A/N: Sorry I haven't updated lately...this is a little different...Let me know if you like it or if you hate it.

"I wanted to give her something…and it was all I could think of."

"So you went to the penthouse," Lainey asks. "then what happened?"

"I just planned to grab it. I knew exactly where it was. I don't know why I opened it there…I didn't expect for it to…"

"to?"

"Hurt. So much."

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

The small cardboard box contained all that he left in the world: A plaid flannel shirt, a digital watch, and his wallet. The cheap imitation leather was worn and cracked. I pulled out his fake IDs first. There were 3.

William Cody, of Seattle, Washington.

C.J. McEntyre of Elizabeth, Kentucky and

Cody McCall of Chatham, Maine.

The same horrible picture stared back at me. My eyes stung with unexpected tears. I would have never have expected I was capable of missing my father, let alone ache for him. In the billfold there are lottery tickets, a bookies card, one worn out five, and two ones. The police must have confiscated the half dozen or so stolen credit cards dad always had with him. In the back pocket I found myself. At seven, at twelve creased and stained.

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

"He was your father."

I nod… "he was a thief and a loser and a jerk, but he was my dad…he loved me…"

"Of course."

"Not of course. Not of course. Evelyn never loved me…" I shout at my psychiatrist.

"She left you."

"Alexis gave me these letters she wrote when I was growing up. There are so many I haven't read them all. They are so beautiful. She wanted my parents to love me. She wanted them to protect me."

"And Evelyn didn't do that?"

"No. Evelyn loved Evelyn. End of story."

I don't explain the rest. She will try to convince me I'm wrong.

"Okay, you were looking through your father's things and…"

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

"Sam?" I was ripped from my thoughts at the sound of my name. The sound of his voice. I brushed the tears away before turning and looking into his eyes. "You shouldn't be here."

I stood defiantly and drop the wallet back into the box. "Don't worry. I'm not staying."

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"I realized you hadn't sent everything."

"I did."

"No…" I held up the box. "I meant to be gone before you got back. Sorry."

"How are you?"

"You know Jason, that's really none of your business anymore is it?"

He pushed a hand through his hair, his shoulders sagged, he shook his head. "I know you're angry but…"

"No buts…just angry. And since you asked I'm fine…peachy keen even."

"What's peachy keen? What does that even mean?"

I released an involuntary laugh. "Hell if I know…"

He smiled a brief radiant smile. "You were being sarcastic."

"Yes…but no, I'm fine…now."

"I'm glad…Alexis called here a couple of weeks ago, she was looking for you."

"Yeah, well I wasn't so fine then."

"I told her I thought she was right…you were with Lila."

It wasn't a question. I wondered if he just knew me so well that there was no other place I could have been or if he truly knew, because he'd followed her to me.

"She found me." We gazed at each other. It had been three months and the pain hadn't lessened. "I'm sorry, I need to go."

"Okay…"

His simple assent infuriated me. "Still won't fight for me…" I hissed. I charged for the door. "How the hell do you do it? How do you just turn it off?"

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

"Did he tell you?"

"I stormed out. I cried in the elevator. I didn't wait for an answer and he didn't follow me to explain."

"Was he supposed to follow you?"

"I…I don't know. I want him to love me enough to follow me."

"But he doesn't."

"Maybe not."

"Is it possible he loves you too much to follow you?"