for all his past sins. If that were the case, he'd be sitting in a cell somewhere and not on a fiery dais.

"I didn't say it properly earlier but I do appreciate your coming here and agreeing to this," Zuko said with what Katara was sure was as much empathy he could muster. "I should have gone to the South Pole to speak to you myself but it's difficult for me to leave the city. I'm sure my uncle's told you everything that's happening."

"Yes. You're surrounded on all sides by people who don't like where you're sitting and you need me to keep them away."

At that, smoke began to swirl up from the grip he had on his armchair and she was sure he was going to leave some nice Fire Lord hand-shaped burn marks.

"Why are you being difficult, Katara?" he demanded. "I'm trying to make this as comfortable for you as I can but you still insist on throwing these barbs at me. What do you want?"

"Do you really want to ask that question?" she exclaimed, leaning forward in her seat.

"Yes, I really do," he snarled. "If only to stop you trying to cut me down at every possible opportunity. I have enough to think about without wondering if you're going to join in with them and drown me in my sleep."

"I want my life back," she yelled, wanting to rip the necklace from her neck. "I want to go back home to my bed, and to my family."

The fire blazed.

"Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to send you packing, but if we're to keep on the path the Avatar set out for us, we have to do this!" Zuko yelled back.

"You Fire Nation types have a flare for the dramatic" Katara mocked.

"I'm not the one who started yelling," he said, taking a deep breath and continued on in a measured tone. "I assure you, if there was any other way we could fix this, I would have used it before sending my uncle all the way to the South Pole. I would have used it before binding myself to you."

"At least we agree that this is the last alliance we would have made in any other circumstance."

"At least."

They glared at each other. Zuko threw himself back in his seat and stared at her sullenly.

"Aang always told me you were the more even-tempered one. I'm finding that very hard to believe. Was it him or is it me that's making you change into something you're not?"

Out of habit, Katara touched two fingers to her necklace and even though it wasn't her mother's, she found herself calming down. He followed the motion with his eyes and rubbed a hand on his chin in irritation.

"Are you sure about this, Zuko?" she asked evenly. "There's so much behind us that's hard to forget..."

"It's not a real marriage," he said, frowning. "Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"I'm not like you. I can't compartmentalize everything. Marriage is marriage, whether or not it's between lovers or enemies. We have to have more than this alliance floating between us."

His frown deepened and the way his gaze sharpened made Katara squirm in her seat.

"What?" she said. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

She thought his lips twitched but he merely shook his head, dismissing it.

"What do you want then?" he asked. "We have to make our announcement tomorrow and if Uncle has to stand between us to keep you from bending the water out of my eyeballs, it won't look good for me."

Katara let out a startled laugh. A corner of his mouth curved up.

"See, that wasn't so hard," he said. "Tell me what you want and you can have it."

She sighed and looked away from him.

"Except that," he said quietly.

"You didn't really expect me to come here ready to seize the day, did you?" she asked reasonably. "All anger aside, our past aside...you have to give me time to get used to all this. You're going to make me Fire Lady. I am going to marry the man whose family is responsible for the death of mine. It'll take more than furniture, clothes and food to get me past all of that."

Zuko had been angry earlier but now he was enraged. His face was like granite and she was sure the temperature in the room had gone up several degrees. Her hands went to the water pouch she'd strapped around her waist underneath the top layer of her robes. He stood up, towered over her.

"I'm tired of hearing that same litany from people like you," he said, his voice dangerously low. "I have done all I can to repair the damage the Fire Lords before me had done to the world, but I'm not going to apologize anymore. It was war. People die and you're not the only person in this world who's lost a loved one. For someone who's asked people to make sacrifices and to hold the hand of an enemy, you're completely incapable of doing it yourself. Hypocrite. I've tried to make this as easy a transition for you as I can but I see now it's of no use. I don't know how you manage to get any rest at all, Katara. I'd be up for days if I were as tortured as you."

Angry tears stung her eyes and she shot to her feet, the top of her head almost slamming into his chin if he hadn't moved out of her way.

"Have a good evening, my Lord," she said between gritted teeth. "I'll be taking your leave now."

"Go right ahead," he said, waving his hand at her. "If I were you, I'd start learning how to compartmentalize tonight because it's going to be a really long lifetime if you don't."

Katara all but ran out of the study. Fuming and stunned at his own outburst, Zuko stared after her before collapsing in his seat, head in his hands.

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Strange sounds drew Katara from her fitful sleep. Her eyes were puffy from crying and she'd slept curled up on one side of her huge bed. She wasn't interested in trying to get more sleep, sure she would need time with some cold cloths to make herself presentable for the engagement announcement. Wrapping her robe around her, she padded to the living area and was glad to see there was a fire already roaring in the hearth.

The sounds that had called her from sleep were becoming louder and curiosity getting the better of her, she went to the doors and slid them open a crack. When she saw that Zuko was out in the garden with Maiko, she immediately slid them shut and hated that the knot in her gut tightened at the sight of him. From what she saw, there was a small training ground in one corner and they were doing some basic Firebending positions there. She shut her ears to his instruction and Maiko's steady chatter.

It had taken an enormous amount of willpower, but she'd managed to lock his words away. He'd said them in the heat of anger and she needed to be able to forgive him for it or else this situation would only become worse. She needed to get a hold of herself because she realized that between herself and Zuko, he was the calmer one and that was something she would have expected on the same day that pig-dogs began to fly.

What happened the night before couldn't happen again or they'd start their very own war. No matter how angry she was or how much she would grow to hate him, she needed to keep a cool head. If she needed to bend an ocean to calm herself down again, then so be it. There would be no more wondering about the man he was, no more getting distracted by the possibility that he had a softer side. Zuko was Zuko and that was all she needed to know. 'Compartmentalize' was the word of the day.

Repeating those words in her head like a litany, Katara moved to the fire and put the kettle on so she could make tea. She wished there was a window she could look out of but besides the garden, there was nothing else to look at in this part of the palace. If she didn't distract herself, she'd start listening to what Zuko was saying and her idea of a good morning did not start with a Firebending lesson from the Fire Lord.

She took a book from the bookshelf she'd filled the night before when she'd unpacked, crying angry tears and cursing the Fire Lord's name. She sat down on the couch, curling her legs underneath her and she opened the book. After ten minutes of staring at the same page, she almost welcomed the knock at the door.

Cinching her robe tighter, she slid the door open and was relieved to find Iroh there. She could see Zuko and Maiko still in the garden but neither paid her any attention.

"Are you alright?" Iroh asked, eyeing her.

"Just a rough first night," Katara said with a brave smile.

Iroh's sharp eyes were a little suspicious but to Katara's relief he didn't push the subject but he did offer her a supportive smile.

"My nephew has scheduled the announcement for noon, when the sun is highest in the sky," he told her. "You must wear something appropriate so I've brought some maids to help you choose."

Katara glanced at the three girls who'd come with Iroh but they seemed distracted, their eyes going from her to the Fire Lord. Zuko cut an intimidating figure in his black training gear and the girls seemed to appreciate. Noticing their distraction, Iroh ushered them in with a sly smile. He looked to Katara to see if she'd noticed but she pretended she hadn't. She stared into her tea cup as if it held the secrets of the universe so that she missed Iroh's concerned frown.

"Feel free to choose one or two as your personal maids," he said, so she'd look at him. "If you need help, just send for me."

"Uncle Iroh!" Maiko called. "Spar with me!"

Katara looked over the same time Zuko did and their eyes met for a split second. It was long enough for her to see that he wasn't the least bit contrite and she was sure his entire body tensing up at the sight of her wasn't her imagination. It was enough to harden her resolve and she reined in her tattered emotions around her heart. She wouldn't let him get to her again. He didn't deserve that much of her attention.

"She seems a bit young for that," Katara murmured, careful not to look at the princess or her father again.

"She's a prodigy," Iroh said proudly. "Katara...if you need anything, please call for me."

She could hear the meaning in his words and appreciated them. She nodded and shut the doors before she could be tempted to see how the sparring went. She turned to the three girls.

"Lady Katara," one of them said as they bowed. "We are at your service."

The other two opened the chest and began pulling out robes in various shades of blue. Katara's heart lightened a bit. She sat down and focused on the task at hand. One day at a time might have been too much to handle, but one hour at a time would be a good place to start.