A/N: Warning, this isn't particularly graphic, but could be upsetting, proceed with caution.

"How could you possibly not know if you were raped?" I yell, furious that she still can't be honest with me.

"Oh no," She says simply. "I remember that…I didn't know it was rape…I didn't really know what it was…it became so…routine."

"Alexis…" I don't want to know, I don't, I don't. She's so quiet and calm. She tilts her head and continues.

"I've never spoken of it, to anyone. Maybe if I had…I don't know…"

"Stop Alexis, please, I'm sorry."

"I was eleven when it started. That one would definitely qualify as rape. No gray area there. Well, he was drunk and, and I guess I said something wrong. He grabbed me and dragged me into the stable. He shook me so hard, I thought my teeth would come loose. But I wouldn't cry. Or beg him to stop. It was a mistake. My resolve only infuriated him more.

"My dress ripped on something. I knew I get hell for it, so I started fighting back. I screamed for Stefan. That was my second mistake or my third. I'm not sure. He pinned me. I was more surprised than anything. And humiliated. And disgusted. It was so disgusting. He fell asleep on top of me, I couldn't breathe.

"After laying there for forever, I managed to push him off. I gathered my clothes, I couldn't bring myself to put them on again. I grabbed one of the horse's blankets and wrapped myself in it. I took a lantern and went to the beach.

"I burned everything. I watched the flames as they worked on my blouse, my shoes, my underpants. When they were nothing but ash, I returned to the house. I showered and showered, but I couldn't get his smell off of me. I was marked. I was his and it would never change."

"Alexis, it's late, let's go home." I beg, but she continues unhearing.

"I'd hoped he'd forget, he was so drunk, and maybe he had, but less than a week later he caught me in the library. Stefan walked in…I was given a momentary reprieve, but I paid for it later. I always paid later. I paid for resisting, I paid for complicity, I paid for…"

"Didn't you tell someone?"

"Tell?" Alexis looks at me, completely bewildered. "Who?"

"Stefan?"

"And get him killed? No, he was my only ally…I could not tell him." She considers for a moment. "I think Magda knew, yes she must have…She looked at me with such contempt. Maybe I imagined it."

"Who was Magda?"

"The υπάλληλος who had to clean up after the απομακρυνθείτε."

"What?"

"She was a servant, she was young and from a low class family, as a result she was assigned to clean up after the stray…me. Really, she had to have known, she changed the sheets."

"I want to go home."

"Not yet."

"Please, Alexis don't."

She grabs my arm. "But I haven't explained…"

"You've explained enough for one night."

"But you need to know."

"And you'll tell me. I know you'll tell me when you're ready…"

"You need to understand…you need to know I love you and I always have and I always will and I don't know how else to let you know."

"This isn't…I know you love me."

"You don't…you think because of that…you think because I hate the way you were raised. Because I hate your parents and everyone who should have protected you…you think I can't love you."

"I…" I know I should pretend she's wrong and pretend that she loves me, but I can't, I can't do what I should do. "I don't think you do…I think you want to, but you don't."

"Sonja."

"What?"

"I named you Sonja."