"Sam, are you alright?" Alexis stops me as I struggle up the main staircase. "My God, what happened to you?"
"Nothing, I'm just tired…my back hurts a little."
"It's my fault Ms. Davis." Viola interjects.
"Viola, it's not your fault, I'm not one of your charges."
"I'd like very much to hear this, but first Sam, you need to sit."
"No, I need to lie down. Soon." I sway on the spot and Alexis grabs hold of me. I half see her glare in Viola's direction, before she helps me up the stairs."
"Sam, guess what?" Kristina ran into my arms. Bubbling with excitement she told me her news. "Baby John is coming to live with us! Viola, Mommy, Daddy Ric and Me and You and Nikolas are going to help take care of him. Not Molly though she's too little." Without stopping for a breath, she continued "Viola is taking us to Granpa Mike's for breakfast and then we're going to the park and then we're going to buy a present and then we're going to come back here and have a party for Baby John!"
"That sounds like a big day."
"Will you come too?" She pleaded, no hint of yesterday's distance.
"I'd like that, but let me talk to Alexis first…"
"Okay."
"Would you mind telling me what happened? I didn't even realize you had gone to town." Alexis fusses, "And why does your back hurt? Oh God, I never changed your bandage yesterday."
"It's fine…I'm fine Alexis." I let myself fall into my loveseat.
"No you aren't, you're white as a sheet and you can barely stand. Turn around." She pulls the back of my shirt up, and peels back the bandage. "It looks okay. Sit still, let me change it. I wish you had talked to me before you did this, Dr. Reilly…"
"I don't need your permission, Alexis."
"I didn't say you did, but…"
I'd approached Alexis' office door quietly. Before I was close enough to knock, I heard her. "Yes, Mayor Floyd, I'm well aware this is the second day in a row I haven't been in…Yes, but trust me I'm putting in full days regardless…It should be on your desk…The Ruiz case definitely takes priority…"
I was not going to gain an audience with Alexis, let alone have a conversation with her. I gave up, and returned to my sisters and Viola.
"Bed…Now."
"I told Nikolas I'd be here when he came home with John." I protest.
"He won't be back for a while yet. He was tied up all day trying to find a Nanny."
"But…"
"I promise to wake you up as soon as they arrive." Alexis insists. She ushers me into my room, and pulls back the sheets. "You're packing?" She's noticed my suitcase, now unceremoniously lying beside my bed.
I sigh, "I was…Nikolas convinced me to stay…for John."
"I'm sorry about yesterday." Alexis says quietly.
"I don't want you to be sorry…I'm tired Alexis…I can't do this right now."
"Should I call Dr. Reilly?"
"No, please, I just need to rest." I roll onto my side and close my eyes.
Breakfast exhausted me. It seemed everyone I'd ever met was at Kelly's for breakfast. 'Sam, you look terrific!' Mike enthused. 'I was sorry to hear about you and Jason, let me know if there is anything I can do.' Bobbie sympathized. 'How is Nikolas? I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner.' Robin lamented.
I was grateful for the relative seclusion of the park. Kristina called for me to push her on the swing. I didn't think about it, I just rose and pushed and pushed and pushed. Kristina egged me on, and I didn't notice that it was getting so hard…I didn't notice my muscles aching and my breath quickening and my head pounding. I was focusing on her laughter. I was focusing on her hair flying behind her. I was focusing on being a big sister.
"Sam? What the hell do you think you are doing?" I turned slowly to see Monica Quartermaine glaring at me. I smiled as it all hit me and my knees buckled. Monica and Viola rushed over, Viola with Molly in her arms.
"I'm so sorry, Sam, I shouldn't have let you…"
"Viola, I'm okay…I guess I'm not ready to push you Krissy, I'm sorry." Monica ushered me to the bench Viola had been sitting on with Molly. She gave me orders that I followed numbly. She took my pulse, checked my pupils.
"I think you're alright, but I'd feel better if you would stop by GH so I could really examine you. What on earth were you thinking? You're still in recovery."
"I've been feeling pretty good lately. When she asked I didn't even think about it…"
"Well that much is obvious." Monica stated. "You cannot exert yourself like this, not for a while yet."
"I'm sorry Dr. Quartermaine." I replied stiffly.
"Sam…" Monica softened. "You scared me. I'm sorry if I was abrupt."
"It felt so good at first. Making the girls happy is about the only good thing I have in my life right now."
"They'll be happier if you make a full recovery."
I nodded, then asked "Monica, how is Jason?"
"I'm not really sure Sam. You aren't the only one he's pushing away. He doesn't talk to me, Emily, Sonny." Monica took a deep breath. "You've heard about Justus?"
I nodded again, tears stinging my eyes.
"It's such a senseless waste. Jason blames himself, and Edward blames himself, when he's not blaming Jason."
"Why, why does everyone blame their self? Jason, Alexis, Sonny…it's Manny, it's all Manny."
"I shouldn't have brought it up…"
"I'm glad you did…I'm sick to death of tiptoeing around things."
"Dr. Quartermaine wanted her to go to the hospital, but she refused. So Dr. Quartemaine said that Sam had to return to Wyndemere immediately, and told me to go with her."
"In the future, I'd appreciate a phone call…"
"Alexis, I'm sorry, but Sam has a mind of her own." I watch from my doorway, unnoticed by Alexis or the nanny.
"I realize that…I'm sorry, thank you for seeing her home Viola. Please let Kristina know that Sam is okay, and that it's not her fault."
"I will. Sam and I both told her that, but she was still scared."
"You need to be nice to her." I say after Viola exits.
"You need to get back in bed." Alexis replies, "And I am nice to her."
"When?" I ask, returning to the comfort of my bed.
"I beg your pardon?"
"It's Viola's pardon you need." Alexis raises a skeptical eyebrow. "Ric told me you almost fired her for mentioning your nightmares and now you are acting like it's her fault I was stupid and had a minor relapse. She loves your kids Alexis, she has to because otherwise she would have split ages ago."
"I guess I'm lucky my girls are so lovable."
"Extremely."
"Thanks…Whywouldn't you go to GH?"
"God it's not that big of a deal. I didn't sleep well, Ric woke me up early, it was my first trip back to Port Charles and I overdid it a little at the park."
"Ric woke you up before he went to town?"
"Yeah…what's up with him and Sonny anyway?" Hoping to divert this line of questioning.
"I'm not sure, but why did he wake you up? He didn't even wake me up."
"You needed all the sleep you could get."
"Excuse me?"
"Your nightmare."
"I don't know what you are talking about." Alexis says slowly. "I didn't have a nightmare. I don't have nightmares."
"Yeah, right. You just wrestle with your sheets and sob because you are having pleasant dreams." I self-consciously rub my bruised arm.
"I…" Alexis shakes her head.
"I was there Alexis, I saw you. Ric came up here this morning to make sure I wouldn't tell you. He said you'd be embarrassed."
"I…"She starts to deny it again, then "Did I do that to you?" She touches my arm gently.
"You didn't mean to."
"I never, never want to hurt you Sam."
"You didn't…trust me I've had worse." Wow, that was the wrong thing to say. Alexis' eyes dart up to mine, then down to the floor. She hugs herself as if she's cold, then turns quickly.
"I should go and make sure everything is ready for John."
"Okay. Alexis" I call before she reaches my door "…you can tell me, you know? You can tell me anything."
"I have to go Sam. I'll see you downstairs." She gives me a weak smile, and then she is gone.