JENNIE
Tripod was off the bed in a heartbeat, darting around Felix's legs in that joyful dance only dogs do when excited to see new people. Traitor, I wanted to yell to my dog. Polly had my back. She glared at Felix, and as he cautiously approached the bed, she hissed.
Today, I was most definitely a cat person.
I eyed Felix while he set the unopened can on my nightstand like it was a peace offering.
"No," I growled.
Tripod froze, sensing the tension, and hightailed it back to my bed.
"I just need two minutes." His voice was quiet and pleading.
"Well, whatever you need," I patronized. I stared at my ex-boyfriend, wondering why the hell my mother let him up. I'd told her he'd stopped by this morning and our conversation had been tense.
He glanced around my room, and though he'd been here countless times, he looked at the space like it was new. Perhaps it was. I'd removed all traces of him after my birthday. I didn't need to see his face or the reminder of how much he looked like his dada.
"I'm sorry." He turned in his spot, looking at me directly. "I didn't mean to hurt you. That day I screwed up, it was supposed to be a group of us, but everyone bailed—including you—except Stacy. So, I'd had a couple of beers, and we got into the hot tub because—"
"I don't want to know," I snapped.
He straightened and ran his fingers through his hair. His mannerisms were just like his dada. "I didn't fuck her. It didn't get that far."
"I don't want to know." I couldn't be clearer than I'd been already. The angriest part of me wondered if sex hadn't happened because Lisa had caught them. "And I don't want your apology. Just go."
Unlike last time, he looked lost, and very much like the boy I'd loved once. But my heart didn't work like it used to.
"Okay. I didn't come here to make it worse. I was trying to fix it."
Had he lost his damn mind? "Fix it? You can't fix this."
"That came out wrong," he answered quickly. "I'm trying to fix me. I've been an asshole to everyone, but most of all, to you." He put his hands on his hips and sighed. "I got to the point where it was so bad, I didn't even notice how awful I was anymore."
Something had changed in him, like his eyes were wide open again. "What happened?"
"When she got home from work, my dada and I had a beer together."
My dada, he'd said. Not Lisa. I waited for Felix to elaborate, but he didn't. "Must have been one magical fucking beer."
Felix shifted in his stance, visibly agitated. Like last time, he didn't want to be having this conversation. How had his dada gotten him to attempt it a second time?
"Look, I spent most of my first year here being mad at her, so we never really talked. After a while, we just moved past it. I told myself I didn't want her apology, but I was . . . wrong. I didn't know I needed it until she actually said it today."
Everything went still. The moment in the hospital room had been the first time he'd truly heard his dada's apology.
He took a sudden step toward the bed, and Polly let out a low, guttural warning. If it had been in human speak, it would have been a threat to rip his face to shreds.
"Okay, Polly. Chill." He turned his focus back to me. "Like I said, I fucked up. You might not want my apology now, but I need to say it in case you do someday. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve what I did or how I treated you, and I'm sorry."
What was I supposed to say? I opened my mouth, but words failed me. "Uh . . ."
He was sincere. He'd come to apologize, not to make himself feel better, but for me. Felix's first selfless act in a long, long time. Maybe it had been magical beer.
I went with what was easiest. He'd said what he needed to, and I had to acknowledge it. "Okay."
I shifted gingerly on the bed. What was supposed to happen now? I accepted his apology, but he wasn't exactly forgiven, and there were other things I was still upset about.
He walked over to my desk and leaned against it, his expression odd. "She was a different person last night, after your surgery. You should have seen her." He folded his arms over his chest. "She was scared, and it freaked me the fuck out."
Alarm coasted through me. "Scared of what?"
"Losing me. Losing you." Felix's eyes weren't quite as dark as his dada's. Maybe they'd grow to be that way. He just hadn't seen as much as Lisa had yet. But Felix's eyes were beautiful all the same and trapped me under his intense gaze. "She told me today she's spent the last ten years trying to dig herself out of the hole she made when she was my age, and she wasn't going to let me do the same."
A faint, embarrassed smile glanced over his lips and vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
"Then," he continued, "my dada laid into me about all the shit she'd let me get away with, because she thought going easy on me was her best chance to earn forgiveness. She told me she was going to, quote, 'take away my shovel.'"
I blinked.
Felix straightened from the desk. "You know, so I couldn't dig my own hole?"
"I got it," I said dryly.
"So, we talked about—fuck, everything. And I'm going to try to do better."
I couldn't help but be dubious. "Starting today."
"Yeah." His gaze drifted away from mine. "I had to find out you were in the hospital from my dada."
"Was I supposed to tell you? Honestly, I didn't think you'd care."
He deflated. "What I mean is, you were my best friend, and I took you for granted. I didn't realize how much I did until you were with . . . someone else."
The statement dropped the big, fat elephant right between us, where we couldn't ignore it any longer.
"You mean, the someone you took away from me?"
He gave me an annoyed look. "You think walking in on that was easy? Sorry if I wasn't immediately cool with seeing you fuck my dada."
My cheeks burned, and I dropped my gaze to my lap. "I'm sorry you found out that way, but we were going to tell you."
"Yeah, I know. She pointed out I'd done stuff behind your back and kept it a secret, so I guess I don't really have any room to complain." He exhaled loudly, his shoulders dropping. "Honestly, Jennie, I don't get it. You and my dada together? It's a little fucked up."
Anger swelled inside me. "You don't—"
He held up a hand. "I'm not done. I don't understand it, and I don't like it, but that doesn't matter because it's not always about me."
My heart tripped, stumbling over itself. "What are you saying?"
"It's selfish of me to get in the way of you two. If you want to be together. So, I guess I'm not going to do it anymore." He grimaced. "But I can't promise it's not going to be awkward as fuck."
My chest tightened. "Really?"
"Yeah, it's super weird. She's twenty years older than you."
I made a face. "No, I meant—oh."
Felix's expression said he'd been messing with me. Then he turned sincere. "If we hadn't gone through this whole mess, my dada and I would still be where we were, stuck in a holding pattern."
Shock wasn't a strong enough word for what I was feeling. "You've forgiven her?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. I'm getting there."
"Felix," I said, trying not to gasp, "that's huge."
"Yeah, it is." He nodded and gave me such a deep look, I felt the weight of it. "You played a big part in that."
I put my hand to the center of my chest to keep his words from knocking me out. After everything, I still cared about him, and it meant so much that he'd taken this step.
"So, I'm gonna go now. I should probably tell you my dada's downstairs with your mom, and the air was kind of frosty between them."
I didn't know which part to focus on first. "Your dada is here?"
"We both wanted to see you. I got to go first."
"Of course, you did." I wasn't sure if he'd know this time I meant it as a joke, or how he'd handle it, or if it was too soon. But I hoped one day we could go back to being friends, and we had to start somewhere.
The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. "I hope you feel better soon."
Did he mean it on more than one level? Because I already felt a lifetime better.