Chapter Three-

Stacy just sat there. Everything that she thought she knew about James was completely wrong, but maybe they could still make it work. She could learn more and keep him away from Lily. They would get married and she could give him a child even though she didn't want children. James would take care of it and then she could give him something that Lily couldn't. Speaking of Lily...

"What happened to the relationship after Lily got better? Did you blame him for what happened?"

"Good heavens, no. I was still madly in love with James through everything, but he changed. It was hard for James to be happy with me around because I think I was a constant reminder of what he sees as his greatest sin. I couldn't watch him constantly hate himself, so for his benefit, I called off the engagement. He needed to deal with things in his own time by himself. He needed to learn how to be able to feel again. He needed a new beginning...a new life. One without me in it. He started playing Quidditch because when he was flying; he was free. He found you and then he really started living a new life. A superficial life that wouldn't have problems or complications. His new life is easy. That's what he wants."

"Are you telling me that James is marrying me because he wants an easy life?"

"I'm telling you that I dated James for 13 months, five years ago and even I can tell that you don't know him at all."

"Oh, yeah, well..."

Lily waited for her to say something, but Stacy just moved her mouth like a fish out of water. Lily got up and started to leave.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To go get your fiance, so you two can go back to your perfect little world."

"I'll go. He is my fiance after all."

"Uh, no, because when you get lost, I'm not going to look for you. So just sit here, look like a model. You're semi-talented at that."

"I've been Witch Weekly's Hottest Model 19 times."

"Such an accomplishment."

Lily turned and left. She walked to the hidden room on the floor and found James. He looked to her. He spoke quietly.

"Do you remember this room?"

Lily smiled at the memory of James convincing her to skive off classes. They would come here sometimes and talk for hours, and sometimes only three words were uttered.

"Somethings cannot be forgotten."

James looked so sad.

"I have to marry her Lily. If not, then she would leave me alone again. "

"Jamie, all those who matter know why you're marrying her. She'll never be me, but she can give you children."

"Another thing the poison took from us. Not just our child, but the chance of having any more children. But, I refuse to have children with anyone if I can't have them with you."

Lily gently touched his face.

"Jamie, you shouldn't punish yourself so. You and I both know that truth. Beyond reason, time, distance, you and I will only ever be truly happy with each other. This truth is why I've chosen celibacy. You've chosen to try to live a new life."

James hugged her.

"I hate that you're alone."

Lily pulled away hurt. James understood why. He didn't hate it enough to come back to her. He tried to get her back. She turned on him and spoke forcefully.

"Don't James. I came to tell you that it is done. Go back to your life. Live happily ever after."

Lily turned around to leave. James spoke barely a whisper.

"Does it pain you in the least to see me with her?"

Lily didn't turn her body, but she did turn her head to the side.

"It pains me more that you lie when you tell her that you love her. It pains me more that you close your eyes when you have sex with her. What pains me most, is the knowledge that no matter how much I love...you won't come back. Seeing you with her is not that big a deal compared to the truths that she will never know."

With that, Lily walked out of the room. She walked out of the castle. She walked out of Hogsmeade. She walked out of their lives.

October 23rd-

Sirius was the best man. He loved James more than his blood family, but Sirius knew how stupid James was being. He couldn't tell James how to live his life, so Sirius just sat back and did whatever James asked of him. The wedding was tomorrow. The bachelor party was tonight. Tonight was the last night that James could do whatever he wanted. They all sat around at Sirius and Remus' apartment.

"James, what do you want to do tonight?"

"You're kinda looking at it."

Sirius was disappointed.

"James, this is your last night as a bachelor. There has to be something you want to do."

"Nothing that I couldn't do after the wedding if I wanted."

The guys got out photo albums and looked at all the pictures of them from school. Every picture of James seemed to have Lily in it.

"I want to see her."

Sirius and Remus looked at him sadly.

"You can't. She took an assignment the day after we got back from Hogwarts. No one knows where she is except Dumbledore. No one's seen her."

Remus looked worried. James wondered why.

"Why are you two worried for her?"

Sirius looked at Remus.

"Albus came to me that day at Hogwarts and asked me if I would go on assignment. I didn't take it because he didn't know how long it would last and I didn't want to miss the wedding. He offered it to Lily."

Now James looked worried also. Sirius only went on undercover missions for the Order. If Lily took it, then she would be in deep.

"What was the mission about? Did he tell you?"

"He explained a little before I told him I couldn't."

"What did he say?"

"I can't say, but even without the wedding, I would have thought twice about taking it. She's in deep undercover. The kind that she might not come out of."

James stood up and began to pace.

"Why would she take such a suicidal assignment?"

Sirius cocked one eyebrow and caught James' attention.

"Me! She wouldn't do this because of me."

Remus commented darkly.

"Maybe she got tired of just being alive. She wanted to live again."

"That's no reason to go in and risk your life!"

"When people lose everything, they tend to get suicidal."

James' eyes turned dark brown.

"Don't bring that up. I had lost everything."

"Not Lily."

"I didn't deserve her!"

Sirius looked at him wisely.

"She deserved you. She deserved to be happy after everything that happened. But instead of seeing what you still had, you could only see the baby and the chance that you lost. That's when you gave up on her. Then, you did lose everything."

James leaned against a wall. He stood for a moment, then slid down into a ball on the floor. He had ruined everything and now he may not get the chance to see Lily again.

"I have to find her. I have to get her out of where ever she is."

Sirius looked at him like he was crazy until he saw that James was sincere.

"You can't find her. Even if Albus tells you, which he won't, you'll blow her cover and then she will be killed."

"I have to go see Albus."

James strode across the room and threw some powder in the fire and spoke "Headmaster's Office- Hogwarts!" He disappeared. Sirius and Remus followed. They arrived and found James frantic. They found out the reason as they got closer. Lily was lying there in Albus' office. Albus was calling for the nurse. James kneeled beside the couch and held Lily's hand, kissing it lightly.

"Lily, baby, you have to wake up. I need to see your eyes."

Apparently, Lily heard him. Her eyes fluttered open, then closed quickly. It was enough for James. He leaned over her and kissed her face. A little calmer now, James took a look at her injuries. He could only see an inch of the skin on her stomach, but the cuts made him lift her shirt higher. He noticed the bruises and slashes and burns on her ribs. She was bleeding, but not gushing. Pomfrey and Albus arrived, so James backed off. He watched as they fixed what they could. After about half and hour, Poppy and Albus approached him.

"How is she?"

"If she can make it to morning, then she'll be okay."

"Poppy suggested moving her, but not far, so I'll be putting her in one of the bedrooms next to mine."

James stared at them.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Albus looked at him sadly.

"Get ready for your wedding."

James looked shocked.

"But..."

"James, she can't have you one moment, then lose you the next. She can't take it. I know everyone thinks that she's so strong because she can watch you marry someone else and not do anything about it, but she is more self-destructive than I've ever seen anyone. Some of the scars are her doing. Apparently, you weren't the only one who tried to end the pain. The difference is, her's are recent."

James knew that he had to decide right then what he was going to do. If he was going to get married to Stacy, then he'd have to leave now and never look back. The thought of leaving Lily hurt him. The thought of her being alone hurt him. The thought of living without her, hurt him. Now, it hurt enough. He hurt enough now to walk away from his fake life. He smiled for the first time in five years.

"I'm staying."

Albus nodded gently. Sirius and Remus smiled to each other. They were so happy that James was finally coming to his senses. Sirius kissed his boyfriend before he joined James and Albus in moving Lily. They weren't going far, but James was taking extreme caution. Once they got her settled, Albus stayed with her. James and Sirius had wedding details to cancel.