Theme 3: Eggnog

Timeline: about an hour after 'Family'

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When Kakashi heard a knock on the door at Anko's Christmas party, he was vaguely surprised that someone had arrived later than himself. He prided himself on being the latest to any event. He had even waited around and eaten a few bowls of ramen at the ramen stand before coming to the little get-together.

When Kakashi saw who it was that was knocking, he was even more intrigued. It was the third time in two days that he'd encountered this Iruka-sensei, and each time he did, the chuunin did something that unintentionally caught his attention.

At the Hokage's dinner, Iruka had flying-tackled his young charge for lacing the mac and cheese with hot sauce. At the ramen stand a day later, he treated the boy and the two had laughed together like brothers, not just student and teacher. Kakashi wasn't a genius ninja for nothing; he could tell there was more to this Iruka character than first met the eye. Maybe it would be worth the effort to befriend him. The chuunin was sure to make an interesting friend.

"Sorry I'm late." Iruka apologized to Anko. "I had to walk Naruto home, and then he wanted me to tell him a story…"

"That brat's got you wrapped around his finger, huh?" Anko commented. Iruka mock-frowned at her before pulling a slip of paper out of his vest pocket.

"I guess if you're going to insult me, there's no point in me giving you a Christmas present. I wonder who else I know would like a gift card for Daisuki's Dango Stand? Hmm…" Iruka said wickedly. Anko dove on him and snatched the card.

"Mine!" She declared, before leaning over and giving the sensei a one-armed hug.

Kakashi stayed in the corner, which served the dual purpose of hiding him from Gai, who wanted to have a caroling contest, and providing him with a good place to brainstorm the best way to approach Iruka-sensei for friendship. Kakashi hadn't made a friend since becoming a jounin at age thirteen, and he was afraid he was kind of rusty. He was sure the process for friendship making was different for adults than it was for teenagers, but he wasn't sure exactly how. He imagined that somewhere up in the sky, Obito, Rin, and Yondaime were laughing their asses off at the sight of the genius clueless as to how to make a friend.

Let's see. There was the Gai approach, where one would simply challenge the other to grueling matches of wit and strength, persisting until finally the challenger grew on the other like a spore-mold. No, Kakashi had had his fill of competitions, and he didn't want to annoy Iruka into friendship.

Then there was the Genma approach, which dictated that all one needed to do was get the two would-be friends drunk together and everything would work itself out. Kakashi might have gone with this method, except for the high frequency of arrests associated with it.

The Anko approach was easy enough: follow the person, declare loudly that you were their friend, and simply ignore any protests that the other might have until the other stops protesting and accepts their fate.

The Asuma approach was by far the manliest, in which the two male friends would communicate only in grunts and never acknowledge that they were more than acquaintances. For the Asuma approach, though, one never really knew if one was friends with another person or not, because there were no visible signs of the friendship; everything was understood, or else assumed. Kakashi didn't see the point of being friends with Iruka if they never did any friendship-y things together.

The Kurenai approach was out of the question, because it involved make-up and flirtation, in an elaborate dance of seducing the recipient of her friendship into approaching her, talking in extended metaphor and innuendo, and finally giving the person a 'let's be friends' speech at the end of the conversation. Kakashi had heard the aftermath of this approach was dragging the newly made friend off on a shopping spree. He'd never had to endure this approach himself, as he had become friends with Kurenai through osmosis when she befriended his buddy Asuma. Kakashi didn't want to shop with Iruka. He just wanted to talk with the man and find out a little more about him.

Kakashi's approach, unused for years, was to act like an arrogant genius and let the kind-hearted people around him do all the befriending work for him. His approach was sort of a lack of approach, and he doubted it would work outside of the setting of his genin team.

The best approach, he decided, would be to observe Iruka, watching for a chance to jump into conversation with him. He would have to take clues from the chuunin on what to do once they started talking, because he really didn't know how one transitioned from 'people talking' to 'friends'.

Kakashi found Iruka at the snack table, nibbling on a candy cane and nodding as Kurenai told him her famous 'Sand Country Bar' story. So, Iruka was a good listener, apparently. Kakashi hoped he was a good talker, too, so that Kakashi wouldn't be expected to fill any awkward silences between them.

Kakashi gathered together his courage and got ready to step forward and make some yet-unknown witty comment about Kurenai's story in order to infiltrate the conversation and steal Iruka's attention. Then, Genma appeared out of nowhere and handed Iruka a mug.

"Iruka, you have to try the eggnog. It's great."

Iruka took a polite sip and coughed.

"Is this spiked?" He asked, curious, and not scandalized like Kakashi had thought he would be. Interesting…

"Of course it is!" Genma chuckled.

Then it happened. As Iruka took a second sip, Genma patted his back. Hard. Iruka choked on the eggnog for a moment, and a little white stream trickled down the side of his mouth.

Kakashi watched, transfixed, as Iruka swallowed the mouthful of eggnog, wiped the dripping liquid off of his face with his fingers, and then licked the droplets off of his hand.

Kakashi swayed and fainted. His final thought before he hit the ground was a realization, 'At least I don't have to figure out how to become Iruka's friend.' Then, everything went black.

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Oh, poor Kaka-sensei. There's more to come for him, much more.