Here I Am
The sound of the water running was the only thing I could hear as I found myself turned around, hips pinned against the counter. I grabbed the edge of the sink as I glared into those silver eyes. Haru was pissed off before he even came in. What was wrong this time? It seemed that when ever he even /saw/ me after what had happened two weeks ago he was always Black.
That needs a little explanation.
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Two Weeks Ago
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I had been summoned by Akito and got the usual hissy fit that the head of the clan likes to throw. I was demeaned and beaten. When I left the room I had a split lip and a spot on my forearm had to get stitches. Hatsuharu had been away with his parents at the time so Yuki had gone with me. It had confused me when he only patted me on the head in a gentle way as we walked down the long halls, I had torn off my sleeves to tie around my cut that nearly ran down from the back of my wrist to my elbow. Yuki helped hold the pressure as to help. At that moment I was confused, but I felt warm, like when Tohru would encourage me. I had always known I never truly hated Yuki, I've always kind of liked him. He would have been a great friend if circumstances were different, maybe we would have even been proud to call each other cousin. But that's not the case, so why dwell on it? So all I did was hide the small glow of warmth deep down inside like I did with all of my most secret treasures and thanked him silently through a mumble. Hatori did well with the stitches and medications, the ointment he prescribed hurt more than soothed but I only told myself that it was because it was good medicine, or some rot like that.
The next few days Yuki and Tohru had helped me with things, such as lifting and reaching for certain things. I would be lying if I said I felt comfortable with the help. I understood they meant well but I still felt like an invalid and snapped a few times.
It was about the time when I was walking home late at night from the corner store. I had to get a refill of my prescription at their 24 hour pharmacy. Hoodoo had been hot on my heels, the little bugger already half way up my calf in size and he wasn't even eight weeks old. The silver bell around his cow printed collar jingled, forever a remembrance of Haru coming over one day with a small present that he tried to get Hoodoo to open. I had received a chaste kiss on the lips that day, I still won't admit out loud that I liked it.
The kid had stopped and I heard him say something about something unpleasant coming our way. I told him to go on ahead but he only hid behind my leg and in the shadows -lurking like the feline he was. I heard the clack of high heeled boots before I smelled the perfume. The sent made my stomach lurch. I already knew who it was, no one else had that sickeningly sweet smell about them that mixed with a sour/tangy musk. Maybe other people found it sexy but to me it just smelled like swamp water and baking sugar pies.
"Hello Kyou," Rin smiled at me.
That didn't bode well, she never smiled, not even with Haru. I firmly placed my feet apart showing I was going no where, I adjusted the brown sack of mid-night goodies Tohru wanted me to pick up in my good arm. I frowned deeply when she eyed my bandaged arm a little too long.
"I heard Akito did a number on you... I thought you would be in the hospital after hearing that and I wanted to bring you flowers."
Damn that hoarse could lie.
She stepped closer, circling just a little, "But when I heard from Hatori-nii that you only needed a few stitches I couldn't help but feel relieved, yet confused. Then I started to think."
"Must have hurt yourself with that one," I snorted keeping my feet steady to match her step but also barring her from approaching the place Hoodoo was in. What could I say? I was over protective of the brat. "Maybe you should check yourself into a hospital before you end up passed out on the street again."
"Cute," she scoffed. "Look. We both know what's going on here. You want Haru, but you can't have him so you go to Akito who's too kinky for anyone else to take on in order to gain favor. So when the head of the clan says that Haru /has/ to be with you then he can't say anything but go with it. Why can't you just stop your foolish plan before anyone gets hurt?" she looked me up and down with a look of pity and disgust, "Well... anyone that's worth a yen that is."
"At least my alleged plan would exclude two people from harm's way." I was surprised that she actually understood my come-back.
She snarled and stormed towards me, her hand snapping across my cheek with a thick slap. She had reopened my scabbed lip with an angry hiss. Rin grabbed a hold of my injured arm, her painted nails digging into the wound as she held up her long slender fingers up for me to see the small spatter of my own blood upon them. An eye twitched as my teeth gritted; the feeling of my stitches pulling through healing flesh was making my sight blur from the pain.
"Look at this you /beast!" The hoarse dug her nails in deeper ignoring the fact that when she moved her fingers my blood started to run down her wrist and mine to drip on the cement below. "You're blood is filth just like you. Haru only takes pity on you because you've bitched the longest. He's got the kindest heart anyone can fathom and you're taking advantage of that, so you /better/ leave him alone before I find out that you've managed to taint him with the disgusting rot that Tohru-chan calls your 'love'."
"Fuck off!" I wanted to hit her so badly right then, for everything she was saying, for everything she was implying. But I knew I couldn't, she was a girl, she had a much frailer body than my own. If I hit her, if I struck her down then... Crap, not good, images of finding my mother dead, flies coming to her body in the summer heat...
Hoodoo was what saved me right then. He came flying out of the shadows, his claws digging into the exposed flesh of Rin's arm as he dug into her shoulder using his massive weight to tear into her. He didn't hurt her much, she wouldn't need stitches just lots of band aids. I don't recall much of what had happened next, only that she tried to step on Hoodoo with her stiletto heels and I head butted her right under the chin on instinct. I know I wasn't one for fighting girls but she was trying to kill my kid. MY KID! Hoodoo was MINE! What happened next was more of a "cat-fight" than I had intended. Maybe it was my overly medicated state of mind, all the pain killers that Hatori had given me finally messing with my brain. Or perhaps it was the fact that I got used too Hoodoo calling me "mommy" that I started to kind of feel like I am his parent, or whatever but it ended up with us on the ground and really going at it. She finally backed up when I had to spit out some of her hair and she ran off. The first thing I did was find Hoodoo who was scared from how his "mommy" had reacted during the fight. I pulled him into my lap and curled around him, stroking his fur making mental notations that he wasn't hurt, just startled.
I had to go back to the corner store where the counter man helped me call Hatori. It was just my luck that Haru had walked into the store by chance. When he looked at me he had instantly turned Black, he nearly killed the clerk trying to get information on what had happened. I had to quickly spill the whole story as fast as I could before Haru could do anything to the guy who was only trying to help administer first aid.
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back to now
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Ever since then Haru had been WAY over protective. But then again, I... kind of liked it.
I let Black lean down and rest his lips against my own. I was used to the chaste kisses and I was slowly gaining the courage to make one of my own some day. When he pulled back I could see in his eyes that he was worried.
"You going to be okay?" his breath whispered over my lips.
"Dim-wit," I reached forward and threaded my thumb through the belt loop of the side of his pants; a small gesture of affection that I could muster. "You know the answer to that, but to humor you I'll say it: I'm working on it so that everything /will/ be okay."
"Good," he nodded, bringing a hand up to run down the back of my head, fingers linger at the base of my skull. He kissed me again, this time on the temple earning my ever so classic grunt that seemed to just /come with/ the simple action. He smiled, it was odd to see Black Haru's eyes with White Haru's smile, but I liked it... it was... It was a smile just for me. This was a side of Haru I /knew/ no one else got to see. I loved it, but I wouldn't admit it out loud. So instead I took a hesitant moment before I quickly gave him a kiss on the side of his nose and promptly buried my face into his shoulder, my face burning hot. I felt him bring his arms around me and hold me close with a loose hug. He knew I appreciated it how he gave me the space I was used to and the closeness that I needed.
After a moment he pulled me away and gave me another stroke down the back of my head before going to the sack of groceries that he had brought with him. "So..."
"So?" I kind of missed having my thumb in his belt loop. Why? I have no idea.
"So, I was thinking... maybe... we can... you know."
"No."
"Oooh, come on," he turned around from the items he was setting out, he was getting quiet familiar with the kitchen by now. "I promise I'll be gentle."
"You're not going to penetrate," I stated as Yuki passed by. From the look I got from him it was apparent that people out side the conversation wouldn't understand what we were talking about.
"Hello Yuki," Haru smiled, starting to revert back to white. "Will you be joining us?"
"Uh," the rat cleverly stated. "I think... I'll pass."
"Really? But I'll need your help, I'm not all that experienced."
A red flush washed over Yuki's face, I laughed at that. He was totally lost and by the way he was glaring at me spoke so many volumes. I decided that I should fill him in before Shigure starts to hear any of this. "He's trying to get past my defenses and get me to pitch in to by a PS3. He figures the more who pitch in the faster we can afford the damn thing."
"Right!" Haru grinned gleefully at the confused rat, "And I want to order it on line and I've heard from Shigure-nii that you order stuff online all the time."
We got a silent, "oh" before, "I'd have to think about it." And he quickly shuffled away trying to find Tohru.
"Think that's a no?"
"I think we should think more about the future before we commit to anything."
Shigure screeched to a halt when he was prancing past to most likely catch his rat or a cousin, no pun intended, for most likely teasing purposes. I decided to shut up when the dog's face nearly split in half with a sly grin. I silently wondered why I could never have a normal conversation with Haru, something always has to happen.
Needless to say I turned in early that day. I only woke up to let Haru climb in under the covers with me and when Hoodoo came running in half soaking wet from the storm going on outside.
The next day I woke to an eerie feeling. I slowly opened my eyes to find Black Haru on his hands and knees, hovering over me. I looked around a little trying to depict if this was a messed up dream or not, no, it wasn't. It would figure.
"Haru, what are you-"
"Shh," he placed his finger to his lips before ducking his head down, his forehead resting against my own. "You were having fits in your sleep." He took in a deep breath, moving his face to the crook of my neck, "I'm glad I was finally able to wake you…. What were you dreaming?"
"I-….. What kind of dream was it?" I blinked up to the ceiling, it felt like I was forgetting something important.
"You're awake now," he lowered his bottom half over my own in a sitting crouch, his face still buried in my neck. "No more bad dreams for my kitty-cat."
What dream… I felt weird. "Haru?"
"Nnn?" He pulled up to look at me.
"What's today's date?"
"March twenty-ninth, why?"
I couldn't look him in the eye. I placed my hands on his clothed chest and pushed him off with little prompting. I got up and went to my closet, opening it with a stated, "I have to go somewhere today."
"Can I come?"
My body stiffened. I didn't want him there. I dealt with pain better alone, if no one else was there, if no one was around to make a sound stronger than the whisper of a ghost, then I could do it. If he did come… I looked over my shoulder to him, he sat upon the covers in his soft black pajama pants and comfortable white t-shirt. I smiled sadly and shook my head. He had opened his mouth to say something, I knew he wanted to ask why. He wanted to insist that he went but he closed his lips and only nodded when I pulled out some funeral garbs. I hadn't worn the black kimono before, Shihan had purchased it for me a while back, anticipating my size for the date of when I would go back to see my mother in her grave. I had made a promise to visit the spring before… I would get locked away. I looked at the thick fabric, my eye lids heavy from having little energy, the storm was still going on outside.
I shrugged off my open, button up shirt that I had fallen asleep in. I couldn't feel Haru's eyes on me, he was always kind enough not to stare while one was dressing. But if he had, then he would have been most likely tracing the scars on my back. They were not big but they were there, faded and old from times I had fallen down big rock covered ditches in the mountains as a child or from accidents and even a few beatings from my real father.
I slipped on the kimono and tied my obi around my waist. I found the geta in the closet and slipped my toes through the sandal straps. I turned around to find the ox with a sad look on his face. I walked over to him, hands tucked into my open sleeves.
"What are you thinking about?" Though it sounded sentimental I didn't mean it that way, I was only curious; my mind already set in a numb state in preparation of the visitation.
"Back then…" he reached out and took a hold of my waist, resting the crown of his head against my belly as he spoke in a tired voice. "I couldn't comfort you. I wasn't allowed to leave the house until you had moved away."
The numbness was fading into hurt. I moved my hands to his shoulders that quivered under my touch. Was he crying? Why would he be? I don't… understand, did my pain really hurt him that much?
"Did… you…" I quieted down not sure what I wanted to say, so I just let it out. "Did you want to come with Shihan?"
He felt Haru push his head against my stomach as if to say no. I let a hand wander to his head and stroke to soft hair it found, gently pulling out knots from its unbrushed state. We remained like that for several minutes, him seeking comfort from me. I was bewildered why someone would want to do such a thing but it was nice… nice to be wanted in such a way.
"Haru, I need to go… but," I laced my fingers through his hair one more time resting in mid-stroke. "if you would like to come with Shihan, just give him a call and… and we can show mother that what she did wasn't worth it."
"No."
That kind of stung but I managed out a smile, "Then I'll see you later today."
I untangled myself and headed for the door to my room. My arm was grabbed; my eyes locked onto a gray gaze that glimmered with so many emotions.
"I meant, 'no I won't go with Shihan, I'm going with you.'" Haru pulled me towards him with a quick jerk, my shoulder collided with his, our chests pressed together. His hand slid down my arm to lace his fingers with mine, his other pressing against my back, "Because I'm going to show her that what she did was wrong and that you /are/ worth loving through out life. That you /aren't/ a monster and that /caring/ for you is the closest to heaven anyone could be."
"Shut the hell up," I grunted. I was no girl and I was /NOT/ going to be treated like one, "If you need a woman to spout your silk and cheese lines to go find Tohru. I'm sure she'd have a ball with them."
Haru's face split into a grin, "There's the Kyou I love. How have you been?"
" What?"
He let me go and started to look around for his school uniform, it was the closest thing to funeral wear he had available to him at the moment. He quickly changed as he explained, "I know you're mother died in the summer, June 19th. And I know just the thought of her messes with you, but I don't think you should be going to her with your head bowed like a beaten puppy to show her how wrong she was of you. You need," he pulled on his jacket and yanked me off the balance of my geta. I opened my mouth to make a 'whoa' sound but he cut me off by slipping his tongue into my mouth. It was our first deep kiss and all I could do was open my eyes to the size of an owl's. This was the first time I've felt a tongue upon my own. I let him suck my tongue into his mouth for a tiny taste before he pulled away. That couldn't even qualify as a kiss if you asked me, but… there it was. His eyes were half lidded as he finished in sentence, "to be /you/."
To Be Continued...