thanks for the amazing reviews. I've have been updating a lot recently, but i'm not sure if it will continue as fast. I'm coming close to where I haven't continued writing yet, so chapters will not be up as fast. But you never know. Just thought I'd let you guys know.
hope u still like me, and my story.
Chapter 8- A Breath Of Sunshine
Couldn't get it right, I could never get it right.
Sadly, this is a wasted conversation
Lost on you.
I woke up the next morning quite early, sleep hadn't come easy the night before. I laid there for hours, not moving, not wanting to face the world. I finally pulled my robe on and went to the kitchen, where I mad some delicious coffee. Haley came out of her room and into the kitchen as I drank my black and strong coffee.
"Morning." She smiled happy as a clown as I tried not to roll my eyes.
"Morning." I said back, with a less joyous tone.
"What happened last night? Nathan said you and Lucas got in a big fight last night and left." She said as she grabbed a coffee, not really thinking much of it.
I rolled my eyes, without Haley seeing. "Yeah something like that." I said back as I took a sip, wanting the coffee buzz that I loved.
Just then Lucas came in, short and t-shirt placed perfectly on his skin. He must have been out for a run because he was out of breath and sweating, he looked over at me, but I couldn't look at him. I still felt awkward and I was still confused.
"Hey." Haley smiled. "Good run?" She asked.
"Yeah." He answered quickly before running to the shower.
As he passed me, he looked at me with a kind of angry glare, this confused me, he had no right to be mad at me. I watched him go down the hall and wondered why he was angry. I would never understand why I cared so much about his every thought of me.
Just then Haley put down her cup, getting my attention and almost startling me.
"I'm gonna go see Nathan. See you later." She smiled as she went to get her jacket. I watched as she left and as soon as she was well on her way. I turned and headed down the hall, anger building up inside me.
Without over thinking my actions, I slammed open the bathroom door, where Lucas was changing, he looked up at me pissed but laughing, but I couldn't care less.
"What the hell was that?" I screamed at him as he tried to pull up his pants. I waited assuming he would answer me once his clothes were on.
But he didn't answer once his pants were on; he just stared at me, a peculiar look on his face as he stepped towards me.
"Why the hell are you mad at me? What did I do this time?" I was flipping out.
He still didn't answer. I was getting even angrier. I knew I could be very stubborn and easily annoyed, but this was over the top.
"Last night, I know I asked you to stay, but that was a mistake! But you can't just hold a grudge or whatever the fuck you're doing!" I screamed.
He still didn't say a word, just stared at me.
"Don't just fucking stand there and say nothing, you're…." I couldn't continue, when I spoke Lucas's eyes went dark and droopy as he aggressively stepped towards me, his lips smashing into mine. He kissed me, pulling me close to him.
I immediately shoved him off, stepping away. What the hell?
Both of us trying to catch our breath,"You're unbelievable!" I snapped in a disgusted tone as I stormed out of the bathroom leaving him and going into the living room. Confused as hell.
I fell onto the living room couch, knowing that Lucas would follow me.
I looked up and saw him staring down at me.
"What the hell was that?" I whispered appalled but provoked by Lucas's actions.
"I don't know." He whispered as he continued to stand above me, hands moving in and out of his pockets, eyes wandering around the room.
" Well..one second you're telling me that you won't even stay in the same bed as me, and then next you're kissing me. I don't know what to think. You can't just keep leading me on like this. Because I can't help but fall for you everytime." Truth spilled from my lips, as my voice crackled between sentence.
He looked down at me, not sure what to say.
But I watched as his eyes filled with words, and once he finally had the confidence, he began."I kissed you…… because,….. I can't get you out of my mind, I can't think about anything but you." My eyes couldn't help but glow as he spoke. He knelt down beside me, taking my hands in his.
"Last night I couldn't sleep knowing you were in the room beside me, and that I actually said no to staying with you."
I glared at him as he finished, " I couldn't believe what Nathan had said about you, you deserve nothing like that. You're unbelievable and it took everything in me from going and beating the shit out of him."
I giggled, leaning back more comfortably against the couch as he continued.
"I went for a run this morning to get you out of my mind, but it didn't work. And for a moment I hated the fact that you were the only thing that mattered to me. But when you came into the bathroom, the way you yelled at me. The anger in your eyes. It was then that I realized that no matter what you say or do, you'd always be perfect to me." My lips formed an obvious smile.
"But mostly I kissed you because I love everything about you, the way you smell in the morning, the way your hair curls on one side but not the other. The way your eyes go dark when you're angry." He looked at me as I bit my lip. "And the way you bite your lip, when you want to kiss me." I smiled at him. He leaned towards me, going to his knees so he was eye level, his hands on each side around me on the coach as he went to talk, but my fingers covered his lips.
"Shhhh… don't ruin the moment." I smiled as I closed my eyes gesturing him to kiss me, I heard him cackle.
He leaned towards me, lips falling gracefully onto mine. His hands traced my arms so softly, giving me chills as I attempted to breathe. He took my hand and pulled me up from the coach with a grin and held me close, my teeth biting his lip. I pulled away and leaded him towards his room.
We raced up the stairs me and in front and him chasing after me. We didn't make it inside his room before he turned me around and pushed me against his door. I giggled as he bit my neck and left sweet and gentle marks. I wrapped my arms around his chest pulling him close to me, breathing him in. I removed one of his hands from my waist to open the door. We both fell threw the door, kissing and touching.
He pulled away and quickly removed his sweaty shirt. I raised an eyebrow, I didn't think he would want to move this fast, back to the way we were.
He saw me hesitate and went to put his shirt back on. But I just smiled at him and began removing his shorts.
He then quickly removed my shirt, leaving us both half naked. Although this wasn't my first time seeing him like this I couldn't help but get nervous and completely and utterly dazed.
Once his boxers and my robe were gone, we quickly made our way to his bed. Him falling first with me on top of him, as our lips fought for control and hands covered the other's body, wanting to touch every part we could.
He jumped up instantly when he realized we were ready and went in search of condoms.
I sat there smirking as he ran all over the room looking for his bag in a rush.
"Calm down. I'm not going anywhere." I laughed as he almost tripped up in my robe that was flung onto the floor.
He looked over at me as I laid waiting for him on the bed. He looked me up and down, making me feel a little more confident when he grinned, his mouth almost drooling.
"I know, but I want you so bad." He groaned.
He finally found his bag, but once he looked inside he stopped.
"What is it?" I asked sitting up a little.
He threw his bag to the side and cursed under his breath, "I don't have any." He groaned impatiently.
"You're kidding." I said looking at his body that I wanted so much.
"I wish I was." He stated standing up and collecting our clothes.
I saw him begin to pull on his boxers, but quickly stopped.
"We can still do it, I mean what are the chances?" I said in a desperate tone.
"Peyton," He groaned, "I'm not going to do that." He groaned louder and I knew that he was about to reconsider. But I knew he was right.
I pouted, "I know, but I want you so bad right now." I groaned grabbing my clothes and pulling them on as my eyes watched him get dressed.
"Don't," he stopped me from putting on my clothes. "I'm going to go up to the store and pick some up, you wait here for me." I smirked, "And don't get dressed."
I smiled at him as he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and went to go. I pulled him back, my lips on his instantly as I kissed him fiercely. My hands playing with his hair. I removed my lips and hands from his body as he attempted to catch his breath.
"Don't be long." I winked as I went and sat on the bed, waiting for him.
I smiled as he raced out the door.
I raced down the hall, looking back at my door in disbelief that Peyton was sitting on my bed, waiting for me. Naked.
I hardly noticed when I ran into Haley.
"Hey." She said her voice seemed concerned.
"Oh, hey." I said trying to keep myself from smirking.
"Where you off to?" she asked, noticing I was heading to the door.
"Oh, uhh. Just out." I mumbled.
"You can't, we are going out to lunch, I came to tell you and Peyton. My parents want us to met some friends of theirs."
Crap. "Okay, I'll just go later." I said trying to smile.
"I'll go tell Peyton. You get ready." I stated running towards my room.
I saw Haley go into her room and I quickly went into mine, making sure she didn't see anything. And there she was lying on my bed, naked and smiling.
"That was really fast." She smirked, pushing her bangs to the side.
I took an annoyed breath, "I couldn't go, Haley came and now we are going out for lunch with everyone." I closed my eyes; I couldn't look at her, because I wanted her so much.
She groaned loudly as she began to pull on her clothes, taking her sweet time, teasing me even more.
"Well this sucks." She stated as I watched her with desire in my eyes as she slipped on her shirt.
"I know." I groaned, as I helped her pull on her pants. A calmness over came both of us, staring down at her I couldn't believe how much she meant to me, and I couldn't picture my life without her. Even doing something as simple as helping her get dressed made me feel a sense of happiness.
Our eyes connected and she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, making her way out the door. "See you soon." I whispered, shuting the door softly.
It was now around 3, Haley and her parents, Nathan, Peyton and I were going out to lunch. I wasn't quite sure what Peyton and I were going to do. Were we going to be a couple and actually tell Haley and her parents, or were we going to pretend like nothing happened. The restaurant this time wasn't as high class, so I wore a long black shirt, a jacket and jeans. As usual I was ready before Haley and Peyton.
I waited, when I heard someone coming down the stairs. Peyton walked down the stairs with a grin on her face when she saw me. She looked gorgeous as usual. She wore a jean skirt and a green top with a black leather jacket over top. Her hair was up, but curls still hung out.
She ran when she reached the bottom of the stairs, and jumped on top of me.
"You look soo good.." She grinned as she licked my neck, her hands in my hair. Stunned by her actions I couldn't help but burst into a giggle.
"Peyton, come on." I tried to stop her as her hands pulled up my shirt and played with my stomach, and her lips traced my cheek.
But I soon found myself rubbing her thighs and kissing her lips.
"What if Haley comes down." I whined, once I finally stopped myself. She groaned as she slid off me and sat beside me, figeting.
"Fine. Suit yourself." She said as she bit my ear teasing me. I gave her a displeased look.
Just then Haley came down the stairs. And I looked over at Peyton with an 'I told you so' look.
"Ready to go?" she asked, when she saw us waiting.
"Yup, let's go." Peyton answered.
Haley walked towards the closest to get her shoes as Peyton leaned towards me and whispered in my ear. "You might wanna fix your shirt." She stood up and walked out the door.
I looked down and noticed that my shirt was still lifted from when we were fooling around. I quickly fixed it. And looked after her.
Once we got into the car, I sat at the front and Peyton sat in the back. We were meeting Nathan and Haley's parents at the restaurant. The whole way to the restaurant, Peyton and I stared at each other, whispering and gesturing things as Haley drove. Although this sneaking around thing wasn't what we should be doing, it made everything seem soo much wronger, but in a good way.
I got out of the car and helped Peyton out as Haley ran towards Nathan, who I gave a dirty look to.
When Peyton got out, she walked by me as she pinched my butt, but pretended that she had done nothing as she walked off. I watched her walk off swaying in her short shirt and I smiled.
Nathan held the door open for everyone, and I watched as him and Peyton had an awkward confrontation. I quickly intervened and stepped between them, taking Peyton's hand and leading her to the table.
"Thanks." She whispered in my ear, before I sat down beside her around the table.
I tried my best to get along with Nathan, but he kept doing stuff that turned me the wrong way. The way I saw him rub Haley's chest when her parent's weren't looking and the way he looked down Peyton's shirt when she was taking off her jacket when Haley wasn't looking. I kept convincing myself that he was just doing it to get me angry and tried my best to ignore it.
Once Mr. and Mrs. Anden came, we began diner. They were very good friends of Haley and her family. They seemed like nice people and couldn't stop talking about their daughter Rebecca, who was my age and how great she was. She was running late and I was going to be joining us later on.
Everyone talked and enjoyed their meals throughout the first hour. Peyton and I shared unnoticed glances throughout our meal.
It was now 4:30 when Rebecca had shown up; once she arrived it wasn't hard for me to figure out that this was a set up. Uncle John and Mr. And Mrs. Scott were trying to set me up with Rebecca.
She was told to sit beside me and I was forced to introduce myself. I looked over at Peyton and saw jealously in her eyes.
I couldn't believe what was happening, as Rebecca placed her hand on Lucas's arm and laughed at his not even funny joke. And I couldn't do anything without telling everyone about our relationship; I had to sit there. I looked away as Lucas tried to smile and comfort me. I just continued to eat my lunch as everyone got along so well with Rebecca. She was perfect. She was sweet, beautiful, confident and was Lucas's' age. I felt myself become extremely insecure, why would Lucas stay with me when he could have someone like her.
I couldn't sit there any longer while Rebecca flirted with him.
"Excuse me." I said getting up from the table, I caught Lucas's eye but looked away as I got up.
"Peyton, what's wrong?" Haley asked confused by the look on my face, but understanding when she saw the look on Lucas's face.
"Nothing, I'm just not feeling good, I'm going to go for a walk." I smiled flaky enough for no one to care as headed outside.
"I better go, see what's wrong." Haley bit her lip. But I stopped her.
"Let me." I said getting away from Rebecca's grip. Haley smiled, understanding that we needed to talk. "I'll be back in a minute." I smiled at Rebecca.
I headed outside, to where Peyton was heading towards the pond.
I ran and caught up with her. It was cold outside and she didn't have her jacket on. I took mine off and as I got closer to her, I knew she heard me coming. I placed the jacket on her chilled arms, but she didn't say anything.
"Peyton." I said trying to pull her face towards mine, but she pushed away, being the stubborn girl I had come to love.
I wasn't going to give up that easily.
I moved to where she was looking and put her face in my hands.
"Hey." I smiled her eyes looking into mine. "I don't want anyone else but you." I stated clearly. She stepped backwards as my hands fell to my sides.
"Then why were you flirting with her?" she snapped, knowing she sounded absurd and jealous.
"I wasn't. I can't be rude to her." I tried to make her understand.
"Why not?" she said in a stubborn tone. I laughed.
"She means nothing to me." I looked deep into her eyes as I stepped forward wrapping my hands on her hips.
"No girl can compare to you." I smirked as her eyes twinkled before kissing her lightly and tenderly.
"You can be pretty charming." She grinned once we finished kissing.
"I know," I winked. I felt her hand graze my back as she bit her lip. I saw the desire in her eyes as she took a deep breath.
"You better buy those condoms soon." She smirked, her hand caressing my neck. She let go and handed me my jacket. She began to walk back towards the restaurant as I followed with a smile straight across my face.
As we ate I was polite and friendly to Rebecca but kept one hand on Peyton's knee the whole time.
Mr. And Mrs. Anden and Rebecca left around 5. We sat around the table and talked for a while after they left.
"So Rebecca seemed nice." Haley hinted, but she wasn't surprised when she received an awkward stare from Peyton.
"Eh, she really isn't my type." I stated shrugging my shoulders.
"You're kidding." Mrs. James said.
"Nope, sorry." I said my hand rubbing Peyton's leg.
"We went through all that trouble." John groaned as she reached for her jacket.
"Sorry." I said as I got up from my seat.
We left the restaurant and went home. The ride home was long as I was eager to get back so I could go to the store, extremely eager as Peyton caressed the back of my neck without Haley noticing.
Once we arrived, Peyton went straight inside to shower.
"What time do the stores close?" I asked, it was all I could think about, I asked Haley.
"They're closed, it's a holiday." She stated.
Damn it.
Haley said she was going to go see Nathan for a while.
I got out of the car and decided to go for a walk; I couldn't bear to be alone in a cabin with Peyton.
I got back after a long walk and saw Haley and Nathan watching TV on the coach.
"Hey." Haley smiled.
"Hey." I tried to smile back as I headed up the stairs, "I'm gonna go take a nap."
I headed towards my room, sulking. My head was filled with thoughts, but mostly I was thinking of Peyton and well... sex. God, why was I such a guy.
I walked quickly towards my room when the thoughts of sex went from my mind to other places in my body. I passed the bathroom slightly stopping for some reason. I stared at the door before turning and heading away. But I didn't make it there, suddenly I was dragged by my hand into the dark room. The door was shut and locked quickly as small hands were pressed up against my chest. Startled, I was frigtened at first but thats when I looked down a saw Peyton, her eyes burning with passion.
I pulled away, "Peyton, what are you doing?" I questioned, was she trying to scare the shit out of me? Her hands then pushed me back, snuggling against my flustered skin. The softness of her skin tormented my thoughts while she took hold of the bottom of my cotton shirt. I knew what she was doing now, but I couldn't believe she had been the one to cave. She pushed my shirt up over my head, her silky hands instantly rubbing my stomach.
"You're just so hot!" she breathed as she looked obliquely up and down my torso. My eyes finally opened for first time. surprising me that i had actually had them closed them for that long of a time. They eventually went straight to glare at her body. Oh my lord, there was Peyton, in a very skimpy black bra that pushed up her breasts so they were barely covered and matching panties that were almost completely see threw. My eyes widened taking in her image. Everything about her looked perfect to me. Sure she wasn't a supermodel, nor did she have DD breasts. But the little things about her body made her perfect. Her freckles that I was completely surprised to come across, that covered her chest. Her small stomach and her firm legs, the little details that I had never noticed on another girl before made Peyton perfect.
It was no surprise to me when everything started to become hazy when I looked at her. I wanted her so bad it was killing me. I'd had never felt this pain to touch, to kiss, to love.
Like she knew i was thinking about it, she dove her lips into me hard, as I tried my best not to give in. I panted as she began to pull off my pants. But I did nothing. I knew we couldn't do this and the only way I could think to say no at the moment, was to do nothing.
She nibbled on my neck as I bit hard my lip, breathing heavily, trying to think of anything I could do to stop this. But I just stood there, being tortured.
"We can't." I managed to stutter, as she ignored my words and she slowly zipped down my zipper. I was already completely hard from her actions, but it was only getting worse and worse as she began pulling off my pants. She eventually got them off and threw them to the side. My legs were shaking from her actions. She rubbed the skin above my boxers before she knelt down and slowly took them off. Leaving me naked. She stood up and shoved her chest against me, rubbing against me.
"I think we are." She whispered in my ear seductively, as her hands placed around me. It had been so long since one of us had talked that I was uncertain to what I had said in the first place, but the reason for my confusion and forgetfulness could probably be blamed on the small hands that wrapped tightly around my throbbing erection.
I groaned loudly as I attempted to stop her, once and for all, but it was no use once her lips took the place of her hands.
My mind went blank. I already knew that at that moment I had given into desire. And soon my body took control. I slowly leaned forward pulling her up and kissed her. I noticed her smirk when she realized that she had won the fight. My tongue began to lick her lips, my hands finding anything they could to touch. My body went wild with desire as my hands fiercely ripped off her bra, and she gasped erocticly. I pressed her chest against mine. Our nipples piercing the other's skin. I teased her as my hands played with the material on her panties and my lips licked her neck. She groaned loudly as her eyes closed for a couple of moments. She then removed my hands, becoming impatient and knowing I was just teasing her for my own pleasure. She pulled them down herself. There was now no article of clothing stopping us.
I lifted her up around me, as she wrapped her legs around my waist. I felt her body against mine and my heart stopped. It was one of those moment of pure bliss and happiness and it wasn't just about the sex. I felt complete. I loved her too much. More than I knew was good for the either of us. This feeling of sexual sensation was more that just a one time thing, or a fling. This meant more to me then anything else in the world. And I wasn't sure if she felt the same.
Her glossy eyes peered up in my direction as her lips grazed my nipples. As my lips fell to her shoulders, both of us in awe of how much we wanted and needed the other.
I knew what we were going to do was probably not a good idea, but nothing at that point could stop me. I walked with her wrapped around me to the other side of the bathroom, unknowingly we both looked in the direction of the mirror. We saw one another and how we looked together and I had never seen anything so arousing. She smiled at me, before she pulled my face into hers our lips fitting perfectly.
As the kiss continued, I pushed her aggressively against the wall and entered her quickly. She was shocked and gasped unexpectedly, but we both moaned in unison as we found our comfort spot. We moved fast and hard as she nibbled on my neck and my hands squeezed her ass, pushing myself harder inside of her.
I felt her nails dig into my back, as her eyes closed tight and she hissed. I smiled as I kissed her breasts softly. The feeling was undescribable and undeniably a moment I would never forget.
We continued. Our bodies one. Our hearts one.
And before long the moment was over.
I let go of her sweaty body and wiped my forehead, breathing heavy. She moved away from me, her eyes changing from happiness to sadness within seconds.
It didn't take long before we both completely understood what we had done.
I wasn't sure how to react. My chest was rising and falling as I stood completely still.
She lifted her head and looked at me. She smiled as she looked down and picked up her clothes. She realized that I had ripped them and looked for a towel, but couldn't find one.
"Here." I smiled uncomfortably back at her, passing her my shirt to cover up with. She grabbed the shirt and pulled it on in an awkward manner.
She stood there for a moment as I watched her, she went to come towards me, but hesitated. She finally came towards me, leaning up and kissing me on the cheek before grabbing her ripped under garments and leaving.
Confusion came over me. She acted as though it was just some random hook up. I immediately began to wonder if she was just using me for sex. Though it did sound stupid. And why did I care so much, this was great. It was the type of thing I liked. Sex, with no commitments.
But it did matter to me now, I was in love for the first time. And I wasn't sure if she loved me back.
I starred at the door with mixture of regret, disappointment, bliss and sorrow.
I stepped into my room, tears falling from my eyes, How could I have been so stupid and immature? I didn't think before I acted. Sure I wanted him really bad, but I could have waited a day or two. What was wrong with me? I pretty much seduced him into sleeping with me, I acted like some slutty whore. I wasn't surprised when he treated me like one, the way he ripped my clothes, though i enjoyed it at the moment, it startled me. I wasn't ready for all of this. I was still a child and I wasn't ready for a relationship like this.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I pulled off his shirt. My naked body looked bruised. My neck and chest had marks, new marks from a minute ago and old scars from the past. My heart ached as I starred. How could someone of only 16 years old, have so many scars. So many memories of pain. I fell into my bed, wrapping myself in blankets. An unknown sadness overtook me. A feeling I knew deep inside was love, a love that I knew could never be.
There's static on the airwaves.
I'll try to find the light through all this haze.
I can't find the words that I'm trying to say.
So try to forget me as I walk away.
Review