JENNIE

I slapped my palms on Lisa's shoulders and tried to push her off me.

"Oh my God," I said again, only this time it was with shame and not enjoyment. As I scrambled backward and snaked my hands over my body to cover my bare breasts, she lifted her head, discovered what caused my panic, and turned to stone.

"Shit!" Lisa spat out. She leapt off the couch and jerked her pants up, covering herself.

"What. The. Fuck?" Anger tensed Felix's shoulders as he glared at his dada.

Lisa shrugged out of her suitcoat in an instant and draped it over me. I was beyond grateful and pressed the satiny lining of the coat to my naked skin, rising off the couch to stand beside her. My mind flooded with too many thoughts at once. What was Felix doing here? How had we not heard him come in? And how long had he been standing there, watching us?

In my fantasy, him catching us was erotic, but reality was icy cold and the furthest thing from sexy.

"What are you doing here?" Lisa asked. It was confused, desperate, and maybe a little accusatory.

Whatever shock and hurt Felix had was pushed out of the way to make room for seething fury. "I forgot my bag. I thought I could sneak downstairs and get it without bothering you. I wasn't aware you were going to be out in the living room, fucking my girlfriend on the couch."

I sucked in a breath and choked back the urge to remind him we weren't a couple anymore. He was angry enough, I didn't need to provoke him further. At least this explained why we hadn't heard the garage door. I'd been too lost in my surprise to realize how strange it was Felix had come through the front door. He'd probably been hoping to get in and out of the house quietly and without disturbing his dada's date.

But Lisa felt compelled to correct him. "Ex-girlfriend. You two were broken up before Jennie and I got together."

The statement seemed to knock Felix sideways. His eyes went enormous, then narrowed down to slits. "Together?"

Lisa shifted, moving subtly in front of me like a shield. "We were going to tell you."

Felix sneered. "I should have known. I should have fucking expected it. You don't care about me, Lisa."

It'd taken him more than a year of living with his dada before he'd come around to calling her Dada, and the step backward now was painful. The name was sharp and cutting. Lisa reacted as if she'd been shoved, and Felix looked pleased the verbal blow had landed.

"You do whatever the fuck you want," he continued. He stood taller, full of righteousness. "Always have, and always will."

I pressed my hand harder to my chest, holding the coat in place, but more to try to stop the pain in my heart. Whether or not he was right, or whether it was fair, he'd probably always feel that way, no matter what his dada did to try to make up for it.

Lisa's tone was defensive. "That's not true."

"You're so goddamn selfish."

"I used to be, yeah," Lisa said. "I screwed up with you and your mom. There's not a day that goes by where I don't wish I could change what I did."

As far as I knew, they'd never talked about it, and I held my breath, wanting to fade into the background.

Felix's expression turned sour. "Bullshit, and I don't want to hear it."

"Yeah? Too fucking bad, because you're going to. Jennie and I didn't plan on this happening, it just . . . did. You've got to understand, we didn't do this to intentionally hurt you."

It was painful to watch the two most important person in my life fighting, and know I was the cause. All of Lisa's hard work to make it right with her son, all undone in the blink of an eye. I dropped my gaze down to my feet as I struggled to rein in my emotions.

"I'm sorry you found out like this." Lisa's voice brimmed with remorse. "Felix, I care about you so much—"

Her son's humorless laugh cut through the room. "Yeah, if that were true, you wouldn't have fucked her." It was like I wasn't there, wasn't in the room. All of his focus was locked onto his dada. "You knew how much she meant to me."

"Do I?" Lisa's posture changed abruptly, shifting from defense to offense. "If she meant so much, then why the hell did I find you and that naked girl in the hot tub the week after you came home from school?"

Both of them were acutely aware of my presence when I gasped.

That was the only sound for a long moment. Time seemed to stand still, other than the dancing shadows on the walls from the candlelight. My body went numb, my mind empty. A survival instinct kicked in, refusing to accept the statement so I could spare myself the pain.

My voice was a ghost. "What?"

The week after you came home from school. Which meant not only had Felix cheated on me, but Lisa knew about it . . . and she hadn't told me.

I didn't know where to focus or what to do. Sensation slowly returned to my body as awareness sank in, but I felt out of sorts. Like all my organs had turned upside-down.

Felix's gaze hesitantly floated my direction. At least it was nice to see a different emotion splashed on his face instead of anger. He didn't seem as tall or indignant when he looked guilty as sin. His words were hollow. "It was one time. I made a mistake."

I couldn't be here. I had to flee before I broke into a million pieces. The betrayal from the Manoban's was too much. I couldn't deal. I tottered backward on the heels, needing immediate distance. How the fuck was I going to get to my clothes in Lisa's room? It was a million miles away, and even though they'd both seen me naked, now they felt like—

Strangers.

The hurt painted on my face made Felix angry all over again, but not with me. No, he blamed his dada for revealing the stunning information. He shot daggers at Lisa, like it was all his dada's fault and not his own.

Classic fucking Felix.

He didn't care about me or my feelings—only that his dada had gotten him in trouble. Meanwhile, Lisa was the opposite. Concern streaked her expression as she reached out for me.

I stared at her hand, unwilling to move toward it or away. How could she keep this enormous secret from me?

"Seriously?" Felix snapped, staring incredulously at his dada's outstretched hand. Maybe it looked like Lisa had chosen me over her own son, and Felix wasn't about to have it. He made a noise of frustration and took off, his heavy feet pounding on the hardwood as he stomped to the top of the stairs and went down them.

"Felix." Lisa took a step toward her son, stopped, and cast a glance at me over her shoulder. "Don't go, Jennie. Please? Will you wait for me in my room?"

I couldn't force an answer from my lungs, but she must have thought I'd agreed because she nodded and hurried toward the stairs.

One slow step at a time, I lumbered my way into Lisa's bedroom and dropped her gray suitcoat onto the bed. Only I'd done it mindlessly, too close to the edge, and it slipped off, spilling onto the floor in a heap. I couldn't find the strength to care about fixing it.

The straps holding the shoes to my ankles were undone, followed by the garters. I peeled the thigh-high stockings down my legs one at a time, all while trying not to think about what had just happened. The swing from guilt, to anger, to hurt was a rollercoaster I'd been locked into, even as I'd begged to get off.

I dressed slowly. Gone was the feeling of being a bombshell or a sex kitten. I was a stupid twenty-year-old girl. A naïve and trusting fool. How long should I wait here in this empty bedroom for Lisa to return?

The garter belt and stockings were tossed into the open pink box. I'd left the bra and panties out in the living room, so they were lost to me now. I sat on the edge of the bed, wondering if I sat still enough, I'd turn to unfeeling stone.

I didn't know and didn't care to know the details about what Felix had done with someone else. If it was true and it had been one time and a mistake as he'd said, it didn't matter. I'd done everything to try to hold onto him. Given him everything. Even as his girlfriend, I still wasn't his top choice.

It was impossible, sitting alone in the dark bedroom, to not feel worthless.

"Jennie."

Lisa's deep voice snapped me from my thoughts. I focused my gaze on her as she stood before me, and my heart sank further in my chest. The lines around her eyes were deeper. She combed a hand through her unruly hair and had a hard time meeting my gaze.

I already knew what was about to happen, but I fought against it. I pushed to my feet and crossed my arms over my chest to prevent myself from touching her. If I grabbed her, it'd only be harder to let go.

She said nothing. She shoulders rose and fell with deep breaths, like breathing was difficult for her.

I couldn't wait another second. "Well?"

"He told me I was going to have to make a choice." Finally, she dragged her gaze up and connected it to mine. Her eyes were full of sadness.

"Him or me," I whispered.

Felix was forcing his dada to choose which relationship to end, and I couldn't see any outcome where I would win. Even if Lisa chose me for some insane reason, I knew I couldn't allow it. My bottom lip quivered, but I refused to let any other emotion show.

Lisa wasn't going to pick me. No matter how shitty and immature Felix was acting, of course he'd win. Lisa would sacrifice me for a chance with her son every time, and in my rational mind, I understood that.

But my heart? That was a different story.

Lisa wasn't fairing much better than I was. "He says he'll quit school and move back in with his mom if we keep seeing each other."

The first stage of grief—denial—washed through me. "He'll get past it." The words tasted bitter coming out of my mouth. "Like you said, he never cared about me."

"That's not what I said."

I shifted on my bare feet and gave her a hard look. "He didn't care enough to stay faithful. And not enough to tell me the truth, either." Stage two—anger—came on strong, and power filled my voice. My eyes burned with hot tears. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried." Her voice lacked her usual confidence. "I warned you that you could do better."

Her answer only made me madder. "Not good enough."

Lisa's lips pushed into a resigned frown. "Remind me what your reasons were for not telling Felix about the first time we kissed."

I froze. I'd told her nothing good could come from him knowing. It'd only cause him pain. "That was different," I said quickly. It was unconvincing, even to me.

"The day I caught him, I hated him a little. I wanted you so badly, but you were with him . . . and then he ran around on you. It was cruel to both of us."

"And yet, you didn't say a word." More than a month after she'd caught Felix, I'd still been his girlfriend, oblivious.

Frustration tightened Lisa's posture. "What was I supposed to say? There was no upside to telling you."

There wasn't. She'd applied the same rules to me I'd used for Felix, giving me a taste of my own medicine, and God—I hated it.

"I get why you're upset, but I was in an impossible situation," she said. "I still am. I don't like what he's done, or this ultimatum he's given me, but the fact is he's still my son."

"I know." My voice was as broken as I was inside. "Maybe he'll change his mind."

I don't know why I said it, because I didn't believe it. Felix was outstanding at holding grudges. Panic poured into my stomach. It weighed me down and pulled me away, even when I wanted to stay put. I sensed the end coming like an out-of-control train approaching but fought to hold my ground.

The tense silence in the room grew thick and stifling.

Finally, Liss let out a long breath. "I don't know what to do."

I clenched my teeth together until muscles along my jaw ached. Was shs saying this for my benefit? "Please," I bit off. "We both know what has to happen."

She frowned. And then she had the nerve to look confused.

My emotions were a mess and untrustworthy, but a tiny part of me wondered if this was an act. She was much too smart to not see the obvious answer, and yet it became increasingly clear I was going to have to say it out loud. Like she was forcing me to make this decision and be the one to end it. I sucked in a deep breath to muster up the courage. "We can't see each other anymore."

She blinked and delivered the statement the same way I imagined she told families how their loved ones were gone. Utterly emotionless. "All right."

I thought I'd braced myself, but her quick acceptance stung so much worse than I was ready for. I pressed a hand to my stomach, keeping myself from doubling over.

"Well," I snapped, "you could at least pretend that wasn't easy."

Heartbreak flashed through Lisa's dark eyes. "It wasn't. It isn't. I care about you so much and I—"

I shook my head. "Yeah? Did you even fight him?" I already knew the answer was no, because in her quest to win her son's forgiveness, she had been a pushover. "Or did Felix immediately get his way, just like he always does with you?"

It wasn't a nice thing to say, but I wasn't feeling nice at that moment, and it was true. Lisa knew it too, but her posture went stiff. "I know you're upset," she said flatly. "Believe me when I tell you this is the last thing I want, but I don't have a choice."

But she did, and my anger spilled over, running past the point of control. It brewed into a storm and my whole body began to shake. "Right. Because you made me make it for you."

A whiny, patronizing voice whispered in my head. "Poor Jennie Kim. Her dad walks out, mom's too busy, her boyfriend strays—even the new one won't stick around."

I let out a desperate cry, choking off a sob. "God, just once, I wish I could be someone's first choice."

She opened her mouth to say something, but . . . didn't. She didn't argue my accusation or defend what she'd done. There was no fight in her for me. No struggle over losing what we'd had, and suddenly I felt like there was nothing left between us.

Lisa must have seen the realization flit through me, because she reached out, attempting to hold me.

"Don't!" I blurted, stumbling backward. The memory of the last time we'd tried to say goodbye seared unwelcomed through my mind.

My refusal wounded her, but she nodded slowly, dropping her arms to hang at her sides. "I'll drive you home."

"No." I didn't want to be around her another second. I could barely look at her. Felix looked a lot like his dada, and in my stress, it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep my anger compartmentalized. It bled from one Manoban to the other. "I'll walk to Lilith's."

She sighed. "I can drive you."

"No." I was firm this time. "We can't see each other anymore, and I'd like to start right now."

I pushed past her, snatched the pair of heels up off the carpet, and strode on my bare feet into the kitchen, where I grabbed my purse. She followed me, making some statements about it being late and dark out, but I ignored her. I went back through the living room and into the entryway, propelling myself forward.

It will be easier, I told myself, when you are out of this house. Away from her. Outside, where you can breathe again.

"You know I don't want this," she said when I opened the front door and stood at the threshold.

I gave her a cool look. "I guess the only one who gets what they want is the spoiled boy downstairs."

"I'm sorry," Lisa said when I stepped onto the front porch and walked out into the night, my bare feet moving across the concrete walkway.

I didn't respond. Didn't say goodbye, or even acknowledge her.

Maybe she was sorry. Maybe one day she'd think she'd made a mistake. A new one she'd been forced into to try to undo the one she'd made with Felix years ago. But that didn't make any of this easier.

I walked away from the Manoban house for the last time, alone and crying under the moonless sky.