A/N: Had to get a few updates in before watching today's SICkening episode. The next couple chapters will be called Letters with the date. Hope you like it.

I rest one stack on my lap. It's warm in the cove. I've spent most of the morning there watching the ships coming and going. My fingers tremble over the envelopes. Some a yellowing white, others soft pastels. "These are yours Sam." She had said. "I know there are a lot, and some of them are downright mundane. You can read them or turn them into confetti."

"Alexis…" I protested. "I'd never…"

"I know, I'm sorry, Sam. Ahem." It had been a while since she'd ahemmed me. "I'm trying to make light of it…that's inappropriate. I'm nervous."

Me too. I'm afraid of this box of letters.

May 11, 1982

My darling Sonja,

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. It's hard to believe you are two years old already. According to the esteemed Dr Spock you are speaking in sentences. I try to imagine your voice.

Finals start on Monday. I'm worried about Chemistry. I only have a 91 right now, so I'm in real danger of getting a B if I don't do well on this exam. My roommate, you remember I've mentioned her before, Cyndi laughs at me. She wants me to go clubbing with her and 'the gang' tonight. I do envy her, Sonja. Perhaps she can go home and face her family with mediocre grades and have a chance of returning in the fall. I cannot.

I found myself in Geppetto's again. The doll shop in the Chapel Street Mall. I found you the most perfect doll. Her name is Eliza – isn't that a beautiful name? She had dark eyes and black hair just like you. I keep going back wondering if maybe somehow someone has purchased her. Somehow she will be in your arms today. Seeing her on the shelf next week (I know I shouldn't go back) will hurt.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. I love you. I miss you.

M

My mother had joined me, quietly sitting beside me. We discussed the girls, Ric, the weather, finally we discuss the elephant standing in the corner. It seems smaller now, yet so very much in the way.

"I know I've asked before and I promise I'll never ask you again. If you won't or you can't, I understand. I'll never bring it up again." I vow.

"It means a lot to you?"

"It's not about me."

"It's very much about you, Sam. I never wanted you to know." I look away guilty, I should have let it be. "I was wrong Sam. I wish I could give you more. You deserve the whole truth. You know the worst, but you deserve it all."

"I'm okay with it. I have you. I have my sisters. I have Nikolas…" I falter on his name. My cousin…my brother…both. "I don't need to know anymore…"

Alexis tilts my chin so that my downcast eyes meet hers. "We both need to know, not knowing makes it all that much worse. But I want you to make me a different promise."

She waits for my response. I nod slightly. "I'll go to counseling, but you go too."

"Me?"

"You."

"With you?" I query.

"Well, yes, maybe eventually family counseling would be beneficial…but not right away. Your world has been turned upside. You've were shot, you've broken up with the love of your life, you have a new, very complicated family. And I think you could use someone to confide in."

"I can talk to you…to Nikolas." I pull away, look away.

"There are things you can't possibly tell us. Things we wouldn't understand, things that you'd be afraid would hurt us. Sam, I know it's hard. Believe me, I'm terrified."

"You won't go if I don't?" My voice arcs into a slight whine.

"I didn't say that. Or I didn't mean to say that. I'll go Sam. It's long overdue. Maybe if I had gone earlier…but don't pretend Sam, don't pretend that this isn't eating you alive a little bit more everyday. Don't let the emptiness overtake you."

"Can I think about it, please?"

Alexis pulls me to her, strokes my face, my hair, hugs me, rocks me, nodding her head. I feel her nodding. "Think about it."

"Thank you for the letters, Mom." I whisper. "You have no idea what they mean to me."

"Thank you Sam. You have no idea how much it means for me to have them finally delivered."