Pokémon: Remastered
Chapter Delta: The Plot Thickens (Like Old Milk)
Ash Ketchum winced at the flash of light that had suddenly blinded him. It took several minutes before he was able to open his eyes to the point to where he could identify his surroundings. Although his head was pounding, he could faintly make out his sterile-looking, mostly white surroundings. Last year's New Year's party ain't got nothing on this, he thought, cringing at another surge of pain.
As he lay in agony and delirium, Ash saw a lady approach him. "Oh, good, you're awake!" she said cheerily. "I was beginning to worry." Upon closer inspection, Ash realized that this was none other than Nurse Joy. I must be in a Pokémon Center, he thought. But how? For a moment, Ash was delusional enough to wonder if he might be in one of Brock's dreams, but he was coherent enough to rule out that possibility, seeing as this Nurse Joy was wearing clothing.
"Where…am I?" Ash mumbled.
"You're in a Pokémon Center in the south of Hoenn," the nurse replied. "You nearly drowned out in the ocean after your boat crashed. Luckily, some strange folks driving a giant Magikarp brought you here. Speaking of which, have you seen a cash register and some Pokéballs anywhere?"
"How long have I been here?" asked Ash, deciding to change the subject.
"You've been asleep for…thirty years!" Nurse Joy responded ominously.
"What?"
"No, just kidding. Sometimes I like to add a little drama, you know. Nah, you've actually only been asleep for three days," she said.
A nagging thought which Ash had been vaguely aware of since he woke up suddenly pushed itself to the forefront of his mind. "Where's Pikachu? Is he okay?" Ash asked, seeming to panic.
"We did find a Pikachu. He's just resting in the next room over," Joy said, allowing Ash to breathe a sigh of relief.
"Did you also find the cast of a TV show and thirty-six alpacas?" Ash inquired, recalling some other details about what had happened previously.
Nurse Joy gave the trainer a look that she once gave a man who was later arrested for doing several different types of drugs. "I think someone swallowed a little too much seawater," she said.
Ash began to protest, but then realized how ludicrous his question probably sounded, and was silent.
After a few hours spent regaining his former vigor, Ash resolved to leave the Pokémon Center and continue his journey. He picked up Pikachu, whose behavior reminded Ash of the morning after the Pokémon had infiltrated the Ketchums' liquor cabinet. After several shocks of electricity given in protest, Pikachu finally agreed to leave.
Once outside, the trainer and his Pokémon both felt a simultaneous prodigious rumbling in their gastric regions. Through unspoken consent, both decided to find some sustenance.
The weather was warm and humid, and palm trees swayed in the light ocean breeze. A group of children ran through the streets, kicking around what looked like a coconut. A quick glance at the GPS-enabled Pokénav revealed that Ash was located in the very Southern tip of Hoenn's southern peninsula. After perusing the small town, Ash spied a small brown-hued building with the word "Sooshi" written in marker adorning the front door. "That looks good, huh, Pikachu?" Ash said, gesturing at the edifice. "I could go for some sushi about now." Pikachu, although possessing an innate alarm signaling that this was a bad idea (which, since it happened so often, he had learned to suppress), the Pokémon knew better than to get between his trainer and his stomach.
Just then, an outrageously dressed man sauntered out of the building and straight into Ash, knocking them both down. The trainer surveyed the odd man. He was tall and skinny, and he wore a shiny, yellow leather disco suit, diamond-studded sunglasses, and a red-and-white afro at least three times the size of his head. "Hey, dude, I think you're lost. The seventies are thirty years that way," said Ash, stifling laughter.
The man simply sniffed and said affrontedly, "Such rudeness!" And with that, the top of the Fashion Police's "Most Wanted" list strutted off into the distance. Ash shook his head and walked toward the restaurant, making sure to get in the last word by shouting "Your mom!"
After ingesting numerous health code violations, Ash exited the dingy joint. "I really felt that the fish entrails on the floor gave it a nice authentic feel, don't you, Pikachu?" said Ash. Pikachu clutched his stomach. "Well, no time to waste, let's go and win that Hoenn League!"
The man in the red and white afro walked through the jungle, attempting unsuccessfully to avoid catching his hair on branches and shooing away the birds that tried to nest in it. Finally, he came to a tall rock face, to which he shouted, "Honey, I'm home!" Inexplicably, a crude rope ladder dropped from an opening near the top, up which the strange man climbed.
Upon reaching the top, the afro man was met with another, shorter and fatter man who wore a suit and sported two gray tufts of hair and a mustache. "For the hundredth time, that's not the password," the short man reprimanded the disco man. "I only let the ladder down because nobody else would say something that ridiculous."
"Then what's the difference?" the tall man said, climbing into the cave with the short man. "Besides, I can't help it if I want a little variety every now and then."
The short man just snorted and walked to the rear of the cave. "What were you doing anyway, Miror B.? I told you to go find some coconuts and come right back, which you don't even appear to have done."
"Well, Evice, I was hungry and decided I'd stop for lunch," retorted Miror B.
"In town?" Evice replied incredulously. "How many times have I told you not to make yourself noticed?"
"It's okay, I'm pretty sure no one noticed me except for this one rude kid I ran into. Oh, yeah, and the guy at the sushi place gave me a weird look. Oh, and there was that one guy who…"
"Enough!" interrupted Evice. "It seems you don't understand the gravity of this situation. The authorities from Orre have undoubtedly alerted Hoenn's government of us. If we're caught, we could face life in prison! We're wanted men!" Evice glanced at the living anachronism beside him. "Well…we're wanted, anyway." Miror B. frowned.
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before, Mr. Drama Queen. Like someone's going to remember every guy they see with a huge afro and a yellow suit. Pfft, right," snorted Miror B.
Evice glowered darkly at the other man, but said nothing. Suddenly, the Numa Numa song started emanating from Evice's pocket. Looking embarrassed, he quickly procured a cell phone and answered it with a gruff "yes?"
His face quickly lit up when he heard the voice on the other side. "Ah, Ein! Any news?" Evice nodded along with what the other voice was saying, occasionally making affirmative-sounding noises. "So can you give me a timeframe with regard to Project Shadow? ...Good, good," he said after a while. "Very nice. If all goes well, you will be rewarded greatly." And with that, Evice hung up.
He smirked for a few seconds, then began to chuckle. The chuckle quickly gave way to a cackle, which before long became utter maniacal laughter.
"Always with the maniacal laughter!" Miror B. said indignantly. "You just can't do anything else, can you? 'Oh, look, a potted plant, I think I'll laugh maniacally!'" he mocked.
Evice gave him a dark stare, then said, "Well, I think we know who's sleeping outside tonight."
"Wha…no! I'll be mauled by bears! I have back problems, you know!"
Ash Ketchum, holding a nauseous Pikachu in his arms, strode through the forest, absentmindedly kicking rocks as he kept a close eye out for potential additions to his Pokémon party. It wasn't long before the trainer heard some rustling off in the distance.
Readying a Pokéball, Ash crept closer to the source of the noise. A tremendous crashing erupted as soon as he got close to it, and Ash found himself staring up into the eyes of a giant robot.
"Run, Pikachu, it's Robot Armageddon! Oh, God, we're all gonna die!" Ash shouted.
"Oh, shut up," the robot said. "There're people in here, twerp."
"Thank goodness. Hey, wait, do I know you?"
Shrill laughter suddenly came from the robot's speaker. "Prepare for trouble!" a female voice inside said.
"And make it…" the male voice cut off when the Pikachu started making faces, and Ash started making rude motions with his hand.
"What are you even doing here anyway, Team Rocket?" Ash demanded.
"Da Boss wants us to set up a Hoenn branch of Team Rocket," said someone whose heavy Brooklyn accent Ash recognized as Meowth's.
"He must not want it very badly," Ash muttered.
"Hey! We saved your life, you know. The least you could do is give us your Pokémon and/or money, if not your respect," said an English voice belonging to James.
"Yeah, why'd you do that, anyway?" queried Ash.
"We've got enough litigation coming our way for sinking that stupid boat without people dying because of it," replied Jessie. "Besides, it's always nice to have something to strive for."
"Is that what our psychologist meant when he said we had Wile E. Coyote complexes?" asked James.
"Listen, I'd love to stay and chat, but…you guys are stupid," said Ash. "Come on, Pikachu."
"Oh, no you don't!" The robot reached down and attempted to grab the yellow rodent, when the latter promptly emitted several bolts of electricity. Aside from soundly scorching the robot and sending Team Rocket "blasting off again," the lightning was also attracted to a metallic bicycle coming towards the source, and it hit with such force that not only was the metal forever warped, but the rider was sent flying and hit the ground right in front of Ash.
When the Pokémon trainer saw the oddly familiar scene of the electrocuted rider and the twisted bike, he knew not whether to laugh or cry at the irony of it all. However, "irony" was not the word in Ash's head; as far as he knew, "irony" was the type of substance he was not supposed to touch his tongue to in the winter.
The rider slowly pushed herself up from the ground. She looked to be about Ash's age, with brown hair restrained by a red bandana, a red shirt with a Pokéball emblem, and a black skirt that reached to mid-thigh. "Oof," she groaned, brushing the dirt off her clothes. When she looked in front of her, she saw Ash, rubbing the back of his neck as he tended to do when he was in an awkward situation.
"Um…I can explain…" he said sheepishly.
The girl looked at him, and at her bike, then gave a dismissive gesture. "Eh…I never liked the thing anyway. Oh, I'm May," she said, extending her hand to Ash.
"Ash Ketchum," the slightly dumbstruck trainer replied.
"I won't make you pay for anything, but I will challenge you to a Pokémon battle instead," May said with a mischievous glint in her blue eyes. "Prepare to get owned, Ash Ketchum!"
As Ash readied Pikachu for battle, he watched May grab a Pokéball from her Pokémon Trainer Utility Belt (®), and shout, "Torchic! Go!"
The ball opened, and what appeared to be a small orange chick materialized in front of it. Ash, never one to pass up a learning experience (unless it taught life lessons or math), pulled out his trusty Pokédex.
"Torchic. The Chick Pokémon. Although small, Torchic can use several powerful Fire-type attacks and is very fast. By the way, we haven't talked in days! I have emotional needs, too, you know! Do you think I'm fat?"
"Ugh…" Ash said as he closed the needy handheld device. "Okay, Pikachu, let's go!"
Pikachu jumped from Ash's arms into the makeshift battlefield across from Torchic. "Use Thunderbolt, Pikachu!" Acquiescing, Pikachu shot out a concentrated bolt of electricity toward the unsuspecting baby chicken and knock it down. Torchic, although slightly rattled by the shock, quickly jumped back up and heard its trainer yell, "Torchic! Ember!"
Unfortunately, Torchic was not used to taking orders, so he decided that that moment would be an opportune moment to kick some dirt and take a nap. "Hey! Torchic! Not cool!" yelled May.
Ash could not help but think how much May reminded him of himself all those years ago. Must be a newbie, he thought. Deciding to save them both time and frustration, Ash ordered another Thunderbolt from Pikachu. Pikachu let loose a storm of electricity that turned Torchic into a form worthy of Colonel Sanders.
"No…" May cried, as she sadly summoned her fallen Pokémon back into its home. "I guess you win. You sure know your stuff, huh?"
Ash shrugged, trying to appear modest but failing greatly.
"Where are you going, anyway?" May asked Ash.
Ash then realized that he really had no idea where anything was in Hoenn. "I dunno…I guess to wherever the closest Pokémon Gym is."
"Oh, that's in Petalburg City. It's only a few miles from here. My dad's actually the gym leader there!" she said proudly.
So, through unspoken consent, Ash and May walked together through the forest, prepared for excitement and adventure in a new land.
Yes, I have decided to continue this. Some reviews would help me along, though... (hint, hint). Also, Miror B. and Evice are from Pokémon Colosseum, in case you didn't know. I know the story's moving a little slowly, but it'll all come together soon enough. So, until next time (which hopefully won't be a year and a half), enjoy, and don't forget to review on your way out!