Josie and Lizzie's Room

Josie's Diary Entry

"Wait, wait, wait," Dad said, and his hand twitched, a reflex produced by his trusty glass of bourbon. "Rafael had the pack prepare you breakfast - it smells nice, by the way, is there any left?"

"It's tastes even better than it smells," Lizzie informed between bites, and I decided to dig in too. "The eggs are so fluffy, and the pancakes..."

Mmm, the pancakes were, in a word, amazing; in more words, out of this world. They weren't egg-y or buttery, they were like soft clouds dancing on my tongue and they had this taste, this wonderful aroma, that I couldn't quite place, and the eggs enhanced them and...

"Mmm sounds about right," Lizzie commented, making me aware that I expressed my appreciation of the meal before me out loud.

On my third bite, I mixed the eggs and pancake with a grape and the combination ruined all the pancakes I've eaten so far.

"Girls," Dad tried to gain our attention.

"You should ask the people who just left, Dad," I advised him. "We just woke up and everything was brought to us."

"You're up early, considering you weren't here when the lights went out," Lizzie noted. "But you're not wearing the same clothes as yesterday. What's the occasion?"

"Your birthday?" Dad replied.

"And after that?" My sister followed up. "Are you going to be here for the rest of the day or are you going to leave campus, with a duffel bag that I'm pretty sure carried weapons, again like yesterday?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked after a sip of juice.

"Daddy dearest distracted us with the Honor Council election so that he could go interrogate a - what was it - a dragon? Nope. We already dealt with that one. A gargoyle? That too." Lizzie listed off. "Ahh! A dryad."

A dryad. I didn't know what a dryad was, but maybe that was the point my sister was making.

"I may not be popular enough to win the election, Dad," she continued. "But experience has taught me that if I want to know what's going on around here, all I have to do is follow Hope Mikaelson and I'll get all the answers."

I took Dad's silence and avoidance of eye contact as acknowledgement and confirmation.

"Where did you go yesterday, Dad?" I inquired, before I realized that someone else was missing. "And where is Dorian?"

"Dad can't do anything without Dorian, Josie," Lizzie said, looking at me. "He's the intelligence that keeps Dad coming back home alive after his escapades with Hope. It's like Dad wishes he was the one out there promoting the school and looking for sponsors instead of Mom."

"OK, that's enough, Lizzie," Dad interjected, but Lizzie's words rang true to me no matter how much I didn't want them to. "I..."

"You keep blaming bio Mom's side of the family for the way I am," Lizzie interrupted. "But they're not here, you are, Dad! Well, not really, because you're more of a father to Hope than you are to me, to us, to Josie.

"Let's be honest, Dad, Josie and I suffer from abandonment issues and codependency, among other things, and she's selfless and I'm selfish because Hope and your escapades are more important to you and keeping this school running is more important to Mom than we are to you two."

"That's not true, sweetheart," Dad denied, shaking his head, and he ran his hands over his face, probably to hide the single tear that escaped from his eye, but I saw it before he could get rid of it and his eyes were red with unshed tears. "We love you more than you comprehend."

"I love Josie, but I'm a black hole sucking all of her time and energy and love," Lizzie choked out, and my heart broke while my vision blurred with unshed tears that I finally shed at her acknowledgement of our relationship. "I am a bucket that keeps on emptying her well without getting full because what I need isn't something that she can give me.

"And she loves me, I know that, she's always there for me, but I'm not worthy of her love and attention, am I, Dad? How can I be worthy of her love and attention when I'm not worthy of your love and attention?"

"I-I'm a well that keeps on giving and giving and sacrificing because someone needs to take the role and be the selfless one," I found the words spilling from my mouth, and I couldn't stop them. "It feels nice to be needed, but being taken for granted hurts, especially when I disappoint Lizzie, the one constant in my life, to please you, Dad, while you're busy going on adventures with Hope.

" One life, Dad, that's all you have, unlike Hope and her Original family. They are immortal and you are not, but you act like Hope is this fragile glass that has no one when she does. She chose to be a loner all these years and she chose to have Landon sent away because she apparently hates liars and she's been through a lot and can't handle losing someone she cares about.

"Look around you, Dad! Every single person here has been lied to and been through a lot. A part of me wonders how much of my vote to send Landon away was influenced by my need to get your approval and appreciation because Hope voted that way and she always has your approval and support.

"Look at what the person I hurt to possibly get you to treat me even a fraction of how you treat Hope did for us even after I made his efforts to ensure that Landon, his brother, stayed here with him irrelevant. What did you plan for our birthday, Dad?"

My question was met with silence, and it reigned for a tense minute until Lizzie shattered it by picking up her utensils.

"Thanks for coming to see us, Dad," she said. "But I want to be a better person and I couldn't sleep last night trying to figure out how to start today on a new chapter and be more like the wolves, and I remembered that you are one of the factors that contribute to my state of mind.

"A word of advice, you could use sessions with Emma. She could help you with your own baggage. While it seems like I needed to be out in the field and to come home covered in milkshake to finally identify the problem, you may need office sessions to finally acknowledge your problems and deal with them."

That was surprisingly a sound advice, but I wasn't going to hold my breath, although I hoped Dad would follow it. Knowing that Lizzie was finally acknowledging the problem and doing something about it was encouraging, though.

"I'll consider your word of advice," said Dad after clearing his throat, and then he approached Lizzie's bed to give her a kiss on the forehead before he came to mine and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Happy birthday, girls."

With that, he headed for the door.

"Wait," I requested, and he stopped by didn't turn around. "Is Mom still coming?"

"As far as I know," he replied.

"Where's my birthday envelope?" Lizzie asked, and Dad hurried for the door and opened it, only for it to close on itself, courtesy of my sister. "Dad."

"Yes?" He turned around, although one of his hands went to his back.

Looking on my tray, I found that my envelope was missing too and I panicked as I realized that Rafael may have mentioned our kisses in the envelope.

"Dad, invasion of privacy," I said, trying hard not to show my internal panic. "Opening another person's mail is illegal."

"I'm just curious about what's inside these envelopes," was his response, light in tone, an attempt to diffuse the tension. "Rafael hasn't been here long and he's already impressing my girls and outdoing me and MG."

"What's MG got to do with anything?" My oblivious sister inquired.

"Nothing," Dad replied too quickly for there to be nothing, and I immediately knew that he was aware that MG liked Lizzie. This gave me hope that there was still hope for him yet. "Whose envelope should we open first?"

"Josie's," Lizzie was quick to throw me under the bus, and for once, I was relieved because she was still the Lizzie I knew. "Sorry, Jo. Force of habit."

The apology was welcome, though. So was Lizzie retrieving our envelopes from Dad's hands and sending mine my way by means of telekinesis.

"I'll go ask 'His Highness' for the details inside the envelopes, then," Dad said and quickly exited and closed the door behind him.

"He wouldn't," I tried to assure myself.

"Come on, Josie," Lizzie commented. "We're talking about Dad here and we just tore him apart."

"Do you think it was a good idea to go off on him like that?" I had to ask.

As good as it felt to unload on him like that, I couldn't help the guilt and the fear that Dad could withdraw even further from us.

"You launched the revolution, sister," she reminded me. "I just made sure that it keeps its Momentum, for better or for worse."

For better or worse. It seemed I wasn't the only one who feared that it could be for worse and that calmed me down somewhat, but there was one other thing.

"So, you want to be more like the wolves?" I had to bring that up.

"Apparently, they're loyal and honorable to a fault," Lizzie responded. "Since Jed led Raf's entourage, even if reluctantly, their loyalty and honor is certain, and it reminds me of you."

That brought a smile on my face, but guilt was not far behind as I remembered kissing Rafael at the Old Mill.

"I'm not as loyal as you think," I said, shamefully. "I - I kissed Raf after you called dibs on him."

With my confession, I held my breath and prepare for...

"You would forgive me if I did something with someone you like, wouldn't you?" Lizzie asked after a Moment of tense silence.

I already had done so about a million times before Rafael's arrival, she just didn't know it.

"I would," but now I needed her to forgive me.

"Alright, all is forgiven," she surprised me with how easy her forgiveness came. "But so that we start on a clean slate and forgive each other of everything we did before today, I need you to forgive me for something."

Ah, there it was. I nodded for her to go ahead and ahead she went.

"I had sex with Raf last night."

I expected a lot of things, this was not one of them, but it hurt me harder than all the things I could think of.

"You had sex with Raf last night?" I had to ensure that I heard her right.

"It wasn't planned," she jumped to explaining, placing the tray aside. "It just happened and I wasn't going to tell you but you confessed and I had to confess so that both our conscience are clean."

She had a conscience now? The sex they had must have been mind blowing to make my selfish sister rethink her ways. Now that she told me about her and Rafael, her comment about wanting to be like the wolves made sense.

"You knew that I liked Rafael but you still slept with him?" I questioned, putting aside my tray too.

Yes, liked, because I hated him now.

"I didn't know until afterwards," Lizzie said, but I wasn't sure I trusted her words. She got off her bed to kneel before mine. "Believe me, I didn't know. Raf told me about what happened at the Old Mill after we were done and I realized that you wouldn't have kissed him if you didn't like him."

So, this was all Rafael's fault. He wanted to get back at me for voting against him by hitting me where it hurt most. When I thought that I hated him, I wasn't being really serious, but now... I loathed his very name. I couldn't hurt Lizzie, she was my sister and I loved her, He-who-shall-not-be-named, however...

"Josie," Lizzie cut through my justified vengeful thoughts with her hand holding mine.

I used the opportunity to siphon from her since she had magic to close the door and retrieve our envelopes from Dad and I used the magic to set both of our envelopes and, regretfully, the food too aflame.

"Josie!"

"Now, we're even and all is forgiven," I said, and got off my bed to prepare for my day.

I knew today was going to be the worst birthday of my life. I just knew it.