You all know I still adore you, right? Best readers in the world right here.
It almost makes me feel bad about...everything I do with your feelings. Almost.
The theme for this one is "Blue on Black" – I personally prefer the Five Finger Death Punch version but your mileage may vary.
Enjoy!
Chapter 9: Truth, Lies, and In Between
"Okay, we better have something by the time I land or you're absolutely fired, JARVIS."
Tony said it because he either had to joke until he could barely breathe or he might stop breathing all together.
"I have some information compiled," JARVIS said. "I believe I can tell you who orchestrated the attack on Master Parker, though I do not yet know where they might have taken him or how they evaded my scans."
Tony swallowed bile. As soon as local firefighters had shown up, the Avengers had retreated back to the Tower to figure out their next move. Tony stayed behind just to make sure JARVIS had as complete of a scan of the scene of the fire as possible.
It was the first time Tony had used that particular tech since the Extremis explosion that nearly killed Happy in 2012, and Tony did not appreciate the reminder.
Tony landed on the landing pad outside what had always been the Avengers' common room, even if now they primarily operated out of the Compound instead. Everyone who was on Earth was here, and Pepper had come down, too, as soon as JARVIS sent her the alert.
Rhodey met him at the door, War Machine suit at the ready. Tony almost wanted to stay in his suit, but he recalled the nanites into their housing. Having weaponry easily to hand might not be a good idea while he was feeling this way.
"We all yelled at the ceiling to see if Heimdall would hear us and send the others back, but nothing so far," Rhodey said.
Besides Rhodey, Bruce, Bucky, Pepper, and Maria Hill were the only ones here. Most of their heaviest hitters were on who-knew-what planet fighting gnomes or something, and Tony needed them here now.
"Tony," Bruce said. "Have you talked to May yet?"
Tony shut his eyes. "No. I...give me...an hour."
"No." It was Bucky who shook his head and met Tony's expression without flinching. "She's got a right to know. She chewed us out before and we promised. So you call her now, or I will."
"Ethics lessons from you is...whatever. Fine." Tony was too tired while simultaneously keyed up to want to argue. What he mostly wanted was to tear somebody apart.
"I'll call," Pepper said. "I think it'll go better coming from me."
"JARVIS, give us the fastest rundown in the history of fast," Tony said.
"The institute to which Master Parker was presumably lured has only been in place for the last five months. The building's ownership can be traced to a former SI employee named William Ginter Riva."
"Why do I know that name?" Rhodey asked before Tony could.
"Doctor Riva worked very closely with Obadiah Stane both before and after Sir's trip to Afghanistan. After Stane's death, I was able to retrieve files from security that showed Doctor Riva being amongst the primary scientists tasked with creating the Iron Monger armor."
"That's why I remember," Rhodey said, scowling. "He claimed he was operating under duress and got away with a suspended sentence."
"Plus getting fired, like all the rest of Obie's cronies." Tony curled his fists tight. "Has the guy really been waiting, what, nine years to get back at me? But why Pete?"
"And how?" Bruce asked. "We knew that SHIELD was aware of Peter and May, and that's how Hydra found out. Was this guy Hydra?"
"There is no indication of such," JARVIS reported. "However, there have been a number of cyber attacks in the last year attempting to gain access to SI servers, as well as Sir's personal information."
"I thought JARVIS couldn't get hacked," Bucky said.
"Nothing's impossible," Tony said. "Unlikely, yes. But especially for somebody who was part of SI back in the day, I wasn't always as careful about security or cross-contamination between my private stuff and SI stuff. Somebody could have left themselves a mousehole to crawl through."
When this was over, when Peter was safe, Tony was going to rewrite every damn system top to bottom if he had to. He'd find any backdoor into his world and nail it shut with his bare hands.
Anger kept the guilt at bay.
If someone got to Peter because past-me was too lazy to do things right, it means whatever happens to my kid is my fault.
JARVIS was still talking; Tony forced himself to listen.
"I cannot speculate as to the reason for Doctor Riva's actions, nor his targeting of Master Parker. But I can confirm that Doctor Riva would once have had rather broad access to SI systems including the original mainframe that housed earlier versions of my code."
"Shit," Rhodey said. "So he might know everything."
"I can also confirm that trace elements left behind in the blowdart Sir recovered suggest a very powerful benzodiazepine. Even taking into account Master Parker's healing abilities, I do not believe he would have been able to resist unconsciousness, however briefly."
"It depends on how much they gave him," Bruce said. Tony could see the slightest tinge of green crawling up his throat, but Tony wasn't worried. When the time came, he wanted to let the Hulk rage.
It wouldn't hold a candle to Tony's own rage, but it would be satisfying.
"They were prepared," Bucky said. "JARVIS said they blocked his phone and his watch. They had a drug ready for him that would take him out. This Riva guy had the building for months. This wasn't a smash and grab. They knew exactly who they were dealing with and how to do it."
Pepper stepped back into the room, having hung up with May. "Why was Peter there in the first place?" she asked.
Tony blinked. "I have no idea."
"It was an assignment from his substitute teacher," JARVIS reported. "Each student was given a time and a place to meet someone for an interview. William Ginter Riva was Master Parker's assignment at that exact place."
Hill stood up. "I'll have that teacher located and brought here as soon as I can."
"This is a lot of great backstory," Rhodey said, "but it doesn't tell us where Peter is now."
"Unfortunately, tracing Doctor Riva's online activity and the accounts used to purchase the house does not reveal any other properties easily linked to him. I shall continue digging."
"And how did they get out past JARVIS?" Pepper asked.
"Could be anything," Tony said, so angry he was shaking. "Unplug a few critical traffic cameras, maybe. Or they could have waited to shut off access to the phone and watch until they'd already moved him. This guy Riva, he was smart. He built the Iron Monger suit. He could…" He shut his eyes. "If he's had nine years to think about revenge, he probably has a good plan."
"But why Peter?" Bruce was visibly breathing deeply. "I know he's important to us, Tony," he forestalled Tony's immediate answer, "and if this guy got into JARVIS, maybe he knows how important. But it's still a roundabout way to get revenge for, what, losing his job? Is that the worst that happened to him?"
"Some people are just crazy," Bucky said. "And crazier when they have someone to blame."
"Could it be a ransom?" Pepper asked. "If he knows what Peter is to us, he'd know we'd do anything to get him back safely."
"If it's a ransom," Hill said, having finished her update to SHIELD to get agents after that teacher, "they'll contact you soon, but not right away. They'll want you to worry. The more frantic you are, the more likely you'll give in to their demands."
"If you're suggesting we just wait around," Rhodey started.
Hill held up her hands. "No. But what else can you do right now? You don't have any leads and you can't get them any faster than JARVIS."
"We really need Loki," Bucky muttered. "He could find the kid in a second." He paused. "Why isn't Loki already dealing with it? I thought Loki had some kind of magic something to track him."
"Maybe the same reason Heimdall is ignoring us," Bruce suggested. "Between the time dilation and half the Nine Realms in chaos, even Peter might not be Loki's priority. And that's assuming, well, I don't know how likely it is for Riva to be able to guard against magical scrying or whatever it is, but I guess we can't rule it out."
"No." Tony looked up. "Hill's right, there's not much we can do here. But it just so happens we do know somebody else who can do the magical scrying thing. And he owes us a favor."
-==OOO==-
Peter stared down at his arms. They were littered with burns Tony had given him as punishment for being disrespectful, or for being clumsy in the lab.
They were torn and bleeding from trying to get May out of a car before it sank into the Hudson.
They had grown long, strange black hairs that made everyone call him a freak.
They had been replaced by metal because he had given his loyalty to Hydra.
They were thin and weak, and Peter never had the strength to save anyone with them.
He blinked, his eyes swimming with tears.
It couldn't all be true, could it?
What was real?
Had he died a hundred times? Had he killed a thousand people? Did May hate him? Did Tony abandon him? Was he a criminal? A monster? A failure?
The gray around him was so hazy, the only thing that felt real was the constant, burning pain in his chest.
And then he blinked again and he was somewhere new.
But the pain remained.
-==OOO==-
Tony banged on the elaborate door in the middle of Greenwich Village that stuck out like a sore thumb, but apparently nobody ever noticed.
The door opened, and a man Tony hadn't seen before stood there.
"What do you want?"
"I'm here to make a house call. Is the good doctor in?" he asked.
"We need his help," Bruce added quickly.
"Try a hospital."
But before the man could shut the door, Rhodey leaned over and caught it. Bucky immediately stuck his foot in it as well.
"Listen," Bucky said. "There's a kid in trouble. And if we weren't desperate, we wouldn't be here. So tell your boss we're coming in."
"First of all," the man said, "Stephen Strange is many things, but he is not my boss."
"Great. Argue chain of command later," Rhodey said. "Now, are you gonna let us in, or are we going to get creative about how much of the door gets ruined when we knock a second time?"
Tony, when he could breathe, felt deep appreciation for his family.
The man sighed. "Fine. But if he portals you to another dimension, you only have yourselves to blame."
"Great. Thanks for the hospitality, Jeeves," Tony said.
The man scoffed. "Wong. Call me a butler again and I'll portal you to another dimension."
"Are you a doctor, too?" Bruce asked as Wong stepped aside to let them in.
"Just a Sorcerer." Wong shut the door behind them and turned to lead them to a side room just off the stupidly elaborate center staircase. "I'm warning you, he's in a mood today. No matter what you think your problems are, ours are literally infinitely bigger."
Tony was more than done with the brush-off routine. "Look, Wong, was it? Some lunatic with a grudge has kidnapped my son. So tell Moody Merlin to get his ass down here and help us. He was sure quick with the magic when he thought Loki was evil. That bill's come due and he's gonna pay up and help us or…"
But he trailed off, because he couldn't even put words to what he was willing to do right now.
"Ahem." Bruce cleared his throat. "Also. I kind of have a hair trigger on the big guy. And the big guy is fond of Peter. So, trust me when I say that 'no' is a very bad answer to give us if you like having your building intact."
"Is that a threat?" Wong asked.
"I mean, not really." Bruce's expression was his usual zen humor, but his eyes glittered and there was a green tinge at his neck again. "It's not even a promise. Just...stating the facts."
Wong actually rolled his eyes. "And people wonder why the headlines all say the Avengers are a menace." He turned. "I'll get him. Don't touch anything. Don't wander off. Don't break anything. And for god's sake, don't Hulk out. Okay?"
"Depends on how helpful you are," Bucky said.
"I've just met you and I already hate you. At least if Strange helps you, it'll get you out of the Sanctum faster."
Wong turned to leave through a different door.
"Hey, buddy?" Rhodey called after him. "Dunno if you missed that a kid's life might be at stake, so maybe more than a leisurely walking pace would be good here?"
Wong ignored him and slammed the door behind him.
Tony ran his hands over his face. "If this doesn't work…"
"It'll work," Bucky said. "Either he'll help because he's not a bastard, he'll help because we'll coerce him, or he'll help to prove he's superior. Just figure out how to play him and do it."
"You get that out of your internalized Hydra memo on persuasion and manipulation?" Bruce asked.
"Actually," and Bucky's face had dark light in it, "yeah."
-==OOO==-
Something was wrong.
Something was wrong with all of this.
Peter was sure of it.
But he couldn't think, he couldn't remember.
Real used to be a thing, right?
Where did it go?
And then the grayness crashed down on him again and dumped him into another nightmare, and for only a second could he hold onto the thought that it must be a nightmare, that there had been more before it and they were all not real in the same way, and then it was gone.
And the nightmare was real, and there had never been anything else.
-==OOO==-
"I understand you've been threatening Wong." Doctor Strange sailed into the room.
Tony was about ready to spit nanites at the man — they had been waiting for almost half an hour! Rhodey had already talked down Bruce once, and Bruce had talked down Bucky.
The only reason nobody talked Tony down from making his impatience known through any means available to him and the nanite suit waiting in its housing was that they would have failed and they knew it, so they just didn't bother. But Tony held still.
It churned like acid in his gut, but he could not afford to irritate Strange enough to send them away. Not when he was their only hope.
"Just be glad your sofa is intact," Rhodey said. "Did you not get the message about urgency?"
"I was resolving a cosmic issue that threatened the fabric of reality in this dimension," Doctor Strange said, disdain dripping off him. "I realize you have your emergencies, but I assure you mine are far more significant."
"We didn't come here to play 'who has the biggest problems?', doctor," Bruce said, and Tony would never be able to match Bruce's skill for understatement, insult, and statement of fact all at once. "We need your help."
"Yes, Wong informed me." Doctor Strange looked up at Tony. "I understand your son has been taken. I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it, Strange," Tony said. "Can you help us, or not?"
"Assuming he hasn't been removed from this plane of existence, tracking him is simple. Even Wong could do it."
All four of the Avengers turned to Wong who shrugged. "Strange's aim is better."
"Okay, my kid has been in the hands of whoever took him for...almost an hour," Tony said, and the realization of the time hit him in the chest. In middle school, Peter had only been under the bags for a matter of minutes. Same with the literal warehouse that fell on him.
What was he enduring now?
Tony could only hope that it wasn't nearly as bad as those had been.
"So we need to get to him now," Rhodey finished when Tony's breath left him.
"All I need is something of his for the spell," Strange said. "Then I'll make you a nice little portal and you'll be out of my Sanctum. Right?"
"What do you mean you need something of his?" Bucky asked.
"A hair or blood sample is the most obvious, but otherwise any item he has interacted with regularly or in a meaningful way. Something that can be astrally traced to his aura."
Strange said it like it was a boring lecture, but Tony's heart was pounding. "I don't...I don't have anything that belongs to him on me."
Strange sighed. "Even a token from him can work, though it'll make the spell less precise. Did the kid never give you a birthday present?"
Tony must be worked up because he was an idiot. He grabbed the chain of the Saint Patrick medal from where it always, always hung around his neck and held it out. "It's been a couple of years, but he gave me this."
Strange accepted the chain in a hand that visibly shook. Tony almost wanted to snatch it back in case the wizard dropped it; he couldn't stand to let it fall, not right now.
"All right, come with me."
They didn't actually walk anywhere; one second they were in the sitting room and the next they were in some kind of library.
"All right. This will just take a second."
"Wait a minute." Rhodey held up a hand. "Let's get suited up first."
"I didn't see your armor, Colonel," Wong said.
"Yeah." Rhodey's smile was pure malice. "You might want to open your front door."
"Oh my god." Strange gestured and created a portal in front of them which opened to the street. A moment later, the War Machine armor flew through it, opening for Rhodey.
"Would JARVIS really have broken into the building?" Bruce asked.
"I wouldn't test him on it," Tony muttered.
"Wouldn't be a problem if you'd make me a nanite suit, too," Rhodey said from within the armor.
"Yeah, it's on my list somewhere after rescuing Pete." Tony activated his own suit and let it flow over him. "Can we get on with that one, preferably before I start aiming at your books?"
Wong's face at the threat to the library was hilarious and Tony would enjoy it later.
"Yes, just a minute."
Strange held out the Saint Patrick medal in both hands. Golden and orange light flickered along it, shedding sparks that didn't seem to burn anything.
For a moment, Tony wondered if the magic was going to destroy it, and he felt a pang at losing Peter's gift. But as soon as he'd had that thought, Strange dropped one hand and let the pendant fall to the table. Wong reached around him and grabbed it, tossing it in Tony's direction.
Tony caught it, retracted his helmet and part of his chest plate enough to put it back on, and then closed up the armor again.
"Thanks," he managed.
Wong actually nodded back with the first non-hostile facial expression they'd seen.
The orange and golden light was still dancing on Strange's hand and he spun it until it extended into a wheel of radiant light. Then the center of the light vanished leaving a clear view over some kind of shipyard.
"Where is he?" Rhodey asked.
"This is as close as I can get with that anchor," Strange said. "You'll have to find him from here."
"We can do that," Tony said. "JARVIS, get ready to find Peter fast."
"Preparing a search for Master Parker's biometrics," JARVIS said at once.
"What if it's shielded like the house was?" Bruce wanted to know.
Bucky scowled. "Then we're going to knock down every wall we can't see through until we find him."
"For what it's worth," Strange said, and he sounded sincere for once, "I hope the kid is all right."
"He will be," Tony said. "Because I'm going to find him."
And he led the charge through the portal.
-==OOO==-
For all that Bucky had been hanging around with the Avengers for the last couple of years, there were certain things he hadn't done. He hadn't, for example, figured out what Steve kept doing every time he made mac and cheese that turned it brown. He hadn't yet managed to out-sneak Natasha.
And he hadn't really had to figure out how to work with the Hulk.
They'd met only a handful of times, the most recent at the birthday party for Peter and Harley with that big Asgardian disaster. But typically the Hulk was content to be pointed at a problem and make that problem go away in the most direct manner possible.
Today, Bucky needed teamwork.
"Listen," he said. "I get it, you're ticked off. I'm ticked off, too. But I can't actually help from down here. Now are you gonna give me a ride, or not?"
Tony and Rhodey were already gone, jerks who could fly and all that. They'd only found a handful of areas JARVIS couldn't scan, and the largest and most promising was in the bowels of a ship in a graving dock. Bucky didn't know enough about ships to know if the thing was going to get fixed up or if it was literally dead in the water, but what he knew was that it would take him forever to climb up there and the Hulk could do it in one leap.
The Hulk snarled at him.
"It's Peter up there," Bucky said. "Peter. You like him, remember?"
"Puny," the Hulk said.
"Yes, and he's in trouble. He might even be hurt. And there is probably somebody to smash. So can you give me a ride so we can both get back at whoever took him?"
Hulk stared at Bucky. He pointed at Bucky's gun, and his arm.
"I'm not going to hurt you," Bucky said, remembering how Peter and Nat talked to him. "Promise."
Hulk snorted. But he also extended an arm and grabbed Bucky maybe a little too tight before throwing himself into the air.
When they hit the deck above, Bucky stumbled. "Yep, flying is not for me. Solid ground it is." He managed a smile at Hulk, though. "Thanks. I appreciate it."
"Smash," Hulk said. "Smash bad guys."
"Sounds like a plan. Lead the way."
Bucky could have followed Tony and Rhodey through the ship even if he didn't have comms based on the scorch marks from their suits alone. The farther into the ship they went, the worse Bucky felt about the whole thing.
"If somebody wanted to lay a trap, this is basically it," he muttered.
Hulk was running along behind him, and he snarled. "Trap."
"I wish I knew if you were agreeing that it could be a trap, or telling me it is one."
"Pretty sure it's a trap," came Rhodey's voice over comms, "given the sheer amount of explosives rigged in the area."
"Really? Fun."
"I'm getting a reading of somebody in here who isn't Peter," Tony broke in. "Rhodey, you grab him. Barnes, you and Hulk quit stalling up there."
"You heard that, right?" he asked Hulk.
"Faster," Hulk said.
"Yep."
They met up with Tony just as he started using a laser to burn through a reinforced door. The laser made a nice break in the door; Hulk happily yanked the cut-out piece free and threw it to the side.
Suddenly JARVIS's voice filled Bucky's comms. "Sergeant Barnes, you should step away. I am reading the presence of some form of gas which has potent psychoactive agents in it. Sir's suit will protect him and Hulk is likely immune at this concentration, but you are not."
"Stark, I need a mask. I know you've got spare little bots in that thing!" Bucky yelled, not backing down for a second.
"Never say I didn't do anything nice for you." Tony turned and tossed a red and gold lump of metal at him. As soon as Bucky caught it, it morphed into a cross between a gas mask and a full helmet. Bucky pulled it on and followed Tony into the previously sealed area.
Hulk apparently didn't appreciate the smell because he growled louder and punched at random walls in frustration. When he realized his waving was actually clearing the gas out of his way, he started waving and clapping at the visible haze more intently. Bucky got a little too close and nearly lost his footing from the blowback.
"Did they seal him up in here with this stuff?" Bucky asked. It looked like a whole series of rooms were behind that partition. "How'd they do it so fast?"
"Now that I have clearer readings," JARVIS said inside Bucky's mask, "I believe there is a trapdoor approximately twenty feet in front of you that opens in the ceiling of that next room. It was not visible to me before."
They turned the corner and Bucky felt his heart turn to stone.
Peter was lying in an empty room on a bald mattress. His shoes were gone and most of his clothing was shredded. His hair was soaked and sticking to his skin. He wasn't tied down in any way, but he didn't have to be.
Bucky knew all too well what it looked like when someone was forcibly drugged with hallucinogens.
"Stop, stop, stop," Peter was mumbling, and his voice was hoarse as if he'd been screaming — and he probably had been. He rolled and twitched as though he could escape whatever his mind was creating.
"Oh Peter." Tony dropped to his knees and put a hand on Peter's forehead. "We gotta get you out of here."
"I found Riva," Rhodey said suddenly. "He's in some kind of control room. I can see you from here. But I think he screwed up. He's in the same state as Peter. Maybe his stuff leaked."
"Whatever. Grab him and we'll give him to SHIELD," Tony said.
"I found Peter's backpack and stuff, too. You want me to bring you his shoes?"
"No, he can't walk anyway. I'll carry him."
Tony moved gently, pulling Peter into his arms. Bucky stepped closer to help — in this state, Peter might not have any control over his strength, and even the Iron Man suits were subject to his unbelievable powers. At least if Peter ripped off Bucky's prosthetic arm, he could get a replacement.
Hulk had been staring at Peter, but now he was snarling and looking around.
Alarm crept up Bucky's spine. "Something wrong, big guy?"
"Very, very bad!" Hulk yelled.
"Tony!" Rhodey's voice was panicked. "It's going to — "
Bucky didn't have time to register what was about to happen before the explosion tore through the ship.
-==OOO==-
Images floated into Peter's brain.
Red and gold close to his cheek.
Something big and green.
Fire.
A dark expanse dotted with lights.
White and brightness.
And words swam in as well, though they didn't make any more sense than anything else.
" — didn't know Hulk could do that."
"Get out — leave him — Compound."
" — deserved to die for this — "
"Readings off the charts — flush his system — "
" — take time."
"Figlio."
That last word stirred something deep inside Peter, somewhere past the pain and disorientation. He sank into that quiet place to rest. It had to be safe there.
He floated in a shadow void where nothing mattered — until he slipped back to the surface.
Peter woke up slowly with a headache.
He realized he was awake just a few seconds before his stomach lurched. He turned to the side just in time to throw up until his throat burned.
The vomiting left him shaking and he fell back, panting.
"What…?"
"Hey, you awake?"
Peter realized he was in a white room.
And memory came crashing back. Memory of Steve, of being gone five years, of Tony and May moving on.
"No, no, no," he moaned, pulling his hands to his face and rolling onto his side. "No, not again..."
"Peter, it's okay. You're safe now. I'm here."
"No, you're not!" Peter sobbed. He hid his head under his arms. "No, it's happening again!"
A warm hand landed on his elbow and Peter flinched back, waiting for pain. The hand retreated at once.
"Kiddo." The voice sounded sad, but it was all a lie. "I know that stuff is still working its way out of your system. I know you don't know where you are. But you're safe. I'm right here, and whatever bad dreams you had, they're not real."
"Nothing's real," Peter managed, his chest heaving and his stomach threatening to erupt again. "Nothing's real."
"Peter, I'm real."
"Go away," he begged. "Go away, please. Please, I can't…" He hiccuped. "Go away, go away, go away!"
There was a long silence and Peter waited for pain in one of a hundred forms. But instead, there was a sigh and the sound of a chair sliding.
"Okay, figlio. I'll give you a minute."
Even after Peter heard footsteps retreat and the door shut, he held his head with his arms and rocked himself.
"Not real," he said, because at least his voice was his own even if nothing else was. "Nothing's real."
Maybe he passed out, maybe he died, he couldn't be sure. But he rose to awareness again when another voice came with different footsteps into the room.
"Peter, honey?"
"God, no. Please." Peter buried his face in his knees and covered his ears. "Please no."
"Can you hear me, sweetie?"
He hunched tighter, every nerve terrified of feeling a touch where he couldn't protect himself. "Don't come any closer. Please stop." His voice cracked on every word.
"Give him a minute, May."
That was a different voice, one that didn't mean pain. Peter uncurled slightly.
"Peter?"
He tensed once more. "No, no, no."
"Listen, May, why don't you go talk to Tony? I'll sit with him. I promise, he won't be alone."
Peter heard a sob that wasn't his own for once, but he kept his eyes shut tight, his body trembling and his breath heaving, until the door shut again.
"It's just me now, kid." A chair moved and a weight shifted into it. "Whatever you're seeing, it's not real. You gotta believe me."
Peter had given up on believing anything. But he wanted it as badly as he'd wanted it a thousand times before. So he coughed to clear his throat.
"H...Happy?"
"Yep, it's me." Happy's voice was just like Peter remembered, even and familiar. "I don't know what happened to scramble your brains, but if you can't stand anybody but me, it must have been bad."
Peter felt a sob break from him again. "It...it's over?"
"Yeah, Pete. It's over. You can open your eyes."
He was on his last nerve, his last ounce of strength. But he opened his eyes because he had to know. Maybe this time...maybe this time would be different.
He saw a white wall, and some equipment that was familiar.
"I mean, maybe your eyes were already open," Happy was saying. "I'm on the wrong side to tell. But when you feel like turning this way, all you're gonna see is me."
Peter wrapped his arms around his knees and took several breaths.
He shook as he moved, not out of pain, but fear. But he didn't stop until he was lying on his back with his knees to his chest so tight he was probably going to bruise himself. But the ceiling was plain, and now he could see that the room really was empty except for Happy beside him.
"You with me, kid?"
"I think so?" To believe anything was real was terrifying. "Tell me...tell me something. Anything. Something about you I could never guess no matter what."
"I had a crush on Pepper for the longest time."
That was so unexpected, Peter could only turn fully to the man who was peering at him. "You what?"
Happy shrugged. "What can I say? I have a thing for strong, smart women who take no crap from anybody. Except Nat — she's too scary."
"Does Pepper know? Does…?" he stopped. He couldn't…
But Happy just nodded. "Yeah, I told her one night when we weren't sure if Tony was coming back from Afghanistan or not. I knew by then it wasn't going to go anywhere, even if she and Tony never quit dancing around each other."
"And she was okay with it?" This had to be real because it was too uncomfortable not to be.
"Yeah." He chuckled. "It was weird for a couple of days, and then it wasn't. Telling Tony was harder, but I snuck that one in on one of the nights he had a little to drink and before they were together, and he just told me that meant I had a working brain and good judgment."
"That sounds like him." And Peter was breathing now, and he didn't need to hold his knees so tight.
"He's waiting out there," Happy said. "He and May are pretty worried."
Peter flinched. "I...I'm not sure…"
"Can you tell me why you don't want them?" Happy asked. "Nobody's going to come in if you don't want them. But it might help them understand."
"I saw...so many things…" He shut his eyes and tears leaked down his cheeks. "So many things."
"Yeah. I heard you got doped by some crazy chemicals. Designer stuff." Happy sniffed. "Anything hurting?"
"My back a little," Peter admitted.
"That would be from the fire," Happy said. "Whoever had you in that place had a kill switch or something because it blew. Hulk, Tony, and Bucky all kind of piled around you — mostly Hulk, let's be honest."
He had to know and he was even more scared of this answer than most of what had come before. Because worse than the other pain was this one. "Are...is...did anybody get hurt?"
Happy shook his head. "Hulk's fine, you know how he is. Tony's suit took care of him. Bucky has a couple of burns on the back of his legs, but with his healing they'll be gone in a few days."
"Okay." Peter shut his eyes and made himself breathe. "Okay."
Happy sat quietly for a few minutes, and Peter tried to believe this was real.
"Look," Happy said finally, "I know something bad happened and I have no idea what you went through. But I think it would help May and Tony a lot to be able to see you. And prove to you that they're...not whatever you think they are."
Peter knew that. If this was real, he wanted them too. But he just wasn't sure.
"Also, just so you're not surprised, when that stuff is totally out of your system, if you're still feeling like this, you're gonna need to talk to somebody. Bucky already called his favorite therapist. The one who knows how to deal with mind control."
Peter blinked. "You think...maybe when this is out of my system I won't...it won't be like this anymore?"
"Honestly, nobody knows." Happy looked at his hands. "But I guess any come-down after a drug thing can be rough. So we're just...taking precautions."
"But not right away, right?" Peter managed to sit up.
"No. Not until we're sure it's out of you and you're ready." Happy really looked like he didn't know what he was supposed to be doing, and Peter didn't blame him.
Peter looked down at his arms.
There were a few bruises and cuts, already healing. But no blood. No scars. No burns. No evidence of any of the horrors that danced in his brain.
Maybe...maybe this is real this time.
"Can...can you ask Tony and May to come in?" he asked. And he almost took it back as soon as he said it, but he closed his hands into fists. "I don't...I don't want to be scared. Not if…" Not if this is real.
"Sure." Happy rose.
"Wait." Peter looked up. "Can you stay?"
Happy immediately sat back down. "If it helps."
"It really does."
"Can I ask why?"
Peter let out a breath that hurt. "Because...in all those...whatever they were, visions or dreams or something, it was never you."
Happy blinked in confusion. "Never me what?"
"That died," Peter whispered. "Or hurt me. Or hated me. Or blamed me. Or...or killed me."
Peter shut his eyes and rubbed at his face. He would not cry. He was going to see May and Tony and he was going to believe this was real and he was going to get better.
The only alternative was too scary to think about.
And when Tony and May came into the room, slowly, as if approaching a wild animal, Peter's heart seized.
As good as it was to see them alive and safe and unhurt, it was awful, too. When they hadn't been dead or dying, they had been the cause of his pain instead.
But Peter made himself let them hold his hands, and even give him a hug.
And if he shook while they did it, at least they didn't seem to mind.
They seemed like they cared.
They seemed like they were worried about him.
They seemed like they wanted the best for him, even if it hurt them.
They seemed like they loved him again.
Please let this be real.