JENNIE
A red paper heart fluttered across the ground. I nudged it away with my high-heeled sandal and pulled my coat tighter against the wind.
The day had been warm for February, but when the sun set, the wind picked up. As the paper heart blew away, I made a dash for my apartment building and sighed with relief when the door closed behind me.
I'd just come from a girls' Valentines Day dinner. At the restaurant, Rosé announced that she was seeing Koo Junhoe afterward. Ashley bragged about her perpetual singlehood. Maria texted her long-distance boyfriend pictures of our desserts.
"What about you, Jennie?" Ashley asked.
"Oh, I'll see her later tonight. I wanted to hang out with you guys first, like Sé."
Rosé glanced at me sidelong. No matter how much I tried to pretend everything was right between us, the truth was there. Stirring.
"Junhoe says she has a big surprise planned." She brushed blonde hair off her face. "What's Lisa doing for you?"
I stabbed a spoon into the lava cake I was sharing with Ashley. Chocolate spilled out. "She doesn't need to do anything except be herself."
"Aren't you at least getting each other gifts?" Maria snuck a taste of our cake.
"I never know with her. She's generous when she feels like it."
On Monday, Lisa had made waffles for breakfast — not the kind you pop in a toaster, but actual homemade waffles. She said offhandedly that someone left a waffle iron in the kitchen and it never got used. Later that day, I'd seen her heavy silver watch, hanging loosely on James's wrist like he'd borrowed it from his dad. I can't believe Lisa gave this to me. I asked if she wants it back, but she said no.
My friends gave me me skeptical looks.
"What do you see in her?" Ashley demanded. "I hate to say it, but she's not exactly the friendliest."
"Yeah, she's boring." Rosé studied her nails.
"She's hot," Maria added, "but she seems really…cold."
"I guess I'm into that right now." I stuffed a forkful of lava cake in my mouth, grabbed Maria's phone, and snapped a picture of the whipped cream on her chin. "Send that to your boyfriend. Tell him there's more where that came from."
"Girl, that's the kind of thing I would say," Rosé pointed out.
Everyone laughed, and we'd stopped talking about Lisa.
Now, I hurried into my dark apartment. There was no Sana, as usual. I was hoping to get away from love and flowers, but on the kitchen counter lay a gigantic heart-shaped box with the lid off. Some of the chocolates were gone. Others were half-eaten, like she'd tried them and changed her mind.
Either my roommate's phantom boyfriend actually existed, or she'd bought herself candy. Her cat twined around my legs.
In my room, I kicked my heels off and paced. I had homework. I'd finished one of my makeup projects from last semester, but I'd barely started the other one. I opened the middle drawer in my desk and rattled the bottle of Adderall, then put it back — I'd already taken one today. I counted the money in my own heart-shaped box. Lisa's white napkin caught my eye: little lies.
No more lying. I sat down at my desk, flipped open my laptop, and pasted last semester's grades into an email.
Hey Mom and Dad! SO great to see you over the weekend. Here's my grades from fall semester. I know they're not up to my usual, but I'm redoing my final projects for the lowest two. Everything's under control now and this semester is going great!! Nothing to worry about. Love you!
I stared at the two Ds and the two Cs. One lone B-minus couldn't balance them out. Before I lost my nerve, I sent the email.
As I opened my marketing book, my phone buzzed. I snatched it up.
Bring your cheerleader uniform tonight.
I threw my phone across the room. It hit the wall and landed on the floor.
Shit, shit, shit. I ran over and picked it up. No cracks. Still working.
Do you know how many feelings I have about that?
Yes, came the answer.
What are you doing? I typed, then deleted. What are WE doing? Delete. Why do you want me to have feelings when the whole point of this arrangement is to avoid having feelings… Delete.
My parents
Delete.
My sister
Delete.
I put on that uniform for you, and I'm not gonna be responsible for the consequences
Delete.
Evergreen
I left that on my screen, unsent.
Walking to my closet, I slid open the door. My cheerleading uniforms were pushed all the way to the left, stuffed behind the black lace dress I wore to a formal last fall and a bright pink raincoat Rosé had convinced me to buy. There were uniforms for warm game days and uniforms for cold days. There were skirts with slits and skirts without, a combo with a stripe down the side, outfits that were red on white and white on red. There was a tracksuit with a jacket and pants. But I knew which one Lisa would want to see. The cropped shell that barely fit, showing my belly, and a tiny skirt, the one with a zipper that didn't go all the way up.
My phone buzzed again.
Wear it on your way over. I want you in it when I answer my door.
I deleted the safe word. Can't. I'm not on the squad anymore.
So put something over it. I could practically hear the exasperated patience in her voice.
I sank down on the bed and rubbed my forehead.
Chimes sounded from my phone. I scrabbled for it and blindly took the call.
"Lisa?" I said, breathless.
"Excuse me." My mother's voice filled the line. "Who is Lisa? This is your mother."
I took a deep breath. I am in control. I am an adult.
"Hi, Mom."
"I'm shocked, Jennie. I'm absolutely shocked. I don't know what to say. I opened the email and I didn't even know what I was seeing. Is there a mistake?"
"No mistake."
"That's all you have to say?"
I clenched my fists at my sides. It took everything I had to speak calmly.
"I know that I didn't stay on top of everything last semester. It won't happen again."
"How are we supposed to believe you? You lied to us. You said you had everything under control. When I tell Dad, he's going to hit the roof. I'm ready to tell you to come home now and stop wasting our money."
"Mom, I'm bringing my grades up. I'm redoing my final projects for the classes I didn't pass."
"That's not the real world."
"Excuse me?"
"There are no second chances in life."
"That's not true!" My voice rose.
"Of course it's true. Don't argue, I've been around longer than you." She sounded so certain. My parents always spoke from a place of total, absolute certainty.
"That's bullshit, Mom. Everyone can change. No one's trapped by their past."
"How dare you talk to me that way? But then, what do you know about it? You've never had to deal with real life. Dad and I have tried, but you're spoiled. You obviously haven't learned anything we taught you."
"Mom, calm down."
"I don't want to calm down." Her voice rose. "I'm talking about you and your future, which you're throwing away. Your grades, your accomplishments, your chances with a good man—"
"What do men have to do with it?" I shoved the middle drawer of my desk closed, hiding my dirty secrets.
"You couldn't hold on to Kai."
"I didn't want to hold on to Kai! I was the one who dumped him."
"Exactly. In three years, you're not going to be where your sister is, engaged to a wonderful fiancé and at the top of her law school class. You're going to have no job and no prospects, you're going to lose everything you have, because you don't take anything seriously."
"Will you stop it?" My control cracked. I hated the anger that came only in these conversations with my parents, anger that blinded me and made my throat swell up and my words disappear. "Get off my case. It's my life."
"Which we gave you," my mother snapped. "We gave you your life, we gave you everything. We sacrificed so you could have an education. Your sister has accomplished so much, she's making us so proud, and you're taking what we give you and you're throwing it in the trash. You're going to be like your friend, that Rosé."
I gulped a lungful of air. "Leave Rosé out of this."
"Why do you think we don't want you to live with her? We met her, we saw who she is. She has no responsibility. She expects everyone to take care of her. She thinks only about today. Not yesterday, not tomorrow."
"Mom, listen. I'm not like that. I don't expect anyone to take care of me."
"No? You want everything handed to you. Jisoo—"
"Don't talk to me about Jisoo," I hissed.
"I just don't understand. I don't know what Dad and I did wrong, to raise two daughters who are so different. When are you going to learn, Jennie? What's it going to take?"
I pulled the phone away from my ear. My finger hovered over the red button, but I couldn't hang up on my mom. Instead, I let her yell herself out until she hung up first.
This time, I didn't throw my phone. My fingers clenched around it, turning white. My eyes stung, and I could barely swallow.
I texted Lisa.
Can I come over?
Her answer came back almost immediately. You're two hours early.
I don't have anything better to do. I drummed my fingers on my knee until my phone buzzed.
Try again.
Shoving my chair back from my desk, I let it spin. The room circled me.
Please, Lisa.
That's a start.
I want you.
Keep going.
I need you.
That's nice.
Okay. Fine, asshole. I'd go for broke. I'm desperate for your touch, I typed. You take me places no one ever has. I hear your voice all the time. Constantly. Every minute. I don't even know what you're doing to me… I deleted that sentence, then retyped it. I need you to fuck my brains out, I finished. Please.
I hit send before I could change my mind.
Come over.
Shoving my chair back, I stripped off the silky blouse and jeans I'd worn to dinner and pawed through my underwear drawer until I found a red satin bra and panties. Then I tugged on the cheerleading skirt that Lisa would want to see. Still too small. Still super short. I left the back zipper open, with the bow on the back of the panties peeking out, and wrestled with the top. Also tight, but it went on.
Rustling through my closet, I pulled the hot pink Rosé-suggested raincoat off its hanger. It was just long enough to cover my cheerleading skirt and give the impression that I was about to flash all of campus. The vinyl crinkled when I laced up my white sneakers.
I buttoned the raincoat, tied my hair into two pigtails for effect, and stomped out of my apartment. Lisa wanted a cheerleader? Fine. She'd get the grumpiest cheerleader in school.
Campus was a blur as I sprinted. In the wind, couples huddled together romantically. People were kissing in the quad, nuzzling noses by the engineering building, handling balloons and stuffed animals and candy like they were touched with magic. No one noticed me in my raincoat and pigtails, because they were all cocooned in their own little worlds of love.
The back of Kappa Sig was empty. Chase and Rufus were gone, maybe in honor of the holiday.
I crashed into Lisa's room, pushing the door open so hard it banged against the wall.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." She jumped up from her desk and caught my arm. I'd never seen Lisa move so fast. For all her size, she was swift. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I growled. "Let's start."
Her lips twitched. "What's with the raincoat?"
"Don't you dare laugh at me."
"I'm not laughing."
"You mean, you're trying not to laugh." I turned away.
"Jennie…" Her free hand closed over my other arm, more gently. "Look at me." I squeezed my eyes shut. Slowly, I opened them and turned to face her. "I'm not laughing now." Her voice was quiet.
"Okay. Thanks for that. Rosé convinced me to get this raincoat, by the way."
"Why am I not surprised?" She twisted one of my pigtails around her finger. "Tell me what's going on."
Why did she have to be nice right now? Or at least, the Lisa version of nice? It would be easier if she just threw me on the bed and we stopped talking.
"I'm really mad," I muttered.
"At…?" She raised her eyebrows.
"My parents." I closed my eyes again, tried to breathe, felt the uncontrollable anger filling me up. "Goddammit, I came to your place to try to get away from it…from them…they think they can run my life, and when I argue, they always win. It's always about my sister, and how much better she is than me, and how I've failed them by not being her. I don't even know who's right. I do owe them a lot, but it's my own life, and I need to draw the line somewhere, but it's so hard…Lisa? What are you doing?"
"Unbuttoning this raincoat," she said calmly. "Getting it off you."
My arms fell to my sides as she undid one button after another — oversized, sparkly pink buttons. When the bottom one was undone, she slid the raincoat off my shoulders and tossed it onto her desk chair with a crinkle of plastic.
"You wore what I told you to." She traced the outline of the letter on my top. I sucked in a breath. "Good girl."
"Lisa…"
"You like hearing that, don't you?" Her palm brushed my breast through the thick fabric and moved to cup my cheek. "You don't feel like a good girl right now."
"Look," I began as she leaned in closer. She stopped a breath away from a kiss. "You made me admit what was going on with my family. I came here expecting not to talk about it, and you stirred it up. Do you care at all?"
The space between our lips was driving me crazy.
"I think you need to be spanked, Jennie." Her voice was so calm, an eerie contrast to the turmoil bubbling inside me. "We can talk while I spank you."
I stared at her. I'd wanted her to spank me since the beginning. I'd never admitted it. Anger still choked me, but an elevator rush of excitement whooshed through my body. Jesus, it was Valentine's Day.
"I— This is— Goddammit," I whispered.
She touched my chin. Then she sat down abruptly on the edge of the bed.
"Over my lap, cheerleader."
"Jesus, Lisa." I was too shocked to be angry now. "You really expect me to do that?"
"Now, girl." Her eyes were ice. Nice Lisa was gone. "Or I'll turn you over my knee myself."
"Do it," I choked out. She grabbed me, threw me onto the bed like it was nothing, like I'd hoped for, and flipped me onto her lap.
"There we go." Her satisfied voice made me shiver. A large hand pushed up my skirt. "I remember you saying you couldn't zip this up. I see you still can't."
"Damn you," I gritted. This anger felt better, cleaner than the swirling thickness I'd felt before.
"So hot." She smoothed my satin panties and yanked them down in one swift movement, exposing my ass. "I like seeing you spilling out of your tight little uniform. I'm going to enjoy this, Jennie."
"You jerk."
"Watch your mouth, girl." She squeezed my cheek and I tensed, nerves cutting the anger.
"Not too hard," I pleaded in a whisper.
"I know your limits," she whispered back. "This isn't going to be about pain."
"Then what?"
She rubbed circles on my bare ass. A slap landed, quick and stinging. I jumped.
"It's about you being a spoiled little princess." Her voice was rougher.
Oh Lord. She couldn't know what that word meant to me, how many times I'd wished I could hear it. In Lisa's low rumble, the nickname was jarring. It shocked me. It felt right.
"I am not," I said automatically. I gasped when she spanked me again, heat blooming on my ass.
"Brat. Don't contradict me." Fingers slipped into my folds. "What do we have here? A spoiled, wet princess." I bucked, lifting my ass to her touch, my reaction obvious. "Mmm, you like being called that, don't you? Your body can't hide the truth."
"Oh my God…" I buried my face in the bed as she calmly rubbed my clit.
"That's it, cheerleader. Open your legs for me." Another smack on my ass made me jerk and moan. "I'm going to finger you here…" my pussy squeezed down on sudden fullness. "…And here." The lightest touch stroked the cleft of my ass.
"Yes." I wanted her there. I lifted my ass, and her intake of breath told me she hadn't expected me to be this eager.
"You like that, princess?"
God, it felt good. So dirty, and so good as she circled my pucker and worked a finger into my tight back hole. Her free hand gripped my ass.
"Yes…"
"You feel so tight and new," she crooned. I arched into her hands. "I'd almost say…innocent. But we both know the truth. You're anything but innocent. I don't have a sweet little virgin over my lap. I know it. Your family knows it too."
"Lisa, what the fuck—"
She laughed. "How do you think they'd react if they saw you like this? Do you think they'd be surprised? Shocked? They would be, but deep down, underneath it all, they'd know they were finally seeing the truth about you."
"I hate you," I sputtered. "Why are you saying this?"
"Look at you." Her voice dripped condescension. Bringing up my family was like tossing a bucket of ice water over my body. But her fingers kept moving, teasing my swollen pussy, coaxing my pleasure into flame again. "You're all wound up about your sister. You believe the bullshit that she's better. I bet if she saw you right now, she'd love to trade places with you."
A shockwave broke over me. "What?"
Slaps sliced through the pleasure. "Come on. Your sweet, prissy, perfect sister would love to be pinned to a guy's lap while he spanked her and fingered her tight little ass and cunt. She'd probably beg to come sooner than you would."
"Don't talk about my sister like that."
"Why not? She's a girl just like you, not some goddess."
"She's waiting for her wedding night," I muttered. "Which is fine, it's great, but—"
"But?" she prompted, caressing my back. A soft blow of breath across my skin encouraged me to go on.
This was one of the things I craved most about being with Lisa. My helpless desire to tell her things. To reveal the secrets I didn't share with anyone else.
"My family's always held that over my head. She's waiting. I'm not. My mom found condoms in my room when I was in high school and she called me a slut." Anger welled up in me again. "She—"
A smack stung my ass. "She was right."
"Fuck you, Lisa." I tried to bolt up from her lap, but she held me down. I was shuddering, shaking, creaming all over her hand.
"She was so right, Jennie. She just didn't know how right she was. You're a pure and total slut. In every way." I kicked, my ass fluttering around her thumb. My pussy was a river of juices. "They've been right about you all along."
I should stop her. But I didn't give a fuck about 'should' right now. I wanted to hear every last thing she had to say, find out how far she'd push me.
My fingers found my clit. When I stroked it, my pussy clutched her fingers, beyond aroused. Lisa gripped the flesh of my ass, her cock hard as stone against my hip.
"Yeah, baby." Her voice dripped sex. "Touch yourself."
"I hate you so much," I whispered.
Her fingers moved faster as she soothed my burning skin. "Let's talk about your sister some more. If she were in here right now," she said, her voice cool and deliberate, "do you think I would look at her?"
"Of course you would. Everyone does."
"I wouldn't."
"You're a liar."
A hard smack rained down on my ass, and I cried out. "You think everyone wants her, don't you? She could be in here — naked, begging — and I wouldn't look her way. Not once. And you'd still believe she was better than you."
"Lisa—"
"I wouldn't look at her. Not ever, and definitely not when you're here, so cute on my lap, all sweet and girly, spilling out of your uniform with your pussy on fire and your body desperate for what I can give you."
"Don't," I whimpered. My fingers frantically worked my clit, a blush staining my face.
"Not just desperate." Lisa continued coolly, relentlessly. "Greedy. So she'd have to watch while I fucked you, because you couldn't wait. She'd be so turned on and pissed off."
"Shut up, Lisa."
"You don't like it? You can stop me any time, Jennie. You know that. All it takes is one word."
Silence hung. Our fingers went motionless.
"Go ahead," she whispered. "I'm waiting."
I twisted to look up at her. Her eyes — God, the ice had evaporated, leaving blue fire. Beads of sweat stood on her forehead.
I raised my ass, thrusting against her hand, asking for more. For the briefest moment, her eyes squeezed shut.
"That's what I thought," she said softly.
Goosebumps blossomed on my skin. When I buried my face in the covers, slung over her lap, big fingers began stroking in and out again.
"All she could do is sit there, denied her pleasure." Her voice snaked over me. "She'd watch me take you and fuck the living daylights out of you, watch you come over and over again, and she'd be so jealous. You'd see her face, and you'd know how much she wanted to be you."
"Stop stop stop stop stop," I panted, like it would count if I played at the protest.
"Why are you so upset, Jennie?" A hand soothed my ass. "It's just a fantasy. I'm not going to let anyone watch us. But can't you see it? Us, on my bed. You under me, moaning like crazy. Your sister in the desk chair, helpless, wishing she was you."
Lightning bolted through me. I gasped and clamped my legs around her hand. I was coming so soon, so fast. Shocked, my heart hammering. She was spanking me again.
At some point, she rolled me onto the bed, belly-down, and moved behind me. My skirt was still flipped up; my panties were caught around my knees. Sweat made my uniform damp.
Dizzy, I lifted my hips, stretching back like a cat, curving my body for her. Wearing the red and white top and skirt was like throwing a switch: I ought to be performing.
Another slap landed on my heated ass.
"Are you trying to put on a show for me? I remember the first time I saw you." I heard her zipper coming down behind me, the metal teeth pulling apart. "In the middle of a dance floor. You were trying so hard to put on a show. You always try, don't you?" A finger ran underneath the hem of my top.
I whimpered, past words, face-down on her smooth bed, and tilted my body further, spreading my legs. Every part of me wanted her to be looking, but I refused to turn and see if she was.
"I don't want a show, Jennie." The lightest touch traced my exposed pussy. Her voice was too soft, too intent. I shuddered at what lay beneath it. "I'm not going to give you a blue ribbon." A sudden smack between my legs made me cry out. Fiery pleasure blossomed. "All I want is for you to lose control."
For once, I had nothing to say. I bit a mouthful of pillow and gripped the covers.
"Hands behind your back."
I waited, but no more words came. Her palms, firm on my thighs, didn't move. She was motionless behind me, a statue. I couldn't see her, but I sensed every contour of her flinty form.
Slowly, shaking, I lifted my hands and moved them behind my back, holding my elbows. I felt off-balance, struggling to steady myself.
"I wish you could see your ass right now, cheerleader." Her voice was husky with lust. "It's so pink and sweet. But you deserve more, don't you?"
Her cock sank into me before I knew what to expect. I was open and vulnerable and helpless to do anything except receive the fierce thrusts. Her hand was heavy on my head, her pillow cottony between my teeth. My ass squeezed down on fullness. She was working her thumb back in, gripping my hip cruelly as she fucked me. Her sheets smelled clean, freshly washed, and I focused on the scent as she flooded my body with sensation.
"So wet," she whispered. "So soaking wet and wanting. You're a fucking mess." Her voice was ragged, her thrusts lengthening. "Now beg for my cum."
"Please, Lisa," I sobbed into the covers. She was still holding my head down. "Cum inside me."
"Good girl," she whispered.
I seized up. Growls filled my ears, so animal yet so fucking intimate. Force shook my body as she found her release.
When she pulled out, I puddled on the bed. My breath slowed down, my cheek against her sheets. Her hand rested on my back.
"Better?" she finally whispered.
I kept my eyes closed, as if the moment would burst when I looked at her. "Hm?"
"Are you doing better than when you came in?"
"I am, actually." My voice was cracked.
"You'll be okay if I leave for a minute?"
I stirred in protest. "To do what?"
"Wash up." She laughed briefly. "You're a dirty girl."
I was too far gone to make a retort. "Go. Have a great time."
She patted my shoulder. I opened one eyelid to watch her zip her pants. She glanced at me, her pale eyes raking over my body in the crumpled uniform, and left the room.
Gingerly, I slid off the bed and stood in front of her mirror. There was no question that I'd been spanked. My ass glowed red. My pigtails were loosened. Damp strands of hair were plastered to my neck.
I eased off my cheerleading uniform, which was wrinkled, but spotless. Lisa had been careful. Draping it over my arm, I crossed the room on wobbly legs. I laid the shell and skirt on the desk and smoothed the stretchy knit material, trying to get the wrinkles out.
Lisa caught me at it when she walked back in. She gave me a funny look, but didn't say anything. Just peeled off her clothes and joined me in bed.
Naked, I curled up under the covers. Her body enclosed my back. My head was spinning, a top only beginning to slow down. I didn't know what to say first. Minutes passed, and when she stroked my hair, I moved closer. Silence felt like the best option right now.
"Do you know what day it is?" I murmured finally.
"It's February fourteenth."
"And…?"
When she didn't respond, I rolled over abruptly to face her. A stare greeted me, followed by a slow blink.
"Never mind," I groused.
She chuckled. "You've got expectations? Would you rather have a teddy bear, or cold hard cash?"
"Both."
"I'm no teddy bear." She was relaxed, her pale eyes like the still water of a lake, smiling. She combed her fingers through my hair. I wished to God she hadn't mentioned the money.
I got out of bed and walked carefully to the desk. "Well, I brought something for you."
Lisa sat up, the covers falling away from her torso. It was satisfying to see her uncomfortable. "You really don't have to."
"It's nothing. Just a message." I felt in the pocket of the pink raincoat. "Here."
She took the paper napkin and examined it. My writing wasn't as tiny as hers, but it didn't need to be. The napkin held only two words.
big truths
"What's this for?" she asked, her face wary.
"Oh, I don't know," I said airily. "Some weirdo handed me a random napkin in November and it inspired me. Now you give me something to remember you by. You have nice socks, I could go for a pair of those."
She exhaled. "You're a handful, you know that?"
She got up, set the napkin on her desk, and opened her closet door, pushing apart the tailored clothing that gave off a whiff of style and expense. Reaching into the back, she pulled out the sketchpad and blew dust off of it. The box of charcoal pencils followed.
"Pull the covers back," she ordered. God help me, I did it immediately. "Relax. Don't move."
Her pencil flew over the paper. She worked fast.
"When was the last time you used that sketchpad?" I asked. "Am I allowed to blink?"
She filled a section with quick strokes and smudged it with her finger. "August. Yes."
"I really do love my sister," I murmured. "I don't want you to think that I don't."
"I know." Her pencil stopped for the space of a second, and brown eyes met mine. "You don't need to explain anything to me."
"I— okay."
"And by the way, I wasn't kidding." Her gaze switched between me and the paper. "I bet she'd love to trade places with you."
"Yeah, yeah. You think every girl on campus would love to be in this room while you call them names, right?"
The charcoal skittered across the paper. "She'd love to trade places with you, period. I'm sure of it. She has to be the perfect one at all times. At least you get to fuck up, even if your family doesn't like it."
"You were just talking about making her watch us. Now you're taking her side?"
Her lips twitched. "It wasn't personal."
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" The photo in her closet filled my mind: the tense dad, the faraway mom, the three children with their own agendas. A cluster of pale faces and wintry brown eyes.
"Brothers." Her pencil slowed. "I have two younger brothers."
"Do you get along?"
"Sure." Her tone signaled that the subject was closed.
"What's the story with your parents? You're wearing your dad's ring—"
She dropped the pencil and touched a finger to my lips. "Enough."
"You don't have any family pictures on your walls," I pushed.
She tore the paper from the pad. "And you do?"
"Of course."
She shook her head. "Jen, you think about them all the time, don't you? They're always looking over your shoulder. Take those pictures down for a week. Put this up instead."
She handed me the sheet torn from the pad.
I stared at the portrait. Me, sprawled on her bed, my pigtails a mess. Makeup smudged under my eyes, my breasts bare and delicately shaded, the tuft of hair between my legs a black splotch. A little smile on my lips.
And the look on my face, so fucking knowing.
Mirrors didn't lie, though I could try to lie to them. Lisa's pencil, on the hand, only told what she saw. But right now, drawing me in her room, she'd captured the bare truth.
"Thank you," I said softly. "You're an incredible artist."
She shrugged, brushing away my gratitude.
I set the picture on top of my cheerleading uniform as she returned the pad and pencils to the closet. I noticed she placed them on the top shelf, carefully, instead of pushing them to the back.
Climbing back into bed, I turned toward her. "If I take down the pictures of my family, will you take down your posters of Italy? I know something happened there."
She stretched out on her back and stared at the ceiling. "I've already gotten rid of what I need to. I don't want to forget that year."
"And I can't forget my family."
Abruptly, she pinned my wrists against the pillow.
"Try it, Jennie," she whispered in my ear. Her tongue traced the outer shell. Dammit, I was defenseless against the pleasure that shot through me. "Otherwise I'm going to have to give you an even bigger spanking the next time you come in here upset, and tell you another fantasy, and it's going to be a lot kinkier. I'll be happy with how hard you come, but you won't be."
"Why are you such an asshole?" I growled into her shoulder.
"Take the pictures down, babe. See what happens."