Haru's half lidded look in the light of the parting clouds would be what you would classify as sexy, or at least I think you would. What I did next I'll blame on the shock. I had pulled him close to me, our bodies pressing together tightly, my leg slipping out of the slit from the front of my kimono and in between his legs. He made an odd grunt from the action and his hands hesitated as I wrapped one arm around his torso and the other behind his neck. I plunged our lips together, I wanted more of that. I wanted more of the feeling of being loved, truly loved. I needed his taste and feel his heart beat against my own. I needed... Haru. When his hands did move, they slid down my back onto my bottom and he pressed us together father. Our Kiss broke and before I could even get my first thought he was kissing my neck, his tongue lapping, teeth grazing...
I don't know how we got onto my bed, nor how we became naked. Who removed who's clothes, wasn't important, what was was that he was telling me that he loved me as he showed me... and finally I was able to say it back.
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later that day
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"Uugh," I moaned with discomfort as I was slumped over Haru's back. After all the pleasure there is nothing but pain as I have discovered. Damn, would it always hurt like this? Do women have to deal with this? God, I'm glad I'm not a girl, I don't think I could handle the head of a baby going through that area and live through it. Poor girls. I'll have to remember to be extra nice to Tohru when she's going to have kids, I might even be nice to the Yankee.
"You sure you're okay?" Haru paused on the street corner, his hands carefully holding up my body as he gave me a piggy back ride to the cemetery that we were supposed to go to.
"I'm fine, just don't strut so much."
"You know you could have said 'be gentle' and I wouldn't have..." his face turned pink as mine flared red hot.
"I'm not a girl! Besides," my hands grabbed onto his jacket as to not fall back as I spoke to him, "next time you're going to know how it feels."
"Ha! No way."
"Scared because I'm bigger than you are?" I whispered into his ear and licked the back of it.
"Do that again and I'll have no choice but to take you out in public."
"After what we just did, I'd have to question your definition of 'take you out'."
The light finally turned and Haru crossed the street as I directed him where to go. Our talk a playful banter all the way there. When we go to the entrance he let me down off of his back but I still had to grab onto his jacket in order not to tip over. I rubbed my rump with my hand trying to dispel the discomfort before walking through the large wooden gates. As we passed by head stone after head stone Haru asked, "How come you know where this place is when you've never been here before?"
"My father made me recite where she was buried and what plot she was in for a month after she died."
Haru took a hold of my hand, the way he squeezed it was enough for me to know that he still regretted not being able to be with me when I needed him most. I just kept going until we found where she was. The light spray of rain with sunlight lit up the whole area she was at. He gave me a kiss on the temple and I grunted as usual. He let go of my hand and pushed me forward, willing to give me room while I gave my mother our first visit since she had killed herself.
I crouched down in front of the headstone, burn incense and fresh flower petals washing away in the rain. Shihan had already been there, even though he disliked the woman he was never one to disrespect the dead. I on the other hand brought no incense, I had no intention of honoring the woman's memory. The woman who ran away from her son blaming her weakness on him. She could have just let me run around and play with other children, but she horded me from the eyes of the world terrified of what they would think of her since she had given birth to a monster. She was selfish, everything had to be her way or you would be struck. She only cried when I was beaten by my father just because I spoke to the older man. She screamed and yelled when I was seen outside even in our own back yard. She filled my head full of lies on how special I was and how much she loved me. And as the sky grew back into the dark storm that it started off as, I was finally able to say what was deep with in my heart, chaining me to a past of pain and regret.
"I hate you."
My fist came forward and stuck at the stone, not hard enough to harm myself beyond bruising. My body shook as I glared at the name written in stone. "You were a bitch! You ran off because you couldn't get what you wanted!! You made me hate Yuki because you were rivals where his mother and always compared me to him! You were BENT on me hating him when he did NOTHING! You made sure I thought like the spiteful beast you were! I hate you, I HATE YOU! I'M GLAD YOU'RE DEAD!!"
Warm arms wrapped around me, Haru's cheek resting against my shoulder as I took deep breaths. The misty rain turning into cold drops that matted our hair and clothes together. I cupped my hand around his shaking fist that he held against my heart. I closed my eyes and continued to speak, my voice cracking in a low tone, "But even though I hate you, I have to thank you... because of you I was able to be born. Because you tortured me you brought me to Haru's eyes... because you killed yourself and ran off I had hard times... but because of that... because of that I as able to meet Tohru, be with Haru, save Hoodoo... Thanks... mom." and for the fist time in my life I actually called her 'mom'.
Then, we got up and went home, though half the way I needed a piggy-back ride. Tomorrow... I need to tell everyone about where I will be going come next month.
-------------------
"What is it?" Yuki sighed looking tired from Shigure getting in the way of his tutoring of Tohru in math. The two of us were rather faced off in the upper hallway.
It was a new day, Haru was fast asleep in my room, Shigure was sleeping in and Tohru was at her friend's places. And even though I had developed my own distaste of the rat I've decided to let that go.
"You... want to get some breakfast?"
He eyed me oddly before I managed a surrendered smile, "I need to talk to you about something."
Confused, I'm sure, he nodded. I stuffed my hands in my coat pockets as I waited for him to get on his shoes. I was shaking, I honestly had no idea on to how he would take all of the news I was about to give him over a simple meal out in public, but I figured, when there are seeing eyes he would most likely take it all in and be quiet and not run or have some sort of out burst.
When we were leaving Yuki asked me, "Why are you limping?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "Just something that I'll have to repay the favor for."
To Be Continued...