my many apologies for the wait. I'm sorry.. and well this chapter isn't the greatest and the longest. but it's kind of a set up for the rest of the chapters.
I hope you enjoy
Chapter 16- Lie Awake
I lie awake and I can't seem to lift my head up
All this weight has got me underneath your thumb
And I'm not gunna hurt anymore
I rely on you to lie to me some more
Time slipped away slowly, much slower than I was hoping for, I could hardly go to work and face my office, without my mind eventually think of her. I missed her. Yet I had no idea how to make things better between us. I messed up, big time.
I found it somewhat impossible sitting here, my fingers on my laptop attempting to write my newest article, it was a sports article about some undefeated basketball team. But unlike usual I had no interest in it, I was only writing it because I wanted to get it out of the way so I could go back to my sulking about Peyton. But as I continued to type, my thoughts would easily go elsewhere, making it impossible for me to complete a full sentence within two minutes. It was pretty obvious that this was going to take a lot longer than I intended.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Sighing thankfully at the door, my pizza had arrived. I hopped up instantly taking any chance I had to get away from the dullest article I had ever written.
Besides, I was hungry. Pizza was all I ate now. I had no time for anything else, besides I was too busy sulking to cook. So Pizza was now my new best friend. Jalapeño peppers and bacon. That's what I always got, so that's what I ordered tonight after telling Kevin and Jason, that I wasn't in the mood for a night out.
They were starting to wonder what was up, since I had backed out on our Friday night routine, for almost the last month, ever since Peyton came back. I calmly explained that I had a big article due tomorrow and I would be there for sure next week. By then I would have a new and better excuse.
Grabbing the money by the sink, I slid towards the door. Bare feet, sweat pants and wife beater were dressed on me, but who really cared what I looked like lately. Looking down at my money, counting it to make sure I had enough, I opened the door.
Instead of the normal, 'That will be $10.50.' I heard nothing. Without thinking much of it, I finished counting money before I glanced to see it definitely wasn't the pizza guy.
It was Nathan.
We didn't speak, both of us giving each other that tough guy stare we gave last time we stood this way, opposite sides of the door.
"Can I help you?" I questioned, my hand falling to my side. I really wasn't in the mood for this, I knew he was here to yell at me. Probably about how I was treating Peyton, which I thought was fucking hilarious considering who he was.
He didn't respond , his blue eyes glaring at me and I willingly let him enter, knowing he would probably break down my door if I locked him out.
I knew he was going to yell, but I thought we might as well get this over with.
I shut the door behind me, arrogantly turning and facing the guy I despised, without any time of warning. I felt a fist fly at my face.
Normally, I would react by punching him back and it would turn into a full on fist fight in my apartment.
But I didn't respond, I just stared at him, wiping my lip in which was bleeding. His eyes were in shock that I hadn't punch him back. So were mine.
"What do you want man? Because I know I messed up with Peyton and there is nothing you can do or say that is going to make me feel worse." My words were honest as I cringed from the pain of my throbbing lip.
"I'm pissed off. I don't understand why you are doing this to her. Don't you think she is been through enough." His eyes for the first time ever showed me how much he cared for her.
"You mean all you put her through." I knew that was a cheap shot.
"I know that. But you were always there to make it all better, but now you are doing exactly what I did and she doesn't deserve that. She loves you." His voice finished weak, a new reality hit me. So obvious that I couldn't believe I never thought of it before.
"You love her." His eyes were just as shocked as my voice. He looked away, sitting down at my table trying to lie.
He finally spoke, "I love Haley."
"But you love Peyton too." He didn't answer as he fumbled with his thumbs, we both knew the truth. I went to my fridge grabbing two beers, knowing we were going to need them.
"Why are you here then? Go be with her. She deserves better than me." I spoke.
"She does deserve better. And I would love to be with her. But then there is Haley. And you." He drank back his beer that he opened quickly.
I took a slow sip of mine.
"I love Haley with all my heart, but I can't leave Peyton without knowing she is okay." His beer was now gone.
"And besides Peyton loves you. She could never love me, or anyone else for that matter."
When he finished speaking, I chugged back my beer. Feeling like an idiot for ruining things with Peyton.
"I tried loving her before Haley and I got back together, after she had her abortion. But she couldn't love me back. Every time I would say I love you to her, she would tense up and I would look in her eyes and see nothing but you." His voice was weak, as I passed him another beer, starting to feel bad for the guy that I despised.
"But I've come to terms with it. I love Haley and I don't want to be with Peyton. Sure I will always love her, but mainly I just want to see her happy." Nathan stood up, grabbing his beer.
I wasn't expecting him to leave just then, I assumed this talk would be a long one.
"Just treat her right, make her happy." He whispered taking a big gulp of his beer, opening the door to leave.
"If you don't. Expect more punches to the face." he voice was blunt, but I couldn't help but laugh at it, as he shut the door.
Leaving me somewhat optimistic.
I grabbed another beer, before running for the phone , dialing a familiar number.
A wicked smile across my face.
I felt another tear fall, it had somehow been impossible to hold them back. Especially at graduation, my dad hadn't shown up and I was all alone. Brooke didn't even talk to me which surprised me because we were starting to get along. The thing that surprised me the most was when I overheard her taking about me.
"Where is her guy, you know the father of the abortioned baby?" I overheard Bevin grunt and instantly knew they were talking about me.
"He probably dumped her, he wasn't even that into her. He totally checked me out at the prom." Brooke smiled back her friends who laughed loudly.
"It's no surprise. I'm wondering how she could have got a guy like the in the first place. I mean he was fine." Bevin smirked.
"He probably knocked her up when he was drunk. I mean that has to be the only explaination." I heard one of their friends laugh.
I didn't want them to see me as I felt tears form, but as I stormed away I knew that Brooke had seen me.
She passed me by later with a sympathic look, but didn't dare talk to me.
Later, Nathan showed up, finding me crying in the washroom. He asked me where Lucas was, making tears come to my eyes even more. I told him what happened, knowing that he would probably go confront Lucas, punching him and such. But Lucas deserved it. Hell I was angry as hell now, I would punch him myself.
Nathan took me home and hadn't left my side until earlier today. I told I was fine and I had to get back to my normal life, preparing for university. But I had the whole summer to waste. I knew it was going to be a long one.
I tried going out for a run a few hours ago, but it didn't last long and soon I was back here. Trying to find anything to do to preoccupy myself.
But again I found myself on my bed crying. The tears wouldn't stop.
I heard my door open and I knew it was Nathan. He was the only one in my life now.
I continued crying, not being able to stop. He was used to this by now.
"Can I come in?" I soft and whispering voice was all I heard at the door frame of mybedroom. But it wasn't Nathan. It was someone I hadn't seen in forever. Someone I couldn't believe had the nerve to even come here.
"How are you?" Haley questioned awkwardly as I attempted to act as though I hadn't been crying at all.
"Why are you here?" My voice ended up sounding rude and resentful. I placed my hands on my bed, pulling myself up so I could face her.
"I wanted to say sorry."
I laughed at her, after almost two years of acting like I didn't exist, she wanted to say sorry.
"But mostly I'm here for Lucas." The sound of his name was like poison to be. But it was also like heaven. Some sort of bittersweet oxymoron.
"And..." I wasn't in the mood for this, and she knew that.
"We have a surprise for you, but you need to come with me." Her voice was a lot more perky, like the Haley I used to know, but like I was just going to go with her to see Lucas. Was she actually that stupid.
"Okayyy." I laughed removing myself from my bed, a moving past her down the hall. She chased after me.
"I know your angry right now." she started, but thats when I blew.
"No. No you don't know how angry I am right now. You have no idea. You left me Haley. Right when I needed you. And I understand what I did with Nathan was wrong, but you lead me right into his arms. I needed a friend throughout this whole thing with the abortion, my father leaving me and mostly I needed you to help me with Lucas."
"I tried to help, I called him to come back."
"Don't you dare, You did that when you thought it was Nathan's and you only did it to hurt me and him. So, don't you dare." I glared and she knew I was right.
"I'm sorry." she whispered. "I was just so hurt."
"I didn't mean to hurt you." I whispered back at her, both of us now stopped directly in the middle of the hall.
"I know." she pulled me in a hug. A hug in which I was missed horribly. Tears filled both our eyes.
"I missed this." She referred to our hug as we both tried to hold back the tears.
"Me too."
We stood there for a couple minutes, remembering what it was like those years ago. Instantly at that moment I forgave her. Who knew it could be that easy, but it was. I forgave her.
She then pulled away, wiping away her tears.
"Come with me. Please." Her voice was steady, and I knew that she had good intentions.
"Fine." I groaned loudly, moving slowly away from her.
"Pack a bag." her head nodded in the direction of my room.
"What?"
"You didn't actually think this was a one day thing did you?" She laughed, turning towards the other way of the hall.
"Be ready in an hour." She stated before leaving out the door, a sly smile across her innocent face.
Packing was difficult since I had no idea, where I was going, for how long and why. I knew Lucas would be there, so I packed a couple less than conservative outfits, hitting myself a few times for being so stupid. I took them out of my bag, but before my suitcase was closed I put them back in.
I waited for about 20 minutes, packing and unpacking my stuff, changing my mind about going almost a hundred times. But each time I ended up waiting on my couch with my bag beside me, and a peculiar smile across my face.
The door bell rang almost 2 minutes after I decided that I was going for sure. I almost ran to the door, excited to see Haley. Even with all we had gone through the thought of us trying to go back to the way we were couldn't help but back me all happy and warm inside.
The door was opened quickly as a grin grew on my somewhat lonely face. It faded quickly.
Lucas.
His eyes lit when my smile was visible, but as it faded, so did the light.
"I thought Haley was coming." The first words we had spoken in a few days, not what I wanted them to be. Definitely not what he wanted them to be, by the expression on his face.
"I thought I'd pick you up." He mumbled gently under his breath, as we stood as far away as possible from each other without making it too obvious.
I tried to smile at him, but it was too hard. It also didn't help that he looked great, his hair sitting on his head in the most perfect way. His beard that he had been growing was now shaved off, reminding me of the Lucas I knew two years ago. His blue shirt, only made his torturous blue eyes even bluer. He looked simple, just the way I liked him.
I didn't respond to him.
"I'm glad you're coming." He mumbled again.
I wanted to say me too, but I was unable to.
"Yeah." Were the words I said instead. The tension was starting to make us both uncomfortable as he began swaying his body back and fourth, his hands in his pockets.
My fingers instantly went to my mouth where I bit my nails.
"Well, you ready to go?" He questioned after what seemed like a lifetime.
"Yeah I am." I was able to smile, gesturing to my bag.
He stepped passed me, as a jumped back a little thinking he was coming at me. He went and picked up my bag.
"What do you have in here?" He laughed having trouble lifting my 20 pound bag.
"Hey, I had to bring everything. I have no idea where I'm going and for how long." I smirked back at him.
He wobbled towards me the bag in his hands.
"Hope you're wearing comfy clothes." He said loudly, passing me and out the door.
"Why?" I closed and locked the door behind us, silently saying good bye to my apartment.
"Because we have a long drive in for us." He smirked, his blue eyes shooting at me.
"How long?" I groaned, maybe I shouldn't of choose to wear this mini skirt.
"Long." He grinned seductively gazing his soft eyes up and down my legs.
His gaze was a little shocking to me. It was a little too bit forward but you could have never of guessed that with the instant blush and giggle that was presented from me too him.
He smirked wider before turning and walking towards his car. Leaving me plentyof time for regretting my actions. I instinctively pushed down my skirt a little before walking after him.
This was going to be an interesting drive.
I've bitten off more than I care to ever chew
I'm losing myself.
I am too wrapped up in you