okay so i was a little nervous on writing this chapter. its not very long, but i think it was all I could put without ruining the moment. I hope you like it and i'm sorry if you dont. I did my best.

Chapter 13- You Oughta Know

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me

It had been days since Lucas had stormed out mumbling swears under his breath, leaving me to escort myself out. His reaction was what I had expected.

He wouldn't answer his phone and when I went to his door he wouldn't let me in. But how could I blame him, I killed our child, a child we would never get back. I regretted my decision everyday.

But it had been a hard a month, my dad kicked me out after finding out I was pregnant, the whole thing with Nathan happened only a few days before, I had no job and no place to live. Haley and I had a falling out after everything with Lucas and Nathan. But how could I blame her either.

I had made a lot of stupid decisions.

And having an abortion was on the top of that list.

But the one person who stood by me was Nathan, I was surprised to when he found me a place to live and took care of me. Out of all the people in my life, he was the last person I thought I could count on. But after a few hard days I always found him there, he took care of me on those hard nights when I couldn't think of anything but the baby and Lucas. He knew I loved Lucas. When I told him about the night in the club, he wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to tell Lucas about the abortion. After getting back with Haley, it almost destroyed their relationship yet again when he told her about the abortion and how he was taking care of me every now and then. The rumors at school that Nathan was the one who knocked me up didn't help either.

But I knew I couldn't lie to Lucas, it was something I would always carry around and it was a rash decision I had made that he should have been a part of, the least I could do was tell him.

After getting the door slammed in my face for the fifth time this week, I was rethinking it my decision of telling him.

"Lucas! Please just let me in." I had to scream to get his attention through the door but my voice was dead and raspy from all the crying I had done. I started banging as hard as I could. The horror of him shutting me out of his life overcame me.

He finally opened the door as I banged for another while, by the time the door was open I was breathing heavy and my eyes were full of tears. I looked terrible, the truth was I hadn't look in the mirror since I told him. I couldn't face myself.

He looked fine though which was a surprise to me.

"Peyton, I can't talk to you right now. Because frankly I still disgusted with what you did." His speech was clear and calm as I was still restraining to breath properly.

"Lucas, please you have to understand." I was able to stutter out as we stepped into his apartment and he shut the door not wanting the neighbors to here us fight.

"What is there to understand? You killed our child and I didn't even get a say in it. It wasn't just your decision to make Peyton." His voice was rude and unlike any tone I had heard from him before, as he stood before me arms crossed and lips closed tightly together.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do Lucas." I was begging him to understand as I moved towards him. "I was sixteen, I was pregnant, I had no job and no place to live."

"Your dad kicked you out?" He looked surprised as he uncrossed his arms.

"Yeah, and he said it would probably be the best idea for me to get an abortion especially after him finding out about the whole thing with you, and then with Nathan."

"You mean the whole thing with Nathan happened before that?" Lucas stepped towards me his angered and rude tone vanished but transformed into furious and horrid.

"That's not the point" I was determined to continue but his snarky laugh made me stop.

"What is it?" I was now totally bewildered to what he was doing.

"How do I know the baby wasn't Nathan's?" His words dug deep into my lonely heart, this rudeness and hatred was not what I expected from the man that loved me.

His eyes looked empty now, like even since that night something inside him died, but they had no problem burning deep holes into my soul.

"I found out I was pregnant on a Saturday, I remember the exact time, what I was wearing, the color of the sky. Everything. I remember when Nathan came over to check on me after everything that had happened between us that evening. He apologized. And that's when he kissed me. I was so confused with everything in my life that I just let it happen. But afterwards it hurt so much, the thought of having to see your face and tell you about the baby but having to tell you about Nathan also. So I decided not to."

He didn't respond he just stared at me, his eyes now beginning to show emotion.

"I don't know what feeling hurts the worst, having to keep this away from you and having to live with this decision for the rest of my life. Or having you actually have the nerve to ask me that." My voice was now the angered and harsh one.

He now looked away as I saw in the corner of his eye a tear form.

"I had no money to support this baby, no father for the baby, no family, no friends. It was the only decision I thought was right at the moment, and I expected you to be angry. But this, How dare you?" My eyes jolted at him, as I stormed out of his apartment, never looking back.

My feet were moving so fast that I was almost unable to here Lucas behind me.

"I would have been there for you."

His words causing me to turn around and face him.

"It was after the abortion that we realized nothing would happen between me and Nathan because I still loved you. But I was too scared to find you because I was so ashamed of everything I had become."

He stepped towards me, his eyes still empty but obviously his heart wasn't as he wrapped his arms around me, now understanding.

"I'm sorry." he mumbled into my hair.

"I know." I whispered back to him as his chin rested on my shoulder.

"I understand how hard this must have been for you and I'm just sorry I couldn't have been there for you. We could have started a family." his words were so wonderful but so painful at the same time, as his soft breath fell into my ear.

"I would have loved that." my voice crackled as we stood there in each other's arms. For perhaps an hour, or a day, or maybe only a few moments. Neither of us could tell the difference.

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no