...
For lack of a better definition, he's been a complete and utter mess.
He knew being without Donna would be difficult, knew it would represent the biggest challenge he's ever faced, but nothing could have prepared him for his worst nightmare to become his new normal.
When he went to her apartment the night before she left, there were so many things he wanted to tell her. Things he thought he'd be able to finally confess to her.
He tried telling her what she meant to him, that she is his everything. But he couldn't say it, he couldn't keep holding her down, anchoring her down, he knew the right thing to do was let her go, and it was probably the biggest act of love he'll ever be able to perform. Makes sense when the person he did it for, is the person he's loved the most in his entire life.
Truth is, he doesn't think he's worthy of her, he never has.
He's one confident son of a bitch in general, never doubts himself and that's how he came to be the best closer in the city, but the thing is that when it comes to her, when it comes to Donna, he doesn't feel so confident. All his insecurities take over, consume him, and he cares about her so much, loves her so much, that he could never doom her to a life together, with her having to put up with all his flaws. He doesn't think he could ever make a woman like Donna happy.
It's completely different with Paula. She's a psychiatrist, she can deal with him and his issues, she's prepared for it. It's easy to be with her because he doesn't have to feel guilty for being an asshole half the time, and there's no risk. He can easily move on if things with Paula don't work out, though he thinks they will, because she knows how to handle him, she knows how to appease his needs, and even if it's not an earth shattering feeling, like the way it felt when Donna kissed him, or the one time he got to made love to her, he's comfortable with Paula, and that should be enough.
It's dangerous to love so deeply because it can break you, it can destroy you. Just like Donna did, they were never even together, but she still managed to destroy him with her absence.
He feels like the shadow of the man he once was and Paula has noticed for sure, but he can't bring himself to care.
"What do you say we go out tonight?" She asks one morning during breakfast.
"Not sure I'll be able to make it. I'll probably work late" He replies without looking at her, too busy staring at the screen of his phone while he reads some emails.
"Harvey–" Paula starts, but he's saved from her lecture by his phone ringing.
"I have to take this" He mutters as he takes the call and heads towards the balcony for some privacy.
Paula looks at his retreating form and sighs. He hasn't been himself for a while, more specifically for the last three months, since Donna left. And Paula is not stupid, she knows she was so much more than a work colleague or even a friend. Hell, they know each other because of the unresolved feelings Harvey has towards his former COO.
When he asked her out on that first, unsuccessful, date and all he could talk about was work and how Donna was, as usual, trying to get him to do what was right, she thought he was coming after her because he didn't want to admit he still needed professional help, and because he was transferring his feelings for Donna towards her.
But then he showed up on her doorstep, kissed her senseless, fulfilling every fantasy she ever had of him and she fell for it. He's very charming and persuasive when he wants to be, and she's so in love with him that she chose to ignore the signals.
She's not as stupid as it may look to an outsider, she's always known her boyfriend has feelings for another woman, but when they started dating she also knew that he would never act on those feelings, as his former psychiatrist she knows Harvey's greatest fear has always been to lose Donna, and that fear is what kept him from pursuing a relationship with his sassy secretary turned COO.
But now Donna's gone, and it would be logical for Paula to be happy about it, because the redhead can't stand between her and Harvey anymore. But it's quite the opposite, really, because Donna's absence forced Harvey to face his greatest fear, it forced Harvey to actually lose her, and now Paula is terrified of him overcoming that fear and going after Donna, acting on his feelings because he already knows what is like to lose her, and he's been miserable since she got on that plane to Seattle.
He's never in the mood to go out, they only spend two or three nights a week together, and she's lucky if they have sex on those nights, and when they do it's far from how good it used to be. It's like he has disconnected from her, sex is merely a duty he fulfills but his heart is not in it and she can tell. He doesn't look at her anymore when they are doing it, he closes his eyes and buries his face in her neck, and more than once she suspects he's pretending it's someone else beneath him, but she pushes the thought away everytime. He's a generous man in bed, so he always makes sure she gets pleasure out of it but that's it, afterwards he simply turns around and goes to sleep, and she feels him detaching himself from their relationship a bit more everyday.
Maybe if Donna somehow reappears in his life, things can go back to the way they were, if she can get the redhead to talk to him, to rekindle their friendship even if they don't live in the same city anymore, Harvey can go back to feeling content to having her in his life, but at a safe distance that would prevent him to seek something else, it sounds like a good plan, so she sets it in motion.
…
It's raining again and Donna sighs as she looks out the window of her new condo. It's been three months since the move, and she has to admit Seattle was everything she was hoping for. She's thriving in her new position, it's great to work with Mike and Rachel again and they gave her full control of the operations of the firm, they weren't kidding when they said they needed someone to handle that for them.
Even if work is a bit slower here, she still has plenty to do, but she also has time to dedicate to herself, which she lacked in New York. She joined a small theater company and reconnected with her true passion, acting in small plays in her free time and she couldn't be happier about it. Rachel and Mike being her biggest cheerleaders, and even some other people from the firm have come to see her perform too.
She could say life has been pretty perfect, except for one huge detail.
She misses him so much that it physically hurts sometimes. On the first few days after she arrived they texted here and there a few times, mostly things about work that he needed and the new COO was still finding his ground, but it stopped after about two weeks later. It was hard on her, to imagine someone else in her office, the office she fought so hard to get, filling her shoes and Harvey's needs, and she couldn't do it anymore. So one time when he asked her something, she didn't answer, and he must have gotten the message because he didn't write again.
He told her not to be a stranger, but every time he contacted her was for something related to work, even if he asked how she was and how she was adjusting, it felt like it was more a formality rather than because he actually cared, so she decided she wasn't going to be his safety net anymore, she decided to move on from him, and she needed to stick to her word.
As she's adding a splash of vanilla to her coffee, her cell phone rings and she looks at the screen but it's a number she doesn't recognize.
"Hello" She answers and is frozen by the voice on the other side.
"Hello Donna" A british voice greets her "It's Pau–"
"I know" Donna interrupts "How can I help you, Paula?" She asks next, her heart racing, terrified of her calling to deliver some bad news about Harvey, because why else would she call?. And she starts wondering what is it that could have happened to him and why isn't Louis calling her instead of Harvey's girlfriend.
"He's a mess, Donna… It's bad" Her tone is worried and even sad. She must be truly worried about him if she decided to contact her.
"Paula listen–"
"I know Donna, I know it's not fair to call you, you decided to move on and trust me, no one wants you to more than I do" She admits and Donna rolls her eyes, well at least she's being honest about it, she thinks as she sighs.
"Then why are you calling me?"
"Because I love him, and I know you were a fundamental part of his life. I'm not calling you to ask you to come back, I'm calling you to ask you to stay in his life"
"Don't take me for an idiot, Paula. you couldn't handle me being in his life, and he chose a life with you, so I left for me, but I also left for him"
"And what do you think happened the day after you got on that plane Donna?" Paula asks in a challenging tone and Donna suspects she knows what happened, but she is too afraid to voice it. "Exactly" Paula says at Donna's silence "The same thing that happened when you quitted his desk, only ten times worse, because you're across the country and not across the hall this time" She finishes.
"What do you want from me Paula? You're the psychiatrist, you should be able to help him through it again" Her heart is breaking for him, but she can't let Paula see that, see that she's considering booking a flight to New York and hold Harvey until his panics attacks are gone again, because her first instinct will always be to protect him.
"I told you Donna, he needs you in his life. Help him overcome this, be his friend. You don't need to come back, just… I would really appreciate it if you could find it in your heart to call him and just be there for him. He needs to feel he hasn't lost you for good, that you still are there for him somehow"
"So he can go back to being a doting boyfriend while he still has me as a friend to support him, right?"
"Donna-"
"No!" Donna interrupts Paula "You know the truth" She accuses and the psychiatrist remains quiet "I pretty much told you that time I came to see you when I couldn't find him. You know how I feel about him, so it's not fair for you to ask this of me when I left so I could get over him and move on with my life" She feels tears brimming in her eyes and she takes a deep breath to stop them from falling, the last thing she needs right now is Paula fucking Agard hearing her cry over the phone.
"I know it's not fair, and it's because I know you love him that I'm asking you this, but I understand if you can't. Thank you for listening to me anyway, Donna"
"You know what? You're one manipulative woman Paula, knowing that and asking me to solve his issues for you anyway. Do me a favor and don't ever call me again" She hangs up and throws her phone on the kitchen counter, she buries her face in her hands and finally lets the tears fall.
She shouldn't have said that to Paula, she's the one who kissed her boyfriend, not that she knows about that, but she did and she had no right calling her manipulative when she's calling to ask for help because Harvey is falling apart.
But Paula does know the way she feels about Harvey and she's asking for too much, but at the same time Donna's terrified of Harvey not being able to handle his panic attacks, caused once again by her absence, and she can't help but feel guilty about it, just like she did the first time.
…
Harvey buries himself in work, tries to keep his mind occupied so his thoughts can stay away from her, because otherwise she's all he can think of.
He's thought of calling her so many times, every single day, but after she didn't reply to his last message he retreated, convinced he wasn't helping her build her new life while asking for her help and her advice, even when she no longer works at the firm.
He never wanted her to think he only contacted her because of work, but that was honestly the only excuse he could come up with, because what was he supposed to say? I miss you? please come back because I can't handle my panic attacks anymore and they are more frequent than they were when you left me for Louis?... Yeah, that's not a conversation he can see happening anytime soon.
So he didn't write again, and gave her the space she needed to move on from New York, from the firm and from him. And in return he also tried to move on but he finds that he can't. He needs her, and he told her that once, but then again, he never worked out the courage to really tell her how he feels, and he only has himself to blame for that.
So he spends nights awake, trying to keep the nightmares and the panic attacks away, but to no use, because her absence is not something he can find a cure for, the only cure for that would be to once and for all man up, get on the first flight to Seattle and ask her to let him build a life with her, a life together, but he's too much of a coward to do that.
Sometimes he thinks the nightmares are even worse than the panic attacks, because in those she builds a life with someone else, she's happy with someone that's not him, the nightmares are real case scenarios that he can't stop imagining. In some of them she meets someone new and she's happy without him, and in others it's Thomas, he regrets letting Donna go and goes after her, she takes him back and he loses her forever. Stan, yes Stan, he had to start seeing him regularly after his panics attacks came back, says that he could be transferring his own wishes into that nightmare, that deep down maybe he wants to be able to do the same thing Thomas does in his dreams, go after Donna, beg her to take him back, because even if she was never his to begin with, it sort of feels like she was.
He suspects Paula knows about the nightmares and the panic attacks, but she hasn't said anything, probably too afraid to face the issue and having it backfire against her and their relationship.
If he has to be honest, he doesn't even know why they are still together. He doesn't want to be alone, being without Donna is bad enough, having Paula around makes him feel less lonely and he settled for that.
"Harvey, you got a minute?" Louis asks from the doorway of his office.
"Sure Louis" He replies and his partner sits in front of him.
"You need to go see her" Louis says without a preamble.
"No, I don't" Harvey retorts, glaring at his friend.
"Yes, you do. Take a few days, go to Seattle, spend a few days with her and come back"
"Louis, she left to get away from me, I'm probably the last person she wants to see" His partner scoffs at him and it makes Harvey roll his eyes at Louis's stubbornness.
"I know she'd be happy to see you, and it'd do you some good, you can't carry on like this, Harvey"
"Like what?" He spats.
"Like a corpse Harvey, that's what you look like since she left" Sincerity is one of Louis's greatest virtues and flaws at the same time. He's not a tactful man and Harvey knows it.
"Thank you for the insight Louis, but I don't need you pointing out how terrible I look, and it has nothing to do with Donna" He lies, trying to get his friend off his back.
"Harvey, let me put this in words you understand. I've been where you are, the love of my life left me, and she almost married someone else. Now, Donna is one of the most amazing women in the world. How long do you think it'll take for someone to want to marry her?"
"Louis–" Harvey tries again, not wanting to snap at his friend or even show how much his words are affecting him.
"I know, I'll drop it, I just don't want you to be miserable for the rest of your life because you didn't go after her. I'm not as blind as I look, Harvey... She's the best thing that's ever happened to you, don't lose her" He finishes and leaves his partner alone.
His friend's words resonate for a while, Louis can be clueless most of the time, and it makes Harvey wonder if he's really so obvious that even he has noticed how miserable he is without Donna.
What Louis said is true, it won't be long until some lucky bastard gets to spend the rest of his life with her. She's amazing and anyone would be way too lucky to have her, way out of her league too. As far as Harvey is concerned, no one could ever be good enough for Donna.
It's late and he's getting ready to leave the office when his cell phone rings, he doesn't even look before answering.
"Hello"
"Harvey, hi" He stiffens and quickly looks at his screen to make sure it's really her. It is.
"Donna, hey" His voice softens, the way it always does when he talks to her.
"I um… I know it's been a while since we last spoke, I hope this is okay" She tentatively says and he can't help but smile.
"It's more than okay… It's always more than okay to call me, Donna" He reassures her, she has no idea how much he misses her voice.
"So, how are things at the firm?"
"They're good, Alex and Samantha both got their names on the wall recently, it was a nasty fight, but Louis did the right thing, knocked some sense into both Robert and me"
He hears her chuckle softly and he shakes his head slightly as he realizes she had something to do with it "Of course he talked to you first" He says.
"He most certainly did"
"Well, thank you for that" He says sincerely and he considers booking a flight to Seattle right now, the need to see her all consuming.
"You're welcome… Harvey, listen, I…"
"What is it, Donna?" He asks, encouraging her to talk.
"Paula called me this morning, she's worried about you"
His stomach drops, so that's why she's calling him, because his nosy girlfriend asked her to, and the disappointment he feels on both of them is all too consuming.
"So, you're like friends now? Ganging up against me?" He accuses and hears her sigh.
"No, of course not, I could never be friends with her. I just… I worry about you Harvey, and I just want to make sure you're okay" She explains.
"Well, you lost that right when you decided to abandon me" He snaps, because she has no right, she left, she made it clear that to be happy she needed to leave him behind, so it's none of her goddamn business anymore if he's fine or not.
"That's not what I did"
"Yes! it was, and for the record I'm fine, so don't worry about me and I'll make sure Paula never bothers you again with this bullshit either"
"Okay then, if this is how you wanna play this, fine. Sorry to bother you, Harvey"
"Bye, Donna"
"Bye, Harvey"
He always gets defensive when he feels cornered, and he regrets treating her like that the moment after he ends the call, but he can't tell her the truth, he can't confess to her how he's dying inside, how he doesn't know how to handle her absence, how it's given him panic attacks again. Because he knows she'll get on the first plane to New York if he does, and he doesn't want her back out of pity, just like he didn't when she went to work for Louis.
So he goes home and finds Paula sitting on his couch as he arrives, and he recalls how he once was happy to come home to her, thought it was a nice change to his endless bachelor nights, but now it's not, now he's angry, and he wants to have it out with her for intruding on his life like that and going to Donna of all people.
"Hey, I ordered dinner" She says as she stands and walks towards him, aiming for his lips to greet him with a kiss but he stops her.
"What do you think you're doing going to Donna because you're worried about me instead of talking about it with, I don't know, me first?" He snaps in an upset tone and Paula frowns, realizing she's been caught.
"Well, that would require for you to actually talk to me, and you don't, so…"
"So you went to someone who doesn't even live in this city anymore?" He asks with indignation in his tone and Paula scoffs.
"I went to the person whose absence is once again causing you to have panic attacks!" She exclaims with tears threatening to fall from her eyes, as the truth comes out and he confirms Paula indeed knows about those. Of course she does.
"I thought those were because of my mother the first time?" He asks sarcastically.
"It was because of both!" She screams back, since he's raised his voice. "But this time, it's all Donna. And I want to help you overcome this again, but not as your therapist, Harvey. I want to be here for you as your life partner, but I need you to let me" She lowers her voice and her anger, appealing to his softer side.
"You had no right bringing her into this. She decided to leave so she could move on, and you shouldn't have thrown this at her"
Paula chuckles sadly and shakes her head "Even at your lowest, even when you're the one who needs help, you still put her first, you care more about her than you care about yourself" Tears fall down her eyes as she chokes out the truth.
"She's my best friend" He tries to justify but Paula shakes her head once more.
"She's so much more than that, Harvey… Putting someone above yourself, that's what love is, and there's only one person you've ever done that with. It's not a coincidence, trust me. I wished with all my strength to be that person for you, but I'm simply not" She concludes as she wipes the tears out of her eyes.
"I'm not in love with her" He weakly tries to lie.
"Yes, Harvey, you are. If I asked you who's the most important person in your life, be honest, who pops up in your mind first?"
He looks down, because the answer is so obvious, so clear. It's Donna, she's the most important person in his life, she always has been.
"Donna" He whispers as he sort of voices for the first time what he's kept inside for the past twelve years.
"I love you, I really do, and I'm sorry for any part I could have had in not letting you face the way you feel. So, as some sort of compensation for that, I'm gonna leave you one last piece of advice. Go after her Harvey, because she feels it too"
He can only nod while he wonders what it is that Paula knows, how is she so certain of the way Donna feels, but he decides not to ask her, too afraid of the answer she could give him.
Paula walks towards him and takes his hand in hers "I hope you can be happy" She whispers.
"I hope you can be happy too. And you were right" She narrows her eyes in confusion as she waits for him to continue "On our first date, you said what I was doing was called transference, and you were right. Donna asked for more two days before that and I panicked, so I became unavailable for her, I see it now. I transferred my feelings for her to you, and I'm sorry. I never should have come after you like that, for all the wrong reasons" He explains and she nods, because deep down she knew, she's known since he asked her out, but she let herself fall for his charm, and believe in her own fantasy world that he could love her, that she could be everything he needed. The truth is, they were doomed from day one.
"It's okay, I shouldn't have accepted"
"Goodbye, Paula" He says next, because there's really not much more to say.
"Goodbye, Harvey" She whispers back as she walks past him to grab her things and leaves his apartment for the last time.
Harvey stays rooted to the same spot for what feels like an eternity, taking in all that's just transpired. He's free, as far as he knows Donna is too, and he makes his decision right then and there.
He still thinks he could never be good enough for her, but he'll be damned before letting her go again, he'll let her make that decision on her own.
He pulls his phone out and speed dials his secretary.
"Cameron, book me the next available flight to Seattle and email me the details" He instructs curtly.
The time to man up has finally come and he's determined to put those twelve years of repressed feelings behind them.
He's done wasting time.
…
The flight is right on time and as he hails a cab, he gives the driver her address, courtesy of Mike, whom he had called before boarding the plane.
Finally, the pup had said when he realized Harvey was coming after Donna.
Anticipation starts building on the ride to her place. Will she be happy to see him after their fight over the phone? Does she want him here? Does she feel the same? Is she also dying inside for being away from him?.
The ride is eternal, and he's pretty sure it's just the way it feels for him, because it's really not such a long distance, but feels like too long all the same.
The car finally pulls over, he pays for the ride and exits the vehicle to grab his suitcase from the trunk.
It's a nice building, he can totally see Donna living here, and he wonders if she had any trouble adjusting to how much quieter life here is. A few cars pass by but it's nothing compared to the busy street of her old apartment in New York.
He rings her floor and waits for a few seconds but there's no answer and he didn't consider she might be out, so he calls Mike.
"Hey! Are you gracing us with your presence on the west coast already?" His friend asks as he picks up.
"I am actually, I'm standing outside Donna's building but I think she's not home. Are you at the office, is she there?" He hears Mike chuckle and he frowns. What could be so funny? He bitterly wonders.
"Harvey, it's almost nine. We don't work longer than five or six here. She's probably doing yoga or something like that" Mike explains and Harvey exhales.
"Thanks Mike, I'll see you tomorrow" He says and hangs up, not waiting for his friend to reply.
He could go to a hotel, find her tomorrow at the clinic, but he honestly can't wait that long to see her, so he decides to sit on a bench near the entry of the building and wait for her.
He's been waiting for around twenty minutes when he spots her red hair and sees her walking towards him, but she hasn't seen him yet.
He feels the excitement in his bones at laying eyes on his best friend, on the woman he loves, for the first time in god knows how long.
"Donna" He calls when she's near enough and she spots him for the first time.
Time stops, or at least it feels that way because they stare at each other for a few long seconds before she takes the lead, drops the mat that was hanging from her shoulder onto the floor and crashes her body against his.
He exhales in relief and hides his face between her neck and shoulder before breathing her in, inhaling her perfume and the scent that's so particularly her, and even if he's not in New York, it feels like finally being home after a long time all the same.
"I've missed you" She whispers and he nods without letting go.
"I've missed you, too" He says back hoarsely "You have no idea how much" He adds and holds her tighter to him. "I'm so sorry, Donna"
She steps away from his arms and looks at him, really looks at his face for the first time and her heart breaks when she sees Paula wasn't exaggerating, he looks terrible. Dark orbs adorning his beautiful brown eyes, probably for the lack of proper sleep and he even looks thinner, no one would really tell, but she does, because she knows him inside out.
"No, it's okay. Don't apologize… I'm just so happy to see you" She says sincerely and he smiles and she falls for him all over again when she sees that big grin that's so Harvey. All the progress she thought she was doing at moving on from him was gone, just like that, just with one smile directed at her.
"I'm happy to see you, too"
"When did you arrive? How did you find me?" She asks with confusion written all over her face.
"Two hours ago and Mike gave me your address, I hope you don't mind" He sheepishly says, afraid his behavior could be invasive somehow.
"Of course not, I just told you I'm happy to see you" He visibly relaxes when she smiles at him. "Come on, you must be starving, I'll feed you" She jokes as she motions for him to follow her into her building.
"You won't cook, will you?" He asks apprehensively and she snorts.
"No, don't worry. I ordered a pizza on the way"
"Oh thank god" He breathes out in relief and she slaps his arm playfully.
"Asshole" She mutters jokingly as she calls for the elevator.
Once inside her apartment, he takes a look around and whistles.
"Wow, Donna. This place is great" He compliments when he sees the big glass walls on the living room and the amazing view she has of the city and Elliot Bay. It reminds him of his own apartment, only it has so much more life since it was decorated by Donna herself, he assumes.
"Got an impossible deal for it. Took all of my charm to get it" She jokes as she takes his coat from him and hangs it next to her.
"I bet it did"
"So, um…" She trails off as she gathers the courage to address the big elephant in the room "I know we should probably talk, but maybe after dinner?" She suggests and he nods.
"Yeah, that sounds good"
"Want a tour while we wait for the food to arrive?" She asks lightheartedly.
"I'd like that" He agrees as he follows her while she shows him her place. She leaves the master bedroom out of the tour and Harvey tries not to look into it too much.
Food arrives a few minutes later. They make some small talk, and they eat while sharing stories of Louis and the firm, she tells him about her new job too and speaks with such a passion about it that he tries to hide how it hurts a bit, because he thought she really loved her job at the firm, but she apparently loves this one more, even if he's not there.
Once he helps her clean out the cartons of food and she pours them some more wine, he follows her to the couch as they sit and sip on their glasses, and Harvey is reminded of a similar situation a few years ago in her old apartment, when he kept her from going to prison and he told her he loved her, only to take it back the next day.
"My panic attacks are back" He surprises them both with his abrupt confession, but he needs to let that out. If there's something he's learned from his former therapist and ex-girlfriend is that talking about them is the first step to making them stop.
"I know" Donna confesses "Well, at least I was pretty sure they were. I've been fighting the urge to flight back since Paula insinuated it over the phone"
"Why didn't you?" He whispers the question and it's not an accusation, it's simply genuine curiosity and the need to know if she still cares about him as much as he cares about her or if she really succeeded at moving on from him, to the point of not caring how much he's struggled with her absence.
"Because I was terrified you wouldn't want me there" She looks down at her hands as she speaks
"How could you think that, Donna? You really don't know how much you mean to me?" He accuses as he stands and runs his hands through his hair.
"You've always made it clear that you only needed me in your life professionally, so excuse me if I thought you would get over it eventually" She retorts defensively.
"Really, Donna? You're the one who has a rule against me ever possibly wanting more than a professional relationship! Not to mention you left me" He raises his voice.
"That has nothing to do with this. I thought you wanted me to do this, you said so yourself!"
"I did, but I thought we'd be still be friends, I didn't think you'd so easily erase me from your life"
"I didn't do that, Harvey" She tries to explain to no use, he's as stubborn as a mule, he always has been.
"You didn't reply and you didn't write again" He accuses.
"Because like I just said all you needed from me was professional advice, and I'm not your COO anymore, Harvey, I thought you had no interest in being friends anymore, that all you needed from me was my professional insight" Her explanation makes a lot of sense and he's really the only one to blame for that.
"And like I just said you had a fucking rule to keep me at arms length"
"Oh, you're one hypocritical asshole Harvey! I asked you for more and you jumped into bed with your goddamn shrink!" She yells back, anger now visible in her face.
"You never said you meant more with me! I gave you what you asked for!"
"Excuse me if the panic in your eyes the second I said it made me feel completely rejected"
"I got scared!" He screams back and she shakes her head.
"Of what?!" She asks in a defeated tone.
"Losing you Donna! My worst fucking fear has always been trying for more, screwing things up, because I could never be good enough for you, and end up losing you!"
"Well, congratulations Harvey, you did anyway! And it's not your place to decide if you are or not good enough for me"
He ignores her last remark because he knows she's right, and he can't dive into that now "I ended up losing you anyway because you abandoned me!" He yells back instead.
"Because I couldn't take it anymore" She keeps raising her voice and so does he, but the need to vent is too strong, and there's no going back now.
"What couldn't you take anymore?"
"Being so in love with you while you fucking love someone else. It tore me apart and I couldn't do it anymore!"
Her eyes are now filled with unshed tears, her pain evident in her beautiful orbs and Harvey makes a rash decision and takes two steps forward, holds her face between his hands and plants his lips against hers in the most electrifying kiss he's ever shared with anyone.
She takes a second to react but as soon as she does, she kisses him back with the same fervor and longing, their tongues soon finding each other, battling for dominance and finding the perfect rhythm.
They have no idea how long they stand in her living room kissing, but at some point Harvey needs more and his hands start roaming through Donna's body, itching to touch her everywhere. When his hand crawls under her t-shirt to cup her breast she pulls away.
"Harvey, we can't" She pants out "Paula" She manages to say as she tries to get her breath back.
"I ended it" He simply says and she looks him in the eye for a second before putting her arms around his head again, and kisses him.
He starts walking her backwards as his hands continue to touch her everywhere he can reach, kneading her ass as he pulls her impossibly closer to him, his dick quickly hardening against her belly.
"First door down the hallway" She directs him to what he assumes it's her bedroom.
He puts his hands on the back of her thighs and lifts her in his arms as she wraps her legs around his waist and he carries her to her bedroom. Once inside he presses her against the nearest wall and sucks on her pulsepoint, just the way he remembers she likes it.
"Fuck, Harvey" She whimpers next to his ear, her tone full of want and desire for him.
She works on getting rid of his shirt, once it's unbuttoned she pulls it over his shoulders and gets off him so she can start working on his pants.
"Eager, are we?" Harvey teases.
"It's been thirteen long years" She retorts and he nods in agreement as he pulls her t-shirt above her head, revealing her bra. He takes a moment to look at her breasts.
"You have any idea how hard it was not to look at these all the time?"
She chuckles and he buries his face in her chest, kissing her sternum as he touches her breasts through the fabric of her bra. She moans and he takes it as a signal of her needing more, so he unhooks her bra and finally frees her breasts. He caresses both of them at the same time while he lifts his head to kiss her swollen lips again.
He then lowers his head once more and takes her left nipple between his lips, making her whimper again in pleasure.
He hums as he eagerly sucks on her breast and the vibration goes straight to Donna's core.
She unbuttons his pants, lowers the zipper, and pushes them down his legs so they pool on the floor, he kicks both his shoes and his pants off, his lips never stopping the ministrations on both her breasts and he hisses when he feels her hand cupping him through the fabric of his boxers.
"I'm gonna get rid of these now" She announces as she runs her fingers through the waistband of his boxers and she finally pushes them down, leaving Harvey completely naked.
He retaliates as he gets rid of her yoga pants "Your ass really look great in these, but they have to go now"
"Good" She simply replies as he turns her around and presses himself against her from behind.
"It looks better like this anyway" He says next to her ear as his hands grope her ass.
"I need more, Harvey" She complains and he goes back to kissing her neck from this new position as he complies to her demand and his right hand sneaks inside her panties, his middle finger running down the slit of her pussy.
"So wet" He whispers as he slides a finger inside her and she cries out in pleasure.
"Oh, God" She exclaims when he quickly builds a rhythm that drives her insane.
"Just Harvey is fine" He retorts in a cocky tone.
"Idiot" She whispers back and he presses his dick further into her ass as he adds a second finger and continues to move his digits in and out of her.
His other hand finds her left breast and he starts pinching her nipple while he fingers her and after a few minutes is all too much for Donna, but at the same time is not enough, and Harvey must notice because he takes his fingers out of her and she doesn't even have time to protest before he grabs her by the waist, turns her around and gently lays her down in her bed before giving her a chaste kiss on the lips and lowering himself down her body, burying his face between her legs and claiming her swollen pussy with his mouth.
She's making some very incoherent noises that include his name and also some fuck yes, and don't stop among other things.
It's not long before she feels her orgasm building and she comes hard in his mouth, he slows the movements of his tongue to help her ride it, and once she's down from what was an amazing high he climbs up her body until he's laying on top of her, she pulls him in for a slow kiss and tastes herself in his mouth as her hand finds his throbbing member and she aligns it with her center, eager to have him inside after so long.
Their eyes connect as he slowly sinks in and they both gasp at how good it feels.
They quickly build the perfect rhythm and neither is surprised at how well they fit together, because the truth is neither has felt this way again with anyone since the first time they had sex all those years ago.
But there's also something so distinctively different about this time. The other time was only about a physical connection and even if it didn't feel like just sex, it wasn't exactly making love either. This time it is and it's Harvey who feels it first, because he's had sex so many times before, but nothing ever felt like this with anyone. Nothing ever felt like forever before, and he realizes that from now on, if it's up to him, he'll never sleep with someone other than Donna ever again, and he's perfectly happy with that realization.
Her hands push on his ass, bringing him impossibly closer and deep inside her, her loud moans and his grunts accompany both their heavy breathing and Harvey can tell she's close again, and he honestly doesn't think he can last much longer.
"Donna" He looks into her eyes and she sees every single thing he hasn't been able to voice yet.
"I know" She whispers back as she pulls him down for another kiss "Let go, Harvey"
And before he does, he reaches between them with his hand and rubs her clit to help her get there too. They come together as their tongues find each other again in a slow dance while now it's both of them coming down from their highs.
He collapses on top of her and when he's able to breathe properly again he lifts his head from where it was buried in her neck and looks at her, the look of pure happiness and satisfaction on her face bringing a smile to his face.
"Hi" He whispers.
"Hi" She whispers back as her fingers find his nape and she caresses his hair softly.
"That was…"
"Amazing?" She fills in for him and he nods.
"Yeah, and a long time coming too"
"You think? it was only thirteen years after all" She teases with a smirk.
"Really? It feels more like twelve and a half to me" He quips back, making her giggle.
He leans down and kisses her softly "Do you happen to have strawberries and whipped cream?" He asks, making her laugh again while she shakes her head.
"We can buy some tomorrow" She offers.
He leans his head towards her neck again as he starts sucking on it "I'll hold you to that" He murmurs against her skin before moving to wrap his lips over her earlobe, making her moan in response.
They're not nearly done satiating their need for each other tonight, but it's okay, because they can finally have forever.
...
A/N Well here's part two. Honestly I was gonna end it here, but I have some ideas so you can look forward for at least one more part for sure. If you liked it, or not, please let me know ;)