A/N: Be careful...major mood swings ahead...

I trace the letters for the thousandth time. I want so much to hold her. Just for a second. It would be enough. It would be so much more than I had of her. A pink blanket, a teddy bear. Baby Girl McCall…

I sense her approach before I turn. She looks at me uncertainly. I turn back to my baby's headstone. I don't ask her to stay, I don't tell her to leave. She kneels down beside me, not touching me, but so very close. I am grateful that she doesn't speak. It would be the wrong thing. It wouldn't matter what she said, anything right now would be wrong. I had wandered around the docks, half looking for Jason, half looking for me. It was a small thing to start with. Maybe she would have told me that she had spoken with Jason. No I'd decided, she wouldn't have told me. My anger hadturned to frustration, frustration gave way to sorrow.

"Where are the girls?" I ask, it's hard to form the question, in the hours since I last saw my mother I haven't said a thing.

"Nikolas picked them up."

I nod. I reach out and start tracing the letters once more. Alexis' hand is over mine. We trace the B, the A, before I turn into her, sobbing.

"It's okay, it's okay." I cling to her. "I'm so sorry Sam, I'm so sorry, so sorry."

I look up and see that Alexis is crying too. Her eyes are locked on the headstone. She is still apologizing, but no longer to me, she is apologizing to her granddaughter. The pain on her face cuts deeply. If I could speak I would tell her, tell her that it's not her fault, that it never was, that it was just easier to blame her than to accept my baby's fate. It was easier to hate her than to grieve Lila.

"What?" She asks.

"Lila…" I repeat…I hadn't meant to say it aloud. "Her name was Lila."

"For Jason's grandmother?"

"Yes…I didn't know her well, but she was the only Quartermaine that Jason felt connected too. And I think she must have been pretty amazing to have been able to accept the loss of her grandson and the emergence of Jason Morgan. He loved her, and because he loved her, I grew to love her too."

"Lila Quartermaine was extraordinary. She would have been honored."

"Do you think…I mean Lila wasn't really a Quartermaine…She wasn't really a Morgan either, but do you think maybe Lila is looking after her?"

"Oh, I'm sure of it. Family isn't only about blood, not to Lila, at least."

"Maybe that's the problem." I whisper.

Alexis pulls back, studies me through her tears. "What do you mean Sam?"

"Nothing…"

"No." Alexis demands "we need to do this. We need to do it now, right here, we need to get through it."

"It's getting dark." I stall…looking at the first stars of the evening.

Alexis grasps my chin and pulls my face to meet her own. "Tell me what you meant."

"Just what you said…Family isn't just about blood."

"No it's not. Jason and Danny were very much your family."

"This isn't about Jason…it's not."

She looks a bit surprised. "Okay…what is it about?"

"You lie to me. Your first instinct is always to lie."

"What have I lied to you about?" Her voice is steady, but she seems genuinely puzzled.

"Maybe you don't lie, exactly…but you aren't honest with me either. You gave birth to me, and I know that you loved the baby you carried and held…" My heart breaks with the words, but I fight through it. "I'm not that baby. I'm Sam McCall, a tramp, a thief, a con artist. The moment they took me away, I became someone else. I turned into everything you hate. Everything you are determined to prevent Kristina and Molly from becoming. You pitied me, you pitied my upbringing, my relationships, my attitude toward life.

"And now it's like you are trying to make up for 26 years. Trying to love me the way you love your girls, the baby that I once was. But it's just blood. It's not real."

I stand and turn from her unflinching gaze. "It's real Sam, very real to me, to Kristina, to Nikolas, Molly and John."

"Tell me the truth…tell me that you look at me and don't see the worst thing that ever happened to you!" I'm screaming at her. She stands, puts both hands on my shoulders.

"Sam, I don't know what…"

"He RAPED you. He raped you. He raped you. My father…my father raped you." Her face crumples, she releases my shoulders and steps back. "It's true, isn't it?"

"Is everything alright here?" Father Coates asks, as he emerges from the shadows.

"No." I say. "Nothing is alright."

He looks from me to Alexis and back again. "Let me know if there is anything I can help you with. Anything."

"Thank you, Father." I whisper.

"Alexis?" He addresses her softly.

She shakes her head. He seems reluctant to leave, but recognizes he has intruded. He retreats.

"You should get home to the girls." I say coldly.

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

I look at her with sudden contempt. "I'm not going back…not now…"

"Then neither am I."

"I'm a big girl. I've taken care of myself for a long time." I spit. "Go home to your family."

"Why are you doing this Sam? Why are you so angry?"

"You still won't tell me. Am I the result of rape or not?"

"It's not that simple." Alexis sighs, tears escape her. "I honestly don't know if you are or not."