Weeks, leading into months, flew by, and the wedding grew closer and closer. Surprisingly enough, Emily was the one that had gotten upset over the dress, but she forgave Rory soon enough and moved on to being upset at the 'incompetent' caterers.
Soon it was time to start rehearsing the walk down the aisle, complete with a walking coach (yes, a coach on how everyone should walk), and two crazy women with a stopwatch.
"Eyes ahead, step out, heel toe, heel toe, heel toe!" The coach screamed shrilly as the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the carpeted church aisle. Finn, who was, as usual, less than sober, stumbled over his untied shoe and lurched ahead of Lorelai, landing upside down in one of the pews.
"STOP!" The coach screeched, eyes nearly popping out of her head. Lorelai was doubled over laughing, Colin hand his hand over his mouth, hiding a smile, Steph was as bent over as a severely pregnant women could be, Lane had a bemused look on her face, and Zach looked confused. Slowly, Finn straightened himself up and looked down at the pew. "Um, love?" He asked, addressing the coach, "Did you move this here in the last ten seconds or so? Because it definitely wasn't there last time I was here."
Logan, who was standing at the front of the alter, rolled his eyes. "When was the last time you were in a church, Finn?" He asked.
Finn frowned with thought, then answered, "Someone's wedding when I was twenty or so."
"And yet you consider yourself very familiar with the placement of the pews?"
"I did the naughty with the bride on one of them. Yes, the pews and I had a very close relationship after that."
"Ew, tell me I did not just hear Finn say what I think he said." Rory walked in to the room, wrinkling her nose.
"Unfortunately, love, I did just say what you think I said, provided what you think I said was 'I did the naughty with the bride', etcetera, etcetera. I must say, she wasn't one of the most faithful wives, but she had certain talents that may have made up for it."
"Agh!" Rory shouted dramatically, "My virgin ears! I'll never be pure again!"
Logan laughed. "Too bad, Rory. Finn can't help it, he's been like this forever..."
"Aw, naughty foreign boy, were you trying to get into all the girl's pants, even as a baby?" Lorelai asked Finn.
"Why yes, love, I was. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Two year old girls are such prudes. I mean, what's a three year old supposed to do when he's all alone in his treefort with nothing to do? I couldn't even -"
"Enough!" the coach shrieked. Finn, startled, fell off of the pew and onto the floor.
"I have some fairly interesting stories about church floors, too." His muffled voice sounded, face still pressed against the carpet.
Emily tapped her foot impatiently. "Honestly! This is the fourth time I've had to stop the clock because one of you is fooling around! Let's try this again, shall we, and this time, no goofing off. I swear, this is worse than teaching kindergarten!"
"Well, actually mom, it's slightly better, because we all…" Lorelai trailed off and looked at Finn, "Well, most of us… Have total control over our bladders."
"Lorelai, please. Act your age for once!" Emily pressed the reset button on the stopwatch. "Now, can I trust you to stay still long enough for me to go talk to the orchestra? Good. Rory, please hold my stopwatch."
Rory took the clock from Emily's hands and walked to stand next to Logan. "Um, Ace, are you sure that's a good idea?" He whispered in her ear.
"Ooh, what's he whispering to you, Rory? Is it something kinky?" Lorelai asked in a conspiratorial tone.
"Rory, love, I adore your mother." Finn said, standing up and brushing dust from his shirt.
"I adore you too, naughty foreign boy."
"Guys, I feel I must side with Grandma when I say, shut up, please. And no, Logan, I am not going to drop this clock. See? I'm holding it extra careful." She outstretched her hand to illustrate this and in the process, dropped it on the Church floor. It burst open with a small crack.
Logan smirked his best I-told-you-so smirk.
"Ow!" Someone shouted. Logan looked to Rory, thinking it was her, but then realized it was Stephanie. "Owwww!" She shouted again.
Colin helped her sit down, talking to her softly and comfortingly.
"Are you ok, love?" Finn asked, concerned. Steph shook her head.
Colin swore. "What's wrong?" He asked.
Lorelai bit her lip, "Well, if I've ever been pregnant, which I have, and if I've ever felt like that, which I have, and if I've ever petted a llama... Wait, I didn't do that... Anyway, I'd say she's going into labor." She said.
"No!" Steph wailed. "It's a month and a bit too early! Colin, this is all your fault! Make it stop!!!"
"No can do, babe." Colin told her. "Let's get you to the hospital!"