Affidavit Chapter 36

I take a deep breath. Then I take three more. Finally I walk through the door with false bravado, armed with a piece of paper and bag of KettleCorn. She looks up and back down. "I'm having a really bad day, Sam. I'm not in the mood to fight with you." She announces, studying something in front of her.

It stings a little, but she's being honest, and she has no reason to believe I won't pick another fight. We've been skating around each other for a week. In front of the kids we've been polite. Nikolas has come to both of us in turn trying to advocate peace. I'm sure, like me, she listens politely and holds back angry retorts.

This is on me. I know it is. "I don't want to fight." I say. "Look peace offerings." I hold up the KettleCorn. I'm rewarded with a hint of a smile. She gestures to the seat in front of her desk then reaches expectantly for the bag. I hand it to her reluctantly. And add. "Joe says hi."

She actually laughs at that. She opens the bag and takes a handful. "I really needed this."

"You're too easy you know."

She laughs, and then to my horror starts to cry. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

She reaches out and I rush around the desk and embrace her. "Thank you." She whispers.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I know this isn't about me. I've hurt her, but this is something different.

She nods to document on her desk. "Writ of Divorce granted to Richard Lansing from Alexis Davis."

"Oh…wow." Their marriage had been over for months now. And I wasn't exactly broken up over it. I don't like Ric, I think she deserves better, but I know she loved him. I'd also witnessed the sorrow this mess brought to my sisters. Ric's sole interest was now Molly. He was polite to Kristina, but distant. He'd threatened on numerous occasions to file for sole custody of his daughter. There were no grounds really, but that wouldn't stop a long drawn out battle in family court.

"He's moving to Manhattan, but still wants Molly every weekend. She's…she's too little to be that far away. I know he loves her, but why is he being so damned unreasonable. He doesn't have to move, or he could come down here on the weekends. It would be less traumatic. How did I fall in love with such a selfish bastard?"

"Face it, Mom, we have lousy taste in men."

"Don't, don't Sam. I can't deal with this." She pulled away and went back into lawyer mode. Since the 'incident' with Cruz, I had avoided calling or even referring to her as anything. Not Alexis, not Mom…it was basically a 'hey you' situation. I knew it hurt her, but I couldn't risk making a decision. She was serious. I had to make up my mind.

"I'm sorry about Ric." I stand and walk back around the desk. I look at the paper in front of me. It was a bit of a joke, but maybe now wasn't the time. Lainey and I had gone back and forth about this in every session. Alexis and her tough love was a positive step. We'd reached a milestone in our relationship. Alexis calling me on my crap meant she was secure enough to push me, confident that I knew I was loved. I countered that Alexis was just plain sick of me and that our relationship was at a breaking point.

"Okay, Alexis is sick of you. So why don't you just walk away? Forget the guardianship you don't play by the rules, why should this be any different?"

"I…I don't know."

"That's bullshit Sam. You know."

"She would keep me from the girls."

"I doubt that, but if she did, so what? You don't need them."

That stung. That made me angry. "I love them!"

"Alexis knows that. Would she honestly keep them from you?"

"No. She wouldn't. It wouldn't be fair to them."

"Or you. Has she ever deliberately hurt you Sam? Ever? I know she's hurt you, but was it ever deliberate? Before she was your mother, since?"

"No."

"So she won't keep you from your sisters. So why not just walk away?"

"I love her."

"And she loves you, but she's sick of you."

"I'm sick of me too."

"So why not walk away?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?" I screamed. "I can't walk away, I DON'T WANT TO WALK AWAY."

Lainey sat back and smiled. I wanted to smack her. "You don't want to walk away. You want this relationship Sam. So work for it. Let your mother know she's worth it."

I'm fingering the letter and completely lost in thought. "What?" I ask when I realize she's said something.

"You said offerings. Is that for me?"

I stare at it. I look at her. Her glasses perched on her nose, hair pulled haphazardly away from her face. "Yes…but maybe we should do this later."

She arches an eyebrow and holds out a hand. I give it to her. She breaks the seal. "It's been notarized?"

"Yeah, you can pretty much get anything notarized for a couple of bucks. Just have to sign in front of the notary." I babble. I can't watch her face as she reads it.

I don't even realize she's done when she's next to me. Hugging me. "I'm going to hold you to this you know."

I nod and wipe at my face. "I know."

"I might get it framed."

"Mom!" I screech and she kisses my forehead.

"I love the sound of that."