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Chapter 12 Everything Is Exactly What It Seems

I thought I'd figure out how to change
But you never change.

I paced through the apartment over and over again.

I debated whether to go over to his house that night or not. I talked to Nathan, he didn't like the idea at first. But he later encouraged me to go talk to Lucas, he knew Lucas needed to know the truth.

After much hesitation, I found myself at his door.

I knocked a couple of times before he answered.

He looked terrible. His eyes red and his hair in a mess. His beard was long and not groomed nicely like it had been. His clothes were dirty and old. I could tell he wasn't taking it well.

"What do you want?" he snapped, before I had time to speak.

"Please let me talk." I pleaded with him, he had every right to be angry but he needed to know the truth.

"Do you not understand the meaning of ' I never want to see you again! "He snapped loudly his eyes burning with rage, reminding me of how he had stormed off the other day when seeing Nathan with me.

"Please, I just need to talk to you." I began to cry and I saw him soften.

I watched him roll his eyes as he walked away, leaving the door open as he sat on the couch. I assumed he was letting me in, not really the way I liked to be invited in, but it would have to do.

I watched her out of the corner of my eye, walk in my apartment shutting the door behind her. She placed her purse and her jacket on the ground. Revealing a red top and fitting jeans, that made her look gorgeous. Was she trying to torture me? Of course she was. I couldn't have her, so of course she had to wear the most perfect outfit ever and make me want her even more. If that was even possible in the first place.

She came and sat beside me, cleaning up on her way, it was just something she seemed to do when she was nervous.

She sat down and smiled in my direction. I tried not to smile back.

I went to talk, well not talk. More like yell. But she stopped me.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you." her lips rubbed together as the words fell out.

"How long?" my eyes wouldn't look over at her, so I couldn't see the confused look she was giving me.

"What?" her confusion was evident.

"How long have you two been together?" I couldn't even say his name, the thought of her actually being with that jerk after everything he had done disgusted me.

"We ar" I knew she wanted to speak, but I just couldn't take it anymore.

"I just don't understand how you could be with an asshole like him. He was a fucking dickwad to you and now you're with him, and you didn't even say anything to me before." I stopped knowing I was giving her a mouth full to explain, but before I knew it I began again. "And last night we almost had sex, and you didn't think it would be a smart idea to tell me you had a boyfriend. And I know you were drunk, but I knew you wanted me Peyton, and don't try and say you didn't. But then you just leave and go and have sex with Nathan." I blurted out, as we both didn't dare to look in the other's eyes.

"I just don't want to do this anymore, I can't have you coming in and out of my life and breaking me each time." I finally looked her in the eyes as I spoke my last words. Her lip was shivering and her chest was rising and falling like she was trying to hold in from crying.

"I'm not with Nathan." Her quivering lip had stopped.

Though her words made me suddenly more light-hearted, but I couldn't believe it was true.

"But I saw you in his shirt, and he is living with you." My logic to assume they were together seemed so right.

"He doesn't live with me. He comes over every now and then to check on me ever since I've moved out." She was unable to finish her explanation before I jolted my eyes at her. This sounded ridiculous.

"I know that sounds stupid. But it's true, he is a nice guy now if you just got to know him."

I laughed, that had to be a joke. There was no way I was going to believe that Nathan was a good guy.

"He came over last night just to check on me, he left this afternoon. But I swear nothing happened, I was in the shower when the door rang, so I had to grab a shirt." I couldn't believe what she was saying, it sounded so untrue, but I could tell she wasn't lying. I didn't want to, but I believed her.

"I swear nothing happened. I'm not with him." We were now facing each other, as her hands slid towards mine. Holding mine.

I pulled away from her reach.

"Did you slept with him?" I had to know, even if it hurt.

"What? I just said I didn't." She was now looking insulted.

"Have you ever?" I said clearly, repeating what I had really meant to ask her. I watched as her stunned eyes went blank.

I couldn't, I couldn't tell him, I knew it would break his already breaking heart.

"Yes." My lips said before I could restrain them.

A harsh noise left his lips, as he pushed his face away almost having to bite on his hand to stop from screaming. I knew it hurt him, but he needed to know the truth.

"When?" I managed to hear his mumbled words through his hand.

"2 years ago."

He glared when he heard me speak, a stare I would never be able to forget.

I knew he was about to explode so I spoke again.

"It was after you left, he comforted me and then he kissed me, and it just happened. But I swear it only happened once, and nothing has happened since then. We are just friends. He is with Haley still."

I stared at him the whole time, but he wouldn't look over at me.

"Was he good?" He was finally able to look over at me. He raised an eyebrow as he spat out his words.

"Lucas.." I groaned. What was he doing? I reached towards him, but he moved away.

"Did he fuck you good?" Lucas shouted at me, the pain seeping through his eyes.

"I can't even remember, it was nothing."She shouted back at me. I knew I was being a jerk to her, but I couldn't help it, it hurt so much just the thought of her being with him.

"Did you cum?" my harsh words scared her already weak physique.

"Lucas, stop." she yelled back at me, as she leaned forward into my chest.

"He doesn't matter to me Lucas. I don't even remember any of it." Her hands reached for my face as she looked deep into my eyes making this statement as clear as she could.

"I can't even remember it." She whispering calming me down. "But I can remember everything about you. Every touch and every kiss. He is nothing compared to you." She was now tearing up, about to cry.

But I couldn't stand to see her cry, I lifted her chin up she could see me.

"I"m sorry."

We sat there for a moment, with nothing to say.

She stood up after a couple of moments.

"Let's get you cleaned up." She smiled and my heart melted, that smile could brighten the darkest day of my life.

I didn't move so she helped me up and I didn't say a word, as she pulled me towards my room. She walked in my room and went threw my stuff with no problem, knowing where everything would be, just from knowing me. I just stood there watching her.

She started the shower after she picked out some clothes.

"You can shower, and I'll just clean up here. I'll wait." She smiled as I slid towards the washroom.

I cleaned myself up in the shower. The water falling on my body, the feeling so cool and warm making me forget everything in the world.

I got out of the shower staring at my naked body in the mirror, a lot had changed in just 24 hours. I turned and wrapped a towel around me. Drying my hair a little before I stepped out and saw Peyton waiting sitting on my bed, she was looking at my photos on my side table.

"These are adorable." She giggled at pictures of my 23 birthday. Squinting her eyes doing a gagging face when she saw pictures of me with girls. But it didn't phase her, she knew I had been with other girls. But even the thought of her being with another guy made my stomach turn.

"Yeah, it was pretty great." I responded still standing in the same spot.

I starred at her lost and confused with my whole life and I knew she saw those things in my eyes.

My heart was beating fast as she stepped up from the bed and walked towards me, her eyes never leaving me, in my towel.

"Here." She said passing me my clothes, taking care of me, like she always had. It was somewhat ironic how she was always taking of me. She had always been so mature and intelligent for her age, that it was so simple to forget the 5 years age difference, if anything she seemed older.

I moved to take the clothes, I grabbed the shirt and began to pull it on. But I soon felt her hands on me, helping to pull on my clothes. My eyes closed, a darkness taking over me. She was so forward as she moved her hands over my body like nothing had happened between us.

I didn't moved as she took off my towel, slowing taking the time to fold it and place it on the table as I stood there still not moving, naked. I felt her eyes on me as she pulled up my boxers at a slow pace, taking in the view of me. I felt her hand slightly touch me, but my loud breathing startled her and she moved away. She pulled my boxers all the way up. Moving next to my shirt. She pulled it down in a way that she was able to touch my whole chest. She went to put on my pants, but I stepped away.

"It's okay. I won't try anything." She laughed, pretty much saying she wouldn't touch me, as though I was some scared girl in the same position.

I stepped forward still not talking.

She pulled up my pants, trying as much as she could not to touch too much of me.

She dressed me fully and later stood up and starred into my eyes., my eyes were able to open, but once they did. I couldn't help but smile as she smirked at me.

She leaned forward and kissed me. I didn't move. One minute she was pushing me away the next she was pulling me in. I didn't understand. I felt her pull away when I didn't kiss her back and I saw tears in her eyes.

"You said you wouldn't." I stuttered, not knowing how to react to her actions.

"I'm sorry." she said softly before turning dropping everything and heading to the door.

I watched her leave but I didn't want her to go, I wanted her to stay. I needed her to stay. I walked towards her and she slowly turned when she heard me coming. Her lips moved to speak but I pushed her softly against the door, as she grinned widely reminding us both of so many times that this had happened two years ago. I fell forward.

My wet lips finding her tender lips. My rough hands finding her sweating hands. My horny body finding her aroused body.

I pulled her by her tight red shirt leading her to towards my tasselled bed, where the pictures were scattered. I pushed them all to the floor as she chuckled.

I kissed her as I opened my mouth letting her tongue easily slip in, remembering instantly how she tasted. She tasted like a dessert you can only get a your favourite restaurant, but when you did get to taste it, nothing else mattered. I laughed quietly to myself that I had just compared Peyton to a dessert.

She was finally able to sit down on my bed as I stood in front of her. I ripped my lips away from her. She stared at me, her glowing hazel eyes trying to seek any type of expression on my face. She then gave me a direct look and with just that I knew what she wanted.

I removed my shirt as her head titled to the left, checking me out. I grinned as she then took a hold of my arms and pulled me down on top of her. She rolled me over, so she was comfortably on top. She nibbled comfortingly on my neck and trailed her soft lips down my stomach. She quickly pulled away and sat up removing her already half way off shirt, chucking it somewhere unseen.

She was about to lean back down on top of me when I looked up at her, and she knew what I wanted. She smiled before she reached her hands behind her body and removed her bra throwing it to the side. I smiled as she sat on top of me, waiting for a few seconds, letting me take a look before she laid herself on top of me.

Our bare bodies rubbed together causing each of us to groan. The sensation was undescribable, a feeling we both only felt when in the arms on the other. My body and mind were both aroused and I couldn't help but to flip her over and lick her all over her body.

I licked her neck, her lips, her breasts and her stomach as she whimpered, her torso pulsating.

I could sense her arousal as I kissed her stomach, feeling her waist move forward in almost a jolting movement. As I kissed her stomach my tongue licking her belly button, as she giggled.

"That feels so good." she moaned, but as she spoke I don't know what it was but one thing came to mind. Nathan. And before long he was all I could think of. I couldn't get the thought her touching him like this as I used my best effort to disregard it. As my hands began to unbutton her jeans, my lips still on her.

She was purring under my touch.

Her legs began kneading my thigh as she attempted to pull my boxers down, trying to get two things done at once. I laughed as I remembered how impatient she was. I let her take control as my mind kept reminding me of Nathan. I didn't like the thought of anyone touching her like this, especially Nathan. Thoughts of them together flashed in my mind.

She jerked me over sideways, causing my mind to stop. Her teeth on my lips and then on my nipple ring as I groaned from the pleasurable discomfort she was giving me as she pulled my ring with her teeth. She carefully moved down my body making sure every part of her body rubbed against mine. But even the most sexually gratifying sensation couldn't keep my mind from slipping away, I tried as I could to ignore it as her hands rubbed up my thighs.

But even when my body was throbbing from excitement when her hand met the fabric of his boxers, I couldn't help but imagining her touching Nathan this way.

She began to slide my boxers down, the surprise behind them showing her that her actions had consequences on my body. She took them off all the way and threw them towards the wall, her eyes never leaving my naked body right in front of her. She stared intensely at me, while I didn't budge. I was aware of her gently hands as they made their way up my warm thigh. Her hand moving closer and closer. Closer.

But that's when I pulled away.

I leaped off the bed, urgently searching for my boxers. I found them near the wall and grabbed them. I tried trying to pull them up, but I was shaking. I finally got them on. I looked over at Peyton who had hardly moved, but the expression on her little face had changed. She gazed at me and asked about to cry,

"Lucas, what's wrong?"

"I can't Peyton, I can't do this." I snapped, I didn't mean to snap, but I couldn't help it, my emotions were all over the place.

"Oh! Okay, I'll go." Peyton stuttered, tears formed in her eyes as stood up. She covered herself with her hands looking for her shirt, but was unable to find it.

"Peyton, no. That's not it, please don't leave." I stepped towards her trying touch her, but she drove me away. I could tell that he had hurt her feelings. She pulled up her pants that I'd hadn't entirely removed and starred fiercely at me.

"Then what the hell Lucas, I don't understand what's wrong." She yelled at me, not hiding her naked chest anymore, but throwing her hands outwards in anger, giving me a better view of her perfect body.

"You fucked Nathan, that's the problem." I snapped at her, as I threw her top at her. She stumbled to pull it on as she instantly began to cry.

She fell onto my bed, her face falling into her hands.

"Don't cry Peyton, please" I whispered "I'm sorry." I sat down on the bed.

"I understand why you don't love me any more" She cried, her face still hidden.
"That's not it at all Peyton. I love you so much. But too much happened just to ignore it. I can't ignore it. I won't." I stated softly as I leaned beside her. Placing her in my arms as she hugged me back.

"I had an abortion. That's why he checks on me." Her words were muffled from my chest, but I still heard them.

"What?"

"You got me pregnant." Her eyes moved from my chest and stared into mine. The pain she was holding in all along was now clear.

She's not hiding wings beneath her leather jacket
Everything is exactly what it seems

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