Here I Am
He chocked on the small whimper that arose into his throat. All those memories of Hatsuharu taking care of him were quickly replaced by ones he didn't want. The ones where the ox took care of a certain horse with such care, with the same eyes watching her, the same looks, touches... His grip on Haru's shirt tightened as he pulled his secret crush away. His trained glare focusing on the one in front of him. A part of him twisted at the slightly hurt look he received, but he would NOT be used.
"Hatsuharu," Kyou's voice was firm. "I'm not Rin."
The slightly hurt look turned into a confused expression, "I know that. Why would you-"
"I'm not Yuki either."
"I /know/. What are you getting at?"
Kyou took the kitten from his shoulder, the same kitten that he pulled out of the sack of death and decay, the same one he had snuck out in order to get from the vets and ended up becoming even more ailed, the very one that served as his last strain of sanity. His fingers stroked the palm sized feline unconsciously seeking the comfort he needed. It was hard for him to say this, because in his mind saying it meant he was also confessing. The simple words ran deeper than they seemed as he tried to make the statement sound as simple as possible.
"I won't be used as a replacement."
They did run deep, in fact they cut Haru as he took a step back. His gray eyes falling from the garnet gaze, it seemed he had acted with out thinking. But that didn't mean that it wasn't true, the need for someone, the need to be close to a familiar warmth.
"Haru," the cat's voice pulled his attention back to him. The redhead was looking down at the kitten that purred happily with eyes that were trying to drift shut, "It's... not like I'm not thankful... You took care of me when no one else would... and, it would seem you took care of little Hoodoo for me as well. I just wanted you to know that I-" he took a breath, "I want you to think about it... that's all."
With that he turned around and left the room, it felt stifling and he was a little hungry. He slowly descended the stairs, eyes still fixed on the now sleeping little thing in his hands. It hurt, a lot, but he did feel better now that he had that little 'talk' with Haru. He stopped at the base of the stairs, his head still felt light and slightly dizzy but getting something warm in his stomach would help the medication along and he would get better faster. Picking up his feet he turned the corner, heading towards the kitchen where he could hear the small humming of Tohru raising musically to his ears. His body instinctively froze. He... wasn't sure if he was prepared to talk to her just yet.
As he was torn between going to the kitchen or going back to his room the decision as to what to do was made for him when a joyous brunet came out of the kitchen holding a tray of freshly made goods. She too froze when her eyes met the cat who was loitering about. Her eyes got big and watery. She had been so worried about him since Hatsuharu came home holding a socking wet kitty-Kyou and a black kitten. They had Hatori come over and the man was going to take Kyou to the hospital when Akito actually ordered them not to. The family was stuck with daily visits from the doctor and the constant supervision of the bi-colored ox.
"K-Kyou...kun," tears pearled down her cheeks as the tray in her hands started to shake with the rest of her body. She was so relieved, so very relieved.
"Oi! You're going to dro-!"
The tray clattered to the floor and before she could stop herself the tiny, high-school girl latched onto the redhead turning him into an orange cat with a puff of smoke. His body was caught in her embrace as he caught the kitten by the scruff in his mouth. He pulled the kid up to the safety of the cradle of her arm before he was cuddled by wet cheeks.
"Kyou-kun, Kyou-kun you're okay, you're okay and you spoke to me!" She sounded way to happy for someone who was sobbing as much as she was.
"Yeah, yeah! I'm okay just put me down before I puke all over your dress!" He really was feeling nauseous from the sudden form change and then viciously attacked with love.
"OH! I-I-I-I'm sorry!" She quickly put him down, not really noticing that he had taken a hold of the kitten's scruff yet again, "I'm just so glad you're okay and you're talking to me again."
Kyou placed the kid down on the floor the tiny chirping protests of being woken from his nap in such a rude way was silenced when a warm tongue ran over his small muzzle and head. The simple action rewarded a certain orange cat with a burst of loud purring, sufficiently shutting the annoying clamor of baby words up. He gave a sigh, it seemed that he was at a loss. No one allowed him enough time by himself in order to think things through in solitude like he was accustomed to. These problems were being shoved in his face and all he really could do was make do with what he had.
"Look," he twitched his tail in discomfort. "I've... been a real jerk to you."
"Hu-Huh?"
"I tried to alienate you when I said I'd support you no matter who you chose. God, I'm stupid."
He looked over his shoulder as a black tail trailed under his chin from the kitten demanding more parental affection. Like he suspected, Tohru had her patented smile of serenity.
"It's okay," she sniffled trying to wipe some fresh tears away. "Because I knew Kyou-kun would need his space, because you like to think by yourself and I was going to wait until my friend came back with the answers he was looking for."
Smoke filled the small area as she quickly turned around. Kyou reached over and ruffled her hair in an affectionate way before quickly getting dressed. It really had been less painful to talk to her than he had originally thought. For a moment he was ashamed that he had thought that their friendship would have deteriorated. He smiled to himself as he picked up a mewling baby cat, he just had to face the fact that Tohru didn't love him like he wanted her to, that Haru wouldn't love him the way he yearned for, and... -he looked down at the kitten, whom he had named Hoodoo- and it was okay. It would hurt, for a very long time, but eventually, slowly, the pain would dull, he would be by himself and if he played his cards right... He held Hoodoo up high over his head, tiny paws reaching down for him.
"What is her name?"
Kyou looked over at the brunet who was picking up the spilled tray, "It's a boy."
"I'm sorry!"
He gave a tired smile and looked back at the kid, "Hoodoo, his name is Hoodoo."
"Hoodoo? That's a fun name!" Tohru got up and scuttled back into the kitchen where she grabbed a towel to finish cleaning. "What does it mean?"
The cat lowered the black feline to his chest, "It's the name of a type of... well, it's hard to explain, it's not a religion, nor a magic..."
"A be-gic?"
"The hell is that?"
"A word I made up, it's belief-magic," she looked overly proud of herself.
Kyou felt even more tired, he was still recovering after all, but still he chuckled and tapped her forehead with his knuckles, "Sure, it's a be-gic. I read about it, it's based off of Voodoo but has many twists because other religions were integrated into it."
"But isn't voodoo bad?"
"I don't think so... but then again it's not like I run around tampering with stuff like that."
"So why name him Hoodoo?"
The redhead stifled a yawn as he turned and started to head upstairs, he really wanted to sleep some more, "Because then he could curse the people who do him wrong."
"His own personal self defense! Brilliant!"
Kyou was pretty sure if he looked over his shoulder he would become blind by the glee that was radiating from the woman as she rambled on, "But just as long as it's not anything harmful, hurting people is bad. Ah, Kyou-kun you going to rest?"
"Yeah, I'm just a little sleepy."
"Sleep well, I'll save dinner for you if you'd like."
He paused at the top of the stairs, "Tohru... thanks."
"You're welcome, I'll make sure it's all nice and healthy for you."
Like usual she didn't get it. He smiled a little more as he pushed down the dizziness coming to his room. Going in he gave Haru a small glance, the boy was fast asleep sitting at his desk. That's right, Hatsuharu had been awake most of this time taking care of him. The ox must have been exhausted. The orange cat placed Hoodoo down on the floor, softly padding across the room he shook Haru's shoulder. When there was little to no response he simply shifted his cousin enough to get a good grip on him, then moved him to the futon, it was big enough for two bodies, that was if he was going to share it. He pulled the covers over Haru and simply laid down on the floor next to him, Hoodoo curling up between the two of them. And as he was between sleep and awake he felt warm arms wrap around him, pulling him underneath the covers as soft breath brushed against his hair, and the kitten climbing on top and finding a small nest of blanket between two slumbering bodies.
To Be Continued...