thanks again for the support.. mmk soo its halloween today and im loving it :)

hope you feel the same about this chapter..lol.. im cheesy.

Chapter 4-Several Ways To Die Trying

Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
take notice, take interest, take me with you.

I heard her come up over the stairs, stomping almost and some part of me wanted nothing more than to run out and kiss her and make everything better. But I knew it would only make it better for a moment, and that moment wouldn't last. I listened as she slammed her door and I wasn't surprised. I had been a complete asshole downstairs.

I managed to doze off for a few hours, but was awoken by the sound of the door opening and Haley yelling "Hey, anyone home."

I assumed Peyton would go greet her, but she didn't so I got up and walked down the stairs.

I turned the corner to where Haley was watching TV. "Well you look like crap." She laughed, I glared back at her.

"Thanks." I smirked. "I was up late waiting for Peyton. She came back a little drunk." I was able to say just fine without her getting suspicious.

Haley laughed, rolling her eyes, "She knew we were having a party tonight. Which by the way you're staying, my parents left early for the cottage and we are going to drive down tomorrow. Oh and can you pick up some beer for the party?" Haley convinced me with her smile as she handed me money.

"Sure" I tried to smile. I knew that this meant more time with Peyton and I wasn't sure if I could do that. But at least now I could try to make things right. I hoped.

"Well, I'm going to go take a shower." I smiled as I walked out of the living and up over the stairs. As I made my way up the stairs, I noticed that Peyton's door was still shut so I assumed she was sleeping.

I grabbed a towel out of the closet. I went into my room and slowly began taking off my clothes. With many thought thinking back to this morning, I finally wrapped the towel around my naked waist and made my way to the bathroom. I opened the door, taking off my towel, to see a totally naked Peyton getting into the shower. She squealed as I pulled on my towel,"Oh my god, I'm sorry." I was able to only stutter.

She saw me shut my eyes, "What you can't even look at me now? You better leave, naked virgin in the bathroom" she finished with a sarcastic tone.

I wasn't going to even bother to fight with her, because I knew she was already mad at me and she had the right to be. I just turned around and left, I heard her lock the door behind me. I went into her parent's bathroom and I showered. As the cold water fell against my flustered body all I could think of was the mess I had made. If I only just kept my feelings inside this would have never happened. Everything would be fine and normal But now I have a sixteen-year-old girl, who I care about, hating me. But I knew if I tried to fix it, I would probably make it worse. So my plan for the party was to just hang in the corner and wait until tomorrow. I only had to wait 24 hours. I could probably avoid Peyton for a month when we got back and by then I would be moving into my own apartment. But doing this was obviously going to be a lot harder than I thought.

When I had got out of the shower, I heard Peyton and Haley talking down stairs. I walked into my room, got dressed and left.

I watched as Lucas walked out the door, I wasn't sure if he was coming to the party. I doubted it, but I was hoping that it wasn't going to be the last time I saw him. We needed to make things right, if not for our sakes then Haley's.

"He's just going out to pick up some beer for the party."Haley said noticing my gaze in Lucas's direction.

"Cool." I smiled trying to seem like I could care less. But inside I was screaming.

The rest of the day went by surprisingly pretty fast, Haley and I just hung out and talked and before we knew it the party had started.

Lucas hadn't come back yet and Peyton was getting anxious. But we already had some alcohol so we started with that. All of our friends came and I had lost Haley to Nathan quickly. I found some alcohol and just began drinking, anything felt better than I did now. Before long I was drunk and acting stupid, but I wanted more. I stumbled to my room past people I didn't even know, that's where I drank a full 26er of vodka, and a couple more beers. When I finally couldn't feel anything anymore I made my way back down the stairs.

I wobbled down the hall; as the people all blurred together. As I walked further down the hall I tripped and was caught by two arms. I looked up and saw Jake. He was my old boyfriend, we had a lot of history and almost everyone in school knew about it, I saw people looking in our direction as his hands stayed on my waist. And maybe it was just the alcohol but he looked fine as hell, he helped me stand up straight. I leaned against the wall, as his body pressed against mine. The hallway wasn't that big and other people were still trying to get through. I felt my breath jolt as he placed his hands lower on my hips.

"Hey, babe" he smirked, his eyes glistening with fire.

"Hey." I whispered seductively as I bit my lip, I wasn't sure what to think about this situation.

Before I could even assess the situation, Jake aggressively leaned in and kissed my lips. I couldn't think straight and it felt good kissing him again, it felt familiar. I knew that he wanted me, and from this morning's situation, I really wanted to feel that want. I pulled away, as my head spun; I couldn't see anything around me but him. I grabbed the collar of his shirt as I pulled him towards the coach, wobbling on the way there, as he smirked at me. I went into a small room in my house, it wasn't a bedroom but it also wasn't in front of everyone. There were a few people passing through. I let go of his arm, plopping down on the coach, waiting for him. His eyes widened when I began to lean forward and unbutton his pants. He looked surprised by how forward I was being and I was surprised too, I was never the forward one when we were going out, but at that moment I just wanted to feel, even if it didn't mean anything.

He quickly straddled on top of me, pressing hard against me as his lips grabbed mine. Our tongues were all over each other and we were kissing fiercely and out of control. I felt his hand rubbing up my thigh and I bit his lip gently. He kissed my neck, while I closed my eyes. But the moment was soon ruined when the thought of Lucas came to my mind. I didn't want to be here I wanted to be with Lucas. I quickly reminded myself that he didn't want me, but I still couldn't stop thinking about him.

Jake's hands moved under my skirt and I felt his fingers enter me, I couldn't believe what was happening and a certain part of me knew I should have stopped. But I let him, I let feel me and take advantage of me. The weird part was that it didn't feel good anymore; I didn't feel the way I wanted it to. It was torture.

The music could be heard from down the street, and cars were parked everywhere, I made my way towards her house. I slammed the door open, and walked down the hall with the beer in my hand. I wasn't quite sure what to expect when I got there. I spent the day with myself and didn't want to come back, but I knew I had to. As I turned the corner into the living room dodging drunken teens, I saw Haley with the guy I was guessing was Nathan, they were full on making out and it was grossing me out. I tapped Haley on the shoulder.

"Hey where do you want me to put this?"

"Oh, hey mmm.. Put it in there." She pointed to a room, where people were coming in and out of, as she leaned back into her guy and they continued to swap spit.

I walked in the room and placed the beer on the table, and grabbed one and began to drink it. I looked around at the different people in the room, but my eyes jolted wide open when I looked towards the coach, to where others were awkwardly staring and whispering about. I saw some dirt guy straddling an obviously wasted Peyton on the couch. They were making out like animals, their tongues traveling in and out of each other's mouth. His hands were under her skirt, as his fingers did god knows what with her, and it was obvious that he was enjoying it more than her as she squinted her eyes. He pulled off her skirt in one quick motion leaving her in a tiny thong, showing me that his fingers were inside her. I felt myself quench. I waited for her to pull away but she didn't stop him, people were around some starring in disgust and others laughing.

As I watched Peyton I could see that she hadn't even hardly noticed, her eyes were almost rolled back in her head and they were red. I had never seen her in that state before. She just looked like his own personal doll as his hands touched every part of her body. I saw him begin to remove her top, his hands violently grasping her breasts, his nails digging into her, as he hurt her. Her body jolted, and I could see pain in her eyes. At that moment something inside me snapped.

I dropped the beer and stomped towards the coach.

As I continued to kiss Jake, I couldn't feel anything anymore my body was numb. He was touching me and using me, and I knew people were watching, but I didn't stop him. I just let it happen. I let him take off my top and feel me up, his hands were now in places I didn't want them and he was beginning to hurt me like he used to. But I didn't stop him. My eyes closed and I felt my mind go blank.

I passed out.

As I stomped towards the coach, a rage of anger and jealously flowed through my body, I grabbed the guy by his hair, as he yelled. I pulled him off a now passed out Peyton.

"What the fuck?" the guy yelled.

"What the hell are you doing to her?" I screamed as I let go of his hair throwing him towards the wall. People were now running into the room, to see what was going on, their eyes going from me to him to her.

"What the hell does it look like?" he smirked, as he looked over at her with grin at what he had done. She was now totally naked lying there unconscious with bruises forming quickly onto her body. I felt my heart break at the sight of her, my eyes filled with rage as I looked at the guy, who had done this to her. I didn't even respond to his disgusting comment. I faced him and punched him hard in the face, knocking him out, as people gasped.

I then ran towards Peyton, lifting her into my arms, and away from these people. As I carried her I felt her body quiver, and tears formed in my eyes, what happened to the real Peyton I knew. I held her body close to me. I would always protect her.

She slowly awoke, as I carried her into my room and placed her on my bed, she smiled as she whispered my name, in her eyes all I saw was pain. I kissed her on her lips softly and she moaned softly. She then began to fall back asleep.

"I love you my girl." I whispered, at that moment my heart was given to her. I loved her.

Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
while closing our caskets cold and tight. But I'm dying to live.

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