Hymn for the Missing

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.

Part Thirty

The lightning and the sun upon the cloud tops were the only brightness that day. The wind ran as if it has been restrained for time out of mind and it was determined to outrun any chaser. The sound of it was a strange song, as if howling yearned for a melody.

As Bella ran from her truck, the rain brought a richness to each hue, the grass underfoot becoming glossy, reflecting the light, a new bright shine to their wands, softly waving in the breeze. She raised up her hand, tilting her face toward the sky. The rain had lost the ambient temperature of early fall, freezing, and paling her skin on contact.

The dirt path through to the Black's house was muddy water in motion, filling deep puddles that hid the ruts of dryer weather. To feel it wasn't enjoyment, not fun like the gentle sunshine of springtime, yet it was a part of life and Bella wanted to feel it just the same. She wanted to experience each drop, together and apart, same and different, wanted to see the droplets soaking her eyelashes before they joined their brethren on the ground like saltless tears. She needed to be in this, chaotic and wild, just like how her mind and soul felt - like nature looked right into her and pulled the weather out.

Since turning sixteen, time had been tripping along much more quickly than before. School, work, the wolf, Jacob and Seth-but not necessarily in that order-created a neat and effortless pattern to follow. Charlie was happy that she was so busy, was proud of her achievements at school, but that didn't mean he wasn't worried that she was still pushing herself too hard. She was on course to graduate a whole year earlier than her peers. If she got the grades that her teachers were predicting, she would have her pick of colleges.

Charlie was right to be worried. Bella was indeed feeling the pressure to perform, worried about an impending future that meant leaving everyone behind for months at a time. She was like a lost moon-her planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of anxiety-that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around those she loved, unwilling to leave, but knowing soon she would have to part.

Bella had given up keeping track of the days that passed, as she tried to live as much in the present as possible, no past fading, no future impending. So she was surprised by the date when Seth brought it up one of the rare days she didn't have her nose stuck in a book.

"So, its Valentine's Day." He said, smiling but ducking his head as he did so.

They often did their homework together now. Although normally a bright student, Seth's grades had dropped considerably since his father had died. He was in danger of not graduating at all if he wasn't careful. Sue, keen to keep her wayward son on track, had enlisted Jacob's help to try and get her son to concentrate more on his schoolwork rather than cars. She knew how much her son looked up to him, he practically lived at the Blacks' these days anyway.

Jacob took her request seriously. He couldn't have his only pack member failing out of school. He remembered how difficult it had been for him to keep up with his schoolwork, while trying to juggle all the other elements of his life at the same time, when he first phased. Seth just needed a little mentoring. The obvious choice was Bella. Jacob approached her cautiously, not wanting to ask her directly, he knew she was already inundated with her own work. He didn't want to add to her burden.

So, he just put the idea out there, and thankfully, Bella ran with it. She wanted to help; Seth just needed a little guidance that was all.

"Well, I feel like a schmuck. Is today really Valentine's Day?" Bella was shocked at the date.

"Duh! You can be so out of it sometimes. Yes, it is the fourteenth of February." Seth laughed. He suddenly produced a small, pink box, balancing it on his broad palm. Conversation hearts. "So, are you going to be my plus one again at my school's Valentine dance? Since you didn't get me a fifty-cent box of candy, it's the least you can do."

Bella started to feel uncomfortable. She thought Seth had accepted that they were just friends. Yes, they spent a lot of time together-mostly studying-but they hadn't gone out on any official dates. In fact, with his newfound physique and aura of confidence, he had his pick of girls.

"I'm sorry, Seth. I really just don't have the time. I'm sure you'll find someone to go with you."

Seth rolled his eyes and laughed harder. "That's the problem, Bella. I just don't know who to pick. That's why I thought it would be so much easier to go with you-with you firmly putting me in the friend zone-I'm in no danger of upsetting anybody."

"You idiot!" Bella snatched the candy out of his hand and smirked. "So, you're spoilt for choice, huh?"

Seth grinned. "I can't help it if the girls love me."

"Big head." Bella threw a piece of candy at him, which he managed to successfully catch in his mouth.

The dance had turned out to be fun. With boundaries firmly in place, Bella was able to completely relax. Seth was good company and his dancing had miraculously improved, so that she hardly recognised him as the clumsy partner he was before. When Seth heard the music, it was like liquid adrenaline being injected right into his blood stream – he moved like a well-oiled machine across the floor. He didn't dance to show off, to make the girls watch - but they did. Bella found herself the centre of many pairs of envious eyes, and it made her laugh to think that these silly girls didn't realise that she and Seth were just friends.

Now, as Bella sloshed her way to the Black's front door, that rare night of fun seemed forever ago. She didn't bother to knock, just walked right in. Peeling off her sodden rain jacket, she hung it up to dry on one of the coat hooks, and wandered into the living room.

Jacob was fast asleep on the couch.

Bella stopped in her tracks, her eyes softening as they rested on his sleeping face. She admired the way the dark fringe of his eyelashes settled gently on his cheeks. He really was a beautiful man, she thought, it wasn't just his good looks, what was beautiful about him, came from deep within, it made her want to feel how his lips moved in a kiss, how his hands would follow the curves of her body. She blushed at the thought.

Jacob woke up then, immediately alert, he scanned the room quickly. He breathed through his nose sharply, as if smelling for danger. When he saw Bella standing nearby, he visibly relaxed, a smile working its way to his mouth.

"Hey, honey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

"You look a little flushed." Jacob patted the empty space beside him.

"Oh, I've just come in from outside." Bella felt her skin heat up as she lied. She perched awkwardly beside him, almost fearful of getting too close, in case her traitorous skin gave her away again.

Jacob laid his arm casually across the back of the couch and yawned. He had been up all-night patrolling. Seth had come across a cold one's scent that cut directly through the reservation. They had followed it all the way to the cliff tops, where it petered out. Jacob assumed that it was a random nomad that was just passing through. Still, to be on the safe side, he had upped the patrols.

"You look so tired, Jacob. You're working too hard." Bella said worriedly, taking in the dark circles underscoring his eyes.

"I'm fine." Jacob blinked the sleepiness out of his eyes, stifling another yawn as he did so.

"You always say that. You need to take better care of yourself." Bella sighed, glancing toward the door. She had only just got there, but she was wondering if she should leave so he could get some more sleep. "Perhaps I should go."

The arm that was on the back of the couch, immediately curled around her shoulders as Jacob pulled her to sit back down beside him. "You only just got here. Stay."

"Okay, but at least let me make you something to eat." Bella suggested hastily, his arm around her shoulders was making her feel all kinds of things she shouldn't be feeling.

"Okay." Jacob took his arm away and pushed himself off the couch.

Bella took a deep breath and followed him into the kitchen. There wasn't much there, but she found enough to make grilled cheese sandwiches. She ate one. Jacob ate six. They didn't talk and the silence wasn't as comfortable as usual. They moved from the kitchen back to the living room and watched an episode of a crime show without speaking.

Once again, Jacob's arm rested on the back of the couch, making Bella unable to relax. She couldn't follow the show. She was too preoccupied thinking about him sitting so close beside her. And when she dared to glance at his face, she noted he looked troubled. Maybe he was questioning the odd tension she was exhibiting, and wondering what was causing it.

Finally, the credits on the show rolled, and Jacob turned to face her. He was still wearing the same troubled expression, his gaze filled with worry. "Bells, I think we need to talk."

Bella froze in place. He couldn't know, could he? Was she that obvious? She suddenly wanted to be anywhere else but here. She would just die if he said anything. If he didn't verbalise it, then it meant it wasn't happening. "I can't right now, Jacob. I have to go." She said, rising quickly to her feet.

Jacob frowned. "Right now?"

"Yeah, I've stayed longer than I should." Bella began to back away toward the front door. "We'll catch up again soon. See ya." She bolted for the door before he had a chance to protest and ran out into the rain.

A/N-thanks for reading!