Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation.
Capitalized words are a song.
Chapter 4
I TOOK THEIR SMILES AND I MADE THEM MINE I SOLD MY SOUL JUST TO HIDE THE LIGHT AND NOW I SEE WHAT I REALLY AM A THIEF, A WHORE, AND A LIAR
Shuichi's POV:
It was after we had our fight, you remember that, don't you? You didn't throw me out, more like I threw myself out. I felt really bad after that. I wanted to go back, but I couldn't make myself do it. I was too hurt to go back. I decided then and there that you didn't want me around anymore.
As much as I told myself to go back my legs wouldn't let me turn around and go back to you. I yearned for you, Yuki, but I couldn't do it. I walked away, getting furthur away from you. I couldn't face you again, at least not right now. You needed to calm down a little bit...well, a lot, you were really mad after all.
I RUN TO YOU I CALL OUT YOUR NAME I SEE YOU THERE FARTHUR AWAY
I spent that night at Hiro's. He did really well and respected my wishes of leaving me alone. I didn't want to face anyone at that time. I really thought that it was over with us, Yuki. You told me that you didn't want to see my face anymore. You said that you were tired of having to deal with me all the time. But, I still loved you, Yuki.
It was late that night and I couldn't get any sleep. About three in the morning I got out of bed and decided to go for a walk. I didn't really care how late it was, I needed the air. I didn't even go out with a jacket. I just went.
I'M NUMB TO YOU--NUMB, DEAF, AND BLIND YOU GIVE ME ALL BUT THE REASON WHY I REACH BUT I FEEL ONLY AIR AT NIGHT NOT YOU, NOT LOVE, JUST NOTHING
I went to the place that you and I first met. It was so beautiful. I could still see your figure standing there reading my as you said "grade school level" lyrics. I began to weep. It had only been a few hours, but I missed you like I hadn't seen you in months. It was too much to take. I had to get away. I just wanted to sink into the ground and cease to exist.
It was then that I heard someone speaking to me.
"Hey, kid, what's the matter?"
I turned and saw a man with a very kind face and even kinder smile. He was dressed in a white lab coat with a tag on it that had Tokyo's hospital logo on it, so I automatically knew that he was a doctor.
"It's nothing." I replied feebly.
I started to walk away but the doctor put his hand on my shoulder, making me stop in my tracks. I turned around to face him, and upon him seeing my face, his eyes grew wide in shock.
"You are Shindo Shuichi of Bad Luck, aren't you?"
"Uh...yeah..." I replied, this man scaring me a little bit. Sometimes my fans really scare me, especially with those wide-eyed expressions they always got on their faces.
"Really?! Wow! Is it true that you and Yuki Eiri have a relationship?" he asked my with unwavering enthusiasm.
Hearing your name made me weep even more.
TRY TO FORGET YOU BUT WITHOUT YOU I FEEL NOTHING DON'T LEAVE ME HERE BY MYSELF I CAN'T BREATHE
"Shindo?" the doctor said in confusion as I sunk to my knees.
"Why, why Yuki?" I said aloud to myself. "You have no idea, Yuki..."
The doctor knelt down and lifted my chin so I would look him in the eye. His eyes shown with something I couldn't quite make out. Getting a closer look at him, he looked rather young, not much older that you, Yuki.
"He seems to have hurt you a lot."
I couldn't look him in the eye. I felt ridiculous. I am famous Shindo Shuichi..I shouldn't be kneeled on the ground crying in front of a fan... But, I was. And at the moment, I wanted time to turn back..all the way back, to before I even met you. That way I could avoid meeting you...from ending up like this.
"My name is Riku Usimaki, M.D. Why don't you come with me. I bet I can make you feel better." he said with a wide grin on his face.
He looked so kind and inviting, and I wanted anything to feel better, so of course I jumped on the chance. I felt a little out of place leaving with a complete stranger, but he and I talked a lot on the way to wherever he was leading me, and I got to know him a little better, so it wasn't as uncomfortable.
He took me to a rather fancy looking apartment. Much like yours, Yuki, but with a lot more stuff in it. He had a ton of overstuffed chairs, pictures on the walls, bookshelves scattered here and there, coffee tables never unavaliable wherever you are. It was a little messy and cramped, but cozy looking all the same.
"Care for a drink?" he asked me, pulling his lab coat off revealing his loose faded yellow tee shirt and khaki pants.
"Uh..."
"I got all kinds of stuff. Except beer. I don't like beer. Straight liquor is good for me." he said with a chuckle.
"I..uh...I..."
"Ah, come on, loosen up. You're cool here with me."
I made a promise to you a long time ago that I wouldn't drink ever again. You said you don't like it when I do, you say that I do really stupid things...even stupider than what I do now. But, I wanted to give you up so badly. We weren't together anymore, or at least I thought that at that moment. I nodded to him and he poured me some kind of liquor I had never seen before. I didn't want to do it, and I could have easily turned it down...but, you were tearing at my heart and my mind, and I wanted it to stop.
After a few drinks, well, more than a few, the guy kept pouring me more and more, he and I sat in his bedroom laughing like a couple of idiots. Either he had a low alcohol tolerancy or he was a really good actor, because he hadn't had that many drinks and he was already drunk.
"Hey, Shindo-kun, do you know what this is?" he asked me, pulling out a bag from under his bed, of some green leafy stuff.
"Is that weed?" I asked stupidly, drunk but still sober enough to know what things were.
"Sure is..want to try it?" he said opening the bag.
"I thought-hic-doctors were against that stuff." I said a little louder than I needed to.
He cringed at my loud voice, but chose to ignore it and shook his head. "I am one of those doctors that wants it legalized."
(A/N): Here in America, marijuana (weed) is illegal. But some want it to be legal to put in medication. I don't know how it is anywhere else.
It took me a while, but I finally got it through my head what he was asking me. I didn't want to do it either, but I could still feel you lurking in my mind and I wanted you out. I agreed to the weed. It tasted horrible, bitter, and I didn't like it. But, the way it made me feel was amazing. I felt like I was flying. Every little thing was funny, and I felt hungrier than usual (which is saying something because I am always hungry). The doctor, Riku, whatever you want to call him, didn't have any. He just sat there and watched me gag at the four joints he gave me, some menacing look in his eye getting brighter, though I was too high to notice it.
"How do you like it, Shu?"
"It's gross." I said taking the last drag off the fourth joint, a giggle escaping my lips. "Dude, you look funny."
"Is that novelist still on your mind?" he asked leaning into me and whispering in my ear.
I shook my head, giggling at how his breath was tickling my ear.
"That's good." he said, pushing my down on the bed and throwing his legs over me. He put his face really close to mine, a vicious smile on his face.
"Dude, what are you doing?" I asked, smiling. I felt really fluttery. In the back of my mind I knew this was wrong, but I didn't care. I was happy...or the weed made me happy.
"Shh... Just take it easy." He drew his hand under my shirt, feeling my stomach, making me moan as he hit and tender spot, just below my belly button. "Your skin is so soft, Shuichi."
He kept bringing his hands up until he had completely removed my shirt. He started kissing my neck, my collarbone, my chest, that tender spot on my stomach. I couldn't help but giggle and moan.
"Ah, what you doing, Riku?" I said grabbing him by the hair as he undid my pants button, still kissing that tender area.
"Just relax and enjoy it, Shu..."
Sad thing is, I remember everything that happened that night. Even waking up with the horrible hangover, I still remembered everything. The feeling of remorse, desperateness, dirtiness, everything came flooding on to me. You were the first thing that came to my mind. Seeing that doctor laying beside me naked, a satisfied smile on his face made me sick. I tried sneaking out of bed, but I felt his arms wrap tightly around me. I tried to struggle free, but I was too weak.
"What's the matter, Shuichi-kun?" he whispered in my ear.
"Lemme go." I muttered, holding back my tears.
"What? Feeling bad now that you screwed some other guy behind that novelist's back? Ah, that's too bad. You weren't saying that last night."
"You had me drunk and high!" I screamed, struggling again to get him to let me go.
"No, you had yourself drunk and high. I just offered."
"I don't care! Let me go!"
I broke free from him, quickly got out of the bed, grabbed my clothes that were piled on the floor and ran from the room. When I was out of sight of him I put them on and ran. Ran for my life.
I dug my hands in my pockets after slowing down to a walk when I was sure I was a long ways away from that doctor's house. I felt something in it; it was a crumpled sheet of paper. Inside was your handwriting. It read, "With you forever, Shu." You must have put it in there before we had our fight, I do recall you sticking your hand in my pocket.
I chocked back a scream as I fell to the ground, sobs escaping my mouth. You hadn't wanted to leave me then, but I ruined it all when we got into that fight. And then going behind your back and doing all that...I could take it. I didn't feel worth anything anymore. I was lower than the dirt on the ground. I felt like the dirt lying there sobbing.
"I'm so sorry, Yuki...I love you."
I went back here to your apartment, wrote the note, placed it on the pillow beside me, went into the kitchen and put that knife to my wrist. I didn't think I would do it at first, but I did. I felt somewhat relieved...I heard you come in just before I blacked out.
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"That's what happened, Yuki. That's why I don't deserve..to live."
(A/N): Chapter 4 done. There ya go. What Shuichi did to make him want to die. PLEASE REVIEW! I need to know if it was a good story line or not. I'm not done with it, yet, but I need some feedback.