Sad
Chapter Three
By Catrina
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters; please remember I make no money from this.
A/N: Last chapter folks, I hope you all enjoy. If this story does well I will write try to write another one, longer and much more in depth. Thanks for reading.
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This was Kira…just Kira… the Kira he had known forever.
So why was Athrun Zala nervous bordering on afraid.
This was absolutely unacceptable.
There was no reason, yet as Athrun disembarked from the shuttle, his hands were shaking and a cold sweat had covered his skin. He knew that on the outside he looked like the same old Athrun, dark hair hung straight framing his face, his green eyes were bright and ever watchful but still he felt like a new person on the inside. If what Lacus said was right that meant that everything would be different today. Was it him or did the sun seem a little brighter today?
"What are you so worked up about?" Cagalli asked as he helped her out of the car and carried her things to the house for her. The security cars hung back just a little bit but her Orb body guards were close approaching.
"Huh?" He asked, he was asking that a lot these days.
"Your palms are clammy and you seem a little nervous, and I know that absolutely nothing can shake Athrun Zala." She said with more sarcasm then what was actually necessary. He looked over to her and stared straight into her bright golden eyes.
"I'm going to tell Kira that I love him." He didn't actually mean to say that but before he actually realized it the words tumbled out. Surprisingly she didn't hit him hard or glare, but she smiled.
"About damn time, you two really are both idiots you know that right. Did you ever wonder why I told you that it would never work out between us?" Cagalli asked. It had been a conversation that they held almost six months ago but it was still fresh in her mind.
"No, I guess I just took it at face value." Athrun said opening the door for her and turning her luggage over to the butler.
"I could see it. Every time you looked at him, every time you would touch. There was something that was special to you. Your eyes would glow, and you could never wait to get home, to see him. At first I was a little jealous, but you guys have so much. Seeing you together is what every couple should look like. You complement each other, not really in looks, but you two can finish each others sentences, and know each other's thoughts. If it wasn't sweet it would be very disturbing."
"I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be." Athrun looked at her a little sad.
"Don't be, we are better off as friends, I mean, I would never be able to put up with your moodiness and you two have been through so much. We all have, you deserve happiness."
"You too." Athrun placed a hand on her head and stroked her hair soflty, it may not look like Kira's but it felt like his.
"You're thinking of him," Cagalli stated looking at him and the far off look in his exotic eyes.
"Huh?" There was that question again.
"Kira, you're thinking about him."
"You deserve your happiness too, Cagalli." Athrun stated looking at the girl who had done so much already, he ignored her statement and moved back to the topic at hand.
"Right now I am happy ensuring the peace for everyone. As long as I have my friends and family around me, I'll be good. I have a happy future Athrun." Cagalli told him a confident smile.
"Is there something that I don't know?" He asked, he wouldn't put it past Cagalli to have a guy hidden in the wings who may be afraid of the ultimate coordinator and his best friend.
"No, but just trust me. Now go save that idiot brother of mine." Cagalli pushed him out the door. "Be good to him Athrun." She closed the door muttering to herself, "Why are all the great ones gay?"
Looking at the closed door he thought it best to just get in the car and go. But as he got in the car, the drive to Lacus's house had never seemed so long. The beach and cliffs seemed to go on forever and every curve he took, the car took longer and longer to speed back up and the car didn't seem to go as fast as he wanted it to. It seemed like hours before he got there, but when he looked at the clock he saw that it had been all of 20 minutes. He sighed…he was sweating again. He just didn't know how to do this. When he looked in the mirror he knew he had to. Kira needed him to, because right now the reason that Kira seemed to be falling apart was because he was heartbroken, over Athrun.
Oh, that realization had hurt.
To realize that in actuality that you we're hurting the most important person in your life. To realize that you were the reason he couldn't eat, and that every sad smile was because of you. Athrun was glad that he had been alone when that realization had hit, because his breathe had hitched and after that he was pretty sure that he had fallen to the bed in complete shock. He had wanted to call Kira right away, tell him that it was okay, and he would show him how much it was okay when he got back. But he hadn't been able to breathe and the thought of causing more pain to Kira made him decide to tell him in person. It would be best; things like this were done best face to face.
When he knocked it was Lacus that opened the door, her smile was bright as she looked at him.
"Hi Athrun, he agreed to see you then?" She asked as she motioned him in and took his coat.
"Well not really, I basically told him that I was coming. Do I have anything to worry about?" The thought had crossed his mind that maybe Kira would be hiding or trying to run away. Kira wasn't a coward by any means, but he did sometimes have a hard time facing the more emotional battles.
"Not really, he's been really wrapped up in his work lately. Dai gave him some work and he's been working non-stop."
"Okay, but no like huge bouts of depression or anything like that?" There was concern in his voice as well as apparent in his face. Lacus smiled at his already present devotion.
"Not anything abnormal, but Athrun…he has such a sad smile. It's always heartbreaking and breathtaking at the same time. I wish that his smiles would turn back to the shy sweet ones from when I first met him. It's hard to really deny him anything when he looks at you with that smile and big sad eyes."
"I know, hopefully he never learns how effective that look is, or we'll be waiting on him hand and foot." Lacus couldn't help it, she laughed and it rang through the foyer.
"He's in his room, be gentle." Lacus said as she turned and walked away her laughter still echoing behind her.
So alone in the foyer, Athrun wiped his hands on his pants and walked up the stairs. If he was worried about what he would say…he shouldn't have. He opened the door slowly as though peeking in on a sleeping child and trying not to wake them, but the sight in the room made his heart stop for a split second, then his anger took over.
Kira was indeed in his room, the room itself was dark, but the area around Kira was well lit. He had three laptops and a CPU on the table partially torn apart and he worked slowly putting them back together. He was wearing what was considered normal Kira attire, a blue shirt with a zipper instead of buttons over a white tank top and a choker around his neck. His grey cargos had buckles and pockets all over them but it was the fact that they were baggy that angered Athrun. When he got to his face, he realized that Kira looked deadly tired. The rings under his eyes were dark compared to his normally tan complexion and there was something about the picture that was off. He looked to the table and saw a partially eaten sandwich that only had a couple bites out it, but it looked slightly fresh.
Now that he understood he knew that he was partially at fault for this but why…why wouldn't Kira come to him. Why couldn't they be open about this? Athrun thought back to how long he had been hiding and decided that if he got mad at Kira he would have to be mad at himself too. And in a way he was… this should have never gone on this long. To think, one conversation with Lacus, two days with Kira, then two weeks away had changed Athrun's life.
And for once in his life he was glad that there were meddling females, but he would never acknowledge that to any woman.
Without Lacus and Cagalli he wouldn't have realized a thing, he owed them so much.
But… still looking at his tired and skinny friend he figured that the angry path would be the easiest way to go, because when you are angry, things are said so much easier. He slammed the door behind him.
Kira looked up surprised, not actually hearing the door open; he dropped the screwdriver he was holding when he caught Athrun's angry expression.
"Athrun?" His name was drawn out in question, "Hi." This was said just as slowly.
"Kira, hello. I would ask you how you are but you look terrible." His voice still held his temper. Kira knew he was mad.
"I don't feel terrible; I just didn't sleep well last night." Kira hoped that would be the end of that, that Athrun would let him go at that…that Athrun wouldn't ask why?
"Why?" Damn it!
"Why what?" Kira was sure that he could fake it, he could lie to Athrun, but that thought alone made him sick as well as the fact that he had never pulled it off before.
"Why didn't you sleep well?" Athrun asked as he stalked closer to the other boy watching as Kira thought. Kira could never really lie that well…ever.
"I had a lot on my mind." Kira pushed back from his table and got ready to stand put by that time Athrun had already approached and placed a hand on both the chair arms locking Kira in his seat.
"What was on your mind Kira?" Athrun asked green eyes wandering over his face taking in his weary features.
"Well..." Athrun asked, hoping that Kira would say it, when he failed to say anything Athrun finished for him, "Was it me, Kira? Were you thinking about me? Wondering how to handle today and seeing me?"
Kira looked up to him, surprised, violet eyes wide and worried. He had his bottom lip in his teeth and was biting it so hard Athrun was worried he might draw blood.
"Not exactly." Kira whispered. Looking up into those bright green eyes Kira wasn't sure what to say or do to get Athrun away. He was too close. Kira could smell his aftershave and his clean scent. His dark hair came undone from behind his shoulder and they were so close that it touched his cheek. He wanted to reach up and touch it, he knew how soft it was and it smelled clean like the shampoo that he used. He was surprised when Athrun stood up, unlocking him from his temporary prison.
"Stand up." Athrun ordered and the other boy stood without question. Athrun wrapped a hand around his wrist and pulled him with him to the bathroom then pushed the other boy in following behind him. Athrun shut the door with a bang and then stepped in and stood behind Kira making him face the full-length mirror, by putting his arm around his waist. "Look at yourself Kira."
And he did, he saw his untidy mop of brown hair, his strange violet eyes that marked him as a coordinator, his lanky form and long legs. Nothing seemed different to him. He looked at the strong arm around his waist, it was warm and he had the urge to lean into the equally warm body behind him. He closed his eyes and he tensed with the urge to fight it.
"Look at this Kira." He felt a warm hand pull the fringe away from his eyes, he looked into his own eyes then met Athrun's in the mirror. "Look at your eyes, you have circles underneath them… you look like you haven't slept in days." Athrun's arm tightened around his waist as the other hand came down and grabbed at the lose waistband of his pants. "Look at this Kira, how much weight have you lost? How many of your clothes actually fit?" Kira didn't have the heart to tell him none of his clothes seemed to be fitting right now. The other arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him flush to the body behind him.
Kira gasped at the contact and again he fought the urge to melt against Athrun. To let him hold him, in this cold and sterile bathroom where he could see it in the mirror and know that he wasn't just dreaming.
But this was wrong.
Athrun didn't belong to him.
"I'm not hungry and I just have been stressed and not sleeping well." Kira closed his eyes, hoping Athrun would give up and let him go, but those arms just kept holding him tight.
"Kira, look what you're doing to yourself. Do you think that I don't care, that I wouldn't be worried?" Athrun asked the question but Kira's bright eyes were closed and his body was still tense. He leaned down and nestled his head in the crook of his shoulder and pressed a light kiss to his neck. "Look what you are doing to my most important person."
…my most important person…
…my most important person…
…my most important person…
Kira's eyes opened wide in shock and denial as the words wrapped around his mind. "No, no, no," This wasn't possible, he was dreaming and was delusional. There was no was this could be happening. With out realizing what he was doing he pushed Athrun away and his panic became full fledged as he pulled open the door and ran, leaving Athrun dazed on the bathroom floor. Kira knew just then that he had ruined everything, that this conversation had just changed his world; nothing would ever be the same. He had no idea why Athrun would say that.
Maybe he just took in the wrong way. Maybe Athrun meant something else, but was else could that mean?
…my most important person…
That wasn't something that you just told your best friend. What was Athrun trying to say, and for just a brief second he resented that it had been so easy to run away. He had never really allowed himself to run away but for some reason he just couldn't face this.
He stopped running when he reached the beach, instantly he felt calm. Seeing the tide be pulled in then pushed away was relaxing and for the first time he realized that he hadn't even put on shoes. Slowly his breathing came back to normal, only to completely stop when a hand held his. He looked down to see a pale hand entwined with his own.
"I won't let you run away from me." Athrun stood beside him, normally they were the same height but with Athrun wearing shoes he was an inch or so taller.
"Athrun…" Kira could feel the tears, they were filling his eyes.
"It's okay Kira. You don't have to go through this because of me. I'm right here."
"But…"
"I don't love Cagalli, I never did." Athrun tightened his grip on Kira's hand and pulled him closer. "Kira, why couldn't you sleep and why aren't you hungry." He pulled the other boy close and tucked his head under his chin and waited patiently for his answer.
"You…I love you and I can't have you." Athrun was surprised when he felt the hot tears bleed through his shirt and even more surprised when Kira's arms wrapped around him and held him tight. He could feel each finger dig into his skin and each wavering breath that Kira would take.
"I love you too and I'm right here." He spoke the words softly but right into Kira's ear, he felt a shiver rush through the other's body and then he tensed right before weakening completely against Athrun.
Athrun had never felt more special then he did in that exact moment.
"But Cagalli?" Kira asked voice soft but steady.
"She doesn't need me. We'll stay here… maybe go to school…" The rest of what he was going to say was lost because sweet shy Kira was kissing him…aggressively.
Kira's hands had released his back and had threaded though his hair tilting Athrun's face down as their lips met in a very non-accidental kiss. Athrun held him tight and was swept away by the passion in the other boy.
Kira dominated the kiss, tasting Athrun for the first time as he teased the other boy's mouth open deepening the kiss again. Then abruptly Kira pulled away.
"You love me?" Athrun blinked at him, his mind a little mushy after just receiving that kiss.
"Uh huh." He nodded in the positive and was rewarded with another kiss, until he pulled away again.
"Like love love, right?" Kira asked again, eyes wide almost waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"Uh huh." Athrun said again hoping that…yup he got another kiss for that answer.
"Like love not like a friend love, right?" Kira reiterated, making sure that this was not a dream, that this was indeed reality, and reality could really be great.
""Uh huh, love you, in a not-friendly sort-a-way." Athrun nodded not quiet sure what else he could do to assure Kira. But instead he just took a page from Kira's book and kissed him before he could say anything else.
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Lacus watched from the balcony as she poured tea for both her and Cagalli.
"You okay with this?" Cagalli asked looking at the other girl as she watched the two boys on the beach.
"Who are we to deny them happiness, besides, their hearts were never ours, they belonged to each other long before we all met." Lacus said looking at the other girl, before laying her hand over Cagalli's.
"God, though, they are both idiots." Cagalli stated and looked over to the other girl before they started laughing, but the boys were still oblivious to them, still wrapped up in each other.
How it would be from this day on.
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Any one have cavities after all that sweetness?
Thanks for reading and let me know what you thing.
Cat