"Not This Year"

-for-

Ten no Kasou

Chapter Two: Haruka's Secret

Michiru felt her heart beat faster. She had to get this snow globe, there was no way she couldn't get it. Once look into Haruka's eyes gave her every bit of inspiration to hunt down the lady that bought the last snow globe. Michiru took off out the door, scouting the crowd of people to find the right woman. 'There she is!' Michiru ran, despite the fact that doing so was absurd but also extremely cold. 'Hai, but Haruka deserves to have this snow globe.'

"Excuse me, miss…" Michiru placed her hand on the girl's shoulder, surprised at the jitteriness the woman had. She giggled when the woman looked at her bewildered. "I saw you buy that snow globe in there."

"Oh, that's right." The woman responded, clearly not understanding why she had been stopped.

"Well, it's long story. But, I really need to buy that snow globe off of you. It's the last one and I don't have any other choice." Michiru hadn't reach the point of pleading but if she had to she would.

"Sorry to disappoint you but this snow globe is for someone special. I can't give this gift away." The woman began to turn but felt that she had been pulled back the second time. "I'm not interested, I'm sorry."

"Please." Michiru knew that she was desperate to have this globe. There wasn't anything that would stop her from having it. After all, it was the exact one Haruka had been watching intently. She couldn't let this girl walk away with the gift Haruka had wanted. "I'll give you anything, you name your price."

"Like I said, completely uninterested." The woman replied after looking Michiru over carefully. At least she had considered the proposition and that only meant good news for Michiru.

"Wait. You don't understand. I'm willing to work with anything."

The other woman let out a sigh as she began to look over Michiru yet again. This time she found something that had caught her eye. "Is that the Rose Ring created in 1976?"

Michiru glanced at the ring on her finger. "Hai." She replied sadly.

"Well then. I'll strike a deal with you. My mother has always wanted one of those. I'll trade you the snow globe for the ring."

'The ring is worth nearly 1,000 times that of the snow globe.' Michiru took the snow globe in her palm, weighing the amount of interest Haruka held for the small trinket. 'Not only that, it's the only thing left to remind me of my mother. It's the only thing of hers that was passed down to me.' Michiru bit her lip as she pulled the ring from her finger. 'This ring has come to mean so much to me. More than I could possibly imagine… but… Haruka is worth even more.'

"Here." Michiru handed over her ring, keeping the snow globe in her palm.

"You fool! This item is priceless. I'll be rich by selling it!"

"If that's how you desire to enjoy such a beautiful thing, then I will not stop you. Thank you for the trade." Michiru clenched the small snow globe in her hand. She had done more than trade, she had released quite a few things by relinquishing the ownership of her most prized possession. 'But what would it matter? To bring a smile to Haruka's face, as she is always doing for me, would be the best Christmas present I could think of.'

It was colder than she thought it would be. Haruka shoved her hands into her pocket, finding some warmth and consolation from the frosty snow and bitter wind. It was only two weeks into December and she couldn't help but feel like she came unprepared for this month. But alas, it was like that every December of every year. Of course, she was strong enough to cope with the past thirteen years but… to endure this month was absolutely painful. It took everything in her to try and forget. 'But how could I forget?'

Haruka's eyes turned away from the many people walking on the desolate streets. It was as if the weather hadn't phased their untouchable delight and happiness. She envied their bliss and their love for each other. But naturally, they had families and she didn't, that's what made the difference. Could she blame them for being happy? 'Of course not.' They had every right to act as they did, to be exultant as they were. But why then, did it seem as though some higher being chose to torture her, as if she wasn't already tortured enough?

December was the epitome of pain. To live every day of the year's last month, was to live every day being haunted by memories that she wished she would have forgotten. And it was these memories, inspired by things that she had seen, that plagued her incessantly with no hope of relief until January came. And then she would spend the rest of the next year, anxious for December to pass, no matter how far away it was.

Her life was nothing more than a routine of anticipation and despair. Haruka allowed the snowflakes to fall freely on her. She could care less if she caught a cold and died. Then maybe her life wouldn't be so habitual and maybe she wouldn't have to live in pain at the thought of Christmas nearing.

Haruka glanced down at the package in her hand. There was little she wanted to do with the box she had been holding. But she couldn't help but feel guilty at the thought of choosing not to send out her cards. Her father used to send them out every Christmas, with love, with glitter, with stickers. They would decorate each one and spend a lot of time doing so. Everyone could feel the love emanating from their masterpieces and would nearly jump in joy when they received them in the mail.

'Christmas cards…'

And now? Now they weren't nearly as important as they were to her then. Now they were simply a tradition. A tradition that had gone cold, a tradition that had been desiccated for quite some time now. So what was the point? Even she was unsure. A part of her wanted to quit sending them. A part of her felt like they were the only things binding her to her father anymore, besides her memories, which were more of a burden than anything else. If she refused to send out the cards, she refused to remember her father.

'Would that be so bad? Then maybe I might be able to enjoy my Christmas.' Haruka bit her lip. She would give anything to lose the recollection she had of her parents. She would give anything to forget her past. Normally she would run. She would run far where she was and, in doing so, she would run from her past. There was no way she would be caught and forced to confront her past. There were simply not enough tears to face up to reality; she was forced to live her life running away.

There were several times she thought of opening up to someone, mainly to Michiru. It would have been much easier to bear if someone acknowledged her pain. They wouldn't have to do much except recognize the pain she gave refuge to. Often times she hoped that someone would simply know. It hurt to feel like she was alone but it hurt even more that none of her friends had ever realized that she hated Christmas, December and anything that reminded her of those two things.

And yet… she couldn't deny that thus far, her season hadn't been completely dampened. She always had Michiru and that meant quite a lot to the blonde. It was with Michiru's smiles and kind words that Haruka was able to find a sort of inner peace. A peace that allowed her to at least 'try' to enjoy the season.

"Haruka?"

The blonde stopped in the middle of a step. "Ah, buns-head. I'm glad to see you. I've been circling this area at least a few times already. Are you ready to head out?"

"Hai… but… Haruka…" Usagi blushed.

"Yes?" Haruka looked back, finding a solid Usagi, unmoving in the harsh weather.

"I'm frozen."

Haruka laughed for a moment but then discontinued her fun when she realized that Usagi was being completely and totally serious. "I see. My dear buns-head, what would life be like without you?" Haruka helped a pained Usagi into her convertible and turned on the heater. "You'll warm up soon enough." Haruka assured her friend as she put on her seat belt. Haruka placed Usagi's hands near the vents, making the smaller blonde go red in the face. She wasn't use to being this intimate with Haruka, it often caused her to blush profusely as a result.

"So… uh… Haruka… how is Michiru doing?" Usagi decided to change the subject to avoid the attention she knew she was sure to receive.

"Well, as always." Haruka had a hint of adoration in her voice; it made her sound more genuine than most people could ever dream of sounding. "I'm pleased with her idea to have a large Christmas event for all of us."

"It was sweet." Usagi agreed. "Oh, what are those?" Usagi asked after seeing a box wrapped with a grocery bag. She was lit with excitement.

Haruka's pleasant expression faded quickly when she glanced down at the box. "These are Christmas cards." She whispered, almost inaudibly.

"You should get those out as soon as possible! It's getting close to Christmas. You don't want the cards to come late do you?"

"Of course not." Haruka weakly smiled at her friend, who displayed much concern for a package that she didn't display the same concern for.

"Then you should do them tonight. We have some time before the dinner. When we stop by place to get some clothes, we can just do them there. What do you think?" Usagi asked.

'Might not be a bad idea.' "I think that you make the most brilliant plans." 'Christmas cards…' Haruka smiled down at Usagi, who blushed in return. Haruka had always had a way of making her melt on the inside.

After their discussion, Usagi sat in silence with the blonde. Normally, she wasn't used to the blonde being so quiet. When she looked over at her tall friend, she noticed that there was a sad expression on her face.

---Flash back---

"Dad. Jinsei is on the phone." Haruka covered the phone so that the man on the other line didn't have to hear their conversation.

"Your uncle?"

"Hai." Haruka replied. "He wants to know if we would like to go over to his place for Christmas. Everyone is getting together." The thought of going to see the blonde's other side of the family was one that brightened her mood. She had never been real close to her mother's side of the family, though they loved her very much.

"You're 15." Her father stated. "You're old enough to decide for yourself what you want to do."

Haruka's happiness dissipated in a matter of seconds. "He has invited both of us, not just me."

Haruka's father laughed maliciously. "I'm sure they want to be warm during the holiday season but you know they think it's my fault."

"No they don't. They want to spend time with their family. Why can't you ever agree to come with me?" Haruka was hurt that her father still acted this way after so many years. "Dad, please." The blonde was pleading.

"I'm not going. Do as you wish for Christmas." Haruka's father got up and headed to his room.

Angered by the lack of consideration he had and how selfish he was, Haruka dropped the phone and ran over to him. She took him by the arm firmly. "Dad you need to--"

Haruka's father pushed her back into the wall. He had a bewildered expression on his face. Haruka gritted her teeth but her anger dissolute when she realized that he wasn't angry, nor inconsiderate, he was overwhelmed with grief.

"Don't touch me Haruka. You would never understand." He growled. When he knew that she wouldn't touch him again, he walked into his room and slammed the door.

The blonde watched the door for quite some time. There wasn't much she could change about her past. She was much too young to remember how it all happened. All she knew was that she too, felt the same pain he felt, around Christmas. Haruka trudged over to the phone, she would have to give the results of her decision to Jinsei.

"Jinsei, go ahead without us. We already promised a friend that we would head over there. If we have some spare time, we will try to make it over to your celebration." Haruka waited for an answer and was relieved that her uncle didn't take it too hard. "Hai, you have a good Christmas too." Haruka hung up the phone as her eyes averted over to her now-closed father's door. 'Yes, you have a good Christmas… because I know we won't.'

---End of flashback---

'I wonder if there's something on her mind that she's bothered about?' Usagi thought after at least a good five minutes of Haruka not saying anything. 'Oh! I know I'll ask about their love lives.'

"How is her love life going?"

Haruka became uncomfortable with that question. 'How would I know?' The blonde asked herself with bitterness. 'Michiru has always been vague as to who she liked… but she sure likes to flirt a lot.'

"Haruka…" Usagi waved a hand in front of her face. "What's the matter?"

'Baka, Haruka. Now she's going to be nosy.' "Nothing. I am also, curious as to who she likes."

"Oh." Usagi's concern was replaced with a smile. "I know someone that might like her." The smaller girl waited in anticipation for Haruka to ask her who, but the blonde seemed to blow the comment off. 'She doesn't seem to like this subject. I wonder why?' "So, have you found anyone special yet?" Usagi questioned, excited to hear the answer.

"No." Haruka admitted with hesitance.

"What's that mean?" Usagi was confused.

"It means…" 'What does it mean?' An image of Michiru passed through her mind. "I'm not sure." Haruka sighed. 'What's the harm in telling her… you might feel better with a confession.' "It means that found someone to hold my hand like they would never let it go, it means that I found someone that I found no flaw within, it means that I found someone that I could spend the rest of my life with."

"Aww." Usagi melted at Haruka's words. How could someone be so romantic and at the same time, sound so charismatic? "What's her name?"

"Her name isn't important. I would give my heart to her freely, I would give my life for her freely but most of all, I would give the world to see her smile." Haruka smirked at that thought.

"Have you told her this?"

"No." 'Of course not. How could I tell her?' "I don't think she would return the feelings."

"How do you know?"

"She's a good friend." Haruka admitted, knowing that Usagi would figure out who she was talking about eventually. But, she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

'A good friend… who she would give her life for… is she talking about… Michiru?' "How do you know that she wouldn't return the feelings?"

"A lot of people like her. A lot people adore her and hold affection for her. And for as much as they give her, she turns them down effortlessly. I, on the other hand, don't come close to showing her how much I care for her… don't you see that she would turn me down… those others had so much to offer. Most of them were famous, rich and handsome too."

"And you aren't none of those?" Usagi asked honestly.

Haruka laughed at her innocence. "Thanks for thinking of me with such high esteem. But, I'm not a man."

"So? Love knows no boundaries. I might try to get my friends to think about guys a lot but I would perfectly fine if they found love in a girl." Usagi blushed. "Hey, if it wasn't for Mamoru… I might have had a BIG crush on you. And I'm sure all of the other girls have, in some way, found something attractive about you. If anything Haruka, you are way better than any of the other suitors that have tried to take her hand."

Usagi always had this way of speaking her heart. When she did, Haruka knew that she wasn't lying. That's why she liked Usagi, even if she was a ditz. "Thanks Usagi but I don't think it would work out." Haruka replied, this time with a hint of disappointment in her voice. If only Usagi knew how disappointed she was… "Anyways, we're here. Are your parents home?"

"Nope. We'll be able to get things done faster that way… but no cookies…" Usagi pouted and Haruka laughed.