Disclaimer: The Pokémon is not of owning by that which is myself.
Pokémon: Remastered
Chapter Beta: Introductions, etc.
"Will Aqua Admin Shelly please report to me office," the voice of Archie, the big boss of the crime organization known as Team Aqua rang out over the sub-aquatic complex's P.A. system. Though Archie had long ago forsaken his life as a plundering pirate on the high seas to become a more organized and subtler pirate, traces of his stereotypical cartoon-like accent were still evident in his speech.
Shelly, the aforementioned admin, sighed. This was the third time today that the "Blackbeard-wanna-be", as many in the team called him, had summoned her into his office to give her some trivial task such as fetching him corn flakes or a donut. "Not with too much frosting or sprinkles, but not so little that it doesn't completely cover the top".
She passed by a window in the building, and paused momentarily to look at the sea life swimming around. Yes, the entire building was completely underwater; one might say it was like an aquarium with humans instead of fish. An air pump that led above ground supplied all the oxygen that everyone needed. The reason for the hydrophilia was that Team Aqua was a criminal organization devoted to their lifetime effort of trying to expand the planet's ocean to make room for more habitats for ocean-dwelling Pokémon and animals. This doesn't really sound criminal, but they were willing to do anything to accomplish this goal. Anything.
The door to Archie's office creaked open as Shelly entered the "octagonal office". Archie and his weird sense of humor had ordered the office to have exactly eight equal-sized walls and corners. "You wanted to see me, sir?" she asked, appearing nervous for the purpose of humoring Archie, but with mostly irritation and exasperation on the inside.
"Yes, I wanted to see you, so I could order ye to-"
"-don't tell me," Shelly finished angrily. "Get you some espresso? Warm milk? Escargot?"
"Well, some escargot might be nice, but what I really wanted to ask ye is if you'd like to go on a secret mission for me."
"A secret mission?" she almost whispered in disbelief.
"Yes. I would like you to disguise yourself as a Team Magma agent, and see if you can find out what those losers are planning." Team Magma was Team Aqua's rival crime organization. Their goal was to augment the Earth's solid ground in order to create more habitats for land-dwellers. This was obviously infuriating to pro-water people.
"R-really?" she stammered. "Oh, I'd be happy to! You won't regret this!" And with that, Shelly exited the strangely built office, leaving Archie muttering,
"You'd better not make me regret it, or else. I don't want another December 18, 1996. It took us months to wipe up the stains from the popcorn butter..."
O O O O O O O O O O O O O O CANADAAA O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O
Ash Ketchum stepped on board the S.S. Blackcat that was set to leave for Hoenn in ten minutes. He would have gotten there faster had he not had to stop for lunch, a post-lunch snack, a post-after-lunch snack, and a post-post-after-lunch snack. My luck must be improving, he thought, not noticing the boat's unfortunate epithet. Usually, I have to jump and catch the boat at the very last minute. He noticed that the boat was not very crowded. The only people on deck at the moment were a rich couple, a movie star, a more average-looking girl, a scientist in a white lab coat, a sailor, and a guy in red with a dorky hat.
"Hello, everybody," the captain's voice emitted from the ship's intercom. "This is your captain, Brian Anderson, speaking. Your captain is certainly not Arturo de Caballo, the infamous illegal alpaca dealer, and this ship is set to depart to Hoenn. Regular, northern Hoenn. This vehicle is by no means going to South Hoenn for the purpose of illegally dealing alpacas. Yep, there's nothing suspicious going on aboard this ship. No alpacas stored in the hold or anything, so there's no need to, like, go down there or anything. Um, yeah. 'K, bye."
The ship's passengers stared for a minute, and then they all returned to happily chatting on how exciting it would be on the "three hour tour".
"Pikapi! Pikapika..." Pikachu chirped, tugging on Ash's shirt.
"It's OK, Pikachu," Ash said. "There's no need to worry. The captain said that he's a respectable guy who's not illegally dealing alpacas, and this ship's going to regular, northern Hoenn."
"Pika..." The Pokémon didn't seem reassured.
The ship's whistle blew, signaling the vessel's departure. Ash let the light sea breeze blow in his face, providing a little relief from Pallet Town's high humidity that was very common this time of year. As he let out a small sigh, he had no idea the bad luck that would later befall him...
O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O
"Arturo¿trajiste las alpacas?" asked a mysterious voice on the ship's screen.
"Sí," responded the correspondent.
"Bueno," replied the mysterious figure, and with that, he terminated communication with the mariner.
"Man, that guy scares me," the seafarer, Arturo, said after the weird other guy had left. "It's like he strategically places himself so he can get just the right lighting to make himself look evil." Arturo himself wasn't really evil, only kind of evil. One might say he was more greedy than evil.
"Man, that guy scares me," the seafarer, Arturo, said after the weird other guy had left. "It's like he strategically places himself so he can get just the right lighting to make himself look evil." Arturo himself wasn't really evil, only kind of evil. One might say he was more greedy than evil.
"alp4c4S ist teh sux0r" emitted another person in the cabin who looked to be rather old, and who was currently holding a block of Monterey Jack cheese.
"Oh, sorry, Donny, I forgot to turn off your Leet function," Arturo said, flicking a switch on the robot called Donny's main circuit board. "Now, what were you saying?"
"I was saying," said Donny, "that I don't know if this alpaca dealing is worth it. I mean, it doesn't pay that well, and you're not exactly doing a great job of concealing that said unscrupulous profession."
"Oh, what do you know?" snapped Arturo. "You're an animatronic clone of a politician. At least I didn't buy that one named Richard…" Suddenly, there was a knock on the cabin's door.
"Hello?" a boy with a Poké Ball hat and a Pikachu poked his head through the cabin's door. "Is this the refreshment room?"
"Um…yeah, this is the, er, cheese room," said Donny, now eating a block of Swiss cheese.
"Hey, aren't you a politician?" asked the boy.
"No, I'm an animatronic clone of one. There's a difference!"
"Oh," said the boy indifferently. "So, can I have cheese or what?"
"No! Mine!" the robot snapped.
"You'll have to excuse Donny. He's a bit…possessive of his dairy products. Um, I'm your captain, Art…uh, I mean, Brian Anderson, who is not by any means Arturo de Caballo, the infamous alpaca dealer. Who are you?"
"The name's Ash Ketchum. I'm going to Hoenn to become a Pokémon Master!" the boy shouted triumphantly.
"Ah, living out the nauseatingly overrated Kantoese dream, are we?"
"Yep, sure am…hey, wait a minute!" Ash cried indignantly. "It is not overrated! You get to do all sorts of cool stuff, like travel, and meet people, and see new types of Pokémon!"
"Pika pika!" Pikachu joined in.
"Oh, really?" asked Arturo. "Then, do you think you could beat me in a Pokémon battle?"
"Huh?"
"Yeah, you heard me. C'mon, one-on-one, you can do it! That is, unless you're chicken…" Arturo mocked.
"I'm not chicken! You're on!"
"Excellent. Heh heh. Go! Swampert!" Arturo released a Poké Ball containing a large, blue, fish-like creature.
"Good thing Professor Oak updated my Pokédex," Ash said to himself. He pulled out a red cell-phone shaped gadget, which said effeminately:
"Swampert. The Mud Fish Pokémon. It likes to swim with its powerful arms. Although, I don't know why I should be telling you this. What have you ever done for me? All you men think about are yourselves. I'll have you know that just the other day, Jeanette said her husband actually cooked…"
"Geez, what's the deal?" Ash said. "Dexter never did this. Oh, here's the problem. Professor Oak upgraded SuperScientist 8.0 to NaggingWife 1.5. And that lucky bastard Gary got VegasShowgirl 36.24.36," sighed the aspiring Pokémon Master.
"Ahem, can we start now?" said "Brian" impatiently.
"Yeah! Go, Pikachu!" Ash directed his yellow mouse off his shoulder and into the makeshift arena.
"Swampert! Use Water Gun!" the captain yelled.
"Dodge it, Pikachu!"
And so it went for a while; one would order their Pokémon to execute an attack, and the other would tell theirs to evade it. This continued until…
"Pikachu! Quick Attack!" The attack that the electricity-based rodent threw out hit Swampert squarely in the head, knocking him out.
"Return, Swampert," Arturo said resentfully, his Poké Ball emitting a red light that pulled Swampert inside.
"Ha! I knew I could beat you!" Ash yelled triumphantly, patting Pikachu on the head for a job well done.
"Yes, very nice, you two," said Donny, who had been sitting quietly the whole time, eating a hunk of Edam, "but it doesn't matter, for we have reached our destination."
"Hoenn? Already?" Ash cried eagerly, looking out the window for a glimpse.
"No, not Hoenn, dear boy," said the boat driver, "but the precise spot out at sea where I, Arturo de Caballo, stuff you in the hold with the rest of my ill-gotten gains."
"You mean you're the alpaca dealer? I never would have suspected a thing!" Ash gasped.
"I would never have suspected that you're such an idiot," retorted Arturo. "Donny! Lock him in the hold!"
Donny heaved Ash over his shoulder, like a parent would a screaming child. They walked down a few flights of stairs until they reached a heavy looking wooden door. "In here," said Donny, and threw the hapless Ash into the dank room that the door concealed.
Ash surveyed his surroundings with a look of distaste. There were alpacas in every corner of the room, not to mention the byproducts of said animals. Anyone else in his position would have thought the situation was fairly hopeless, but years of "fairly hopeless" situations had taught Ash to never deem anything as "hopeless". One could almost see the productive, if a bit rusty, gears turning in the trainer's head as he formulated an escape plan…
O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O
May Maple sped along the gentle hills of Littleroot Town on her brand new, shiny red bicycle. It was a gift from her father for her birthday, but the gift she liked the best by far was the Pokémon Trainer's License that those of age could possess and, by having it, could train Pokémon. May wasn't in it for the battling aspect, though. She had always been a bit of a nomadic soul,and now she could wander as much as her heart desired.
She was so absorbed in this reverie that she failed to notice the Pokémon that had just appeared in front of her. She screamed, and swerved to avoid it, thereby falling off her set of wheels and skidding in the dirt. It was a rather dumb move, as the Pokémon in question was a Duskull, a Ghost type that possessed the ability to become transparent and allow solid objects to pass through it.
May brushed the dirt off her knees and shakily stood up. She had forgotten the first rule of cycling, nay, life: always pay attention. She stood her bike back up, and raced down the incline toward the house and laboratory of Professor Birch, a renowned Pokémon researcher who had befriended her family when they had moved in.
She knocked on his door, and, when no one answered, opened it herself. "Hello?" she called. "I wonder where he's gone to?" she asked aloud.
"May? Is that you?" a voice asked.
"Professor?" the girl inquired.
"No, it's Frank," the person replied.
"Oh." Frank was one of Professor Birch's aides.
"If you're looking for the prof, he's gone out to do some field research."
May was not surprised by this tidbit of information; Professor Birch was a very hands-on kind of guy. He preferred the open outdoors to the confines of his lab. "Ok, thanks," she said, and went out to find the researcher.
She had not gone far when she heard the classic line of: "Jane! Stop this crazy thing!" garnished with assorted expletives and obscenities. She figured that could only be Birch. May wondered if he had tried to use the sewing machine on his pants while he still had them on again, but, upon closer inspection, she saw that there was a mouthful of teeth attached to the seat of his trousers. The teeth were attached to a Poochyena, a dog-like Pokémon who refused to release the hapless scientist from his maw.
"May! Is that you?" Birch shouted. "Help me!"
"How?" she asked back.
"Look in my backpack! There are some Poké Balls there that might help."
May did as he said, and saw three Poké Balls that had fallen out and were now lying on the ground. "Now what?" she questioned.
"Use one of the Pokémon inside!"
"Umm…" May grabbed the middle Ball, and threw it into the air like she had seen professional battlers do on TV. An emanation of red light materialized from the Poké Ball, and it formed into an orange baby chick (the fowl kind).
"Ok, now what do I do?" May inquired further.
Professor Birch was starting to get frustrated with the ignorance that this girl was displaying about the world of Pokémon. "Make it use an attack!"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, Ember!"
"Ok, then, use Ember!" May commanded the tiny fowl. It did as she said, only May was the one getting torched. "Not on me, on the Poochyena!" The Pokémon then released a torrent of flames that charred the offending dog to a crisp. It ran off yelping and whining.
"Whew," Birch breathed in relief, but that was quickly replaced by an "Aaa!" as he surveyed the damage done to his pants. He looked at May, and said: "Thank you, Mario, but our princess is in another castle!" Birch's jokes were a bit odd sometimes.
"Excuse me?" May said, quite confused.
"Um, sorry. Come back to my lab for a minute, will you?" May followed Professor Birch back to his establishment of studying, and went into a large room with several hi-tech gadgets, widgets, gizmos, thingamabobs, whatchamacallits, and doohickeys. "Now, May," the Professor began, "there comes a time in every young woman's life when she must…oh, wait, wrong speech. Ahem. May, I believe the time has come for you to choose a starting Pokémon; in other words, a Pokémon that will be your first one." The professor grabbed the three Poké Balls that had been lying on the ground during the Poochyena incident. "Now, then, you have a choice of three Pokémon: Treecko, Torchic, and Mudkip. Just so you know, Torchic was the one you released during the time I was being mauled by that rogue Poochyena."
May thought for a moment. "Can I see the other two?" she asked.
"Sure," Professor Birch said, tossing two Poké Balls in the air. Out of the Poké Balls popped a green lizard-like Pokémon and a blue fish-like Pokémon. "May, meet Treecko and Mudkip. They're Grass and Water types, respectively."
"Um…I dunno…" May said hesitantly. "They're sort of creepy. They bring back long-repressed childhood memories of when I was camping and got attacked by a thousand-pound aquatic mutant iguana. As I recall, we've never camped near that 'Chernobyl' place again."
"I suppose that means you want Torchic, yes?" Birch asked.
"Yeah, sure," May said indifferently. "All I want is to get out of this rathole, though," she muttered under her breath.
"Oh, goody!" Birch said giddily. "Your parents would be so proud…" he broke off, weeping.
"Uh, last time I checked, my parents were still alive…"
"Oh. Well, it never hurts to be prepared."
May exited the laboratory, breathed in the muggy and humid air, and mounted her shiny red bicycle. Visions of the territory ahead danced in her mind. She had hardly ever seen anything other than the fairly unimpressive geography of Johto, and she was eager to see the natural majesty that Hoenn was so famous for. And even though she was in Hoenn right now, she didn't figure that the boring town of Littleroot counted as spectacular scenery.
As she rode off toward the north, adventure on the mind, she had no idea just how much adventure she'd get…